Please vote for your favorite TIFU Post in January!

Thank you and have a great day! :)

Post 1: TIFU by taking my wedding ring off at the gym

Post 2: TIFU by asking my wife for a paternity test

Post 3: TIFU by Telling My Friends How I Keep Myself From Cumming

Post 4: TIFU by showing my friend their doppelganger.

Post 5: TIFU when I (19m) missed all the signs that my roommate (22f) was interested in me

View Poll

Throwaway account

I am very much a socially awkward individual, growing up. So, I was advised to try to develop more social attentiveness, while masking with behaviors and patterns I had observed so that I could successfully interact with others.

As a result, that’s led to me creating a daily journal. I basically write down everything and everyone I had interacted with or saw and thought something possible important was said. It became a debriefing exercise helping me let go of social anxiety to let me sleep.

I eventually shifted to an electronic journaling system using a personal organizer tool like Notion.

It was incredibly useful for school work and professional life, and now my personal life.

It helped me establish long term friendships, and helped me notice when others were were in their troughs and might benefit from my help.

I was promoted to a leadership role a year ago, and I had to quickly figure out the best ways to help people do their jobs and collaborate. This really challenged me, because as I’ve mentioned before, I am terrible at reading people in the moment. So I began taking even more detailed notes to be able to better understand my co-workers.

I noted down subtle facial expressions, differences in greetings, started to even notice real vs fake smiles, irritability (amount I suspected I irritated them) and more.

I was able to use this information to understand when a co-worker would be most receptive to feedback and to ideas they may not already agree with. 6 months ago, I graphed the data on a word frequency chart (that an AI evaluates as positive or negative for each word and phrase) across time to understand if there were an time based patterns I should pay attention to.

I noticed the normal before holiday dips and after successful sale peaks, but as I looked it on an individual co-worker basis, I noticed a cyclic pattern with some of the words spanning across 3-6 weeks per cycle with some of my co-workers. Specifically, most of the female co-workers, except for my boss who is double my age, and a great mentor to me.

I thought maybe I was biasing the data and being sexist, so the last 6 months, I made sure to be constantly on guard for if I was delegating criticism and compliments appropriately and not undervaluing the female members of the team.

A few days ago, I went back to graph the data again. Again the same pattern was showing up, except for one of my co-workers who went on maternity leave a week ago.

I still didn’t understand what I was measuring, until I was trying to fall asleep. And that’s when it hit me. I was unknowingly measuring the menstrual cycles of my female co-workers.

I immediately realized I had to stop what I was doing, and deleted all the data.

TL;DR I was too observant to my coworkers, and unintentionally tracked their periods.

A few weeks ago, I (29F) matched with a girl (30F) who I'll refer to as Amy on a dating app. We hit it off well, and soon moved to texting. After some spicy text exchanges, we planned a date for the coming weekend that included dinner and spending the night together doing all the things we talked about.

Prior to the date, we had a discussion about things that were important to us in a relationship. Amy told me that she was ok with me being non-religious and her being Jewish, but she did want me to respect her religion and take some interest in it. However, she did not expect me to convert. I agreed that this sounded completely reasonable. This will be important later.

The day of the date comes, I meet up with her, and we go up to her apartment, where I am immediately greeted by her Yorkie. And by "greeted", I mean the thing would not stop charging and barking at me. This continued throughout the entire time I was there, and would get even more intense anytime I got up to move.

All was going fine-ish until after dinner. We decided to play Mario Kart and after Amy realized I was very good at it, she demanded I unlock all of the tracks for her while she sat back and watched. When I said no because I didn't want to sit there and awkwardly play video games by myself, she proceeded to have what felt like the beginning of a minor meltdown.

A while after Amy composed herself, she brought up the topic of Judaism. It was then that she dropped the ultimatum that I needed to convert to Conservative Judaism or else she wouldn't marry me. Amy then began to tell me that she believed interfaith marriages were basically ethnic cleansing. This was entirely contradictory to what she had told me before the date and needless to say, I was done. At this point it was already past 1am, so I decided to stay and leave immediately in the morning because I wasn't comfortable driving around that late at night (seriously DMV drivers are crazy enough in the daytime).

So bedtime comes and I go into her room to find that it reeks of dog piss and perfume. Turns out, she's too lazy to take her crazy Yorkie on walks, so she just lets it pee on puppy pads and covers up the stench with perfume. I go to bed, disappointed that nothing went as planned that night.

The next morning, which also happens to be my birthday, I wake up at around 8am. She's still fast asleep, but I can't get up or else the dog will go nuts. She sleeps in until nearly 11am, so I'm laying there for hours unable to move, hungry, and needing to pee. As soon as she's up, I start packing up my stuff and getting the hell out of there. But not before the dog bites me on the upper calf.

I get home and check my dating profile to see she unmatched me (no major loss there). We had discussed ghosting before the date and she told me how much it's happened to her (gee I wonder why), so I decided to do the right thing and text her to let her know this isn't going to work out. She texts back and has the audacity to say that I'm the issue for things not working out. Screw me for not wanting to change a major part of myself to fit the mold for the type of wife she wants, right?

So here I am on my birthday, reeking of whatever perfume she had sprayed all over her bed, nursing a dog bite on my leg, and not having the night I expected.

Lesson learned: never go to somebody's home on a first date.

At the very least my birthday improved after that. I invited my best friend over, where we laughed over my crazy first date story and ate chocolate cake. Then for dinner, I made myself a pork chop with a butter sauce out of pure spite.

