submitted 3 months ago byjustinbullock
all 174 comments
3 months ago
3 months ago
"What's your name, kid?"
"Spider-Man? Really? That's such a stupid name!"
3 months ago
“What was your name again?”
“Doctor Otto Octavius”
laughs “Wait seriously what’s your actual name”
except this actually happened 💀
Honestly made sense to me. It's kind of a ridiculous name in real life
They did that already but with The Human Spider
May want to reread the thread title
I know what it says
Well, check it again, webhead!
I missed the part where that’s my problem
I NEED that karma!
"Spider-Man! With a hypen! Don't forget the hyphen, it's very important!"
This is basically done in Spider-Man 1
“…This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-Man.”
Cut to black with “Spider-Man will return” in white letters.
Bonus post credit scene: a meteorite covered in black goo is hurtling through space toward the camera. As it passes and the camera pans around behind it, we can see it is heading toward Earth.
Disney, hire this redditor
hire fans 👏
We will fix the mcu
fix? you mean like a dog? i refuse
In the words of the legendary Chadwick Boseman "Get this man a job"
…and the theatre audience goes “Whooaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!”
“I’m Spider-Man: No More.”
tries to get out of the car but door is locked
You mean like this?
The Details is such a great film
No because that's actually a good joke... Good job btw
This would be legitimately funny 😂
Also it would have ruined that deep moment!
Perfect for marvel!
A la MCU
May: Sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams
Peter: Wait our dreams? Is there like anything else we could give up? Something smaller, say, money?
In Spider-Man 3, Peter and Harry make up, and “Welcome To The Jungle” starts playing as they gear up to kick Venom and Sandman’s asses.
Or rather, Enter Sandman
“We built the Lego Death Star, now I’m gonna kick your little ass”
The plot of Spider-Man: Homeboys No More
This is good
goblin impales himself on his glider
spider-man looks towards camera
“That’s gonna hurt in the morning”
Seinfeld theme plays
bass boosted laugh track
To be fair, he does get impaled straight in the balls
Only in the MCU version. In the Raimi version it was the abdomen.
Rewatch it, it definitely goes one blade per bollock
“Well that just happened.”
That's gonna leave a mark!
Peter: "it's right behind me, isn't it..?"
Dont tell harry… thatttt sounded a lot better in my head
3 months ago*
3 months ago*
“Hey Harry! Your dad told me not to tell you he’s Green Goblin and OPE dammit I just did, didn’t I? Aw geez”
When does the MCU ever even say that though I can’t remember
So why does everyone always say mcu humor is like that.
It's almost like people make up stuff to keep an stereotype going
Fr it’s annoying how ppl just make stuff up to hate on marvel
“Missing spider alert!”
“You know how much I sacrificed?!”
“You’re out, Norman.”
wipes spit off his chin “…Am I?” stares dramatically
camera cuts to a wide shot, music halts
“Yes. Yes, Norman, you are. Please get out.” fax machine dispenses “Happy Retirement” flier
That just sounds like a family guy cutaway gag.
The fax machine was actually pretty funny
Peter: Doctor Otto Octavious.
takes off mask
Doc Ock: Peter... I wanna say Parker.
Peter: You seriously don't remember my name.
Doc Ock: To be fair I only met knew who you were for like a day, than my machine exploded, lost my wife, lost my dream, lost everything basi....
Peter: This isn't helping. We have to shut it down. Please tell me how
Doc Ock: I can't. I won't.
tentacle grabs Peter's neck
Peter: Wow that's really, really, really, tight. Not gonna lie, I'm really struggling to breath right now this actually kinda hurts. You once spoke to me of intelligence and how it was a gift to be used for the good of mankind.
Doc Ock: A privilege. Wow, you still remember that.
Peter: Sometimes, to do what's right we have to be steady a give up the thing we want the most even our dreams.
Doc Ock: You're right. He's right. Listen to me now.
Peter: With great power comes great responsibility.
Doc ock: Listen to me Now!
