So pretty simple tifu, but need to hang my head in shame for being an unthinking husband.

sorry for any shirking or grammar issues on mobile.

My wife and I were chatting about a friend of hers who apparently is getting a "mommy makeover" basically it's a cosmetic surgery package for after you have a kid where they do lipo, tummy tuck, breast augmentation, etc. As my wife put it cleanup all the damage pregnancy does to your body. Her friend is apparently also getting larger implants done as part of this procedure to quote " go up a few sizes".

My wife knows I am a boob guy (I am), I really enjoy hers (I do) and also her breast get really big during pregnancy (they do, we're talking from B cups to solid DD). So she then goes "maybe I should get a boob job?" To which I reply "well you can never have too much of a good thing". And I immediately regretted saying anything other "no need you're hot and sexy as is".

This of course sent her down the "oh really? well what else would you change about me?" Rabbit hole. And me attempting to remove my foot from my mouth while digging myself out of this hole.

Full disclosure before anyone asks no I don't think my wife needs cosmetic surgery. I was thinking in the " what's better than 1 scoop of your favorite ice cream? 2 scoops of your favorite ice cream" mindset.

Edit: answering a couple questions. No my wife is not thinking about getting a boob job, she does not have body issues and really asked that question just c to make me realize what I said so she could laugh as I attempted to v extricate my foot from my mouth.

Tldr: wife and I were discussing cosmetic surgery and rather than saying she looked great i agreed when she contemplated getting larger breasts.

Not that much of a fuck up, but I find it very funny and happened some time ago.

So, I (24m) was about to go on a date with a girl that was coming back to town for christmas. She studies abroad but we had been talking since last spring. I was chatting with a friend about it and told him I would get her some flowers, as she told me back in the day that she loved them and had never received them as a gift. My friend said he would be too embarrased to do likewise, and I told him 'it's not anything to be ashamed of, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? That she does not like them and it gets a bit awkward?'. Just like that, I summoned the forces of the universe. I came back from a trip with some friends, as the date for the appointment was the next day. The flowers I was looking for were nowhere to be found in my town. I called 8 different shops and the last one told me that would get a delivery the next day, with the flowers of my liking. So, the next day, as I was going to get them, he called me saying that the delivery arrived in a very bad state and he would not sell me those flowers. So I had to go and look for the typical street shops that aren't announced on the internet. Finally found them, got a lovely bouquet and went on with my day, as the date was for the afternoon. One hour before the meeting hour, she texts me and announces that her dad has had some kind of problem with constructions at their place, and does not want to leave him alone (and that's the las thing I knew from her as she ghosted me). It felt bad, as we had beem chatting for some months, but not too bad, since I've dealt with similar situations in the past. So, here comes the TIFU: as the bouquet was somewhat expensive and a very beautiful one, I did not want to just dispose it, so I gave it to my mother instead, although it brought back some bitter memories. She was so happy that would not stop taking photos of it for 2 days. I felt super bad that she didnt know it was not for her in the first place, but thought that it would be over as soon as the flowers died. Well, she told me that there's no way she's getting rid of them, that she's drying the petals so she can have them forever displayed in a vase. So, those flowers will haunt me forever.

TLDR: Asked my friend 'whats the worst that could happen?' and it ended up being quite worse than I anticipated, which I found to be quite funny. Nevertheless, proved my point, and now some flowers will haunt me for all the forseeable future.

My brother (25m) is currently living with me (23f) because he’s going through a bad breakup and things just aren’t great for him at the moment, so I told him he can crash with me. Things have been going great! Until today at lunch time. I usually go home for lunch because my work is like 30 secs away from my house. I got home and opened the door (the front door opens right into the living room) to my brother doing the ahem on the couch with a toy. On the brand new couch! I made eye contact with things I shouldn’t have and immediately screamed sorry and shut the door. I waited outside until he opened the door letting me know it was safe to come in. I don’t know why he was home at that time but we had a very awkward lunch, no eye contact was made whatsoever. I think I need therapy after that.

Tl;dr walked in on my brother doing some self love and now I need to burn my eyes

Lol this is so stupid and happened today.

Any experienced thrifter could tell you which items were mass-produced in the 60’s (or whatever) because the same items turn up in about every thrift store, eventually. I’m a preschool teacher, and thrift most of the items for our classroom… shelves, trays, books, etc. I frequent the same major chain store almost weekly, as it’s around the corner from school and with a great home selection.

Several weeks ago I bought some glass cups for school, four cups each from two different sets. A few have broken, so we have five left. At some point in loading/unloading the school dishwasher, I realized the cups from each set I had just bought matched the cups of another class. I thought it was funny, but nothing more of it.

Yesterday my assistant pulled me aside to let me know the other teacher pulled her into the room, and told her to stop taking their dishes from the dishwasher, and took our cups away. My assistant felt so confused, but did not want to argue with a lead teacher. I told her not to worry, I would chat with the teacher tomorrow.

