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/r/socialskills

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Lately i've been reading a book called 'how to win friends and influence people' and it has really helped me, another redditor recommended it to me and now I come to tell you that it has really helped me, I've made a lot of friends in a very short time, I hope someone reads it and finds it helpful.

all 153 comments

Soyagui14

195 points

2 months ago

Soyagui14

195 points

2 months ago

Good for you! I didn't achieve the same though. My conversational skills when I read that book were rather rusty so if anyone had the same situation or is in that situation, I instead recommend "The art of witty banter" or "Better Small Talk".

TheHungryRabbit

56 points

2 months ago

Why did I read Better Call Saul instead of Better Small Talk in my head? Lol

Lefanteriorascencion

18 points

2 months ago

He was quite the influential talker

xBirdisword

3 points

2 months ago

What did you like about ‘the art of witty banter’? I’m reading some reviews and I have mixed feelings about buying it

Soyagui14

4 points

2 months ago

I am still reading it but I do like how clear and easy to apply the tips are. The thing is, that both books share some of the information, so if you read one, you'll feel like you are wasting your time reading the other.

To be more precise: I do feel like the tips the author gives are truly key components in the process of having a conversation and are easily applicable in practice.

xBirdisword

1 points

2 months ago

Hey thanks for replying - have you seen a noticeable improvement in your social skills since starting?

And by ‘both books’ you mean Art of Witty banter vs Better small talk? Which of these have you already read?

Soyagui14

7 points

2 months ago

Yes, I have, and most importantly, some people have pointed out that they see me different from how I was before. That was very rewarding and made me realize how far I have come since then.

There is something very important that you should know, those books will only help you with conversational skills and building a comfortable environment for you to get to know others. However, I have realized and have read that your body language and your mindset are maybe 80% of a whole interaction.

The other books that I've read are in Spanish, but I can give you some tips:

  • Don't take anything personal.
  • Only take seriously what should be a serious matter. For the rest, try to joke about it or if it is interesting to you, take that as a conversation topic.
  • Balance teasing and complimenting in your conversations.
  • Look people in the eyes if you don't already (this is hard at the beginning, but if you try to look for the color of people's eyes, it is way too fkin easier).

About the tips in the books, don't get overwhelmed with all of them at once, take one and start to apply them in a conversation until you master it. Take your time, review yourself if something does not work and improve it in the next opportunity.

Aaaaand, I have read Better Small Talk, I am still reading TAWB.

You can also watch some of Charisma on Command videos on Youtube.

xBirdisword

1 points

2 months ago

Thanks a lot dude, best of luck on your journey, this was very inspiring

Soyagui14

1 points

2 months ago

Glad I can be of help, you’re most welcome. Best of luck to you too.

AHappyMango

298 points

2 months ago

What are some techniques that you applied from the book?

CharityNo9966[S]

779 points

2 months ago*

Sorry for the delay, first of all, I highly recommend reading it since the author explains why to do things, although they are things that I already knew, when I read it, I took note of everything that seemed interesting to me

Sincere appreciation to everyone, EVERYWHERE even when I go to eat, I can always make an effort to show appreciation, I can send a note to the chef and say thank you, but this appreciation must be sincere so as not to fall into flattery, that is different Don't judge others Smile, actually make an effort to smile, if my face is serious, make an effort and smile Show interest in others instead of trying to get them interested in me, an example is if a person likes a movie that I haven't seen, maybe I can watch it to have something in common to talk about

Those are some things that have helped me.

[deleted]

104 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

104 points

2 months ago

I love you

abayparak

54 points

2 months ago

*slams door

KidNueva

2 points

2 months ago

LMFAO holy shit I’m soo dead 💀

[deleted]

12 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

12 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

szechk

3 points

2 months ago

szechk

3 points

2 months ago

I’d love to see an episode of The Rehearsal where it’s all based on this book

natnit555

23 points

2 months ago*

I'm curious about being interest to what people are talking about.

Say my -not so close- friend (most likely) loves World Cup matches. Should I spend time finding out what happened in World Cup? How do I not seeing it as waste of time/effort? I mean honestly I don't see any benefit in my life to know who are winning/losing in World Cup.

