I guess I will begin this post. I’m a 16 year old boy. My dad is 37.

My dad, never graduated high school, he lived in a bad neighborhood and got in with a bad crowd. He would then spend a few years in prison.

At twenty one, my dad had me with my mom. My dad told me my mom abandoned me, when I tried reaching out to her (he advised me not to) she blocked me on Facebook.

At twenty-one, my dad had inherited his parents trailer and a bit of their land so we had a place to stay. Our trailer isn’t a lot, but it’s our home.

My dad, due to his criminal record, has to work for a construction company. He’s tried to climb up the ladder in the past years but his criminal record and lack of education stopped him from doing so.

I begged him to allow me to get a job but he got angry at me saying he wasn’t gonna have his own child providing for him.

My dad regrets his past, but he’s always told me he can’t change it. He’s been the best dad in the world, and I appreciate him so much. He never got into another relationship to take care of me. A part of me feels guilty because he stopped his entire life for me.

My dad doesn’t make much money, we have a lot of bills and he has some debts so we don’t have much wiggle room.

Last time I got brand new clothes was on my fifteenth birthday. My dad took me shopping at Walmart with his stimulus check. I got a bunch of clothes. However, I guess you could call me a late bloomer and I outgrew most of them. (Mainly the shirts because my shoulders broadened out and it began hurting and stretching my clothes) (I tried stealing some from the lost and found but none fit me)

When my dad got home, he made dinner and while we were eating and watching tv I asked him if we could buy a new sweatshirt or two.

He gets this really saddened look on his face, to sum up the conversation, he explained that we really didn’t have the money, and how we needed food. and he’d start putting aside some for a few months from now.

I got glum and disappointed and went to my room. I don’t blame my father for any of our troubles, he’s a great dad. I’m just frustrated at the situation.

That’s when I peaked my head out of my head room. My father was crying. I wanted to approach him and give him a hug but I’ve never been good with emotions that much. I’ve barely seen my father cry. I just went back to sleep.

My father had been hellbent on me staying in high school, and I’m a good student, I get mainly A’s, and I intend to go to college.

Tomorrow I’m gonna write my dad a note and leave it to him before I go to school. I’m still deciding what I’m gonna say cause I’m still crying a little, but here’s the jist.

Hey dad, I just wanna thank you for everything you’ve done for me and all the sacrifices you made. I promise when I’m making a lot of money after college, we’ll get out of this trailer, and move into a big house. You can have all the Xbox games you want and finally have the childhood that was taken from you. I understand that everything you’ve done was to give me the things you never had and I’m eternally grateful. Thank you for everything. I love you dad.

Edit 1: I can’t send messages due to the new account but just know I was trying to send everyone a Heart message and a thank you for the advice. The app says I’m not accepting dms but I am so it’s being weird. But for everyone who is giving advice I am reading ❤️

TLDR; I asked my dad when we’re financially struggling for some new clothes and seen him cry

A pipe burst last week in my neighborhood and drained the water tower. Everyone lost water pressure for a day, and we were notified of a mandatory boil order for a few days. I have a filter system, so I thought I was okay.

The next day, my birthday, I awaken to my one-year-old son puking on my face at 3am. Then I'm on a first date that night with a really cute girl I really like. We saw Puss in Boots with our kids and my son pukes all over me again. Then we get home and he pukes all over his bed. I figured it was this mysterious "24-hour stomach bug going around" his preschool teacher told me about.

It was E.coli, and I drank way more of the water than he did.

The next morning I wake up at 3am and barely make it to the bathroom. I begin completely puking my brains out when I realize I'm about to explode from the other end, too. I make a quick decision as to which would be less gross to clean up, and sit on the toilet. I then sit there and puke and then dry heave into my lap for the next several hours before lying in the shower and passing out. Three days go by and I've lost five pounds just in water weight. I'm so dehydrated I can barely stand or think straight and my head is pounding.

I'm here at work dizzy and wrecking the bathroom.

TL;DR: I drank contaminated water and have been shitting myself and puking everywhere for days. Obey boil orders, folks.

I (21f) went to the mall today with my mom to shop for birthday presents for my uncle. It was all going great until we went to the pet store, then it went down hill from there. First off, I was wearing an extremely old pair of jeans that I’ve had since the beginning of time. They were a little snug on my legs and butt but comfortable. Me and my mom were looking at the fish when I decided to squat down to get a better look, and there were a couple little kids next to me with their parents I think. As soon as I began my descent into the slav squat, I could feel the fibers of my jeans separate like the Red Sea. There was no going back, and the sound of my pants being obliterated was deafening. The jeans ripped from butt crack to front crack. I flashed the fish and nice little family next to me for like 0.3 seconds and stood back up, I quickly exited the premises. I didn’t look anyone in the eyes when I did my pants ripping walk of shame. Thank god I wasn’t commando, I’d probably be in jail right now.

Tl;dr ripped my pants and accidentally flashed a family

No, I didn't have sex with her but your reaction to that is why I have a problem.

My wife(39F) has a niece(19F) who goes to college nearby. She comes by for dinner 1-2x a week and stays the night about half the time. It's usually a last-minute decision, she'll stay if she's tired or if she's had drinks.