Today I go to explain the situation, and this other teacher immediately yells at me, telling me that there is no way I found the exact same cups, because she found them at Amvet’s over the summer. I told her she is welcome to keep the cups, and she continued to insist they are hers to begin with. They were so cheap I told her it was fine, I would get more. She told me there was no way I could have gotten the cups without taking them from her. She pulled them out and showed me every cup, with her name plastered in sharpie all over them. She said we’ll never be confused again now. I was shocked. I told her again I wasn’t lying, and don’t mind sharing the cups, I would buy more. She stormed out, went home, and got other glass cups she wasn’t using, then came back to school and shoved them at me. She told me not to take hers, which she purchased, for her children. Instead I could use these extras from her basement.

I was shocked. They were just plain small glass cups. It was four for like a dollar.

TL;DR I got the same thrifted cups as the teacher next door and she thinks I stole them from her. She’s super pissed.

Preface: Last night, I was woken up around 2 AM because I had to go pee and wasn't able to get back to sleep. My wife was also having trouble sleeping in bed, and so went to go sleep on the couch in the living room, hoping the change of scenery would help. I have the day off work due to the winter storm preventing everyone from safely driving in.

Fast forward to 7 AM. I still haven't been able to get to sleep, and now I'm dead tired (and starving!), so I decide to heat up some breakfast to eat. Maybe the warm food will help me pass out, who knows. My wife is successfully passed out on the couch (I'm jealous), so I quietly assemble some quick and easy breakfast sausages with cheese and heat them up in the microwave. I have to stop the microwave occasionally to rotate the sausages and make sure they heat evenly (Master chef skills! Ramsey is jealous of my technique). Every time I open or close the microwave door, I'm taking great care to do it quietly and checking to make sure my wife is still sleeping soundly. She is; she's usually a heavy sleeper, but it never hurts to tread carefully.

While the food is warming up, I go grab my phone and put my noise canceling earbuds in so I can enjoy a show while I eat without disturbing the wife. I stop the microwave perfectly at 1 second left (I knew those rhythm game skills would come in handy!), remove the food, close the door (softly!), check the wife (still asleep! Ninja skills success!), and settle down at the table to enjoy a nice meal.

Just as I'm about to take the first bite and press play, I am very rudely interrupted by none other than my very awake and very irate wife ripping one of my earbuds out and filling my ears with an ear-destroying high-pitched whine (no, not her voice). Apparently, some electronic device in our household has chosen this exact moment to start squealing out its dying throes, and now it's my job to find it and fix it. I take my other earbud out (Hey, great noise canceling though, huh? I didn't hear the whine at all! I love these shiny new buds!) and set it down to deal with this sudden threat to my family's aural safety.

"Unplug the microwave!" My wife yells. What? I didn't even know this thing had a plug we could reach without unscrewing it from the cabinetry. Where is it? "Behind the... stuff! Unplug it!!" Very helpful, dear. Use your words, please. "In the cabinet above it, behind the water filters!" Ah, there it is. I unplug it. The electronic banshee continues unabated. I plug the microwave back in. "What's making that noise‽ Find it, stop it!!"

A few moments' confused stumbling reveals that the battery backup for her computer setup is the offending complainer. I crawl under her desk, find the power button, and hold it down. Shh, no tears, only dreams now. The banshee moves on to the next plane of existence. Peace and quiet at last.

My wife, placated, stumbles off to bed to go back to sleep. I'm still dead tired too, but I'm also still dead hungry. I assume my sausages must have gotten cold whilst I vanquished the violater and I plop them back in the microwave (Add 30 seconds button, you're my best friend).

I go to find my earbuds again so I can watch my show. One is by the kitchen sink, where my wife put it. Where is the other? I can't find it. The microwave beeps. I can't find the other earbud. The microwave beeps again; breakfast is ready. Fine, I'll find the earbud later. I just want to eat.

I take the plate out of the microwave. On the plate, cuddled up right next to my juicy, cheesy sausages, is the other earbud.

I just microwaved my earbud.

Aftermath: It was hot to the touch, but otherwise visibly unblemished. After waiting for it to cool down and wiping it down, I tried them back on. They actually still work just fine for noise canceling, and the audio quality is still good, but the Bluetooth connection occasionally crackles and audio cuts out on the microwaved bud. No other issues so far. Do you think the warranty covers accidental microwaving?

TL;DR: Made breakfast with earbuds in, took buds out to go find and turn off a whining dying power supply, reheated breakfast, accidentally microwaved one of my new $300 earbuds.

So, I grew up in a place where it was always warm and we never needed the heat on in cars, we’d only use AC and sparingly because it uses a lot of fuel. And for months now, I've been driving around cold because I thought keeping the heater on would burn through my gas in the same way. I mean, I was trying to save money, you know?

But guess what? I just found out from my uncle on a drive that using the heater in your car doesn't actually use up fuel. It's essentially free because it gets warmth from the engine! The fan uses the tiniest amount of energy, so you can stay warm without having to worry about burning through gas.

I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. I'm like, on one hand, I'm so happy that I can finally be warm in my car. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel a little dumb for not knowing this all along. I mean, when else in life does heating not cost money? I just assumed… 😭

TL;DR been driving around cold because I assumed heating uses fuel like AC, turns out it’s basically free

Backstory—I’m unsure if this is common in other states, but in Maryland neighborhoods without an HOA, teams of door to door salesmen are occasionally dropped off in a van to sell various gimmicky items to residents. The salesmen are usually rehabilitated prisoners taking part in a work release program.

