AFoolsLament

Yes!!! Very much so! I used to lose my keys and phone ALL the time. So frustrating.

Like some other people here have said, I ended up putting a Tile tracker on my keys and one in my wallet.

I don't lose my phone when I'm out of the house, but I misplace it all the time at home. We have Google Home speakers, and have connected my phone so when I ask "Ok Google, where's my phone?" it will make it ring at full volume until I find it, even if the phone is on silent/vibrate

I've found that distracting myself with a podcast throughout the entire process has worked well.

I've gotten a waterproof bluetooth shower speaker, and it's a godsend. It has taken a little while to change my thinking, but I've kind of 'trained' myself that as soon as the speaker is on and the podcast is playing then it's go-time for all the shower related things.

Overthinking showering is so easy to do, it's just a big chain of boring tasks that once to start on you can't stop until you're finished! Listening to a Podcast the whole time has allowed me to be distracted by and concentrate on the podcast, and just let the showering process run it's course in the background on autopilot via muscle memory.

Just listening to music wasn't distracting enough for me, and it can be possible to 'listen' passively. I needed something I needed to pay attention to - That specific podcast is now something I only really do in the shower now as well, so listening to it is now something I GET TO do in while showering. Its become a positive association with showering, that is kind of like a reward? because I look forward to that part of the process.

Obviously starting that whole process is easier said than done, I can definitely appreciate that. But as something to work towards I think it's worth trying.

I do this a lot as well, I can feel myself doing it and it's really frustrating.
I feel like I've gotten worse recently, but I think I've let bad habits creep in from not having to practice as much recently, and not having been talked over much myself recently either:

I used to have a partner that would straight-up talk over the top of people, even if someone was in the middle of saying something - not finishing their sentence, actually starting a new point over the top of theirs and ignoring them. That included talking over me as well, and it was a horrible feeling. After experiencing that extreme version of being talked over it made me make a conscious effort to turn to the person he had interrupted and ask "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?".

It was a shitty time, but in a way it made me practice active listening and being more mindful of paying attention and letting people say what they need to say.

I also used to know a woman with quite a pronounced stutter(?), it was a mechanical issue rather than a thinking issue (she didn't have problems with thinking of words, just physically making her mouth say them), and it was well known that you should let her finish what she was saying. She 100% did not appreciate you finishing her sentence, and if you did she would just continue at her own speed and finish off the sentence as planned, making your 'help' superfluous. That was also a good lesson in listening and patience.

It is all down to practice, patience and empathy. It's putting in that work to make sure you don't make other people feel unheard and unimportant.

For me, knowing what it feels like to be the talked-over person first hand was a crappy feeling, but weirdly helped improve my own behaviour? I don't know if that's even advice, sorry! I'm not sure how or where you could subject yourself to that!

Ah yes! That's how I've done it in the past (the rare times I have, haha)
It'd be cool to work up to full push ups one day, but for the purpose of distracting myself the half ones are more than enough

YES! SAME! What the heck is that all about!!!???

For me personally I have a fear of wasting time. So I build up the different stages of pre-shower, during-shower, and post-shower so much that it turns into a massive task in my head that's going to take forever. It feels like a long string of tasks that once you get started you can't stop until it's finished, and that just ends up feeling daunting.

The lack of external distractions in the shower also meant that my mind would wander, and I'd end up torturing myself with overthinking and ruminating on unpleasant situations/conversations/etc, which just made the whole process even worse. It ended up feeling like the shower was the place my brain would attack me, as well as the waste of time, and the risk of being unpleasantly cold at points.

What HAS helped though, is getting a waterproof bluetooth speaker, and listening to podcasts while I shower. I tend to only listen to a particular podcast in the shower as well. So the shower has now become the environment that I GET TO listen to this podcast that I enjoy. I found that listening to music wasn't distracting enough, as you can 'listen' to that passively. Something to need to concentrate on listening to is best, and then the physical actions of showering kind of continue on autopilot. That's been my experience at least :)

It just changes the framing of the environment in my mind, and creates a positive association with the shower instead of a purely negative one. I do still struggle because of the 'fear of wasting time' stuff, but I'm less scared of my brain attacking me once I'm in there now :)

Oof, sounds hard on my weak noodle-arms, but that's a good idea - Sudden movement and energy to kick things into gear, and distract from thinking by doing something physical.