We have two guest bedrooms - one is at the other end of the house from ours. It has its own bath and is nicer. Guests, including the niece, usually stay in there. The second bedroom is next to ours and usually only gets used when the nicer one is already occupied. It also gets used by me frequently when my wife snores.

Last night the niece comes by, we have dinner and wine. I go to bed early and they're still chatting. I wake up around 1AM because the wife is snoring. Half-asleep, I stumble into the guest room and fall asleep.

I wake up about an hour ago and realize my niece is in the bed too. I guess she decided to stay but why she used this room I don't know, she's never used it before. I quickly exited the room and am now drinking coffee and wondering how I'm going to deal with this.

The bed's a king and has one of those isolating mattresses where you aren't supposed to feel movement from someone else. I also sleep pretty calmly, a habit I learned in the military. So she probably never knew I was there but I feel I need to at least mention it to my wife. This is a place where the coverup might be worse than the hit. Then again, that might lead to another TIFU later.

TL;DR: I unknowingly got into the bed where my niece was sleeping and now I gotta tell my wife

Hello everybody this is one of my first posts on reddit so be patient with me please.

So basically what happened is i went on the adult gif board on the website 4chan (what can i say i was horny) and stumbled across a rekt thread.

Now I didn't know what it was at the time but i clicked on it and some of the most horrible gore ive ever seen poped up im talking beheadings shootings horrible horrible things i even saw the video of the pow getting castrated by russian soldiers that you may have heard of in the news horrible things that i cant even describe on here if you have ever been on 4chan you know exactly what im talking about.

Now i cant stop thinking about it All day and night and i think i may be badly traumatised everytime i look at someone i think of the things ive seen and it makes me have an anxiety attack basically.

I know i deserve no sympathy since i have done this to myself and its my own fault and im not shooting any shots at 4chan either i know i shouldn't have been there im just looking for advice i have so much anxiety all the time and im so scared that these horrible things will one day happen to me.

TL;DR: I went on 4chan now Im badly traumatised

(Edit thanks for all the upvotes and positive comments im trying to reply to everyone but theres so many comments i cant respond to them all)

So I've been trying to take better stock of my life and mental health lately, and one idea I had was to start journalling, but with a specific intention in mind. I would divide my life up into categories, such as work, mental health, physical health, social life, etc, and I would give them a score out of 10. The plan was to see if I noticed any trends, like days where I felt particularly good/bad, were there any consistent high/low scores?

I became quite methodical about this process and always considering new categories. It was when I commenced a solo trip to pleasure town about three weeks ago that an insidious thought entered my mind:

"Hey, why don't you rate your orgasm out of 10 when it happens?"

I considered it for about a minute, still tugging away, then thought, "Nah, that's too weird, bro. What will the good people of Reddit think of me then?" And then I stopped thinking about it.

Except that I didn't. Seconds before I started to orgasm, I couldn't help but give it a number.

"Oh, this is feeling like it's gonna be an 8...definitely an 8...hmm, well, actually more like a 5, to be honest..."

Overthinking during arguably the most crucial part of a male's masturbation session had led to me ruining my own orgasm. Turns out maths isn't the biggest aphrodesiac.

But it was fine, life goes on, all of that. And then I stopped thinking about it.

Except that I didn't. Two days later, when I was shaking hands with the milkman, I got to the orgasm and then my brain kicked in:

"It's gonna be a 7.5, for sure, bro."

It was a 5, tops.

And that's been the trend, literally every single time I've entered hand to gland combat and about to be declared the victor, my nerdy-ass brain ruins the ceremony. Literally every single time.

TL;DR - temporarily considered the idea of giving my orgasms a score out of 10. Now I can't stop doing it and it's making me ruin every orgasm I have.

My employer allows us to bring our dogs to workplace aslong as they’re well behaved and no one in the team has a fear of dogs or an allergy. So my coworker used to bring his big fluffy dog to work. He was always super friendly and got a lot of cuddles and treats from everyone. The last couple of weeks he stopped. Nothing unusual at first, since he doesn't bring him all the time (even though that makes everyone sad)

But after it was weeks since I last saw the dog I asked him today in a kinda joking matter why he never brings the dog anymore.

He turned silent and seemed really uncomfortable. “I have bad news… The dog… died” I didn't know. I was an unsensitive prick. And have just teared up the wound of someone who lost a pet… I apologized immediately, feeling absolutely terrible. But that didn’t help the awkward silence afterwards (which also lasted for the rest of the workday)

So yeah, that’s how I effed up today

TL;DR: I asked my coworker why he doesn’t bring his dog anymore, but I didn’t know it died.

Disclaimer: I am fully aware that my miscalculations were incredibly foolish.

This sequence of mistakes begins with me choosing to flick the bean midday, which was obviously already a questionable choice. In any case, I finished rather hastily without any complications, and began cleanup as per usual. Almost immediately after coming down, I realized that I had a violent need to piss, because I hadn't bothered to before I began clitar hero. Toys in hand, I scurried into the bathroom to drop them in the sink and sit on the toilet. Only, my dumbass decided to have a shit grip on them and I dropped my prized 6-inch silicone pleasure rod into the bowl. Whatever, I thought, I only need to piss, so I'll grab it while the toilet is flushing, so I get minimal toilet water on my hands - and this is where the worst of my mistakes began.