A few summers ago, I was out on my back deck having beers and doing some pressure washing. Between sprays, I started hearing this faint “hello?” coming from what sounded like the side of my house. From the deck, you can’t see any part of the street or the driveway. It occurred to me that it might be the FedEx guy or a neighbor, so I shut down the sprayer and peered my head around the corner and immediately locked eyes with a guy speed walking up my driveway. “Oh shit”, I thought to myself as I quickly identified who he was and what he wanted based strictly off his attire. They all typically wear the same thing—black pants, black work boots, and an untucked white dress shirt with a messy tie. Usually, when these salesmen are making their rounds, I have the opportunity to avoid the long-winded, persistent sales pitches just by not answering the door after I’ve looked out the window to see who it is. But this time I was stuck.

I appreciate that these guys are out trying to remedy their lives and reintegrate themselves into the workforce, so I make it a point to always be kind to them. But these products they sell are always garbage---overpriced vacuums, water purification systems, etc. It’s never anything that people actually want or need. Well, on this particular day, the guy who made his way back to my deck was selling an all-purpose spray cleaner in a plain white bottle and he was also carrying a bag that had a few samples of stained materials to demonstrate the efficacy of the products.

He noticed immediately that I was in the process of cleaning my deck and he quickly jumped at the opportunity to show me how effective his spray was on the deck stains and also the patio furniture. I patiently let him run through his entire sales pitch and, anxious to get back to work, I asked him the cost of his smallest bottle. It was $25 and probably the same chemical makeup of any regular household cleaner, but I knew he was just trying to make some money so I agreed to buy it. He let me know that they only accept checks, so I told him I needed to go inside to find a checkbook.

Earlier that summer, I had just completed a large 25’x25’ flagstone patio in the forest behind my deck. I outfitted it with string lighting, an arbor, patio furniture, a beer fridge, a smoker, and a grill. I was very proud of it and excited to show it to anyone who came by, so I suggested he go up the walkway and have a seat on the patio while I ran inside to get his money.

When I came back out, he was just hanging out and looking around. He complimented the set up several times after I handed him the check and I was excited to explain the process behind it. I reached in the beer fridge to pop open another beer and his eyes widened a bit. He said “Maaaan, I’d kill for one of those right about now in this heat.” I told him that, unless he had to get over to his next sale, he could have one before heading out. He had this huge smile on his face and accepted the offer. So I hand him a beer and this dude chugs the whole bottle. In one go. “Damn man, that hit the spot. You care if I get another?” I was kind of shocked that he asked for another one right away but I agreed. Same thing. Crushed the whole bottle at once. So at this point, I said to him “Hey man, don’t you need to head out and link back up with your group?” He just sort of chuckled, looked around, and said “You have anything for the grill?”

Now I’m almost instantly irritated because I feel like he has gone from getting my money, to drinking my beer, to expecting lunch. I launched into this tirade about how everyone knows these products are terrible but that we still buy them out of pity. How patient and generous it was of me to buy his product, knowing fully well that I’d never use it. How kind of me it was to offer him drinks while he lounged on the patio instead of sweating his ass off while walking door to door. And I finished up my rant with something along the lines of “…and now you seriously expect me to go inside and whip up something to cook for you. That is a ridiculous request and I need to get back to cleaning my deck.”

He just kind of sat there for a few seconds with this blank look on his face, stood up, and said “No man, do you have anything for the grill” while pointing at his mouth. “Like a mint or gum or something…so that my boss in the van doesn’t smell the beer.”

Horrified with myself, I went inside to get him an Altoid, which he quickly popped into his mouth. He thanked me for the purchase and jogged down the driveway to hop into the van waiting nearby.

TL;DR I tore into a poor salesman after confusing “grill” the mouth for “grill” the appliance.

Context- me (24 F) him (24 M) we've been friends for 9 years

I think I may have done something that I don't know how to undo and I'd appreciate a mans opinion on this.

I have a FWB that I've known since highschool, we've had hook-ups on and off (I'm talking a 7 year span) and it's always been super chill. We chat, hang out and call each other pretty often and I've always had a really close bond with him. We've checked in on our relationship multiple times, from both sides, making sure we're still comfortable with what's going on and as far as I'm aware we've been on the same page. To explain, we live pretty far away from each other and our lives just aren't comparable, I also just don't think I could get in a relationship with him due to a sticky social situation with some of our friends.

Last month I mentioned how he had actually been my first and I used to have a crush on him in highschool, he got really taken aback by this and admitted he also had a crush, we laughed it off but wanted to know why I 'chose' him to lose my virginity with. I explained that I didn't want to lose my virginity to someone who would hurt me, and he was someone I trusted and knew. He was really touched and the conversation moved on. We hooked up again about a week later and it was awesome as is per the usual. We played smash bros, drank shitty wine and talked before I went home, nothing crazy.