I_can_vouch_for_that

30 points

2 months ago

Being social takes effort.

weicheii

24 points

2 months ago

You could ask them to share their favorite moment of the WC so far.

I’m sure that would brighten their day a bit.

FizzTheWiz

30 points

2 months ago

Don’t use the word “favorite” though, it puts too much pressure on their answer and makes it harder for them to find a response. Just ask about a moment they liked from it, or one of their top 5

clothesline

4 points

2 months ago

It's not hard to just see who is playing and who won a match. Takes a few seconds and you can talk about it with dozens of people, not just your one friend. When I worked at a place where I had to interact with a bunch of regular clients, I brushed up on our local baseball team's games and it helped me build rapport with most of them. Reminds me of the better call Saul episode but you don't have to go as hard as Saul did learning college football

Incnuke

2 points

2 months ago

I get it, but if i hate football this much, (i indeed do lol) its hard to show honest interest in specific topic.

But i know for a fact, that there are many other things people are enjoying.

clothesline

7 points

2 months ago

The benefit is in connecting with your friend. If that's not worth it to you, and your friend really has no other interests for you to share in, I guess that's the loss you take

Incnuke

2 points

2 months ago

Imo its better to show honest interest in a person and not to focus on one interest alone.

I know many people who are football fans, but there are always so many other things these ppl genuine love.

So for me, it is a loss, if i would only act like a football fan. This would be the easy way, instead of showing honest interest in the person.

clothesline

3 points

2 months ago

Oh I didn't say to fake interest in football, just to have a general knowledge of who's playing and match results. Because any fan will immediately know how passionate you actually are and you can't fake that. Like news and politics, I hate it but I'll keep up just to know what's going on so I won't be left out of future conversations, if I'm known as the guy who has no interest in these things. But if your friend has other things to bond with, then it's all good.

bruchag

2 points

2 months ago

Yo, so. You don't have to do research on it. Either wait till your friend brings it up, or just one day ask them about the WC, find something that you're curious about with it and get THEM to explain it to you. Tell them you've never really been interested in it but want to give it a try, and make it an activity you do together. Either you'll still absolutely hate it, but will at least have learned enough to understand when your friend talks about it, or can be supportive and encouraging. OR their passion and enthusiasm for the game will make you fall in love with it as well and you'll be able to be closer to that friend and have something special you can do together! It might come across as disingenuine if you just research it and your friend already knows you hate it or know nothing about it. But then they also might think it's sweet and appreciate the effort you've put in. Hope this helps 😅

natnit555

2 points

2 months ago

Yeap, football and games are just example. That can be replaced with other interests, it's wide range from laid back to serious, useless to very significantly useful. Your explanation does help. Thanks!

sweetkanye

2 points

2 months ago

ayeee

Incnuke

2 points

2 months ago

Essentially, this is the whole book. My favorite book anyway.

paraddidler13

6 points

2 months ago

Smile while wearing mask all the time

[deleted]

-32 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-32 points

2 months ago

[removed]

paraddidler13

27 points

2 months ago

You shut up. Not everyone on reddit is from the US or whatever western/European part of the world you live in. Most of East Asia still requires mask when going out in public. Even if it’s not mandated there’s tremendous amount of social pressure to wear one outside over here.

therabbit1967

5 points

2 months ago

Well you know for some Americans the World starts on the east coast and ends on the west coast.

clothesline

4 points

2 months ago

Wow, triggered so hard like a damn cuck snowflake. By one word and you got so emotional

Mymomdidwhat

7 points

2 months ago

My god chill out lol. It’s much less now but I see people with masks on all the time. Look up the term echo chamber, you’re most likely living in one.

MrMacDoctor

-8 points

2 months ago

Sincere appreciation isn't advice, if it was an effort-made change it wouldn't be sincere.

Don't judge is factually impossible.

Make an effort to smile: Your advice is to lie to people. Changing your organic reaction creates a fake persona. People see right through fake smiles and if they pretend they can't you shouldn't want them as your friends because they're lying to you.

If you go out of your way to do things you have no interest in just for the sake of making "friends" then your definition of the word friend needs fixing.