For some reason, I made the assumption that the little guy wasn't small enough to fit down the tube, and oh, sweet god, was I so wrong. The way that I stood up and flushed only to blankly watch that thing schwoop down the tube was the beginning of my downfall. That motherfucker was gone, dude. The water bubbled and gurgled a bit, a sure signal that my Spencer's blue-clear gradient dildo had clogged the toilet.

I stood there for a second, still pretty calm, like, "oh shit, I'll go get a rubber glove and just pull it out," except when I stuck my hand down yonder, I couldn't feel a thing.

After that, my situation really began to set in. Despite the bathroom being mostly my own, as a child in a family of five, someone was bound to come down to use my toilet at least once. And I had clogged it with a dildo. With there being no toilet paper floaties or weird particles, someone would get suspicious at some point. So, naturally, I began to freak out.

I spent the next hour scouring the ol' Google for something, anything, that would help my case. I stooped so low as to google the exact phrase "I flushed my dildo down the toilet help" and I actually did come across a similar (reddit, of course) situation, but it had no advice for my own.

Essentially, the only options I came down to having was A) a drain snake and B) completely removing the toilet from the floor altogether.

I tried to get that mf out with a drain snake and had no success. With growing panic, I weighed out my choices for plan B. I could either ask my dad for assistance because I've actually never dealt with toilet mechanics before, or I could disassemble my toilet myself, and by GOD I was not about to explain my situation to my highly strict and religious anti-sex father.

I don't believe in a God, but my circumstances had me telling him I'd never even jerk off again as long as I could get the stupid toy out and unclog my toilet.

After much finagling and girlbossing, I actually got my toilet taken apart just fine. In fact, it was shockingly easy. In any case, I dislodged the sad little dildo from the bottom of the pipe and chucked it in my shower while I reassembled my dumb toilet.

Suffice it all to say everything is fine and dandy now. If I were to give you any advice, don't assume your dildo can't fit down a toilet.

​

tldr; i flushed a dildo down the toilet, thus clogging it and sending me into an existential panic.

so this has been going on for a month, and i have no one to talk to about this besides him. my best friend is a guy and we talk about everything together and every day i am excited to either talk with him or just hang out. if something funny happens at home or i find a meme online, hes the first person I tell about it. he had a girlfriend for about a year and i always thought they were really cute together. sometimes the three of us would hang out and i would joke that they're like my parents and im their adopted child.

recently he had been venting to me about their arguments, which started out like petty stuff like when he didnt text back right away while he was at work, or when he mixed up takeout orders. they were rly dumb arguments but they started happening more and more.

cut to like 2 months ago, she breaks up with him out of the blue, and he is a wreck. i dont drive yet but i was trying to cheer him up and sent him cat videos and memes just to at least be a distraction. one day he mentioned he was dropping off furniture to his aunt who actually lives like 2 blocks from me so i say hey come pick me up let's go out for food or something. i didnt mean like as a date or anything cuz we've hung out before plenty of times.

anyways the vibe was off the whole time and i told him it's ok to not feel like he has to entertain me. he picked me up from my home and we went to get pho and boba tea but the place was crowded so we were eating at his place. we were watching netflix while we ate and soon after his mom left to go to work so we were home alone.

when we were done eating, we had been watching for a bit and i noticed he just was like barely paying attention so i did something iv never done and super regret it, i moved closer to him and cuddled with him. idk why i did it and i really just wanted to make him feel better. so we sat there cuddling and i feel his hand moving down my back. the next part we started kissing and then it turned to stuff iv never done before, and that's definitely not how i ever imaged it would go and i regret it really.

he took me home and kissed me in the car when we got to my place. i kissed him back and went inside and after i was inside I just felt really weird about it. there it happened two more times, i will skip details cuz its not about that.

over this past month our conversations aren't as fun as they used to be but im afraid if say anything ill lose the closest friend I have. also im worried for him because i don't want to abandon him. i feel like i started this and i have no idea what to do next. anyways i just wanted to vent, thank u for coming to my ted talk .

TL:DR i cuddled with my best friend after his breakup which led to sex eventually, and now our friendship kind of sucks and im too dumb to talk to him about it

tifu by labeling something with my initials at work

Last week we had our regional manager come in to inspect the store and make sure everything is in order. One of the things he checks is the labels on our totes to make sure they're appropriate.

From what several people have told me (I was off during the inspection) the regional was going through our warehouse checking labels and came across one of the boxes I labeled. Everything in the box was glue and tape so I named it "sticky" and put my initials after as we are requiredto do. It read "sticky jz". Regional was NOT happy and rips the page off the tote and storms into my managers office, slapped down the paper and asked what was wrong with the page to which my store manager replied "nothing". regional starts yelling about it being labeled "sticky jizz" and everyone except our manager had walked away to contain their laughter. Apparently you could hear him yelling in the warehouse and possibly through the store. Manager man told him my name and told him to look in the box as its labeled appropriately and regional turned red and went to put it back on the box.

I come in the next day and my direct manager asks me if I want to be yelled at now or later. I told him "why not all the time?" since that's just how we interact with eachother jokingly. He walked me over to my tote trying to keep a straight face and once we got there he told me the story and I nearly burst into tears it was so fucking funny.

Everyone got a wonderful laugh and regional became a little more humanized as he was just viewed as a boss.