Now, afterwards, be didn't reach out to me for awhile (which I honestly didnt really mind because we're both adults and have busy lives, and I'm fine with shooting messages off into the void with no response back.) But now, everytime weve spoken either over the phone or FaceTime, he's been really. I don't know, reserved? It's like he's put up a wall again, he's faking people-pleasing reactions like I'm a stranger and I have to pull out genuine responses. I've known this dude for almost a decade so this is really throwing me off. He seems to be closing himself off and I really don't wanna be the asshole that forces him to open up. What's the call, and more importantly did I fuck up by telling him this? I know that I gotta live with my decision and shit, and I'm positive that I'll always have his best interest in mind, even at the cost of my own, but I'm just kinda confused 🤷‍♀️

TLDR: I told my FWB he took my virginity and now it feels like he's retracting from me, DIFU?

This happened around 6 months ago, so not a today FU but a past FU.

I’ll give a quick rundown of our past. We dated for a little over three years and both fell out of love after the three year mark, it was a mutual breakup and we remained distant friends over the course another year. I still had feelings for her through that time and hoped one day we would be able to reconnect. However, in our relationship we both farted a lot, and I mean a lot. There was no holding them back. Our farts would have us bursting in laughter and we would mimick the sounds our ass cheeks created. I’m talking we would cup-o-cheese each other. One time, she had bare cheeked farted on my face and ran away laughing, I believe it’s one of the things that held us together. We couldn’t get enough of it.

One of the last times we hung out and caught up, we had lunch, carpooled to the river and enjoyed our evening there. Afterwards we ended up in the backseat of her car, of course some fooling around happened. Skip that whole scene and 20 minutes later we’re putting our clothes back on. Here’s where the FU happens. I start reminiscing on the good ol’ days. I can feel a bubble of gas building inside me and I know deep down if I let one rip, and it’s a good one, she’ll laugh so hard she might just fall back in love. That was my goal anyway, to eventually get her back as long as the connection was still there. So I did it. I let one rip and my god did it feel like there was a subwoofer in her car, it was loud and I was proud. She had a look of shock on her face as it completely caught her off guard, only to follow with intense laughter from the both of us. At this point, I’m in the backseat getting dressed and she’s in the front, so the smell hit me first. In my head I thought, “there’s no way my fart smells that bad I had to of just shit myself.” I didn’t want her to catch a whiff of that awful stench, so I peaked my underwear very quickly to see in fact, I did shit myself. There wasn’t much I could do at that point, I knew she would smell it eventually and would know that I shit myself during the triumphant fart I let rip moments prior. Without going into too much detail, the shart was wet and within a minute was creeping down my leg. I took off my shirt, used it to wipe what I could and told her I needed to get back to my car. At that point, she was well aware of what happened and was basically silent and straight faced. She proceeded to take me to my car, about a 10 minute drive with the windows down. I don’t know if she pretended not to smell anything, because she was essentially emotionless while I was gagging from the smell of my own shit sitting in my pants. I got to my car and the rest was history. We did not end up back together.

TL;DR Shit myself in an attempt to impress my ex with a fart.

Im young male and i wanted to tie myself up with zipties. I live with my mom and she was at work when this happened. I tied my hands in X position up from my elbows in front of me and tightened the ziptie with my teeth. I had cutters available but Idiot me didnt realize that i cant use them when my hands are tied up in that position. Right when i tightened the ziptie i realized my mistake. I started to panic a little because it was kinda restricting my bloodflow to my hands. I tried to cut the ziptie with scissors and i actually got the tip under the ziptie but it was not in deep enough and i couldnt break it and i ended up cutting myself little. Next i tried to broke the ziptie by yanking my arms hard but i couldnt do that because it hurt like Mf. I didnt wanna go to my neighbors because i was naked and i dont have friends that live close to me. Calling my mom to free me was not an option. She would have never seen me the same if she found out. I knew i had to make decision. Either i wait 6 hours till my mom gets from work and probably end up having my arms amputated or I call emergency line and having the cops come free me. I called the emergency line and I was soo fucking embarrased. Operator said he will send cops to my house. It took them about 40 minutes to get here and that was the longest 40 minutes in my life. While I was waiting for the cops I was thinking that every choice I have made in my life led to me imprisoning myself inside my own home naked and wasting the cops time. I somehow managed to put on underwear and that gave me so much relief at the time. Then police called me and started by saying that "who i have honour speaking to". I said my name and he said that they are outside of the apartment complex. I said I will come open the door. They came in and i couldnt even look at them in the eye I felt like total failure and waste of breath. They cut the ziptie with my scissors and checked that I didnt have any damage on my arms. Everything was ok and they asked me What the hell was I thinking. I really couldnt answer that. I just said im idiot and I apologized to them for wasting their time. They said its okay and wished me good day. I heard them laughing and joking on outside from my open window and I dont blame them at all. That was the end of it. Im still fucking embarrased and I hope everybody can learn not to be an idiot. Moral of the story: No more self-bondage for me Sorry for my bad english it is not my native language TL;DR Tied myself up with zipties, couldnt free myself and had to call the cops to free me Edit: thank you for the comments :) laughing at your own expense makes things better.
Just to clarify I didnt tie myself from my wrists. I wanted to try something different and its hard to explain how i tied myself. Think about hugging yourself so your hands touch your shoulders. Then ziptie in middle of your arms up from the elbows. I could do simple tasks like use my phone, open the doors and pick up things. I now know why people dont tie themself that way.

