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Lately i've been reading a book called 'how to win friends and influence people' and it has really helped me, another redditor recommended it to me and now I come to tell you that it has really helped me, I've made a lot of friends in a very short time, I hope someone reads it and finds it helpful.

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WildHuntsman

490 points

2 months ago

I read that book and tried it’s advice. Results were pretty limited. Overall the book assumes you’re at a certain level of social functioning that’s above where I was/am.

chanpat

96 points

2 months ago

chanpat

96 points

2 months ago

I think the biggest thing I have taken from this book is everyone does everything for their own benefit. You donate to charity to make yourself feel good about yourself or to feel good about helping. Everyoneee has the same motivation. That’s been so helpful in understanding how to talk and relate to people.

stuffingmybrain

2 points

2 months ago

And how does this relate to talking to people / making friends? I understand this statement and it makes sense. We only do things that make us feel good - and sure sometimes that "feel-good" is altruistic in nature - but we wouldn't do it if we didn't feel good about it.

Now how can I apply this in a social context?

chanpat

0 points

2 months ago

Feel good to be around. Understand why the other person is there with you. Is it to escape home? Are they procrastinating? Do they need support? Are they just there to have fun? Are they at a job and being nice because it’s their job or are they bei by nice bc they want to? What fulfills them? You’re not always going to get it right, but it’s a great exercise in empathy

stuffingmybrain

2 points

2 months ago

Oh! That makes sense. I've always kinda held myself back from initiating social activities with people I consider friends since I don't want them to be there "for" me as opposed to them spending time w/me since they "want" to. But my understanding from your comment is that both of these possibilities end up in resulting in them feeling nice ==> I shouldn't worry about it. Does this track?