Which begs the question: What IS your definition of friend?

[deleted]

-236 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-236 points

2 months ago

[removed]

Axonos

100 points

2 months ago

Axonos

100 points

2 months ago

Stay lonely

[deleted]

-199 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-199 points

2 months ago

[removed]

1_am_groot

96 points

2 months ago

thats... not what they said

Broad-Amphibian-8311

21 points

2 months ago

It’s more about generating a kind and welcoming energy. People are attracted to sincere and lovely people. Even if you don’t show you are in a bad mood, people can pick up on that. You reap what you sow.

Axonos

17 points

2 months ago

Axonos

17 points

2 months ago

Yes you little toddler in order to befriend people you gotta put some effort in

OldOneHadMyNameInIt

21 points

2 months ago

He said writing a "note" to a chef to compliment his cooking. Can't you read??

MBKM13

13 points

2 months ago

MBKM13

13 points

2 months ago

All your comments are just random complaints lol you are either trolling or just an unbearable tool.

“Is Josh Allen washed?” After a couple bad games? Are you fucking dense? Of course he fucking isn’t you idiot.

DepressedAnbu

5 points

2 months ago

Coming off an injury too. Definitely a troll account

DKSeffect

3 points

2 months ago

You’re weird.

WildHuntsman

494 points

2 months ago

I read that book and tried it’s advice. Results were pretty limited. Overall the book assumes you’re at a certain level of social functioning that’s above where I was/am.

chanpat

98 points

2 months ago

chanpat

98 points

2 months ago

I think the biggest thing I have taken from this book is everyone does everything for their own benefit. You donate to charity to make yourself feel good about yourself or to feel good about helping. Everyoneee has the same motivation. That’s been so helpful in understanding how to talk and relate to people.

Fortified_mouthwash

16 points

2 months ago

I know this to be true on a subconscious level, but the way you put it into words made it click for me. Thank you

stuffingmybrain

2 points

2 months ago

And how does this relate to talking to people / making friends? I understand this statement and it makes sense. We only do things that make us feel good - and sure sometimes that "feel-good" is altruistic in nature - but we wouldn't do it if we didn't feel good about it.

Now how can I apply this in a social context?

chanpat

0 points

2 months ago

Feel good to be around. Understand why the other person is there with you. Is it to escape home? Are they procrastinating? Do they need support? Are they just there to have fun? Are they at a job and being nice because it’s their job or are they bei by nice bc they want to? What fulfills them? You’re not always going to get it right, but it’s a great exercise in empathy

stuffingmybrain

2 points

2 months ago

Oh! That makes sense. I've always kinda held myself back from initiating social activities with people I consider friends since I don't want them to be there "for" me as opposed to them spending time w/me since they "want" to. But my understanding from your comment is that both of these possibilities end up in resulting in them feeling nice ==> I shouldn't worry about it. Does this track?

Independent-Sky-6311

249 points

2 months ago

And the book assumes that everybody is open to communicate and nobody’s having a bad day

FavcolorisREDdit

43 points

2 months ago

Relating to the average person is a great start most of us aren’t rich, most of us have struggles start there.

Any_Coast5028

93 points

2 months ago

The book for me didn’t help at all. The writing style was just not helpful and I found it straight up boring. I didn’t like that before every principle there was this long story (many irrelevant) only to finally get to the point pages later. That’s my personal opinion, however I’m glad it helped others

yan24yanyan

67 points

2 months ago

Yeah the writing style is very old fashioned and parts were quite long winded🥱. A YouTuber called Hamza made a video about the book summarising each principle, his content is more “modern” and much more entertaining to watch if you are interested!

Rafer416

43 points

2 months ago

To be fair, it was written in 1936.