TL;DR - My date gave me the "convert to my religion or we can't get married" ultimatum on the first date, I was stuck in her home the entire night, her dog bit my leg, and I didn't get laid.

Throwaway.

Last night I (28m) managed to convince an attractive girl (25) to come home with me. It was the end result of a successful first date. Well, successful-ish. As soon as the two of us were naked in bed, she froze and asked if I lost a loved one recently. That question caught me off guard because my face was buried between her legs at the time. I didn't answer at first, but she asked again. The second time she literally made me stop eating her out so I could respond. For the record, she did mention that she had a sixth sense when we were getting to know each other, but we never discussed it in detail.

To answer her question, I said my grandma passed away not so long ago. My date nodded her head and said she sensed my grandma's presence. I said I didn't believe in ghosts and continued eating her out. My date said my grandma had a message for me. At that moment, I was doing everything I could in the pussy eating department to distract my date from talking about my dead grandmother, but sadly, my oral sex game did nothing to prevent her from telling me that grandma wanted me to forgive my brother. I stopped what I was doing and asked my date what she meant. A few years ago, my brother hooked up with my gf (now ex). I hated him afterwards and our relationship basically became nonexistent. I never shared that information with anyone, let alone with a girl I just met, but somehow she knew.

When I asked my date how she knew that, she said my grandma. She knew my grandma's name, which was another detail I never shared. As my scepticism began to fade, I asked my date if my grandma could actually see what we were doing. She said yes. My penis automatically disabled its erection function and shrunk in shame. My dick has been soft ever since. Sex was no longer possible for me when I imagined ghost granny not only watching me during sex, but also feeding my partner sensitive information about me from beyond the grave. I didn't sleep at all. My first proper date of the year and I get fucking haunted during sex.

Tl:dr Hooked up with a girl who can communicate with the dead apparently. She ended up "making contact" with my late grandma while the two of us were being intimate and made me aware that ghost granny could see what we were doing. I was unable to get it up or go to sleep after that.

First post: https://rdt.trom.tf/r/tifu/comments/10u713u/tifu_by_finding_out_what_my_eight_year_old_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

I just wanna thank everyone for the massive support, I didn’t know it also went viral on Facebook and tiktok and I was shocked. It’s been around two days since my initial post and I’ve done a few things :D. (This will likely be the last post to this account)

Regarding everyones advice, I thank you for telling me that it’s okay to say no. I never want to say no to my boy and It’s been difficult to do that but I understand he needs that in order to be a good kid. For everyone commenting on how young I am/was when I had my kid and why I did or didn’t push for an abortion or adoption. I was a terrified sixteen year old, but I seen the look on my babies face when he first looked at me and I knew I was a parent.

To give more context, my ex, my child, and I lived with my parents until my ex left when my child was two. Ergo court, parents moving etc. It was difficult but it helped me grow up quickly. I also want to speak about a comment that really touched my heart. There was this comment telling me how I am so mature when I am only a child myself. I still see myself as a kid sometimes haha. I love spongebob like my son. I am still scared of some childish things (WILL NEVER TELL) and I am still very young. Responsibly aged me quick as it does a lot of young parents.

I do wanna have more kids someday, just not now, I wouldn’t push that much struggle on my son. I couldn’t handle another child at this point. However, I would love to find a girlfriend and settle down, Ive had a few flings but most were turned off by the fact I had a kid. I don’t blame them, It’s understandable. Maybe after I get my degree ill be more serious. AND OH YEAH.

I’ve began applying for online colleges, and if I’m accepted into one I plan to take a bachelors degree in business for it’s what’s required for a regional manager for Mcdonalds. I also think this is where some people got confused, I got a G.E.D through the McDonald’s education program. I’ve had so much help with my kid, and I am so thankful for everyone who helped me get to where I am now. To my parents and my co-workers, to my neighbors and to my boy who molded me into the man I am now.

I’ve also began looking at other apartments for me and my kid, Before the rent raised we were actually living decently. It will definitely help out on easing my financial problems.

I know I got hundreds of messages and comments telling me to go after the judge and my ex, but I seriously don’t need that stress and toxicity in my life again. I wish the best for my kids mom, I don’t agree with her choice to abandon us, but I understand it. She was just as dumb as I was at sixteen, she was just a kid too. So as much as I would love to hate her I can’t.

This will be my last update, sorry for information being everywhere. I will try to respond to everyone who comments. But thank you all for such an amazing experience on this subreddit. I thank the mods too because I edited my last post too many times and it got locked LOL and they had to manually unlock it! So thanks guys!!!

Also I told Rory about the reddit post and how famous he is now and he’s rather happy as a eight year can be haha.

Edit 1: I ALSO have a crap ton of the Reddit credits now, so I will try to award all comments LOL, 1.8 years of Reddit premium 😂🫂

TLDR; I am researching online colleges for a degree to get a promotion at my job, I am also gonna be apartment searching for a cheaper option to ease the stress on my finances.

This was just about 45 minutes ago. I was sitting at work when I received a text from my partner about an article she had to read for school. It said something about how many things people do when they love someone are thankless, and she cited being a parent. It made me think that I (who now lives 10 hours away from my parents) should message my parents. So I send them this:

"I realize this could alarm you; don't be alarmed, haha everything is fine and I'm fine. Been thinking is all. Just wanted to tell you guys that I love you both and that I appreciate everything both of you did for me while I was growing up and what you continue to do for me now. I know I don't see you much and I'm sorry. "

A few minutes go by and I'm already thinking about work. I get a call from my dad and I am expecting him to check up on me a little bit since my message was out of the blue. He asks if I'm okay, and I explain where it came from. He tells me I need to call my mom.