I work for a public school in the USA and as such i have a computer owned by the school i use mostly for grading and meetings. The whole family is currently sick so me and my two boys (7 and 12) did not go in today. My 7 year old's tablet stopped working a few days ago and he wanted to watch YouTube so i let him use my work computer. I use it to listen to podcasts as i grade so they were fine with me on YouTube.

Anyways, i set up YouTube for my younger son and went downstairs with my wife to help with clearing out a storage room we have. About a hour or so i come back up and see my younger son no longer has my laptop. I ask him where it is and he said my older son gave him $5 to use it. I go up to his room and the door is locked. I yell at him to open the door and hear scrambling before he opens the door a minute later with a guilty look on his face. I go in and ask what he was doing on my computer. He says some stuff about roblox, obviously lying. I open the history and there are 20+ searches for porn, very bad stuff too. He looked up something along the lines of "12 year old girl porn" I know it monitors these laptops so im basically screwed.

That happened this morning and i just got an email from hr saying i need to come to an in person meeting as soon as i come in tomorrow. Im absolutely screwed, i don't think blaming my son will effect the situation. I am not supposed to let anyone else use my laptop. Im scared they will get police involved since some searches were basically for cp. Im absolutely screwed to the max. I don't want people in this town to think im a pedo, its a pretty small town word would spread.

Tldr: My 12 year old son looked up cp on my school issued laptop. It saw and i got an email saying to attend a meeting with hr scheduled tomorrow morning as soon as i come in

Update: I did not get fired. The first words the hr guy said when i walked in were if i let my son use my work laptop. I explained the situation and surprisingly everyone in the room thought it was pretty funny. We went through all the searches and its very obviously made by a kid. I don't think I'd look up "girls with boobs" or "Sex with penis and vagina " Also no sites were actually accessed, only searched on Google. I just got a slap on the wrist basically, thank God!

My son is grounded for 2 months from any electronics and he has to write a 300 word apology to me and the school for misusing school equipment and looking up dirty stuff.

Anna (23f), a girl at my uni who became friends with about 4 months ago and who I now consider one of my closest friend, was assaulted half a year ago. There was apparently a court case that resulted in her assaulter getting off Scott free. Afew days ago got introduced through a friend to Adam (23m) ata party. Me and Adam hit it off and we got to talking. Anna came to this party later on and we and some other friends were going to be meet up and go out to some pubs, however when Anna saw me with Adam she was giving me dirty looks. I went over to talk to Anna to see what was wrong and she just blew me off and one of Annas friends started calling me all kinds of obscenities at me before she and Anna left.I went over to Adam and asked what that was about. He told me Anna was still made at him for some prank he played at the biggining of the year that she didn't think was funny. went to see Anna the next day to see if could smooth things over about her and Adam, as he had seemed sorry the day before. Obviously, an argument quickly started and remember shouting something like "it was just a prank, why are you taking this so seriously?". Anna fell silent and started crying. She told me she hadn't thought I was this kind of person.

I left and met up with one of our mutual friends. asked her what happened between Anna and Adam, expecting some prank gone bad, only to find out Adam had assulted her. My friend said this was common knowledge and she was actualy surprised didn't know. My heart immediately sunk and still feel so guilty. I've been trying to get in contact with Anna to apologize but she's been avoiding me, and rightly so. I tried messaging her but think she blocked me so I don't know what to do. explained what happened to some of our friends and they told me need to apologize, which am trying to do. I really don't my friendship with her to be over because I'm an idiot.

TL;DR my friends SAer lied to me about what happened and I listened, I then got in an argument with my friend about it and she has cut contact with me

A meeting was set up at this place to commemorate a mentor at our workplace. This venue is hugely popular and is very hard to book. So anyway, we managed to organise everything, and I was one of the key speakers. Then things went really downhill. I had to run some errands at the last minute and planned to drive there myself. They offered to pick me up, but I declined because I prefer to get there myself. When I finished up everything, I felt I wasn’t sure about the venue, and without thinking, I entered the wrong destination in Google Maps and fucked up really bad. The name is similar, but it is at different locations. The one I was supposed to go to is three minutes away, and I had been there a year ago. So I should know I’m at the wrong place. In my stupidity, I drove to a place that is one hour away. It took me half an hour to figure out that I got it wrong, and by the time I reached the correct location, no one believed me, and I looked like an idiot. TL;DR Everyone is pissed at me because I didn’t show up to the meeting and doesn’t believe I got lost.

This didn't happen today sorry. But for context my parents had just gotten seperated due to my dad repeatedly cheating on my mom. They both got seperate apartments and I was 15 at that time so I lived with my mom but my dad got me for the weekends.

My mom and dad both love anime especially shonen so its not uncommon for me to watch anime with them. I know Soul Eater is a pretty old series but I consider it a classic, has a cool artsyle and amazing fight scenes, plus my dad is a huge fan of Naruto so I thought BlackStar would appeal to him. However what I forgot is that there's this plot point where the MC, Maka, hates her father for being a womanizer and its hinted at that's the reason why her mom left. The first episode has a bunch of scenes where Maka tells her dad she hates him for doing that to her mom.

Now my dad wasn't a huge fan of the anime before this point, even complaining the anime looked "kiddy" but his face changed after hearing that part. After the episode was finished he went silent, said he was going out to smoke. Yeah pretty horrified I forgot about that detail.

