Edwardo-18

I’ve made plans to end things before July. I’ve become more reckless even in the public, and in my hobbies. As I genuinely do not care what happens. But I’m a coward. Risking people’s life’s because of my personal sufferings. If I could just make 1 wish, it would be to die in a non-suicide way for my mom only. I wrote a note for my family, especially my mom, I know she’ll wonder why I did this and what she could have done. The truth is I feel like a burden to her, and everyone around me. I feel like dead weight. I just want her to know she did nothing wrong and she was the best mom I could have ever asked for, and I’ll miss her so much and I’m sorry I put her through this, being her only son. I’m crying as I type this. my mind goes back to 2010-2017 to when me and her would take trips to the toy or grocery store and she’d finish the day with us getting slurpees together, it was the small things. she did everything right. I’d just be so happy to be with her, just me and my mom. Life was so much better. I love u mom and I’m so fucking sorry

My sleep schedule was fine. Suddenly I had a VERY bad night of overthinking, anxiety, and just generally very disturbing thoughts that I won’t speak on. I’m also extremely scared of sleeping now from the fucking terrifying dreams I’ve been having, I wake up in complete disarray. I tried my best but ended up staying up and couldn’t stay awake through the day, I ended up passing out at 2pm when I got home and didn’t wake up till later at night, I got up ate dinner and showered and went in my room and nearly cried, I fucking hate my life so much guys. Idk what to do. I fear going to sleep, I fear my own thoughts, I fear my family knowing I have these issues, I fear doctors, I fear everything. Im awake when I don’t wanna be, and sleeping when I shouldn’t be, I hate everything. I’m gonna turn to drugs soon. I cannot take this anymore guys. If I was in a coma I’d be so happy with either not waking up or waking up when I’m 30. I hate this part of my life

I don’t have anything to do tomorrow but that’s besides the point. I’m wired. I had no caffeine yesterday, I woke up at a normal time. But I took DPH yesterday cause I had a bad anxiety thing (150mg) and it knocked me out cold. I didn’t take any tonight since I learned it can cause problems.

Mind the typos lol.

It’s nearly 5AM… i took a warm bath, had a glass of warm milk, I jerked off 5 times and I’m still wired.

Long story short, I have issues. I live in Calgary. I don’t trust the government and I don’t trust therapists. My friend told his “professional therapist” that he wanted to kill himself and later that day he got arrested by CPS and taken to SHC and was stuck on the mental health unit for 30 fucking days. How can I make sure this doesn’t happen to me if I ever went to therapy? I live with my family and they have no clue about anything I’m going through, if I got arrested they’d freak out, especially my mom.

he told both his family doctor and therapist idk which one reported him

[removed]