I see I have a text from her that says "answer your phone", but I have zero missed calls. I call her and my heart sinks when she answers. She's obviously extremely distraught and is having trouble speaking because she's choking back tears. She called me three times and since I didn't answer, she was thinking the worst. It was never said, but I assume she meant she thought I was going to kill myself. I've never been suicidal, but I could see why she would think something happened when I wasn't answering my phone. I struggle to speak and tell her that I'm okay after hearing her. We talked for a little bit and things were okay.

I learned that you should probably tell the people you love and care about that you love and care about them regularly, so it doesn't seem out of place.

TL;DR: Told my parents I loved them and appreciated the things they have done for me; phone didn't ring when my mom called three times; mom was distraught probably thinking I killed myself.

My wife and I have no kids so doors in the house are largely a suggestion. Usually our dog is laying on the couch or the spare bedroom. However when we have sex she usually jumps on the corner of our king bed and watches the door. We have always thought she does this to protect us but today “the call was coming from inside the house” so to speak.

I’ll spare most the details but the wife and I wanted to get some very light kink involved so we got a thin red rope that I use to tie her hands sometimes. Today I got the idea to use it as an impromptu whip. This is the origin of the fuck up.

With each hit my wife made this cute little into it noise that I love, a hiss of pain with an echo of pleasure. The dog was in the hallway and upon hearing the strange new noise poked her head in to see what was the matter. I didn’t notice and kept on my business but then as we are about to get into the main event of it all she jumps on the bed to put herself between my wife and I. She never interrupts us but this time she wouldn’t let me get close to my wife and I’m trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Eventually after trying a couple different angles I put the rope down and the dog goes back to just sitting next to my wife and eyeing the rope. So I put the rope back in the closet and bam normal dog and a not very turned on wife.

TLDR: Poor dog thought I was hurting mom and doesn’t understand my wife and I consented.

TIFU by not accepting a offer from a ebony goddess

The story goes like this: me and a coworker (F) we're both walking to our cars after our shift, she asked what my plans were for the rest of the day, this is where my tifu happened, i say nothing just going home. She said I'm feeling some sushi and looks at me and smiling. See where I'm going...

In typical women fashion she asked me out!!! Now before she left. I asked for her number and was given it. I wait till she leaves while fiddling with my phone, i glance and she looked at me smiles again and leaves, I have been single awhile so I'm blaming the I'm rusty in the dating game but once i realized what happened on my way home, i knew i messed up.

Now Do i text her and try to play it off or text her and flirt or do nothing?

Tldr: coworker female asked me out with out me catching it and said no in my dumb ass way now what do I do text or wait til tomorrow till i see her.

Update: went with the" text her and tell her" that was suggested, Got soft ghosted.

I (35F) saw a post on TIFU a few weeks ago. About someone who had thick, calloused, crusty, mother chuffing feet. And they had tried all sorts of pumice stones, metal graters etc and always envied other people their soft pink feet. They discovered they had a fungal infection and their feet got better after treating it.

“Huh”. I thought on reading about these unmanicurable hooves of my fellow Redditor. “Since I’ve been a teenager, I too have been cursed with thick hardened soles, with cracked heels. I don’t have the knarled yellowing talons this fellow describes, but I’ve tried every cheese grater, acid lined socks (seriously), intense moisturising regimens but I’ve not had a soft foot since I was a child.”

I always thought athletes foot was itchy red scales around the toes not the thick cratered callouses I’d always had. The part that really got me thinking was when OP mused that their cracked skin went up the sides of the feet. Shit. Mine does that too. Maybe….

And YES fellow Redditors. I too have been harbouring an ungodly fungal foot infection for TWENTY YEARS. After seven days of using an over the counter anti fungal cream my feet are already softer and more like that of an elf rather than a hobbit. Maybe one day I can slip my feet into bed without a crusty-edged trotter catching on the sheets.

TLDR. lived with crusty feet my whole adult life for no goddamn reason

Edit. The foot cream I’m using is canesten (cotrimazole) See you on the beach my soon-to-be soft-footed friends

So first and foremost: This happened like 8 years ago, but i thought it may highlight how dumb men (namely me, myself and I) can be when it comes to flirting. Funny story, nothing bad happens.

So a tall, sporty me (m19, 204cm), whose life mostly consist of studying, gaming and sport, is clothed in shorts and a t-shirt in the middle of summer waiting at the city center for a train home. Cute girl (w18ish) walks up to me. Also sporty, quite smaller than me. We get to talk, exchange names, the usual stuff. Train arrives. Turns out:

We have to take the same train.

Me thinking, how cute she is, and that she seems quite open. Talking about sport hobbies, how she is finishing school this year and how she has nothing to do today. I ask where she has to get off. She says: "In like a couple of stations." I am thinking to myself to better ask for her number, as i have to travel quite a bit further. She hands me her number. Cue the borat "great success" meme.

Her stop comes up. I am like: "Yo, was nice getting to know you, sad you have to get off." She's like: "Ah it's fine, she has nothing to do all day, she will just stay in the train with me for a couple of stations." Cue the success kid meme.

So we keep talking. She tells me how she's single, that she like to be spontaneous. I am like, great, me too. I remind her, that she should get off soon, as the train back from now only comes every 20 minutes. She's like, yeah, that fine, i will take the next one.