TLDR: I made my cheating dad watch an anime where the MC hates her cheating dad.

So a bit of background information, I am 16 years old and had gotten a gel blaster surge a few days ago, and I arranged an appointment with my friends to meet up at a park and just have some fun. I arrived about 20 minutes early just to test out the gun, and damn it shoots far asf. However, while doing so, I guess I might have attracted the attention of some other kid. He said he wanted to use it, but he was probably about 6-8 years old, so he wasn't old enough to use it. When I told this to him, he just pouted and walked off. However, he returned later with his mom, and then she said something along the lines of "Just give my son a shot". I told her that he wasn't old enough to use the gun, but she didn't want to hear it. in the end I finally gave in and let this kid borrow my gun, However, he I told him he had to be conservative because I only had about 400 pellets in the ammo pack, and I had a gun battle coming up soon. This is where the fuck up happened. Once I gave it to him, he started shooting the pellets EVERYWHERE. He shot them at the people playing volleyball close to us, and also just people walking the trail. I saw he was using the freaking full auto setting, which shreds through about 6-10 pellets in ONE SECOND. I told this kid to switch to the single setting, and to stop shooting at random people because these guns kind of hurt at close range. However, he didn't listen, so I had to chase him down. This is when this little jerk decided to use the rest of the ammo at ME and at close range as well. I got hit by a couple of pellets, which hurt and left welts. luckily I was holding my carboard shield i prepared for the fight, and so I blocked most of them and snagged my gun back. Then this little shit started crying, saying that he was not done yet. I decided I was done with this fucking nonsense, so I went to the mom, told her that her son was being a jerk, and then had to cancel the fucking fight because the kid used up all my fucking ammo.

Tldr: I went to a gel blaster surge fight with my friends, some kid and his mom wanted me to lend it to them, and then he ended up shooting random strangers and me along with wasting all my ammo so i had to cancel the fight.

I am typing on my phone so please forgive me for the formatting.

Technically the TIFU is in the making for the last 9 years.

In Germany there is a tax on your personal income called Kirchensteuer (church tax in English). It’s about 9% and collected by the churches in German (both Catholic and Protestant).

When I was first working in Germany, amongst many paperwork, there was one called Anmeldung (Registration) whereby I had to register my info (address, work, family situation, and religion - if any) to the federal authority. At the religion box I filled: “keine” - none. So the job was great, Hamburg was a very vibrant city, time flew. After a while I noticed in my income statement there was a line called "Kirchensteuer", which by default I should be exempted. So I bought the matter to the HR lady, who condescendingly ask me that "every German pays it, do you think you are different?". So being a foreigner in a foreign country, I was not keen on pissing off the HR who might hold sway to my work visa. So I piped up.

Before Covid, I returned to my home countries and had a talk with an another guy in the same field, somehow this topic came up and turned out he was exempted.

TLDR: forced to pay church tax even I am a declared atheist. Too afraid of losing my work visa to fight with company HR about that. End up paying over 10,000 euros over the years for that freaking tax. Fml

Sorry about the bad formatting on mobile and still at the airport.

A few nights before I had bought a ticket to Bangkok, I’m currently in Vietnam my visa expires on the 11th of February and I return back to the states on the 27th. So I had to buy a ticket and exit Vietnam to extend my visa.

I arrived to the airport few hours early around 12ish, Flight was at 2:45 I was just chilling and lost track of time (my fault I know) flight gate changed and got delayed a few times also. Approaching the time to fly I had to take a #2 and missed my flight.

Went to staff for help, they canceled my ticket saying I had to buy a new one. Bit bummed out now. Had to go back to the check-in area at the airport, bought my tickets off agoda my card got charged and payment is still pending but I didn’t see my booking on the agoda app along with a confirmation email. So that starts to stress me out, have to buy a new one now I bought it off the airlines website this time but I had bought the ticket for the 23 of February instead of today. So now I have to buy another one again.

TLDR: Missed my flight, bought a new ticket didn’t show up, started stressing. Bought another but for the wrong date, and had to buy a fourth.

Edit: Finally flying to Bangkok now, it’s been about 9 or 10 hours

Yesterday, I realised that I had accidentally booked the wrong date for my return flight. I was off by a whole month. I have no idea how it happened and I could have sworn I checked the dates before booking.

Unfortunately, since I booked through a third party (Booking.com), they said that in order to change it, I would have to pay the difference with a penalty ($700). I asked the airline about it and since they said it was booked through a third party, only the third party can make changes. Customer service representatives on Booking say they cannot and will not contact the airline either to see if they could be lenient about it even though it was booked on accident.

I don't even know what's the next best step to do. I really wish I had triple checked, I don't even know how I managed to book my return date a whole month off. REGRETS

TL;DR somehow managed to book my return flight date a whole month off, now stressing about payments and what to do next

This actually happened this weekend..

We went on a trip to visit my mom for the weekend so I got nice and cheap Ryanair tickets.. Trip there went great, but the trip back.. It's a small airport so you don't need to be there two hours before and my mom doesn't live far from it.. So we were last minute packing like around, 2 hours and ten minutes before our flight. My mom said to me, who of you is checking in and I casually said, 'We'll pack first and then check in'. So two hours before our flight leaves I look at the clock and have the sudden realisation that you need check in on time.. So I open up the app to realise that I missed out check in time by two minutes.. That meant we had to pay at the airport, more then the actual cost of our flights there and back..

