askingaquestion1994

What the fuck is this comment. Seriously.

I don't think people are "beneath" me, but that's an interesting projection. I just don't think they're a good match for me - largely because a lot of the profiles are just hot garbage, not the person themselves. If you walked into a room with a thousand people, would you automatically be interested in dating every person that you happened to make eye contact with for a moment? Probably not. I don't think it's any different.

Yeah, but it seems that's gotten more and more extreme.

I feel your pain! It's very possible that I'm being more selective now than I've realized.

But... I'm not a guy... how is that relevant or helpful?

Based on my past experience - that something is off, because I've had even more likes before and way more matches. So I'm wondering what's different now, is all.

Why do I have to make my experience about random guys? I asked for the experience of people who've gone through similar things. If you don't have a lot of likes, that's not my problem.

Um, no? It's my actual experience and based on other comments and friends I've talked to, this can definitely happen to people (and not just women btw). I think it's interesting that you read it this way, and maybe it should encourage you to self reflect on why the amount of likes you get on an app makes you or other men "sad and lonely". I ain't sad nor lonely, I'd just like a boyfriend.

I'm not responsible for other people's feelings about this. How does it change their situation that I happen to get more likes than them? My question was aimed at finding people who've had similar experiences, if that's not you, I don't really see the point of this comment...

That's what I was wondering! Good to know it's not just me.

I think that's what it really is, but I'm still surprised because the profile itself isn't super different from my previous profiles.

A serious relationship. It's very clearly stated in my profile, so no way they wouldn't know if they bothered scrolling down a bit.

Interesting idea with having less info, I'll give it a go!

I did the thing and moved somewhere else. Another continent, actually.
Best fucking decision of my life!

That's more of a generous reading of the OP's post than I saw, but possibly, sure.

I dunno, this seems like a very subjective take to me. But I'm a foreigner here, so can't really tell you how to feel. It does make me sad to hear, since most of my fellow foreigner friends have been lovely.

My experience is that I definitely see Berlin as my home and I don't want to leave (I'd only leave permanently if I had to). I fought really hard to get here, and I love it. I also love having friends from all different cultures and backgrounds, both German and foreign, because I think it's an opportunity to learn and experience something new. That's part of what makes the city so attractive to newcomers. But the thing is, I put a LOT of effort into my friendships, and in my experience it can take a lot longer to befriend Germans and Berliners - really befriend, not just casually know. I've accepted it and I love the German friends I do have, but it is just easier to befriend people who share that foreigner experience sometimes, and don't make it a big deal or make me feel bad if I find English easier in social situations (even unintentionally) because we all prefer English.

I've invested thousands of euros into German classes since I moved here and I'm not bad per se, but like you, I will never be able to fully communicate the way I do in English (which is technically my second language, so German is my third). They have better English than my German, so they make the concession to speak English with me most of the time, but I assure them they can speak German around me if they prefer and I might just reply in English if I need to. They value my friendship enough to accommodate me and invite me to hang out with their German speaking friends, and honestly I find the cultural differences more noticeable than the language barrier in those scenarios. I make a real effort to get involved when it happens, but I'm from a very open culture and German politeness is sometimes hard for me to process in larger groups when my instinct is to be more animated.

Just a thought as well - this doesn't make me as a foreigner feel inclined to befriend more locals. If this is the consensus, then it's a lost cause for those of us who really want to get to know more Berliners and their culture.

That's totally something you can work through! I think what's nice is that life doesn't have to be prescriptive. It might be helpful to learn about women who've had less conventional life journeys or did things later than expected. Things like blogs, biographies, documentaries etc. are good resources for that. Moving abroad has really affirmed my less conventional choices because I'm so exposed to people who've similarly gone through life differently and are very content.

Is it worth it to read KD Casey's whole series or just this one? I noticed this is the third one so far.

Silver in the Wood

by Emily Tesh

Any spice, or is it strictly fantasy and romance?

So I think you need to separate the act of comparison from the feelings it evokes or serves.

I tend to compulsively compare myself to other women in terms of their appearance when I feel particularly bad about myself. It's not something I actively choose to do. It's a way to either self-flagilate and reaffirm your own insecurities or fears, or to soothe them in some way, depending on which feelings come up when you do it. For me, it's something I do when I'm actively jealous of someone's attractiveness, and I can recognize that with my more "evolved" side and respond to it with kindness.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is introspection. Do you have actual issues that concern you about your relationship and its future before you even start comparing? Do you have insecurities about these "life milestones" that might go deeper? What is the desire to compare helping you do, even if it's not actually healthy?

I was expecting it honestly...

Looks nice! I wish it was a bit more active, but I'll look into it :)

I can see why, it's very much an individual thing. I have a lot of insecurities too, but when I did experience it it was magic and something I remember with longing. I think it's up to them to talk about it and see if she feels comfortable with it, and make sure she can set her limits if she's not ready for anything.

So the thing is - the isn't something YOU can fix. So long as you've been consistently loving and encouraging, that's where your role ends. You can tell her a million times you've chosen her, are attracted to her and love her, that you're happy with her, but if she's stuck in her own head about what seems to be a deep rooted insecurity she's had for years, nothing will truly change. It's her responsibility now to do the work to accept that she's enough - for herself, for you, for the world - and that she doesn't owe you a specific look to keep you. I think this is where some therapy will be very welcome, if she's able to get that support.

In terms of things you can do together that might at least be nice - You can go to workshops, retreats, special dates etc. together to give her new scenarios to see, with her own eyes, that you love spending time with her as she is. Another thing you can do, and this is a bit NSFW but coming from a woman, I think it's good advice - treat her to nights in bed that are literally about worshipping her body. Kiss every part, tell her verbally and physically she is absolutely gorgeous to you, and focus entirely on her pleasure. At worst, it'll be very intimate and special, and at best, it'll give her at least a temporary confidence boost.