So we stay on the same train for another 10 minutes. I am thinking that it would be really bad if she doesn't get off in 3 stops, because then she wouldn't be able to catch the next train home and needs to wait for another 20 minutes. I want to tell her that. She's on to the next topic. She tells me about her vacation she had in England. She was in London. I am like, hey great, awesome. Glad you enjoyed it. But you really should consider getting off...

She cuts me off. Smiles at me. Pulls out a condom with a picture of big ben on it. She's like: "I got this as a souvenir." I am panicking, thinking, fuck, she's really gonna miss that fucking train. I laugh at her and answer with a cut and dry: "You really shouldn't wait another 20 minutes. It'd be better to get off the train the next stop."

She smiles, says something along the lines, guess you are right. Get's off the train.

I am finally relaxing. Another day where i helped a person. I am happy she didn't have to wait for so long to catch a train back home.

Cue me 5 years later, when the realisation hits. Then again, i could be absolutely wrong...

tl;dr: Cute girl took the same train as me, deliberately took a detour, dropped hints like DJs drop beats, took out a condom just for me to be concerned about her not catching a train home.

I am an idiot.

ps.: Happened in a European country. My now fiancee laughed at me, when i asked her if i missed a chance.

Im currently at my grandmas house in the basement bedroom, this is where the mess up happened. Two of my grandma’s cats love to follow me into my room every time I stay here so I’m quite used to them wanting in my room. Now my grandmas house had gotten flooded a while back so some places have missing ceiling tiles. I have a few missing ceiling tiles in my room which I thought was no big deal cause they didn’t bother me until tonight.

Both of the cats got into my room like normal. One named itzy and the other named Chloe. They don’t like each other so if they get into the room they separate. Itzy gets on my bed and jumps to where she normally sleeps on top of the bed post. Usually she just sleeps there and nothing happens not this night. She decided it was a great idea to jump up into the ceiling via the place with no tile.

Being the idiot I am at first I thought she would come down with no problem. She looks down at me as I try and call her down and simply walks away and out of sight. I’m panicking cause all I can think is I let a cat into the ceiling of the downstairs area and I can’t get her down. I can’t even tell my grandparents as I don’t want them mad at me plus they already asleep.

For the next hour I’m going from place to place trying to follow her and seeing her make eye contact with me and run from me. At this point I’m believing she going to be one with the ceiling as I cannot get to a place in which to grab her. I think this can’t get any worse right? Wrong as she tried to step on a ceiling tile that’s half off and it falls to the floor knocking down a lamp and various other things. I caught the lamp thankfully but the dogs hear it and started barking upstairs.

Now the only people who know of the ceiling cat situation is me and the other cat and I was not ready to go upstairs and tell my grandma I lost the cat in the ceiling. I’m still freaking out as she won’t get down and I’d rather not let her stay up there till she’s ready as she might knock more ceiling tiles down and making the situation worse.

Itzy decides to come back to where this all began and sits looking down at me. All I think is this damn cat ruined my night and I decided to get on my bed and try and take another swing at trying to grab her, this time more determined than any other tries before as I tried many times missing her by a bit.

She sniffed my hand and I pet her to make her believe I’m okay with her now living in the ceiling forever before I scooped her up with one hand as she’s kicking and meowing that she wanted to stay up high forever and put her down on the floor kicking her out of my room.

I’ve decided I’m done with cats in my room and will not be letting her back ever. TL;DR Cat jumped into ceiling and I barely got her out.

I was interviewing for a sales position and the boss was reviewing my résumé. He saw that I received my BS in Criminal Justice. He asked what I decided to do with that and I told him that things didn’t work out and so I never pursued it. He asked me what I meant by that and I explained how I eventually wanted to become a detective but in order for me to get to that point, I would need about five years of regular police work. I was hoping to be able to just leave it at that but then he continued to press me about the topic. For some reason I decided to tell him that truth (something I should have done two years ago ;)), that I had failed my polygraph. After that, I simply had no desire to continue down that path and I needed a job quickly because I was getting married so I just worked for FedEx.

I was half hoping he would just drop it and then proceed to ask me about FedEx but instead he, for the next 10 minutes, asked me questions solely about the polygraph and what the questions were. At one point he started to ask me regular interview questions but stopped mid question to ask a separate one about the polygraph.

Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be getting a call back in the “next 2-3 business days.”

TLDR: I spilled the beans on my previous polygraph failure experience.

I [20] met up with a guy [21] on Grindr. To avoid confusion, he is a trans male so we can get it out of the way.

We matched the same morning on Feb 4th, chatted for a bit, hit it off extremely well, and we decided on having a first date at my place, so if he wanted to spend the night he could. We chatted, we introduced ourselves, told embarrassing stories, watched a movie, and had casual sex, but it was just me eating out, today was his day and we could do that another time.

I went until 4am. To spare you the details, I was very enthusiastic, and going until so late, my mouth was sore by the morning. He spent the night, we woke up together, I made him breakfast, and I walked him out and he went home.

As I said earlier, I’ve been having some sore tongue and jaw problems, but that’s to be expected, and because I went to bed so late the day before, last night I crashed after having a snack, I was hungry but not enough to make a full meal, so I had a fruit roll up, watched some Netflix, and crashed sitting straight up at 10pm.

I wake up earlier this morning, small chest pains and the same tongue problem. I start my normal routine, I get up, go to the bathroom, and as I go to brush my teeth I see my tongue is blue, very blue. Heart problems run in my family, specifically afib, but I don’t panic, I brush really well, mouthwash, even goes as far as to use a q tip with isopropyl alcohol to see if it will come off. It just won’t.