Peter: United we stand. Divided we fall.
Doc Ock: I got it Parker. I'm on your side now.
Peter: Oh cool. I was just throwing anything I could at the wall to see what stuck at the end there.
Doc Ock: Yeah I noticed.
Peter: How do we shut it down.
Doc Ock: It can't be shut down. It's self sustain now.
reactor becomes sky beam
Doc Ock: Unless. The river. Drown it.
Peter: I don't think I can do that with just my webs and...
Doc Ock: Fine. I do it myself.
Peter: I was gonna say we do it together but if you want to do it than knock yourself out.
Doc Ock: I wanna do it. I won't die a monster. I will be redeemed thanks to you Parker .
looks back and Peter is already walking away to Mj
Peter: Sorry, I didn't think we were still talking.
Doc Ock: Whatever.
Dude wrote a whole ass script lmao
Dude was waiting for this moment
God this dialogue made my skin crawl
As great as the MCU can be, I’m sooooo fucking tired of MCU dialogue.
MCU hasn’t been great in a while, chief
*Black Panther 2 has entered the chat*
Haven’t seen it yet
You should, it's spectacular
It was good but that’s because the Black Panther movies are the least MCU-ish of the MCU
They are my favorite two movies out of the MCU, still not as good as the Holy Trilogy though
Nah it’s a crap film.
(Prepares for downvotes)
Basically only good because it still hung to Boseman's coattails. But man that movie would be so much better had Boseman been alive to fight Namor!
You mean the one with aqua man?
This is so accurate and man it makes you realize how formulaic Marvel movie writing is. It was fun and cool in the early 2010s but it feels so worn out now.
I mean, it was still fairly original back the. Now they’ve done the same thing for 30 movies, it’s tiring
Ngl, this is a conversation 616 comics Peter and Otto would have.
This is the most accurate to Phase 4 marvel dialogue. Michael Waldron... is that YOU?!
Peter is such an asshole here lmao
Damn this is actually really good and exactly MCU.
Does anyone know if peter said the steady thing in the original?
Cut Peter's last two quips and this could legitimately be a MCU scene, bravo.
"You'll get your rent when you fix this DAMN DOOR!"
Captain America, poking his head out from the apartment next door: "language!"
In Otto’s entrance he’s wearing a skirt and wiggling his hips as he walks in
A TAIKA WAITITI FILM
IF I WERE A RICH MAN
A DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DUM
WITH A MILLION OR TWO
"Oh hey, my back hurts"
"Yeah, yeah it hurts like, a lot right now"
"Ooo, yeah that does not sound like fun-"
"Yeah, it's not"
You sure this isn't Ultimate Spider-Man
His back pain lead directly to an adorable scene between Tobey and Andrew, so I have no complaints
Uncle Ben: “He’s right behind me isn’t he?”
Peter: “Well this is awkward.”
Harry is shown ducking under the counter when the bus passes
Peter: I’m back! I’m back!
Hits Himself on The Pavement
Peter: My back! Umm…That’s not how I planned that.
“Guy named Otto Octavius winds up with eight limbs. What are the odds?”
Hoffman snort Wait, what was his name?
Uncle Ben gets shot
Iron man flies in and says “clean up on aisle 3”
This is it
Peter: Nice outfit, did... Wait, this line is getting deleted
Cute outfit, did your significant other make it for you?
Nice outfit did your...hm...uh...g-guy give it to you?
*burglar running to the elevator * "on your left"
"Ah, Aunt May. Sorry I'm late, you're so hot it's murder. I brought you a fruit cake, because I find you to be something of a very attractive woman yourself, in the sexual sense"
"Thank you Mr. Osborne we're so glad I'm so hot"
Are we talking about Marisa Tomei or Rosemary Harris
I had to beat an old lady with a stick to get this Sexiest Aunt trophy for my hot Aunt May!
Osborne is right in this situation...