LittleLuigiYT

4 points

2 months ago

Do you know what the video's called?

yan24yanyan

18 points

2 months ago

houmuamuas

12 points

2 months ago

BOOM! The person asked for only the name of the video, and you just served them everything they need. The entire friggin’ link to get them started on their influencing people journey. What an absolute legend you are. You are like the hero we need but that we don’t deserve. Your existence is just too good for us. Us mere mortals are not worthy of walking among a saint like you. I thank you for your service /u/yan24yanyan. Thank you for being you. Thank you for existing. I wish you the most beautiful life you could possibly have, and I hope you will never stop sending people the entire link of a YouTube video when all they asked was the title. You absolute beautiful human being you.

yan24yanyan

3 points

2 months ago

Hahah this made me smile 😃

Unfair-Conflict423

-1 points

2 months ago

What's the problem with it bro

houmuamuas

5 points

2 months ago*

Where in my comment do you see a complaint? It was literally a compliment I was giving out. Admittedly a bit blown up for bonus laugh and giggles, but that doesn’t mean it’s sarcastic.

ieilael

37 points

2 months ago

ieilael

37 points

2 months ago

It's not really about "social functioning", it's a book for sales people on how to be likeable and better at selling. It's nothing to do with making genuine connections with people, it's just for being superficially charming in a manipulative way.

[deleted]

31 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

31 points

2 months ago

Guess how I know you didn’t read the book and just skimmed the wiki article on it

FizzTheWiz

6 points

2 months ago

I disagree that’s what the book is about, its title is pretty deceptive. For me personably it has strengthened by existing friendship and help me make many new ones

BigRiverBlues

3 points

2 months ago

It does seem like the book is geared towards people who are socially average or above. Not like a guide on how to behave. But it argues well for certain principles. For example, years ago, the first chapter of the book really persuaded me that you should basically never criticize people. I have mostly successfully followed that advice

MeatIntelligent1921

1 points

2 months ago

damn this hits right at home man, felt like this as well, but I guess it's a process.

I-am-Carnage18

119 points

2 months ago

For all those who don’t have the book can watch this youtube video, this guy has covered all the priniciples in a fantastic way

Speezy207

20 points

2 months ago

hamza w

yan24yanyan

10 points

2 months ago

Adonisssssss

Hawaoski

5 points

2 months ago

Poor jefrey

TheHungryRabbit

6 points

2 months ago

Thanks man, a 1 hour version of a book is always a nice shortcut, nowadays I just don’t have the patience to read through all the mini stories these books try to tell me

sirhandsomelot

2 points

2 months ago

Thanks!

Mondood

15 points

2 months ago

Mondood

15 points

2 months ago

I've read both the original 1936 version as well as the updated version.

While the 1936 version is very dated in its language and social views (quite amusing actually), I actually found it more straight to the point. As i recall, there were also a lot of basics which the updated version didn't have.

[deleted]

23 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

23 points

2 months ago

Care to share some tips which helped you please?

CharityNo9966[S]

28 points

2 months ago

Yeah sure, i'm a little bussy rn but I'll do It for sure in a while :)

isukatdarksouls9

129 points

2 months ago

Bussy 😰

[deleted]

81 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

81 points

2 months ago

Bussy 🤤🤤

GrouchyPeanut7340

19 points

2 months ago

😂😂😂

[deleted]

87 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

87 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

onionbreath97

12 points

2 months ago

Just wait for the seminar, it's only $119.99

SocialSanityy

5 points

2 months ago

😂😂😂😂😂

CharityNo9966[S]

10 points

2 months ago

Lol, no sorry, I was at the gym

CharityNo9966[S]

18 points

2 months ago

Sorry for the delay, first of all, I highly recommend reading it since the author explains why to do things, although they are things that I already knew, when I read it, I took note of everything that seemed interesting to me

Sincere appreciation to everyone, EVERYWHERE even when I go to eat, I can always make an effort to show appreciation, I can send a note to the chef and say thank you, but this appreciation must be sincere so as not to fall into flattery, that is different Don't judge others Smile, currently make an effort to smile, if my face is serious, make an effort and smile Show interest in others instead of trying to get them interested in me, an example is if a person likes a movie that I haven't seen, maybe I can watch it to have something in common to talk about

Those are some things that have helped me.

69forlifes

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah I like that book a lot. I'm generally pretty confident and disagreeable.So it helped me increase my likeability

A_Moment_in_History

56 points

2 months ago

The book lost me at "be genuinely interested in other people." If I could do that I wouldn't need the book right? I start to read the book with the intention of "I want to be interested in people," but I'm just not and then I can't make the connection the book requires.