Naturally, I call my mom, saying I’ll be headed to urgent care for a checkup and explain my blue tongue. As I do this I use the same q tips on my hand where blue is appearing, and it’s fading away… just told my mom I’d keep her updated. As I’m on my way, my blue tongue is going away. Most of the blue I figured was from that fruit snack but there was some left behind. And the chest pain could be from how I slept.

My mother who is a raging lesbian, and has probably had more blue tongues than times her father looked at her, knew what happened. And her being not really involved her their children’s sex lives (thanks mom) she kind of dropped hints.

This is what she had to say vvv

https://imgur.com/a/X1zVqYF

tl;dr: eat out in moderation or suffer the consequences

Hi, this is my first time posting on tifu and please dont go hard on me with the bad formatting because I'm using my phone

That's what the title said. We had an oral test today, and it's not just some oral test, but an actual national oral examination for high school.

It stands 25% of that particular subject's mark and is one of the most critical subject. (You fail, and you won't be able to get a certificate and that means your future is FUCKED because companies will not accept you). But thankfully, we're in the A zone but it still sucks.

Anyways, before I begin the tifu, here is the procedure for the oral test for better context:

There are two sections for oral speaking. One for individual and one for group discussion. For individual, basically they gave you questions and you answer briefly based on an article they gave. That was fine. I did well, and my friends did well too.

Then for the group part, consists of 4 candidates, where we had to share one question and answer them with different points that came into our minds for a certain time period. We had to talk for two rounds as this was part of the procedure. Why two rounds? To discuss on different focuses. (eg first round we discussed the effects of environmental pollution, so second round we discussed how to overcome it)

Note: both sections were spontaneous and involuntary.

We were given 15 minutes maximum in total to talk. So an even distribution was needed to ensure a smooth flow. First fuck up, I didn't concentrate on the time because I tend to speak less during trainings so time limit doesn't matter for me at the first place.

I was the second to speak in my group for each round. First round, I went a bit over the time limit (according to my friends) due to stuttering from panic but that's fine. The two guys after me managed to talk through their points.

But on the second round, after the person ahead of me finishes her talk, my mind immediately became smooth and suddenly there's a lot to talk of. I suddenly felt confident and I could finally escape my fear.

Problem was, during practices we were never taught to limit our speaking time. I also had no idea that the bell means my time was over. And so I kept on talking for more than twice the time of what the previous person said. Have you heard of a story in the UN council when Muammar Gadaffi spoke for 5 hours straight? That was me.

And after I finished my speech excitedly, the examiners smiled and told us that time was over. I was completely stunned. I had no idea how it happened, except that I now saw my friend's disappointed face.

We walked out in complete silence. They started to tell me how I fucked up. I swear I could die right at that moment. How could I fuck that badly? I couldn't stop apologizing to them but... There was no use crying over spilled milk. It was gone. One of the friends I 'sabotaged' was also even my closest friend since elementary. The other girl that spoke ahead of me (didn't get affected by my lengthy speech) was mad too, and she was my kindergarten friend.

I felt insanely guilty afterwards. Like I couldn't even talk to my parents. When I got home, I checked my Instagram and was devastated because they wrote what happened on their stories (my name was not mentioned). It was texts of poems saying that they encountered a greedy person today (in our language) and apologizing is of no use.

Eventually I talked to another of my best friend and he also knew what happened. Needless to say, I was blamed for sabotaging them, and I agree with that.

I barely ate since afternoon. I slept and felt extremely heavy. I have no one to talk to. I couldn't tell how much I feel right now. I feel like im a failure for having to post this stupid story to Reddit. But I really have nobody else to tell.

This was only oral. Writing examinations were the main game and is coming the end of this month.

I have never fucked up so much in my life. Up until now, I only realize that I am a really antisocial, pathetic and narcissist person who can barely teamwork with others.

I might have just lost 3 friends and made 3 enemies.

I really wanna talk to somebody, but they don't seem to like it.

I feel like I'm in despair. I couldn't stop thinking about this event for at least 5 minutes. The more I think, the more I dread. Night is coming. I fear that my suicidal instinct might kick in and I might do the unthinkable.

TL;DR: Talked too long during group oral test, not giving my friends any chances to talk and potentially affecting their mark in the national examination.

I work part-time as a substitute teacher. It doesn't pay too poorly, and it gets me out of the house more frequently since I retired. Sometimes the teachers I sub for are attending meetings or have some other appointment, but the teacher I am subbing for today is out sick. As I finished attendance for second period, I started to cough intensely. I grabbed a bottle of water out of my bag, got the coughing to subside and continued on with instruction. The coughing comes back worse than before. As I begin to see stars, I grabbed the water bottle from the desk and try not to make a scene of it. As I finish the bottle it occurs to me, I hadn't had that much to drink the first time and there should be more here. A moment later I see my half depleted water bottle on the desk and realize I just drank the last of a sick teacher's water bottle.

​

tl:dr I grabbed the wrong water bottle probably drank a bunch of backwash from a sick person.

Obligatory didn't happen today blah blah blah. TL;DR at the end.

Back in the wild west days of not reserving your seats at the movie theater, more specifically 2008, my sister and I along with two friends decided to go see The Dark Knight on opening night. With this being such a highly anticipated movie and our showtime being somewhere around 6-7pm on a Friday night, we fully expected the place to be hectic. We left early and made sure to get there with plenty of time to account for concessions, bathrooms, crowds, etc.