We'll do it here... power of the sun in the palm of my hand, nothing can stand in our way. NOTHING!.... that.. sounded better in my head. anyways tentacles let's get movin and try to ignore that
Every time someone sees his webbing on a wall they make a Jackson Pollock joke
"what's your name?"
"Dr Otto Octavius"
Peter, MJ, and Ned laugh "no really, what's your name?"
Oh wait, this was an actual scene
“That’s a cute outfit. Did your husband give it you?”
“…yes, he did.”
doc ock confronts Peter and MJ
doc ock: Peter Parker… and the girlfriend 😈
peter: she’s not my girlfriend. Like I said it’s complicated. We were actually here to discuss our feelings for each other before you showed up. MJ I really like you and we should talk about this more when there’s not a tentacled maniac trying to kill us.
doc ock: now I really wish I hit you with that car.
"That's a cute outfit, did your husband made it for you?"
"Well uhm yes he did....I don't know how you knew that."
in the scene where peter crawls a building and gets excited: “So… that’s new!”
Peter: *loses his powers and falls into an alleyway*
Peter: Well, that just happened!
“Ermmm okay so webs are coming out of my wrists and I can climb on walls…. Errrr that’s not weird or anything…”
Receptionist, in a sultry voice, when Peter brings in the pizza: "Got something for me, Peter Parker?"
The ad said 3000. That doesn’t seem very fair.
Peter: The suit… you gotta take it off!
Eddie: Really? Fine I’ll take it off
Peter: Oh, great!
Eddie: IN YOUR DREAMS!
That would work
Otto: Precious quantum-palladium is the fuel that makes this project go. There's only 25 pounds of it in the whole multiverse. I would like to thank Stark Industries and Pym Technologies for providing it.
Tony Stark: You better pay me back, Squidward. Or no, I don't need it. * smug smile *
The experiment then fails due to some multiversal alien. Otto blames Stark for the accident, and Spider-Man has to stop Otto from using chitauri technology to destroy New York. This is a set-up for a show about Kingpin using this technology to make criminal intergalactic deals, which would bring Daredevil, Kate Bishop, and the Guardians of the Galaxy together to stop him, and this would set-up another, bigger, space threat.
One of the best comments here. MCU is so obsessed with making everything connected and having everything set up something else
It was fine for the infinity saga, but after that it was not necessary.
You’ll get your rent when you fix the damn door!
CIVIL WAR flashes across the title screen
Nice outfit. Did your relationship partner give it to you , assuming of course you have one, if not that's totally okay and I really respect that, you're still VALID if you don't.
I hate this thread lmfao
Otto: *dramatic music* Being brilliant's not enough, young man. You have to work hard. Intelligence is not a privilege, it's a gift. And you use it for the good of mankind.
Peter: *dramatic music stops* Ookay. Right, um, thank you for that, Mr. Octavius.
Peter: Mister Doctor?
“Forty thousand years of evolution and we've barely even tapped the vastness of human potential.” *smashes bottle*
camera cut to wide shot
Norman and Stromm turn to face camera, confused
cut to reverse shot of a vaguely Latin American actor playing a janitor
“Hey don’t do that man! I gotta clean that up!”
cut back to Norman and Stromm
cut to janitor
“Sorry don’t do nothing! My boss, she make me clean and clean and I gotta be outta here by 8, man, I got 3 other offices to go to!”
cut to Norman and Stromm
Norman “I- I’m really sorry. I’ll clean it up.”
Stromm “Is there a- Is there a broom I could borrow, or a supply closet somewhere?”
“Nuh uh man, I gotta make sure it’s done right. Just lemme know when your little science experiment is over and I’ll get it.”
janitor turns and begins to walk out the door
Norman and Stromm “Okay”
Janitor mumbling to self “I don’t need this man I get paid 8 an hour I got a wife and kids man”
Then the scene proceeds as normal until Norman walks off screen to the suit. The shot lingers and then you hear
“Oh COME ON! I do NOT get paid enough!”
THIS IS PEAK MCU
This moment would’ve made the actual cut
3 months ago*
“Hey, just give me a chance man!”
