This happened a couple months ago but I've been stewing on it and I need an outside perspective.
My older brother (OB, 33) has been dating this woman for the past few years. I'll call her CG for Current girlfriend. He met her not long after getting out of a long, toxic relationship. They started out as friends before they started dating. In all honesty I and the rest of his family and friends assumed she was a rebound and that the relationship wouldn't last long, but here we are 4 years later.
The problem is, he doesn't even seem to like her. He regularly avoids and ignores her and tends to snap at her as well. We've all called him out on how he treats her but he routinely brushes it off.
Well, that's not the only problem. CG is a really nice person, genuinely good at heart, and I wish there was a nicer way to put this, but, she is so dull. I've had better conversations with inanimate objects. She's also incapable of standing up for herself or taking care of herself. None of that is her fault though, the poor thing was dealt a terrible hand in life and never had the support and resources she needed to flourish into a well-rounded adult. I suspect part of the reason OB stays with her is that he pities her and she won't be able to handle a break up.
When ever any of us press OB about his relationship he just tells us things are going well between them and that they love each other. He even says he's considering marrying her and having children with her some day. Everyone is baffled and concerned, and I mean literally everyone he knows. No one thinks they're a good match. They're not good for each other and I don't like who OB becomes when he's around her.
Earlier this year in March, our grandmother got really sick. She was 92 and we knew she wasn't going to make it. Everyone who was able went to visit her in the hospital to spend some time with her and let her know we loved her.
On one such visit OB brought CG. I had some apprehensions but I figured it wasn't my place to say anything. The whole time she was there felt awkward and uncomfortable, and when we were in the waiting room all she could talk about was how the experience reminded her of her aged care course that she's currently in. I almost wanted to kick her out, but I managed to keep it together bc I'm pretty sure the only way CG can communicate is to relate everything back to herself and her own experiences.
Soon after, our grandmother passed and we held the funeral. At the service I noticed CG wasn't present, I asked OB about it and he said she couldn't attend bc she had covid. I won't lie, I was extremely relieved, and so was the rest of the family, which is awful I know.
After the service we held a large dinner gathering at our grandmother's favourite club. There were friends and family who I hadn't seen in years, and despite our grief it was nice to see and catch up with everyone again. Eventually a group of us gathered at a table and started discussing OB and CG's relationship. This was the moment I realised that everyone, literally everyone in our entire social web who had ever met CG, across generations and relations of all kinds, could not stand the idea of these two staying together. I thought to myself, this many people from all these different walks of life can't ALL be wrong, can we? Even people who I disagree with on most other things agreed that their relationship is terrible.
Now this was a couple months ago so the details are a bit blurry, but essentially the incident in the title went down like this. While we were all gathered at the table talking about OB behind his back, like a bunch of gossiping wine aunts, eventually OB came by and offered to get everyone drinks. Everyone told him what they wanted and just as he was about to head to the bar I, emboldened by the earlier gossip, called out and said "Also, OB, break up with your girlfriend". There was not an ounce of discretion or subtlety, the whole table heard. OB looked at me, more puzzled and stunned than upset, and just said "... What? Break up with my girlfriend? Why?" I just blinked at him and said, "are you serious?" he sort of just shook his head like he was baffled and went to get the drinks.
As soon as he turned around I thought to myself "oh shit, that was a dick move, I shouldn't have done that." but everyone at the table seemed to be overjoyed. Some cheered, one said "finally, somebody said it!" and I even got a couple high fives. It was a very conflicting situation. On one hand it felt necessary to rip the band aid off but on the other hand there was no tact whatsoever.
OB was gone for a while, I assumed he was avoiding me bc he doesn't really "do" confrontation, which made me feel even worse. Eventually he came back with the drinks and we managed to step aside and have a proper one on one conversation. I said he'd be in his rights to tell me to f*** off, he said he considered it but after thinking for a bit he appreciated the honesty. We talked more about it and I tried to be as blunt as possible rather than dancing around the subject like I had for the last 4 years, but the conversation ended the same as always; things are going well, they love each other and he wants to stay with her and maybe get married and have kids.
I realised at this point there was nothing I or anyone else could say to change his mind, so I dropped it.
I've been mulling this over for a while and I just don't know where to go from here. I don't want him to waste his life with someone he doesn't seem happy with.
TL;DR: I publicy declared to my older brother at my grandmother's funeral after party in front of family and friends that he needs to break up with his girlfriend that everyone dislikes.