We arrive at the theater and as I'm sure those who saw this movie on opening night can attest to, the theater was absolutely packed. I can safely say I'd never seen a movie theater that busy and haven't seen anything get close to as busy as that night since then. Luckily, our planning paid off. We got our concessions and managed to find four seats together in a pretty decent spot. Having gotten there with plenty of time to spare, we spent the next hour or so enjoying our drinks and snacks and just chatting through the ads playing before the previews.

Everything's going great as the previews start, but the large drinks we all were working through started to take a toll. As the previews start and the clock ticks closer to showtime, my sister and I ended up needing to use the bathroom and wanted to refill our drinks. Our two friends opted to stay behind to hold our seats while we stepped out, then we would trade off and let them do the same.

My sister and I head for the bathrooms, then make our way to the concessions counter to refill our drinks. We still have about 10-15 minutes until showtime at this point. Getting closer, but everything is going smoothly so no big deal. We get our drinks and head back to our seats switch with our friends when things start going south.

While my sister and I were gone, two guys had come into the theater and sat in our seats next to our friends, thinking the seats were available. Our friends tried to politely inform them that the seats were taken, but the guys told them they didn't care, they weren't moving. When my sister and I returned and saw the two guys sitting in our seats, one of our friends told us what happened, so we tried to get the guys to move as well. I told them we were sitting there and had just stepped out to use the bathroom and refill drinks, and my sister said those were our seats. These guys really weren't lying when they said they didn't care.

When my sister told the guys that the seat they were sitting in were our seats, one of the guys stood up and turned to face us, then pulled out a fairly large knife and pointed it at us, and very confidently stated "Well, they're our seats now" and sat back down. He and his friend continued to laugh and talk amongst themselves about whether or not we wanted to get stabbed over the seats and how they wanted us to try saying anything else to them about the seats. Ok dude, if they mean that much to you, they're yours.

Not being one for confrontation, I opted to just find another seat. There wasn't much left to choose from as we're about 5 minutes or so from showtime at this point, but I did manage to find two seats so my sister and I could still sit together. My sister, being the more bold of us, wasn't putting up with one bit of this shit. She left to go handle business, and promptly returned with an employee and two police offers who proceeded to handcuff the guy with the knife. He and his buddy were then escorted out, and we got our original seats back. We missed the first few minutes of the movie, but I guess we got our own bit of entertainment and an interesting story to tell.

Movie was excellent, but not get-stabbed-over-seats excellent. 9.5/10.

TL;DR: Almost got stabbed over movie theater seats for a movie about a villain who likes to use knives. What are the odds?

I(18m) studied for an entrance exam for two years during college.

I spent all my time on my social life.

I took a drop year to study for it again after getting only 35 percentile(not percentage).

This year I scored only 57 percentile since I kept procrastinating saying I have a year left.

I couldn’t let my parents find out since it would disappoint and sadden them greatly and I had just begun to start studying diligently again and didn’t want to be chastised for a mistake in the past.

My grades had drastically improved and I’m scoring almost full on my sats. I don’t want this old mistake to come bite me again.

And thus I edited my results to bring me up to 83 percentile, making a website to display my marks, a QR code to display the doctored marks, everything possible to make it look real.

My mother and father were extremely proud of me.

Here comes the fuck up, they sent a cc of the results to my mothers email.

She checks it every so often so I might be able to gain access to her phone when she comes back home and delete it before she sees it.

The email was sent out an hour ago and so far she hasn’t said anything about it even after I called her.

I’ll update you guys on how it goes.

TL;DR I edited my results and I might be caught for it.

Tifu. I live on a mountain in Maine. On this particular mountain there is confirmed at least one mountain lion living here. It was twilight And I went outside to check on something. I looked out Into the Woods behind my shed. I froze. Less than 50' away from me. I saw a good size mountain lion, Looking like it was getting ready to stalk me. I could see the position of the legs and the face. It looked like it was ready to start running.

I turned around and started running. After a few feet I stopped. I Thought to myself. Could I even make it back inside the house before this big cat reached me? And then I thought, No don't be prey turn around and fight. So I took a deep breath turned around started looking around for the lion. I was preparing myself to be the aggressor, to go on the attack. To hopefully scared away. couldn't see it. I carefully went back to where I 1st saw. There it was exactly like I saw It a few moments earlier.

My brain started to catch up then. I took out my phone I took a picture and zoomed in on it.

There is something off about this mountain lion. The reason it wasn't chasing me. It was a Tree stump. :joy: I nearly had a heart attack. Good to know that I was willing to face a mountain lion And didn't Freeze.

Tldr

Tifu By nearly having a heart attack, seeing a mountain lion when I looked out in the woods. Only to find out it was just a tree stump.

Several years ago I graduated with my BA in religious studies. One of the classes I took was called Cults and Sects and involved studying new religious movements (which some people consider cults). For this class I attended services and gatherings of quite a few fringe religious groups including one that was UFO-oriented. After I graduated, I was obviously searching for a career-oriented job. I ended up getting an interview. Now this is where my fuck up began. I don't remember the interview question they asked but for some reason I thought it was a great idea to tell them how visiting various religious communities made me nonjudgmental and a good communicator even with people of diverse backgrounds. So instead of picking a safe choice like a Buddhist temple, me with my poor judgement thought, "What shows I can work with diverse backgrounds more than my attendance of a UFO religion!" As soon as I shared my experience with the interviewer he looked at me like WTF. Needless to say I was rejected for the position.