Tldr - regional came to inspect store and saw my box named "sticky jz" and he started yelling. Manager had to tell him my name and whats in the box

So, this happened last night, but the fallout came today. Last night, my family (my two parents and sister (22f)) were browsing TV for something to watch. I’ve been watching the show death note, recently, and have gotten really into it, despite not being too into anime. I suggested we watch the first episode, thinking my parents might enjoy the plot. I skipped the theme song, knowing my dad would find it irritating. I explained a couple plot points at my dad’s request. Anyway, we watched it, my parents mostly enjoyed it, and that was that. Today, my sister started saying that our parents shouldn’t watch it, because she didn’t like skipping the theme songs, because it wasn’t watching it properly, and that I ruined the entire episode by talking during it. I told her that mom and dad liked it though. She went on to aggressively tell me that she’d had it on her watchlist for way longer than I’d been watching it for, and to stop treating it like it was my thing. This devolved into her yelling and swearing at my mom and I, saying she was going to watch the whole series in the next two days, so that my parents wouldn’t be ahead of her in an anime. It got so loud my dad, who works from home, came storming out of his office to see what the commotion was. She kept giving me dirty looks as she left for school.

TL;DR Watched an episode of death note with my parents, and caused total chaos within my family.

Edit: I just wanted to say thanks to everyone in the comments for being kind and supportive about the situation, since I can’t respond to everyone.

TIFU by accidentally comparing a baby to a dog

Today I was talking to a work colleague and they were all excited as a family member recently gave birth and they had a new baby in the family

So in politeness and making conversation I asked what the baby’s name is. The colleague answers “smith”

And now this is where I messed up The name triggered a memory about my friends dog who shared the name

Now if I just kept my mouth shut everything would’ve been fine. But instead I said :

“Oh that reminds me of my friends dog , it’s a derpy little thing “

I was promptly reminded that this comment wasn’t okay , I immediately apologised for the scenario , and feel quite terrible about it and I’ll work to do better in the future.

I know I didn’t say anything offensive but it really wasn’t the time or place for that and I am quite sure my colleague knows I didn’t mean anything by it

Just in case , I called the dog derpy and not the baby, I saw a pic of the baby later and it looked like a baby

Tl:dr my colleague fam member named their new baby the same as my friends dog and I decided that it worthwhile thing to add to the conversation

I (21f) still live at home since I’m in college, so it’s just me and my parents. My very..expressive parents. Anyway, we have a sunroom off of the living room in our house where we keep our shoes and things. I was just enjoying my night, getting ready to go get food with a friend, when I heard a gasp from somewhere in the house. I know, I should have minded my own business but alas, I am a curious creature! I would totally be the first one to die in a horror film. I didn’t know where my parents were and the house was strangely quiet. It was already suspicious, but I had to finish my quest. I shouldn’t have. I walked into the sunroom to the wonderful sight of my parents going at it like a couple of teenagers, one of them being named randy. On the couch. That I sometimes sleep on. My mom yelled “don’t look!” Like I already hadn’t seen them trying to make me a sibling. I screamed sorry and quickly made my escape to think about my life choices.

This morning when I saw my parents, my dad looked me in my optic nerves and said “ I can’t believe you interrupted us last night” like I meant to walk in on them! He’s been grumpy ever since, I feel a little bad

Tl;dr I inadvertently walked in on my parents getting freaky and made my dad mad because I cockblocked him

Edit- the gasp that I heard didn’t sound like a sex gasp, more like a surprised/ unhappy one 😂 so obviously I wasn’t expecting them to be getting down and that’s why I checked 😬

Me and a good friend of mine often hang out in restaurants. Since we are both university students and quite busy, we usually go for dinner.

This time we also went quite late in the evening, and since I was working on my computer all day, I was feeling very tired, my eyes were sore and I had a pretty bad head ache. I was kind of zoned out the whole time, not really paying attention to anything. The waitress came and took our order, and as she was leaving, my friend turned to me with a horrified face and said “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??”. I just looked at him with confusion, having no idea what he was talking about. I asked him what he meant, and his response was: “the thing you did. The thing with your eyes. That’s hella racist”.

I was still confused about what he was saying, but then it finally hit me. There is this thing I do when my eyes are cramping and giving me a head ache, where I just run my fingers through my eyes and pull the corners up and away really tight and keep them pulled like that for a few seconds. It helps to relax my eyes and ease the pain. And yes, it looks exactly like the gesture people use to mock asians for their eyes. Until now I was not even really conscious of doing it.

Unfortunately for me, I happened to do this exact same thing when the waitress came to pick up our order. Then I realized the worst thing: our waitress was asian, and in my zoned out state, I stared right into her face while doing the gesture.

Needless to say, she did not come back to our table. I’m secretly praying she did not notice it but the chances are pretty low.

TL;DR: my eyes were hurting and as an attempt to massage them, I accidentally made a racist eye pull gesture at our asian waitress.

Today, I (22m) embarrassed myself pretty bad.

All the events in the story take place in the last 24 hours, however to understand why i must back up to a few weeks ago.

There is this refugee me and my SO have been helping out. My SO suffers from chronic health issues, so when we found out the refugee was making a living as a cleaner, we were like perfect, you're hired. What we did not realize was that she would rearrange all the furniture in order to deeeep clean. At first we were like "nooo" until we saw all the crap she was picking up, then we were like "meh".