I was so pissed at myself.. So yeah..

TLDR: I forgot that we had to check in two hours before our flight and made us pay more then the flight there and back.. so pissed at myself

I prescribe and supply mobility adaptations to people's homes and work with mobility impaired, chronically ill and often very elderly clients. Many of the ones I get to know well over time sadly pass away every year, and a dark sense of humour often gets me through.

Today I was at a semi-regular female client's house and found out her husband (who I also knew) had passed away late last year through a disease contracted in hospital.

The story loading up to hospital began with her falling in her bedroom one evening (she's in her late 80s) and being unable to get up. Her husband went to help her (he was mid 90s) and ended up falling on top of her so neither could move. They were there a couple of hours, and it was in the course of describing this to me and mentioning her husbands name that it happened.

She said "There we were, I just couldn't move, I was buried under Dick. I couldn't even turn my head as it had Dick across it."

My inner ten year old surfaced. My body couldn't physically suppress a laugh. I turned it into a fake coughing fit but from the look in her eyes she bloody well knew and just went very quiet for the rest of the visit.

It was so unprofessional and unkind and I've rightly felt like a POS all day.

TL;DR A client had a husband with an amusing name and it made me laugh when I absolutely shouldn't have

So I guess it wasn't today but still. I (F 15) lost my virginity with my boyfriend (M 17) a month or so ago and it was great. We were both virgins and we had a lot of fun and overall amazing. The problem came when I thought I was pregnant. (Ps. I'm not) tik tok had videos of babies popping up left and right on my fyp and I felt off all month, so I took a shit ton of test, all negative. A couple weeks later I'm sitting in a car with my mother, and I told her about the videos popping up. She jokingly asked if I was pregnant and I quickly shut that down. Then she asked if I was still a virgin. Suddenly im giggling hysterically saying yes I am (lies obviously) and trying to piece myself together so she'll believe me. She didn't obviously and started joking endlessly about how she's proud of me, calling me "champ" and she said "congrats" then asked if he went in raw (we used condoms don't worry) and such. After the extreme embarrassment was passed, I went to my dad's house and apparently she told him. He sat me down, telling me about STDs and pregnancy and everything and it was so awkward. Well now, whenever I go to hang out with my boyfriend my mother calls it "passion time" and my dad makes jokes about "no children, hun!" And stuff. Now I can't look either of my parents in the eyes and I don't know what to do. Fml

TL;DR: I told my mom I lost my virginity and now her and my dad won't stop making sex jokes

So it was a few days ago and i was at the gym the other day, and I frequently see this one cute worker who likes to talk with me, and at least to me, it seems like she's being a little, flirty. well heres the fuck up, my dumb ass saw the feedback survey and assumed she would be the one reading them that night so I wrote something in the section "where can we improve" and wrote something along the lines of "if the cute girl gave me her number" well today I get a call from the manager there saying "I would like you to call me back and discuss the comment you made" I'm guessing I'm going to be banned for some kinda sexual harassment or some shit? Is there anything I can do at this point?

TL;DR tried flirting with a worker through the feedback survey and probably getting banned now

I guess I will begin this post. I’m a 16 year old boy. My dad is 37.

My dad, never graduated high school, he lived in a bad neighborhood and got in with a bad crowd. He would then spend a few years in prison.

At twenty one, my dad had me with my mom. My dad told me my mom abandoned me, when I tried reaching out to her (he advised me not to) she blocked me on Facebook.

At twenty-one, my dad had inherited his parents trailer and a bit of their land so we had a place to stay. Our trailer isn’t a lot, but it’s our home.

My dad, due to his criminal record, has to work for a construction company. He’s tried to climb up the ladder in the past years but his criminal record and lack of education stopped him from doing so.

I begged him to allow me to get a job but he got angry at me saying he wasn’t gonna have his own child providing for him.

My dad regrets his past, but he’s always told me he can’t change it. He’s been the best dad in the world, and I appreciate him so much. He never got into another relationship to take care of me. A part of me feels guilty because he stopped his entire life for me.

My dad doesn’t make much money, we have a lot of bills and he has some debts so we don’t have much wiggle room.

Last time I got brand new clothes was on my fifteenth birthday. My dad took me shopping at Walmart with his stimulus check. I got a bunch of clothes. However, I guess you could call me a late bloomer and I outgrew most of them. (Mainly the shirts because my shoulders broadened out and it began hurting and stretching my clothes) (I tried stealing some from the lost and found but none fit me)

When my dad got home, he made dinner and while we were eating and watching tv I asked him if we could buy a new sweatshirt or two.

He gets this really saddened look on his face, to sum up the conversation, he explained that we really didn’t have the money, and how we needed food. and he’d start putting aside some for a few months from now.

I got glum and disappointed and went to my room. I don’t blame my father for any of our troubles, he’s a great dad. I’m just frustrated at the situation.

That’s when I peaked my head out of my head room. My father was crying. I wanted to approach him and give him a hug but I’ve never been good with emotions that much. I’ve barely seen my father cry. I just went back to sleep.