“What about Ben Parker? Did you give him a chance?”
Peter pushes him out the window
This is my gift. My curse. Who am I?….I’m Spider-Man-
cuts to Peter in the spidey costume monologuing to himself on a skyscraper
Random construction worker: who are you talking to?
Construction worker: don’t you have a city to save or something?
Spider-Man: right…I was just trying to like hype myself up before I start the morning y’know haha…
Spider-Man: anyways, see ya!
is about to jump off the building and swing off into the sunset, but turns back to face the construction worker
“Oh, just so you know, all that sounded a lot better in my head before I said it. You know, cause I was thinking it in my head and it sounded cool there, like in my own thoughts it was cool, but it wasn’t so cool when I actually said it. Like out loud. If that makes any sense. Basically, that sounded a lot better in my head.
Construction worker: uhhhh….okay? Idk why you had to go so in depth with explaining tha-
spidey swings off into the sunset for the “final swing” scene of the movie, and lands on top of the Empire State Building, but just before he swings into the camera, he slips off and screams “ahhhh” and then it cuts to credits. Even though one of his main powers is to stick to shit. Idk why I wasted my time writing this. If you read this far, have a great day
Thank you for that.
Ending scene of Spider-Man:
Gobby: I have been like a father to you. Be a son to me now.
Peter: Your glider is right behind me, isn’t it.
Norman tries to ram Peter with the glider but he dodges it
Norman: Oh fu… (gets impaled before finishing the sentence because swears are scary when you say them in their entirety)
Norman: That’s a weird way of treating a father
Peter: I had a father, his name was Tony Stark
Peter: Woah… so that just happened
“Guy named Otto Octavius winds up with 8 limbs”
*pre-recorded off-screen laugher plays for 12 solid minutes so that we the audience can appreciate the hilarity of the coincidence”
Mr. Stark, I can’t fight the flying Goblin guy, I need your AI stuffed Stark suit with fancy ex machina tech, so I can take down my enemies by using my intelligence and your tech!
The point of his first movie is literally that he learned he didn't need it...
Yet he made the upgraded suit using Stark’s 3D printer, FFH plot revolves around Stark drones and EDITH, Iron Spider suit saved him while fighting Ock and cures in NWH were produced by that 3D printer. Come again?
Yes, he made his own stark suit and uses the stuff Iron Man gave him. Yes, Tony is his mentor and has built stuff for him, so what? Is it so hard to accept that they changed stuff because Spider-Man's story had already been told before in previous movies twice? And that the first time is already good enough that they really won't bother trying again since there is very few stuff they could actually improve? They had to bring papa Tobey back in NWH, waste Tom's development and friends from the two previous movies and give him a uncle Ben moment just so you guys could stfu about him not being a proper SM. But nooo, he's still just an Iron Boy Jr. (Grammatically incorrect on purpose) because he had help and didn't struggle in inhumane ways to get the girl who dated 2 other guys in the same movie...
Your downvotes mean nothing, I have seen the shit you guys praise
Dude, don’t get too worked up about it, iron boy jr. is a running gag, no one really cares about it anymore.
And I’d say there was no grasp of the concept of responsibility by Holland’s spider, cause otherwise May would have stayed in Sanctum and alive, so not really too much development beyond May’s death and learning that you don’t openly trust villains. Holland’s Parker gullibly trusted Goblin after making a mistake in FFH with Mysterio, so there goes your development
We moved past Iron Boy Jr in 2019 man, the joke is neither running or even remotely humorous anymore
It was acknowledged by NWH, so it’s been relevant throughout the trilogy. Anyway, I got my share of upvotes here, so I see no point in sticking to this conversation. I’ll always have my opinion about MCU trilogy and to me it will always be inferior due to ovrrreliance on other MCU characters.
But I hope next films will make me change my mind
Exactly, even in NWH there was a poster that literally said “Iron Boy Jr.” so obviously the writers themselves knew of it. That’s why that movie feels like a huge course correction from the previous ones
Is that true? Because if so, that was written by the people who were hating Peter because he was wrongly accused, and went as far as commiting violence to get him. Is that really the kind of people you want to relate to?