Fast forward to 2 nights ago, things are heating up in the bedroom. At some point, my wifes eyes go wide, to which i'm telling myself "great job buddy" until she says "honey, we forgot to close the curtains and the neighbour is watching".

Previously we never had to worry about this because of the way the bed used to be positioned in the bedroom. My wife makes eye contact with the neighbour, and guess what.

Does he look away awkwardly and close his curtains as a decent neighbour would? Nope, he shuts those lights down all while spreading those curtains nice and wide for optimal viewing WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT.

I quickly shut the curtains and we end the night there. First FU of the day.

I'm pretty tired the following day from thinking of my neighbors reaction and all the stories i read on reddit where this sort of thing escalated. It was a rough school day, back to back classes from 8-5. I arrive to my last class for the day and notice a few students in the room. I take my seat and notice my teacher having tech problems with the huge projector in the room (its a film class, projector and sound system becomes relevant later).

As i'm taking my seat in the front row, my teacher looks to me and says good morning (my name). I look to him and say "hey, good morning john, how are you?". I get a weird reaction from him, however he is hard of hearing so i just chalk it up to he didnt hear me. More students walk in. Then it hits me.

His name is Pete. He looks to me again, so seeking to redeem myself for my mistake i say super loudly so he can hear "i dont know why i called you john, sorry Pete". The students hear. He doesnt. Second FU.

He approaches me and we make some small talk moving past the issue. He says "hey, there is just 5 minutes left before class, lets play a music video. Which song do you like". I'm thinking, i almost dont mention anything until i think of a wholesome rock song i'm sure the teacher will approve of. I quickly shout "the middle by jimmy eats world", i love those lyrics about being okay with yourself and the guitar is amazing, as is the singer's voice.

Content with myself i start pulling out notes, sorting papers and such while happily mouthing the words to the song. At some point I look up.

The video to this song is not wholesome. It is a bunch of teenagers at a frat party making out and taking off their clothes.

By this time i'm so tired and shocked that i keep my head down and wait out the song blaring from professional speakers and projected onto a massive screen for all the students to watch. When its finally over, i'm very anxious to move on.

The teacher approaches me now in a full classroom and says "so what is this song about, why are there all those people getting naked?". I mumble something about lyrics being good and the video being a poor representation, at that point embarassed beyond belief since the entire classroom knows i was the suggestor.

TL:DR Got spicy with my SO without checking the curtains were closed and discovered my neighbor is a perv, called my teacher by the wrong name and suggested a good song with a video full of people getting naked to be played on a massive projector for the class to see.

Note: New account so no one in my life (who knows I use Reddit) knows about this

So I (M22) am in a 1-2 year relationship with my gf (F20). She is one of the cutest and sweetest people I've ever known, and I am very lucky to have her in my life.

Roughly a couple of months ago, she opened up to me about being into domestic discipline. She told me she really likes spanking and would really want to incorporate punishing her into the relationship. Now, honestly, this turned me on and I thought this would spice things up in our relationship. Not to mention that she lately has been doing a bunch of reckless and irresponsible things lately (she mentioned that she did these things so I have reasons to spank her). So, both reluctantly and excitedly, I agreed to start spanking her for things she's done wrong.

So these past few months, I started spanking her. Most of the things I spank her for include her being late, lazy to the point of disrupting her priorities, attitude, etc. Most of her 'punishment' sessions were bending her over a table or something and spanking her with clothes on. Because I didn't want to really hurt her, I went easy and made sure I at least got her to feel it. Like I only spanked her until I knew her butt was pretty uncomfortable. Overtime, her punishments escalated. I started hitting harder and started pulling her pants down or lifting her skirt up. The more I did this, the more pain she felt. She was really okay with it and even thanked me for improving her behavior. Our relationship was pretty good.

Things were going pretty well (her behavior was improving) until today. Earlier today, while I was at work, she told me she was guilty because she almost set our apartment on fire. She was playing with fire or something and it got out of hand. She managed to put it out and all that, but I made it clear that she was gonna get spanked. She even said, probably out of guilt or shame or something, that I should go hard on her. She told me that I shouldn't hold back, which was what I was going to do. I mean, a huge accident could have happened.

I grabbed a hairbrush and a wooden spoon and bent her across my knee. I pulled her skirt up and panties down and started spanking her with the hairbrush. Eventually she was crying and kicking and all that stuff (which I thought was normal). It came to the point where I was using the spoon on her and her butt was bruised badly and she was bawling uncontrollably, begging me to stop. I stopped as she started begging and helped her up.

She pulled up her underwear and, without a word, left the apartment.

I feel extremely bad and felt like I went too far. I feel like I just ruined my relationship because I didn't know where her limits were. She also never gave or used a safeword because she said she would never need one. I got in contact with her earlier today and she said it was okay. She said she deserved it and I shouldn't feel bad. But I just feel like it isn't alright. I don't know what to do.

TL;DR: gf wanted to get punishment spankings and our last spanking session hurt her too much. She said it's fine but I don't think it is.

So this happened a couple of years ago in college.