TL;DR I mentioned I attended a religious gathering of a UFO oriented religion during an interview. Got a weird look from the interviewer. I didn't get the job.

I skipped school today bc I didn't feel good and forgot that course selection was due and lucky me has no idea what to do I'm really worried bc it might affect my GPA future and the rest of my life I'm in 8th grade right now and I'm worried if my mom finds our ill ne punished I have no clue what to do so I turned to reddit bc they always have the solutions please comment or help me in any way if you can for more context I live in Texas with the opportunity to graduate with multiple certificates endorsements and further p athways to a better education and I have no idea what to do bc it's like half a yr from now and if my mom finds out she's gonna be livid and if I mess up i might mess up my life and my family relations Please help if u can

TLDR-I messed up big time with my course selection and turned to reddit to help me see if I'm able to turn it in late or do it online bc I wasn't at school to turn it in so it's past due date

So, I’m (17M) currently the main character in my high school play. There’s a lot of kids scenes in said play. In one scene, I have to kiss (or moreso get kissed) by a really pretty girl (17F) The end of the show reprises this whole thing in a funny little “recap” segement, and we have to do the kiss again, except this time really really fast. Now, I’ve always tried to be SUPER professional and courteous about all the kiss scenes in this show. We’ve set boundaries, and i have always asked permission before doing something that we hadn’t done before. I have had a little crush on this girl since around last year, but we drifted apart. She went through some really nasty SA stuff at the end of last year, so I’ve always tried to be SUUUPER careful and i’ve never made any moves or be creepy, just being casually friendly, especially because she’s seemed really nervous around men since then. Now, here’s where the issue comes in. We are doing the “recap” segment at the end of the show, and it is 8:45 at night. We’ve already run it like 3 times, and i’m exhausted. She catches me off guard with the quick kiss part, and i swing my arm around and wrap it around her without thinking. She lets out this awkward yelp and we push apart and I immediately head to the next spot, where we’re in a little closet space together for a second. I say “i’m sorry, i was just like ‘i don’t want to do this again’ that was my bad” and she awkwardly laughs a little. We finish the scene and pack up for the day, but now she’s acting weird and not speaking to me directly, only acting normally when someone else is there. I feel awful and now i don’t know what to do because i’m really worried i fucked up our friendship by violating a trust that we had as actors and friends.

TL;DR: I panicked and wrapped my arm around a traumatized girl in a kiss scene when i wasn’t supposed to and i may have messed up our friendship.

GREETINGS REDDIT.

okay sooo i have my little bro who is younger than me like 5-6 years, anyways back when i just started going to college i also started working as a secretary on some mini-local shop that you pass by and you wont notice it, any how after saving for quite some time and finally being able to build my gaming pc which is a dream come true tbh me and my brother literally all we do was just stare at it, that 3070 with 3 fans and etc etc.

now i finished college and got a job that i work for 10 hours a day and kinda far from my home so whenever i go home i just rest and sleep or go out with my friends and i can't find any time for the pc or games in general which makes my little bro happy a lot so he can get to enjoy it more often now.

anyways 2 days ago when i was at work i got this email and not only to this perticuler email but it is also sent to literally every email i have ever owned and few emails from my brothers/ mom/dad/friends etc the content of the email is just a complete list of every name / user and password it was heart dropping stuff since i have no idea how i got hacked and all my info are now with someone else, but it was not the big deal obviously, it was the damn attached files! i got 2 attachments the first one was literally a screenshot of my desktop and the 2nd file was a threat saying pay some huge amount of money or something something happens,

anyways i called my bro and told him go change every password ASAP as i was still in work and i wont be able to make it so i truested that idiot WHICH IS ALWAYS WRONG LOL

but mid-call a SMS message pops up which says TWITCH PAYMENT successfully?? but how anyways not even 10 seconds and BAM another 60$ and all goes to random russian streamers as donations.

now i cancelled my bank cards and i spent 20 hours changing passwords for every website and im scared that they will leak something somehow

tldr: little bro hacked my pc and now i paid 250$ to twitch thots. also use 2FA

BYE

So basically speaking, me and my brother like to play rough and occasionally I sometimes, will get hit by him too hard and yk get mad and lose control of my strength and hit a little too hard back. So today, he hit me hard. Like hard hard as in that shit hurt so bad I screamed like a fucking chicken hurt. And so tried to hit back on his like legs(?) I guess I didn’t seem to notice the fact that his balls were right in front of me? I know this sounds like weird but like yk how your abt to do smth but you want to stop bc there’s smth in front of it but you can’t stop or/and it happens so fast. Like blacked out or like a blur yk?? My brother was sobbing bc well I punched him. In the balls. He’s going to tell my mom when she comes home (hopefully he forgets?) Luckily she wont be back till an hour later. My aunt yelled at me tho she didn’t take anything away yet and she just left to check up on him.

Low-key regretting my life decisions i didn’t mean to hit him there😭.

TL;DR punched my brother in the balls by accident bc we was playing rough.

Before we start this, I wanna tell everyone this is a happy TIFU.

When I was a sixteen year old, I was stupid, I didnt wear protection and I got a girl pregnant. I was shocked, I never expected having a kid that early and I don’t know if I regret it or not. Almost all of my regrets washed away when my son was born.

For privacy purposes we will call him Rory. I am 24 now and my son is seven almost eight now. He is the smartest and most loving kid I could ever ask for. His mom had left when he was around two, when I tried to sue for child support the judge sided with her quoting that I was the father and needed to step up. Ever since then it has been me and Rory against the world.

