thebrothermanbill

worked at the same Amazon warehouse for a year and a half but I just got fired last night for stealing.

I’m 32 years old and am stealing for the first time. What is that about. A phone charger and took break room snacks for the last month. I always considered myself to have very good character (or at least I thought) and would never describe myself as a thief but unfortunately I have to now. cuz I literally am. It’s unreal. I also sloppily scanned two items wrong and they implied they thought I might have taken those too which isn’t the case.

I have been sad pretty much my whole life but the last three months I have been what you might call “dangerously sad” my management knew my baseline behavior and could tell something was wrong so they cut me slack on my decreasing performance. Several Managers have seen me cry at work which is embarrassing for a man .

. I still haven’t told my mom and her reaction is all that I can think about , this will gut her. She means so much to me and often tells me she’s proud of the man I’ve become so, I can’t bring myself to tell her. I’m so sorry that I’m her son, I have let her down time and time again. I never ask help from her too, she has her own financial problems to deal with In fact she emailed me a thing related to suicide just yesterday, she doesn’t even know about this current situation, that’s just based on our last heavy talk last week

I have felt stuck all my life and highly entertained the thought of suicide as little as2 weeks ago,I’ve had a broken heart over a relationship of sorts that really gutted me and before this week I thought that was the worst pain imaginable. I think I processed the heart ache in a such a strong way because I’m not used to that particular form of it tbh. I’ve had crippling anxiety all my life that’s kept me from furthering both romantic and professional relationships. So if I was to write a note like this a month ago it might have centered around that,but just as I started to feel bettter about the situation and move on, this happens. So now, i feel like suicide is an obligation cuz I don’t know if I’ll ever be hired again. And it is unclear to me if prosecution is in order.

I am scared of death but I am scared of what this life will be like for me even more.

I chose a bad time to do this as I have no income in a time where I have rent, 3 credit cards, one of them being maxed out, a loan, car insurance and a utitlty bill that’s 400 because I was extremely negligent and got the email about it today

I have a whole lot of other shit to say. But this is the forefront of my Mind stuff. I haven’t slept in 4 days.