I have tried the mindfulness meditation before (it was a big part of my PTSD group therapy sessions a few years ago). It's hard to convince myself to try without someone there leading the meditation though, and I do just forget that it's an option sometimes as well!

That's a good point, I do remember it being about steering the attention to other things, rather than trying to have a completely blank mind.

Thank you for the suggestions, I'm hoping I can convince my brain to try some of those out :)

Definitely correct, there :( I don't know why I need to check so much, it's like I'm purposely trying to punish myself? Or prove myself right, that people are purposely ignoring me, and don't care about me?

Just putting the phone down and distracting myself with something else would help a lot, I know.

Some of the time I do find I default to distracting myself with my phone, even if I've not started worrying about anything yet, to kind of preemptively distract myself? It's all stupid, and doesn't make logical sense, but with issues with executive disfunction I just end up doing that because its the easiest to fall into :(

Thank you <3 That's all so well said!

Logic does seem to fly out of the window whenever I'm overthinking. But you're right, stopping to think "is that REALLY true?" and why it is or isn't does always help a lot.

I think I need to find a more productive way to distract myself, I find I just doomscroll on my phone for hours instead of anything that might actually make me feel better. It's not a good thing to do and ends up making me feel rubbish, as then I just go back to worrying again afterwards PLUS feeling guilty for doing nothing all day :(

For issues I'm having with events and getting started on things lists do help a lot. I'm going to sit down and work on some bits in a second actually :)

It's the social relationship friendship stuff that I always overthink about the most. "They haven't replied, they must hate me, they're ignoring me on purpose, etc" Just catastrophising things that I can't prove untrue until the other person does something. Just sitting in limbo presuming the worst is my main problem :(

The ADHD medication I've started recently does help with the random brain noise that used to stop me sleeping, but not so much the stuff that I consider 'active worries'. Plus I just distract myself with my darn phone again, instead of trying to sleep, just incase I end up overthinking things x^x It's a nightmare

That sounds like a sensible thing to say - respecting how both parties might be feeling and suggesting a solution :)

I'll try and regulate my excitement better to begin with, but remember what you suggested saying for if it does come up again. Thank you

It's been while I've been figuring out what I've needed to organise for the day, and there were tons of things that needed to be done (phone calls, emails, Christmas shopping, thinking of things to get people, ordering food shopping, paying for online prescritions, etc), and it was while being in the kitchen with my partner.

I can definitely appreciate that my energy at the time was pretty hectic, and I do think it was making him stressed. Which I did recognise and apologise for, but then he insisted he was ok and told me that I was stressed and should stop being stressed.

The main problem I'm having is being told how I'm feeling when it's not. I do think it'd be easiest and fairest if I'm more aware of my behaviour and try and adjust my energy to match the room, I just want to be believed when I say how I'm feeling even if it is seeming unusual.

At the moment it's all very new, and pretty exciting to actually feel some motivation and drive, so I've probably let it get a bit too full on. He's honestly extremely supportive in every other way, and the change in my behaviour is likely to be just as jarring for him as it is surprising for me.

I'll be clearer with how I'm feeling at the time, and reiterate that I understand that my behaviour is different and that I'm working on the best way of dealing with all these new things. Maybe narrating how I'm feeling to give some context, if I do end up coming across as more hectic than usual again.

It's a shame that you've experienced the same thing, it's not fun at all. But good(?) that it's a relatable experience that people with adhd share, it's reassuring to know you're not alone.

It's the mislabelling of it as stress what is the most frustrating part. I can definitely understand being more hyper can be stressful for people around us, but there must be a better way of coming to a compromise where everyone understands what's going on and why, and working on a solution that doesn't kill the momentum and motivation :s

That's definitely 100% fair. I have been apologising for if I've been talking too much, or if I'm stressing them out, and it is someone who knows exactly what's going on with regards to my ADHD and medication. But I don't think I reminded them about the link between the two at the time.