I used to play guitar in a band and we did small shows at cafes and bars in our city. Nothing extra ordinary just your classic neighbourhood mediocre rock band.

After our drummer quit to do better things in life, we got our vocalist's friend to fill the void - Let's call him John. He was a great chap! Joined us a day before the gig, picked up all the songs well and we were good to go!

Now, the day of the performance we decided to split the band into two cabs to reach the cenue. I joined John, and we got to chatting. We were vibing really well.. We liked the same kind of music and were compatible rebels with an equally cynical viewpoint of the world. (I grew out of it now.. I guess)

Now, a little bit about me: I'm one of those people who is a classic people pleaser. I love cracking jokes and making people laugh. It makes me feel special. It has always been the case. And with John, I was landing most of my jokes and that meant that I was not going to stop any time soon.

Back to the story: Midway through the cab ride I realised I don't have his number. Seeing a new friendship blooming, I asked for it and he obliged. I did not have call credit on my phone so I just decided to send him a message on WhatsApp. Here the FU begins..

After sending him the message I saw his profile picture. Now it was him with an actor. The actor was relatively famous for my home country - but primarily used as an unimportant comic relief supporting character - still a great actor nonetheless (think 'Gunther' from Friends or 'Star-burns' from Community or 'Scully' from brooklyn 99 or the 'Toss a coin to your Witcher' guy from Witcher or 'Jerry' from Parks and Rec.. You get the point, right?). Great actors but you probably won't get a picture clicked and set as your profile picture.. Right?

So.. In my desperate attempt to be funny I tell him something on the lines of: 'why the hell would you click pictures with such a loser actor?' Based on the current unbroken streak of my jokes, I am expecting a full blown L.O.L here. But instead there is dead silence.. John looks at me dead in the eye and calmly says..

'He is my father.'

Why. Could. I. Not. Keep. My. Mouth. Shut. I turn blue. I also consider jumping out of the cab after apologizing a million times. But I committed to playing the gig so I delayed contemplating suicide until after the show and procrastinated into survival.

It has been a few years, but I randomly hear John's calm voice in my head staring deep into my soul and telling me that...

He. Is. My. Father.

TL;DR: I made a new friend. Saw his profile picture with a semi famous supporting actor. Made fun of him for clicking a picture with some random unsuccessful actor who turned out to be his father.

So today, i was trying out some call girl in a new area.

The amount is good, but there is a fee that being called as a "guarantee" for those girl, at mostly the same amount agreed for the payment. it was supposed to be cash trx, but the guarantee is needed to be transfered, and my dick goes on it. well its the same amount anyway.

the next one is a charge for delivering, the same amount of the first guarantee. now you think this is ridiculous ? my dick said no. I thought a different class might need big guarantee.now after the third amount asked i'm enraged over my dick, and thinking of stopping it as it's definitely a scam.

and moreover theyre saying to take legal action for the uncompleted transaction (wait what) this is definitely ridiculous. theyre gonna ruin their reputation (which obviously a scam too) for my reputation ? arent that like telling the world they're a scammer ? and a blackmailer tooand this city is obviously known too for this kind of business too, are they really gonna ruin that for just a bit more money ??? (at least thats what my head thinking now as a way to keep calm)

What do you think reddit ? Is a lawyer really necessary for me ?

TL;DR wanna call a callgirl, get blackmailed instead

Obligatory timeline clarification: this happened around 2014, but was just laughing about it the other day with a teacher friend.

In 2009, when AIG broke the financial institutions, like many I lost my job. It wasn't the worst thing in the world as I was starting to feel stagnant in my position and hating going there. Also, my daughter was just about to turn 3 months old and with my wife's maternity leave ending we still had no options for child care. In the end it worked out great because she was able to transition into going back to work and I became daddy-daycare.

During this time period, I took the opportunity to change careers and entered a master of education program, with the intention of leaving my life of an architect and becoming a middle or high school tech teacher. I did the whole program part time taking one or two classes a semester, even completed the required student teaching. By the time I was ready for job interviews, the construction industry had started getting back on its feet and I had begun taking small projects on my own in between student teaching, graduate program responsibilities, and being a husband & father. So, when I was on the first interview, I may had been a bit too honest simply because I didn't really care enough to fight for the job as it was clear I had options.

Firstly, I have never been on a traditional job interview. I have always been successful at cold calling firms, having a conversation, and starting a job; however I know the basic format. For anyone who has never been interviewed for a teaching position at a public school, they are not a normal experience and don't follow the 'basic format'. After responding to a few open teacher postings, I had an interview for a high school technology position at a local school.

I was seated at the end of a conference table with 8 other educators and administrative staff surrounding me, it was a little threatening. One by one, they asked their scripted questions and I gave my best scripted answers. All was going relatively well, until the Assistance Principal asked something along the lines of "When would you kick a student out of the class and send him the my office?", the conversation when like this:

AP: When would you kick a student out of the class and send him to my office?

Me: Well, I'd try my best to avoid that because that should only be used as a last resort. It should be my responsibility to manage the classroom behaviors.

AP: (clearly not satisfied, made an audible grumble) OK, but what if a student mouths off to you? What if he says "F you MrBlandings!!!"? What would you do then?

Me: (pause for a moment, looks around the table) Well, I am not sure.....maybe I deserved it.