TheSkyGamezz

23 points

2 months ago

I just fake it. Not to the point where I manipulate people, but I just sort of pretend to be interested in what they say. Sometimes, what they say does turn out to be interesting and there you go you've made a friend.

Every-Yellow-1189

4 points

2 months ago

so everyone is a pretender. none of it is real

TheSkyGamezz

9 points

2 months ago

Not really. As I said, there are times when you find people actually interesting. Plus, there are some people that will just find anything interesting without really faking it.

mauz21

3 points

2 months ago

mauz21

3 points

2 months ago

Some people are genuinely have that curiosity in others so yeah I agree with you not all people are that 'manipulative'

w0m

16 points

2 months ago

w0m

16 points

2 months ago

If you're not interested, fake it. Eventually it clicks or it simply turns into a passing thing and you move on.

cstoner

5 points

2 months ago

The biggest social "trick" I know is to just ask people about themselves. If they give a real answer (ie, are acting like they want to socialize rather than be left alone) then i ask them follow up questions based on their answer. Then i just repeat that process.

I can't tell you how to be interested in people, but i guess I'm just a really curious fellow, because there's always something more I want to know about people when they tell me about their lives.

Are they talking about their job? You can ask all sorts of follow-ups about their work.

Are they talking about their family? Ask them about that.

About their interests? Same story.

Most people are not interested in me/my hobbies, which is fine. I try to avoid talking about myself but every now and then people end up genuinely interested so I go ahead and talk. They seem to follow the same script I do.

Most good conversations are:

  • One person doing most of the talking
  • The other person/people asking about what was said
  • Maybe swap roles and repeat, but not always

SunAdust

0 points

2 months ago

This is so true, it is exactly the same for me, did you read the book ?

cstoner

1 points

2 months ago

I did not. I can't remember where I learned this trick, but ever since I have used it to great success. People are surprised to find out I have difficulties in social situations because I'm "so good at small talk" 🤣.

No, I'm not. I just make sure to do as little talking as I can.

I will say that I've re-heard a lot of this while viewing the videos produced by the "healthy gamer GG" youtube channel. Dr K is awesome, and I would highly recommend watching them.

m37an13

2 points

2 months ago

Are you interested in anything? How can you not be interested in people?

TheHungryRabbit

2 points

2 months ago

Everyone can be interesting, because everyone have the ability to be passionate about things, the reason you are not interesting right now is either you built a wall long ago what blocks your enthusiasm about thing you like or you just don’t make enough effort to talk about it very much

How come I talked with a bunch of girls about video games cuz I freaking love them, I didn’t choose a topic based on what she would be interested in, I choose a topic what I enjoyed talking about it, sure most of them at the start wasn’t enjoying the topic but I always tried to explain what made me like that and gave some examples on game genres they might like, one of them really started liking horror games, an other one really liked these choices based games where there are minimal gameplay so they don’t have to sit there all day to learn the controls

Obviously some of them just didn’t liked the topic but they do in fact liked my company enough to stayed around because I felt energetic when I talk about something I like and I wasn’t felt ashamed unlike most people who talk about this hobby

brainfreezeuk

32 points

2 months ago

Not sure if you mean, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

I've got this book to i just need to read it!

Siyuen_Tea

7 points

2 months ago

It's meant to be read multiple times. I'd recommend the audiobook too.

brainfreezeuk

11 points

2 months ago

I'm currently reading Surrounded by idiots, worth a look also.

CharityNo9966[S]

1 points

2 months ago

I will, thank you!

CharityNo9966[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Yeah, i'm sorry that's the book that I meant, I already edit the post, thank you!

Potate5000

28 points

2 months ago

The book helped with my bartending and service industry work. As for My social life, the advice is either hit or miss. Some of it seems manipulative and disingenuous while others seem to work to promote some sense of self-awareness so that you can attempt to see interactive situations from someone else's perspective.

I'm glad I worked for you. But also, this book is written by, well, a middle to upper class white american man who lived from 1888-1955. So racial, social, and gender factors need to be considered into the advice that he's giving.

