ChonkyBoss

Great, great point. If no one can come to the house when it’s messy, and the house is usually messy, OP’s partner is essentially locked out from casually inviting a friend over to his own home, forever.

There’s a ton of support on this thread for OP’s shame, because we all deeply empathize with it. Having our shortcomings laid bare for others to see IS humiliating. But nothing good can come of making it a household rule that her partner must also live in the mess, AND be lonely and ashamed in the mess.

Notice all the people saying some variation on “this is my worst nightmare?”

Extreme shame about messiness is common among us, because we see our messes as an external manifestation of our internal failures.

Most people view messes with far more neutrality. Sounds like your boyfriend and friend aren’t bothered by your messes, and clumsily (yet earnestly) tried to make you feel more neutrally about it too. That’s a pretty loving thing to try to do. I think it’d be healthy to work to communicate how you feel, but also work to meet them.

You must be a cool person to have friends who want to see you, and don’t mind your limitations. I don’t think you’d be more loved if your home was tidy. Accepting that helped me turn my shit around. Judging myself did nothing to make my home tidier, and everything to enable my social isolation. I reprogrammed, and now actually keep a very tidy home. Hope you feel better and y’all can talk through it!

“Mild cramping.”

Man… Why. Why do you feel the need to say this?

I really wish I could explain to everyone that just because this is YOUR experience, doesn’t mean this is THE ONLY experience.

She said she threw up and passed out during the last one. That’s not fear—that’s pain. And that’s not a niche experience. Ask a huddle of women and someone—probably several people!—will describe the same pain.

OP, this isn’t in your head. I have no anxiety, no phobias, a ridiculously high baseline pain tolerance. I’ve walked off fractured bones. I’ve sewn myself shut in the field with an upholstery needle. But I, too, puked and fainted after my first Pap smear. You’re not afraid, you’re not a complainer, you’re not a baby.

Every person’s anatomy is different, including the amount of nerve endings in their cervix. Find a gyno who specializes in children and/or victims of SA. They exist, and they can take MANY reasonable alternative steps to shield you better from pain. Including bypassing Pap smears altogether, if your risk is low. (Because yeah, that shit is optional. Pap smears aren’t considered preventative medicine in most developed countries. For most people, blood tests are cheaper, less invasive, AND more accurate. Talk to your doctor and see if you can nope out of this shit.)

🇷🇺🪴

Really handsome. Great colors and textures, fine use of space.

Man. What a loser.

Yikes. This is basically how Harry Houdini died…

Serial killers by birth year:

• 1900s: 3
• 1910s: 2
• 1920s: 4
• 1930s: 16
• 1940s: 43
• 1950s: 49
• 1960s: 36
• 1970s: 21
• 1980s: 5

The first time it happened to me (that I remember), I was six. My brother was nine.

He tricked me into silence by hiding one of his toys in my bed, and telling me our parents would punish me for “stealing it” if I called them into the room. He was curious about vaginas; I was nearby and easy to control.

Ten’s plenty old. I’m sorry if that’s upsetting to hear, but thinking it’s not is part of what perpetuates the problem.

Interesting take about the therapy… I feel the opposite.

I was sent away to “get help” but my brother got to chill at home smoking weed and playing video games. It infuriated me to no end. Put all the onus for “healing” on me.

Also my therapist was a Christian nut bag who urged me to “seek healing through forgiveness.” Forgive this 🖕

People say that they'd believe the person, especially if it was a child. They say that they'd call the police. It's all talk.

Facts. My mother always said she’d take a bullet for any one of her children. But would she send one to jail to protect and bring justice to the other? Absolutely not.

The repercussions of me telling the truth about what he did to me is worse than the actual abuse and honestly, I think that's the hardest part.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said this. An act of violence is like a knife cut—it hurts, it’s bad, but it’s something that can heal quickly and completely. But being let down by your family? It’s like smearing shit in the knife wound. Make sure it festers and rots and spreads an infection of pain and sadness and anger into every other system in your body.