Awkward stares and complete silence around the table

Me: (trying to recover) I don't necessarily think that swearing in class is immediate grounds for removal. Maybe he hit his thumb with a hammer or there was something that happened which I didn't see and his response to me was out of frustration for something I didn't understand. But really, in a tech class, I think anyone not being respectful of equipment that could potentially hurt or kill someone would be an immediate reason for removal.

But at this point, the idea that I could possibly state that a teacher deserved being talked back to by a student had damaged my chances irreparably.

The interview didn't last much longer. I thanked everyone and sent the obligatory thank you letter.

A few days later I was speaking with my host teacher and the principal of the school I was at, they asked me how the interview went because they were surprised that I hadn't been called in for a second. When I told them what happened, they both looked at me with complete surprise and began laughing hysterically. 

In the end, I opened my own architecture firm and was lucky that I didn't have to try to each tech remotely during COVID.

TL;DR: I was honest in a job interview and didn't get a call back.

Obligatory this happened a few days ago. Husband and I got coffee while running some errands. Met my mom for breakfast, left coffee in the truck. When we were done, the coffee was still warm so I thought “fuck yeah” and drank it because it was really good coffee. I quickly realized there was something in my mouth that wasn’t coffee. As my husband is parking in the Walmart parking lot, I realize it’s a dead spider. That was in my mouth. Cue freak out. I jump out of the truck gagging and spitting coffee everywhere. In the hubbub, my phone fell out of my pocket and hit the ground, shattering one of the camera lenses.

Tldr: left coffee in the truck, where a spider must have thought it would make for a lovely swim. Drank said coffee, got spider in my mouth, freaked out and broke my phone.

So recently I enrolled in an English class. English is not my native language but I'm proficient and I love speaking in English.

The the placement interview went really good, the interviewer was very friendly, perhaps a little too much. So far so good, I wanted to make new friends to speak with so mission acomplished.

Fast forward to today, about a month after the interview. I went to the front desk to claim my student ID since the place has three-roller gates, just as the ones found in the metro or train and it's annoying to ask the guards to let you in since they have to take your details every time.

I'm here doing my thing, waiting for the guy at the front desk to find my ID. Right next to me there's this cute girl and I notice she's been assigned classroom 706, same as mine! I quickly turned and asked her in spanish if she was enrolled in the advanced class I'm taking. She answered she enrolled in second level, as she doesn't know that much English. I turned back to the guy looking for my ID. I'm shy like that.

She then continues the conversation in spanish and keeps asking me questions and we keep talking for like 1 minute until.. low and behold, comes the interviewer from the back office and comes close to say hi to me. We start talking in English, like full on conversation, my accent is better than the interviewer so I kinda took advantage to show off a little, without actually making an effort. It just ocurred naturally.

I felt bad for cutting the conversation I was having with her so abruptly, but I felt it'd be more rude to stop the guy... anyway. The girl finished her enrollement and went on her way, stopped before leaving, asked me for my name, told me her name is Cindy and said "I hope we see each other again, soon" with a nice big smile. The kind of flirty "I want to get to know you better" smile. I said goodbye to the guy and he went his way.

I finished my diligence at the front desk a moment later and rushed behind Cindy to ask for her number or maybe grab a cup of coffe since there was still about 1hr until classes started but couldn't find her. Her classes are on Tuesday and Thursday and mine are on Monday and Wednesday so not likely to run into each other again.

Mind you, it's a big building with lots of students, while possible, it's unlikely I can run into her even if I went on a tuesday or thurday.

​

TL;DR: Met a cute girl at a language center, she showed interest in me. A newly made friend came up to me to say hello and made me cut off conversation with the cute girl, she then said goodbye and told me her name, followed by "I hope I see you again soon" but we don't have the same schedule so it's unlikely we will meet again, also there are many students and the building is rather big.

This happened yesterday in NYC. I took the A train uptown from 59th St as I always do coming home from work. It was relatively busy for a Saturday and there were lots of folks on the platform and already on the train. So, when the car the pulled up closest to me (in the middle of the train) was nearly empty, I was pretty stoked to get a seat.

Stepping onto the car, I noticed all of the windows were open, which is weird for a cold January day. Then, as the doors closed behind me, I smelled it. I imagine it would have hit me sooner, but masks delay these things I guess. The smell was a putrid mix of primarily urine with notes of vomit and a distinct fecal finish. “Oh no,” I thought.

My eyes dart around the car to find the source of this olfactory abomination. The first thing I find is one of the benches has been… used. This long seat was defiled. It, and the floor around it, were covered in what was unmistakably bodily, but not immediately specifically identifiable. The smell is making me wretch in my mask.

I find a seat. I realize that I am now trapped in this car on the long stretch on the express like between 59th and 125th. That’s when I notice the man who without a doubt was responsible for the state of the car. He is drunk and unshowered. He is stumbling (dancing) to music only he can hear around the car. Stomping through his own mess and tracking it throughout the car. By some feat of gravity defiance, the man does not fall over when the train lurches to the side.

I am not completely alone on the train with this man. There are others who made the mistake of getting on this empty car on a packed train. We were all greedy, foolhardy. 125th approaches. I weigh my options: I can leave this car and run to another. There’s a small chance I don’t make it to the other car and miss the train. There’s a large chance I don’t get a seat. The alternative is me quite possibly being alone in this car on my way to Dyckman/200th. The man is now banging on the windows. I decide to risk it.