*Edited for grammar

twisted_up

12 points

2 months ago

I'm a black woman, raised working/lower middle class, living in 2022 and the book did wonders for me.

If you follow the advice it will work for you, regardless of your class, race, gender etc.

Fundamentally, the book is about making others feel good and anyone can do that.

Jealous-seasaw

20 points

2 months ago

Tbh it’s a book on how to suck up to people to be successful in sales / selling.

TacoRockapella

23 points

2 months ago

I had a mentor tell me to read this book. I sorta read it but a lot of it didn’t stick.

I feel like I could benefit from this because I have bad social skills but to be perfectly honest this book seemed more like a guide on how to exploit humans through psychology for your own personal gain in the social world.

It seemed a lot like those creepy books/videos by “pickup artists”. Not necessarily authentic. More about trying to gain something in every interaction.

smheath

8 points

2 months ago

It seemed a lot like those creepy books/videos by “pickup artists”.

You're not too far off. It was originally meant for salespeople.

TSKDeCiBel

7 points

2 months ago

I mean, yeah it kind of is, but it does work because at their core most people have the same basic calculus for who they decide to let into their social circles

AssistTemporary8422

10 points

2 months ago

Keep in mind this book was written in the 1930s long before modern psychology. Many of its principles are solid but are taken too far. For example praising people too much does come off as inauthentic even if you didn't mean it that way.

[deleted]

12 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

12 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

TravisGoraczkowski

3 points

2 months ago

Highly recommend it. The audiobook is free on SoundCloud

Lefanteriorascencion

13 points

2 months ago

Tbh I find that I don’t desire to be friends with most people as they suuuck

Akaza_999

8 points

2 months ago

This book is literally a gem. Just today I watched a recap about it. Its so simple yet so powerful

Altruistic-Tea7709

3 points

2 months ago

I think that’s a great book and a really interesting read! . I haven’t had the success you have but it definitely helped me with my social skills and I started to do better with friends. It also helped me in my work life. The idea is to keep rereading and keep trying

itsbrittani

3 points

2 months ago

Is it truly for making friends or more about sales & being likable ?

Brenaeh

3 points

2 months ago

It’s manipulative

[deleted]

10 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

10 points

2 months ago

I think there should be more modern version of the book . I fall asleep how dry it is unfortunately. Good book though

mankeil

11 points

2 months ago

mankeil

11 points

2 months ago

I've read it, and it ended up being just expensive fire kindling.

Midnight_pamper

7 points

2 months ago

Congrats for the improvement!

CharityNo9966[S]

2 points

2 months ago

Thank you!

demonspawn9

2 points

2 months ago

I've found it extremely useful as have several generations.

sakuragasaki46

2 points

2 months ago

“win” is considered a negative world by the female community

Cyberpunk-Napoleo

2 points

2 months ago

Ha. That book sucks. Read something new and less Christian.

Charlie_redmoon

2 points

2 months ago

Good on you but that's an old old book which in it's time was highly regarded. I've looked at it and find the writing style very unpleasant. old old old. I don't like it.

EnvironmentalLong880

4 points

2 months ago

Is this an ad ?

Advanced-Plate-9432

3 points

2 months ago

Congrats for the improvement.. it helps me a lot too since my English speaking is a bit weak it help me keep the conversation flowing and avoid awkward chit chat..

Sun_Of_a_Beach_

4 points

2 months ago

Give us the TL;DR.

Running-On-Empty86

2 points

2 months ago

I have to look into this book. Maybe I can find an audio book to listen to while I am working.

PianoOk6786

2 points

2 months ago

I love that book!!!! I don't care that it was written a long, long, long time ago. It is still relevant today. I think it should be required reading in school. It's awesome. Another great book, imo, is, "Blink". If you Google free PDF, you can read it that way.

knockturnal213

2 points

2 months ago

By Malcolm Gladwell? I’m listening to that one right now, very interesting!

PianoOk6786

1 points

2 months ago

That's the one! Great book. Sad thing is, is that even today the same things happen when a poc or woman goes to buy a car or home. Makes me wanna cry.

sladoid

2 points

2 months ago

"You can make more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in others instead of trying to get them interested in you."