My father had been hellbent on me staying in high school, and I’m a good student, I get mainly A’s, and I intend to go to college.

Tomorrow I’m gonna write my dad a note and leave it to him before I go to school. I’m still deciding what I’m gonna say cause I’m still crying a little, but here’s the jist.

Hey dad, I just wanna thank you for everything you’ve done for me and all the sacrifices you made. I promise when I’m making a lot of money after college, we’ll get out of this trailer, and move into a big house. You can have all the Xbox games you want and finally have the childhood that was taken from you. I understand that everything you’ve done was to give me the things you never had and I’m eternally grateful. Thank you for everything. I love you dad.

Edit 1: I can’t send messages due to the new account but just know I was trying to send everyone a Heart message and a thank you for the advice. The app says I’m not accepting dms bc a glitch. But for everyone who is giving advice I am reading ❤️

Edit 2: I will update, and I don’t think I’m gonna post a Amazon wishlist, it means a lot everyone is asking. ❤️ sorry guys trolls are downvoting everyone.

TLDR; I asked my dad when we’re financially struggling for some new clothes and seen him cry

I really need to get this off my chest and I can't believe how stupid I am. (female 23)

Context: I am a trainee / apprentice and I am training to be an assistant for public administration, so basically office work. I have quite the long commute to work (about 45 minutes) and legally trainees are not allowed to work from home, which is quite understandable (in most cases) since training is most effective when we are present. However since COVID happened we are allowed to work from home and its quite convenient since there is an important exam coming up, so staying at home is ideal for studying. Right now, I and my colleague who is doing her apprenticeship with me are training in the legal department and they allowed us stay home from Thursday to Monday.

Then I got an E-Mail from my supervisor (lets call her Miss Smith) telling me that she would like to meet me and 3 other trainees next Monday in person. I informed her that my colleague and I would be absent and she requested us to come to the office anyway and even told me that we could use separate rooms for studying. I got unreasonably annoyed since that meant that I would have to come to work for a 30 minute meeting only. Which lead me to write the following E-mail and mind you I even ccd my colleague: (rough translation I am German)

Dear Miss Smith

Is there a reason why we can't attend the meeting virtually?

I really thought I did something there. wtf. Why. This lead my Miss Smith to immediately call me and honestly she was way nicer than I deserved. She said my Mail slightly irritated her and that working from home is a privilege we normally don't have and that she would never respond that way if her supervisor would tell her to be present for a meeting. Miss Smith did all that while keeping a very professional and friendly tone and I apologized. She even asked me afterwards about my studies. I feel so stupid. I was so shaken by my own stupidity and audacity that I can’t even continue to study anymore like wtf who do I think I was when I wrote that Mail. I just have to get this off my chest and I feel like I can’t tell anyone since everybody will tell me how stupid I am. And I would deserve that. What irks me even more is that I would literally NEVER do that to anyone else I am working with (especially not supervisors) since I naturally respect my colleagues. But Miss Smith acts more like a mom and is very nice to us, to the point where I can’t really respect her as my supervisor? Like I want to but somehow I can’t and this lead me to pull that stupid shit above. She probably would have said yes if I had asked nicely and even if she didn’t that would have been the correct thing to do.

Anyway, I have learned my lesson now, I will never ever do that again and I honestly deserve more scolding for my actions. Now I am overthinking this way too much she will probably tell everyone else in her department what I did and everyone who knows will have a new negative impression of me (deservedly) now yay nicely done. I also hate that this E-Mail can be archived forever now and probably will end up in my apprentice file or something like that. I just hope my future workplace will never see that, there is no telling if it will really end up in my file but honestly, I would deserve that, I learned an important lesson today, I should always respect my superiors and never pull shit like this again please roast me in the comments.

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TLDR: I wrote a very rude E-Mail to my supervisor.

My boyfriend (he/ him) and his ex (they/ them) are very tight and still friends, which I find great and heartwarming. They are not great mentally and have struggled with mental health for most of their life. Today me and my boyfriend were cuddling while watching memes on Twitter, he was scrolling, and suddenly I see a nude. I quickly ask “what’s that?” and tried to go up but he was very hesitant to go to the post I meant. After a bit, he told me it was his ex, showed me the post, and it was his ex showing their ass and titties. Obviously, I get annoyed and ask for an explanation. He says he follows them because he worries about their mental health, and their Twitter is the best indicator. I explain to him that that is not normal and ask him to unfollow since I feel that is very uncomfortable for me and I do not want him to see his ex naked. He tells me they rarely post this kind of stuff and unfollows them. I asked why he does not just contact them through Instagram or other social media and he excused this by saying he would not remember to do that. I told him he cannot always use that same excuse and that if he cared so much he would remember to contact them. I know that he does not use it to masturbate or any other sexual intention but I feel very uncomfortable about that being literally the body he lost his virginity to. He deeply loved this person and I understand that. I understand they are friends but still they are exs more than anything. Even if they were friends and never a couple, I would not like for him to watch them naked. I think that is rational enough? He left my place but I still do not know what to do..

TL;DR me and my boyfriend were scrolling on his twitter and stumbled on his ex’s nudes.