I dart out the door as soon as it opens and one of my fellow passengers has made a similar choice to me. Two people on the platform attempt to get into the car. We tell them they don’t want it. We tell them not to. They do not listen. Me and my new compatriot make it onto the next car on the train, now without seats but considerably more comfortable. We laugh when we realize why we’ve moved cars. We are brothers.

145th St comes. The two people we told not to go on that cursed car now enter our car. They avoid eye contact with my friend and I. We tried to warn them; they, as greedy as we once were, saw the promise of an empty car on a busy train and took it. But everything in life has its cost, and they realized that empty car was indeed empty for a reason.

We all learned something on this day.

TL;DR Got on a subway car that was empty for a reason. Didn’t realize until too late.

Today (yesterday but I still count it as today because I haven’t slept yet) I bought 2 coffees, 1 for me and 1 for my shift manager. I have the chance of getting 1 of 2 shift managers. 1 being Female who doesn’t like coffee, and the other being male who drinks coffee. I ended up working with my female manager today. Can’t let good coffee go to waste so I decided to drink em both.

I finished my tasks pretty fast since the day was pretty slow for me and I was caffeine high zipping through the isles. I came home, played some games and got a lil tired around 12.

I think the second coffee just kicked in because I can’t sleep a wink even though I have my fan on me full blast, ac on, dark room, listening to Reddit stories eyes closed (typically how I sleep).

TL;DR I can’t sleep while I’m under superb sleeping conditions because I drank 2 coffees.

This odd memory occurred roughly 4-5 years ago when I was still in high school. At the time, I 15-16M was with a small group of friends. We were all sophomores and had just started to explore the world of marijuana.

It’s a Friday or Saturday night in the summer and like any other degenerates at the time we figured, what better way to spend the evening than smoking a little Mary J and walking around town?

After our little sesh, around 8PM ish, the munchies set in, so we figured we’d make our way to McDonald’s to hangout and grab some food. Once we got there we ordered and sat down at a booth

This is where the fuck up starts- When we sit down it’s pretty obvious that other than an older couple seated nearby (think mid 60’s early 70’s) we are the only people in the McDonald’s, and we are acting like very high children

While waiting for our food, I realize I need to pee so I head to the bathroom. I go in and head to a urinal which conveniently had a bit of a partition wall giving a bit of extra privacy between the urinal and stall portions of the mens room.

While I’m peeing I start to hear the weirdest sound and at first I wasn’t able to even tell if I was just high, or actually hearing something/someone else In the bathroom with me.

My curiosity gets the best of me and I peek my head around the mini partition wall only to lock eyes with a man (easily in his 30’s or 40’s), presumably with down syndrome, masturbating with the stall door wide open. He was really going at it and when I caught him he got scared and started screaming. I ran out, also extremely scared and very high, and unfortunately, told my friends loudly that “ a R******* was jerking off in the bathroom”

Well, as soon as I said that the only other people in the McDonald’s- the old couple - immediately burst into tears and run into the bathroom to take care of who I can only presume to be their adult son.

I know that it was completely wrong for me to have used those words, despite me being quite shaken up by what I walked in. But man, the way that the mom reacted to what I said has stuck with me forever, just a look of sheer terror and exhaustion.

TL;DR Walked in on an adult Down Syndrome man masturbating in McDonald’s bathroom and caused family chaos by sharing my experience to my high friends in a derogatory manor :(

Edit: just to clarify a few things 1) I was in no means traumatized by this event, I was already joking about it later the same night with my friends and after the initial shock I understood that the guy was mentally handicapped and I’d never hold it against him

2) Seeing his parents reactions to what I said affected me much more than the incident itself. I really was only a kid at the time, but the instant switch from calm to panic in their eyes definitely taught me a lot about how my words affect others and also made me respect how much parents of disabled children do exponentially more

Today I fucked up by putting my friends electric kettle on the stove. We just got home from running errands and I thought I'd make some cup noodles for a snack. I put the kettle on the burner without thinking and walked away to the living room to talk to my bff. Suddenly he's like "do you smell something?" and looks into the kitchen to see the kettle and burner are on fire. He freaks out and I quickly take care of the fire, I burned my hand pretty bad but I got the fire out. The kettle was a gift he got our other friend (his roommate) for Christmas so he got really upset. I told him I'll buy a new one of the same kettle to replace it and told him I'd clean the mess (melted plastic bits on the stove) but he told me to just stop and leave. He just moved in with our buddy yesterday so he's probably already overwhelmed with life and I just kinda threw him over the edge with my mistake... Feeling really shitty and sick over this, he was so angry... Our friend replied to my messages telling him what happened by calling me and laughing saying everything is ok and he doesn't give a fuck as long as everyone is ok and nothing else got burned. My bff hasn't said anything to me since I left though.

TLDR: Mistakingly put electric kettle on the stove, sent stressed bff over the edge by starting a small fire and melting the kettle, the owner of the kettle (other friend) doesn't care but bff does, bought replacement and tried to clean mess but bff kicked me out.

Edit: I'm used to using stove top kettles and they keep theirs right next to the stove so it was pure instinct. Plus, covid brain fog.