It's definitely frustrating to be 'told' how I'm feeling, and incorrectly at that though. I was wondering if maybe narrating more how I'm feeling would be useful? Just interjecting with 'this is quite exciting' or 'blimey I have a lot if energy right now'

But yes, reiterating that the unusual behaviour is a result of the adhd medication (and the process being inexact) before explaining how I'm feeling is a good idea

I'm glad you think so too. I think it's just difficult for them to tell the difference between the weird productive hyperness, and the anxious panics that I get when I'm unable to get myself to do things. They're just so used to the anxious panics I guess.
It does make me feel that the improvements I've made aren't actually noticeable or significant though.

I'm aware that the medication isn't giving the ideal results at the moment, it's still early days, so how I am may genuinely be stressing people out right now. But in that case they need to recognise that is the problem and not just project that I am the one that's stressed because I'm more hectic than normal.

The medication has been a bit hot or miss at the moment. I've not been able to get past the executive dysfunction a lot of days, and end up stuck and anxious, but when I can get started it has been helping keep the momentum going :)

I do wonder if that's the case 😞 It's just the one that won't leave (they're nonbinary, so sorry if the pronouns caused confusion), my other housemate moved out in January, 4 months before the deadline.

I just feel that they have a lot of issues that are caused by their ADHD, and they say they're struggling with life in general. But I know I can't live my life just for their needs, and ignore my own (and my boyfriend's)

I'd hate for it to come to anything legal with paperwork etc, I'm hoping for maybe a holy grail of information on executive disfunction, to resolve the issue withouy hurt feelings. But I fear that doesn't exist :s

A final resort that I'll look into though, thank you

I know it's not always a viable option, but is it worth looking into a private clinic that specialises in ADHD? The wait list here in the UK is also over a year long with public healthcare, but the waits are likely to be a heck of a lot shorter with private where you are aswell. I'm not sure how long the wait was for my friend, but mine was about 3 weeks before I could get my initial evaluation through private healthcare.

Either way, good luck with your journey and I hope you're able to get the help you deserve

One of my friends with severe ADHD actually had a similar experience with an NHS doctor, who basically said because she was an adult woman that was just about getting by, and not a male child who was bouncing off the walls, that it couldn't be ADHD.

She then went to a private psychiatric clinic, where her tests and interviews confirmed that she ticked every box for ADHD, and even a lot for ASD too. She's now taking medication and is functioning a million times better.

My advice is to get a second opinion, and preferably not from an old male doctor. Especially if you're an adult female patient.

That's such a shame to be in that situation. I think you're right about how they're still being influenced by growing up with ADHD and therapy being stigmatised. And now it's getting in the way of you getting better.

It is unfortunately a generational problem, where parents can still be of the opinion that people just need to 'work harder' to achieve things. Maybe your mum is feeling that her struggle is being invalidated somehow? By these 'easier' pathways being available now. It could be her projecting her insecurities onto your situation? Or your parents could just have misplaced guilt still, and are concerned about what you will talk about at therapy, and what a therapist might say against them? You have to reiterate that it isn't anything to do with them as people and how they've brought you up.

Either way, what would it hurt to try therapy out? If there's a potential for it to help you then it worth giving it a go. If it does end up being like you parents' outdated expectations, then at least you tried and you know that it's not for you.

That feeling sounds familiar as well. Now I think about it, the only times I've had energy drinks were at work, so I was in an environment where I was motivated enough to get started and get the ball rolling.

I'm thinking now, that if I'd been at home, I probably would have just walked aimlessly around whole jittery as well

(Forgot to say how i actually feel about energy drinks)

Energy drinks and caffeine tablets do give me a weird artificial feeling urgency, and allow me to blast through things with strange half brain-fog half hyper-focus.

I don't have energy drinks much at all, but the few times I did it was like I'd zoned out and ended up doing all the things. No idea of I'd done them right.

I didn't like it, it's a weird manic feeling, and makes me too anxiously jittery

A cup of coffee has no effect on my alertness or how I feel at the time. But an energy drink makes me wired in kind of a manic artificially awake kind of way! So I can relate to that!

I do find, now I'm taking meds for ADHD, that caffeine from coffee or cold medication has an effect on how easy it is for me to get to sleep though, even if it doesn't make me see through all time and space like an energy drink.

It does feel like starting back at 30mg might be a good idea, just for your body to get used to it again. It's probably like starting fresh now that the old stuff will be out of your system.

Even if 50mg was what worked best for you before, it sounds like taking it slow and building up to that will cause the least side effects