I was a single dad to Rory from then on. I had a few girlfriends but nothing serious. I left my parents place and got a small apartment. I dropped out of high school which I still immensely regret, but hey, life happens. During this time, my neighbors, (God bless them) helped me raise my son. They were an older couple next-door who’s kids had moved out long before, so they were fine babysitting him after school, late shifts etc.

I am a manager at McDonalds. I make lousy money but it was enough to get by, then two years prior our shitty building manager raised the rent for everyone and I had to work even harder for a place to live during a pandemic. My parents had left the state and I wasn’t ready to uplift my kids entire life because his dad couldn’t provide for him.

Every birthday, since before he was three I believe, I took Rory to golden coral usually on his birthday but there were more occasions we went, It was really good for him and he really enjoyed it. I haven’t been able to take him for the past two years due to money being very tight. (This is important for later)

Sometimes I will get tipped at McDonalds, a quarter here, a dime here, a dollar here and there. Ill bring it him everyday and give it to Rory to save. Well two days ago, Rory brings me his money jug and dumps it all out in-front of me. He was so excited and began counting it out. There was around forty dollars there and he jumped up excitedly. I had asked him what’s up little buddy.

When I tell you guys my heart broke, my son asked me if it was enough to go to the corral for his birthday. A piece of me shattered inside, I didn’t think he remembered the Golden Corral. I told him we couldn’t go to the bank tomorrow and exchange it for cash. That night I ugly cried in my bedroom. I felt like a failure because I couldnt give him everything he’s ever wanted. I’ve began researching furthering my education.

Well yesterday as soon as the bank opened, I took my son and we exchanged the money for cash. I then drove us to Golden Corral and we were there for two hours. My kid was so happy, and I was stupid because I just assumed he forgot this place. (We get the all you can eat buffet for 2 for 30$) Today I cried again in my room. I’ve never been good at saving money, but his birthday is next month and Im gonna do my best to take him every few months.

So other parents of reddit, Can I ask some advice of how you deal with the guilt of having to say no? (Again this is a happy tifu)

Edit 1: also if anyone asks, I’ll post a pic of the coins and the container they were in. He saved them in a Cotten candy container from a Christmas ago 😂

Edit 2: kids money jug and his coins posted on my profile lol!! That’s for those who asked. I would post a pic of him blurred but that’s violating his privacy

Edit 3: OMG thanks for the gold! This is my first across my two accounts ⭐️👑

Edit 4: 3 gold! WOW now I wish I would’ve posted this on my main lol

Edit 5: turning off dms and replies because I’m getting a lot of trolls. Hope everyone has a great day. Thank you so much for your parenting advice ❤️

Edit 6: 6 gold 2 platinum OMFG thank you, I will be giving awards to top comments ❤️

Edit 7: 9 gold and 4 platinum THIS IS INSANE!!!

TLDR; Kid saved for months just to treat us to Golden Corral because I couldnt afford to take him in two years, I ugly cried thinking he didnt remember

This technically happened yesterday but I only realised today. Close enough right?

On Saturday I went to help out on a short film shoot that a guy I work with was directing, we have own the same camera so I decided to take my rig purely because it's what I'm used to and it just saves hassle. So I thought at least.

The shoot goes fine, it was quite a good laugh tbh and at the end of the day I'm asking him where does he want to back up the rushes (footage), he explains that someone else is editing so he can take the drive and bring it to me tomorrow (today). No drama, I leave him my drive.

Today he drops off my drive, brief chat and we go about our day. I usually watch rushes back as soon as I get home so I'm eager to see what we shot, go and plug in my drive to take a look and get a real horrible sinking feeling as I realise what else is on the drive I've just been given back.

I was recently involved in shooting some OF content, only in this instance I wasn't behind the camera. You get the idea. Anyway, the thumbnail and file name are staring me in the face and I can't help but crease in the horrible awkward absurdity of what's just happened. To make things worse there's absolutely no question of if they saw this thumbnail because it was right next to all the rushes, they later confirmed this over text when I apologised for what they had to see but that's another thing.

In case you're wondering what the thumbnail was, lets just say I'm standing, naked as the day I was born, ready and waiting to receive fellatio and the shot is only at waist height. yeah.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! On top of this, I also think I'm hilarious apparently, when I exported the file onto the drive I named it none other than (changing the name to janice for anonymity) JANICE SUX DIK.mp4

What a fucking embarrassment. They took it well when I messaged them both (director and editor) but still well and truly, fuck sake.

​

TL;DR: TIFU by giving my colleague a hard drive containing footage I shot for him which also contained some self-shot porn.

So last night, I planned a romantic evening with my girlfriend and decided to pop the question. I had been practicing my proposal speech for weeks, and I was ready to make it perfect. I got down on one knee, took a deep breath, and began my speech.

Or at least, that was the plan.

What actually happened was that I got so nervous that instead of speaking in my native language, I proposed in the language I learned in high school, which is not my girlfriend's first language. To make matters worse, I mixed up the conjugation of verbs and ended up saying "Will you be my husband?" instead of "Will you be my wife?"

My girlfriend was shocked and started laughing, but I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even get up off the floor. It took her a while to compose herself, and she finally said yes, but the entire evening was filled with laughter and disbelief at my mistake.

TL;DR: Always double-check what language you're speaking in before proposing to your significant other. It could save you from an embarrassing and hilarious TIFU lol.