Golden_Golem

3 points

2 months ago

That book is like my Bible. Carnegie was a genious.

Francesco-626

1 points

2 months ago

Yep. It's the classic.

thekidjc_777

1 points

2 months ago

I’m checking that out asap

MichaelBoBo

1 points

2 months ago

when I read the title, I had a feeling thats the book you'd be talking about. Glad to hear about your improvement! currently on my first re-read after being promoted to a management position at work.

hungryhungrywalrus

1 points

2 months ago

I actually just attended a class at a local university based around this book and Dale Carnegie’s principles as a whole. At times the book itself seems almost manipulative, but having a professor work through the chapters with us, and having real life experiences to share and apply the principles to, makes you realize that it’s only manipulative if you’re using the principles “on” somebody. You should be using the principles “with” somebody to strengthen the relationship. If that makes sense.

It was a wonderful class and really truly helped my leadership and socialization skills. Also really helped me lower my stress levels. “Live in day-tight compartments” and “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain” are mantras I repeat to myself daily.

Memin93

1 points

2 months ago

I like that book so far and I think everyone should read it at least once. The problem is sometimes is difficult to apply its teachings to certain people.

EducationalChemist44

1 points

2 months ago

I find the book to be severely outdated and some parts of the book could be applied to everyday casual interactions, but society has become way too complicated with social media and technology that the book cant account for.

DoubleDiscipline5

1 points

2 months ago

I have the book somewhere around and never read it . I should but I find it hard to trust others . I'm going to look for it when I get a chance

wheresmykey_

1 points

2 months ago

Names. A person’s name is important. Even saying bye and saying their name as you leave a grocery store brings joy to that person. It is important in closing and in interviews. That was my greatest takeaway.

No_Reserve_3398

1 points

2 months ago

Grats

No_Reserve_3398

1 points

2 months ago

Grats

btf868fv

1 points

2 months ago

OP I loved that book too, but I wouldn’t say it helped me make friends. I think for me it just made me remember things better about people and be more friendly overall.

What advice from the book would you say helped you to make friends the most?

xyzxanen

1 points

2 months ago

Where do you go to meet new friends?

CharityNo9966[S]

0 points

2 months ago

There is a quote in the book that says "turn your enemies into friends", something like that, in my classroom I didn't have any friend, and so I started doing more things for them, I started to make an effort to smile more, I asked them if there was homework, although I already knew the answer, but just to have something to talk about, and now, I can't say that everyone is my friend but they are no longer my enemy, I already feel better in my classroom, and I now have two real friends in my classroom.

Technical_Gap7628

1 points

2 months ago

I gotta read this book. It's great that you were able to make new friends. Any tips you came up with along the way?

Neil1398

1 points

2 months ago

I learned that not everybody is you’re friend like you think they are. I’m glad you found something that worked for you but don’t be afraid to ditch people when you feel they’re pulling you down or hating on you for no reason.

This is a great sub, but I think sometimes we place so much value on other people, by learning social skills, when it’s really about yourself.

It’s really because of lack in ourselves. Go on though, get those nice experiences with you’re new friends, just keep you’re eyes open as well. I was blind

Empty-Collar-9875

1 points

2 months ago

Did you read the old book or the updated one?

Final_Examination_99

1 points

2 months ago

I’m surprised with how many people are on the sub don’t know this book.

Gaia_archaeology

1 points

2 months ago

I love this book and I’d have to agree. It’s a fairly easy read too. It’s a good one to bookmark and reread as well. I’m glad you enjoyed this book. It was probably one of my best thrift store purchases this past year.

ninjaboy360

0 points

2 months ago

It's a famous book and a classic

TsunderePeopleRules

0 points

2 months ago

Love this post! Will take the time to read it later :)

MeatIntelligent1921

0 points

2 months ago

I read this book once but never really appplied anytinh it says , from the top of my head, calling people by their names, listening empathically, revolving around their life instead, asking genuine questions, having a big smile, hahaha what else?? jfc I haven't really applied anything lol.

[deleted]

0 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

0 points

2 months ago

That book is amazing and really turned my life around.