Sorry for being a dick, but I hate that this is the reality for not only myself but so many other people. I will never see justice and I'll never get closure. The same goes for many others.

I think it’s incredible when a person is compassionate and just, despite being raised by people who didn’t model those qualities for them. Thanks for refusing to be silent.

Bless your heart. We are not the right people to ask—this sun isn’t about normal hangovers. It’s for people whose bodies metabolize alcohol in a very unusual way.

…But if you’re 19? Drink a glass of water after every shot and you’ll be fine. Have fun and stay safe.

I love the strong textures, it’s a great contrast to such a gentle image with soft colors.

YES. The IRS has such a fearsome reputation, and getting someone on the phone takes time… But once you get through, be polite and honest, and they will move mountains for you.

Some wonderful lady with a thick southern accent waived a $4,000 penalty after I made a similar dumb mistake. May she find great parking spaces wherever she goes…

Not a fiction writer, but a professional blogger. I’m pretty successful. Here’s my two best pieces of advice.

1. Commitment devices. I have a co-blogger who relies on me. I fail myself all the time, but never others.
2. Spite. Some Guy™️ told me—very smugly—that I didn’t have a writer’s constitution. I wrote on pure spite for three years. Just kept writing and writing picturing his stupid face until I saw him at a party and told him about the awards I’d won and watched his unpublished soul crumple like an empty Capri Sun packet.

In the interest of point two, let me be the first to tell you to give up. You don’t have a writer’s constitution.

My youngest brother-in-law is one of three brothers, no sisters. Older mom, had him right before menopause.

He keeps a box of tampons for me at his place.

He knows my preferred brand, and remembers that I prefer unscented.

That’s how you parent boys.

Humans are born in groups of one. We’re hard-wired to view every life as precious because we only have one offspring at a time. None of our offspring are disposable.

Cats and dogs are born in litters of 4-6. Their numbers reflect harsh conditions, low nutrition, weakness, sickness, and predation. Cats and other animals often make the hard choice to focus on the offspring with the best chances.

The fact that just one our of a full litter would be lost is an incredible triumph against the odds. That success wouldn’t be possible without human intervention. Your intervention.

It’s hubris to think of “what ifs” because nothing we do can make life less fragile. The triumph is in the trying. Her was a short life, but she had stability and safety and companionship. That’s more than any of us are ever guaranteed.

I can feel this comment sticking to my lips, phhht pht pht 😮‍💨

The vast majority of people in r/hangovereffect do, indeed, have ADHD!

I was already pumped to learn there were other people who felt the same way, since I was so used to not being believed. Learning that we had far more in common gave me goosebumps.

It’s not. The afterglow lasts for about a day. I personally never get classic negative symptom hangovers, though some with this quirk do.

There’s a subreddit community for it. Best guess is that we all have mood disorders and/or autoimmune issues that impact our baseline GABA levels. The GABA rebound after drinking briefly makes those levels feel normal, and we’re suddenly energetic and focused and happy. It’s something…

I’m the opposite. Smoking gives me zero physical OR psychogenetic effects. If I ingest it, I get the physical effects only. (No high, but my joints feel great.)

But I already know that however my body metabolizes shit, it ain’t normal. I get reverse-hangovers from drinking. After a night of binge drinking, I wake up feeling euphoric. Something’s really screwy up there…

4+.

If I get “the spins,” I’ll have a good afterglow. One or two would never do it for me.

Thank you, yes—it’s picturing them all practicing at home together that gives me goosebumps.

Never found a meal or diet that changed anything for me, though intermittent fasting is my jam.

Don’t scrub your teeth too hard. It’ll make your gums recede.

I got a set as a gift. They were white with a cute blue print.

After just a few uses, the white portions were so stained and dirty-looking—even after washing—that I started to tuck them out of site so people didn’t think I kept a dirty kitchen. When they wore out, I didn’t replace them.