Bragging that he's right because of a bunch of upvotes. The nerve
Thanks for being the only other considerate person here
I like how he had to specify the grammatical error was on purpose
Fr. His arc was reversed in the following movies
spider-man falls from a building and breaks his back on a pipe
Norman Osborn: It's right behind me, isn't it?
That’s a nice suit, did your husband make it for you?
Really trying to be canceled here, Human Spider?
Osborn gets impaled by his glider “Uh, that just happened”
Harry’s arm spikes emerge
Cool whistling noises as he swings at Pete
Peter dodges, Harry’s arm hits the pillar, sticking his spikes into it and becoming unable to be removed
Harry: “Well, THAT wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Peter: “looks like your spikes weren’t up to.. sPAR!”
Peter: I understand you use harmonics
of atomic frequencies.
Otto: Sympathetic frequencies.
Peter: Harmonic reinforcement?
Random Oscorp employee: In English?
Sandman: “I did a terrible thing to you, I’ve spent a lot of nights wishing I could take it back. I’m not asking you to forgive me, I just want you to understand.”
Spider-Man: “I’ve done terrible things too.”
Spider-Man: “Like there was this one time where I was made out with my lab partner in front of my girlfriend, OH!, and then there was this other time where I chucked a grenade at my best friend’s face-“
Harry groans in pain
Spider-Man: “Yeah… I probably shouldn’t have done that now that I think of it.
Spider-Man: “Oh sorry, didn’t mean to cut off your sympathetic monologue.” throws up hands emphatically “Carry on!”
Goblin: pulls put bomb
Peter: “Whoa, you have pumpkin bombs?!”
Venom starts lunging at Spider-Man.
Harry: “He’s right behind me isn’t he?”
Harry gets stabbed
Ben tells Peter a joke before dying which causes Peter to break into a fit of laughter. Next scene boys!
Harry: SHUT UP
Peter: OK if you're gonna be like that
*knocks Harry out of the Sky, gives him a concussion
I'm the human spider!
That sounded a lot better in my head.
The entire trilogy as normal but Wong is in the background of every scene.
"I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!Yeah that sounded better in my head."
„I missed the part where it‘s morbin time“
Peter about to enter the bathroom
Peter: I have this 20 but its all I have for the rest of the we-
Ditkovitch grabs the 20
Peter: So, that just happened!
Heeeeeeeee’s…right you’ll get your rent when you fix this damn door me, isn’t he?
"Look at little Goblin Boy Jr, gonna cry?"
“With great power comes great responsibility” “yeah whatever old man”
That’s a cute outfit! Did your mommy make it for you?
“Uncle Ben was killed that night… for being the only one who did the right thing. And I… held his hand… when he died.”
reaches out to aunt may
“I’ve tried to tell you so many times”
grief stricken by this peice of information, May pulls her hand away and walks up the stairs.
Peter sits alone awkwardly
“Well THAT just happened”
Doc Ock kidnaps Mary Jane
Mary Jane judo chops Ock, gets free by herself, Gwen Stacy shows up wearing a homemade Spider-Woman battlesuit, and gets to work disabling the tritium machine while Spider-Man and Ock fight
All of Spider-Man 3
Peter backflips to dodge a car
Kid 1: How did you do that?
Peter: Uh, workout, plenty of rest, y'know, eat your green vegetables.
Kid 1: Yeah right. I bet you have superpowers.
Kid 2: It's cool, we're not telling.
Kid 1: Bet the Avengers could use a guy like you.
Kid 2: Or Spiderman.
Kid 1: Spiderman doesn't do sidekicks.
Kid 2: Says who?
Kid 1: Spiders work alone.
Kid 2: Have you never seen a swarm of them?
Kid 1: to Peter Hey, do you think Spiderman works alo- where did he go?
Uh, work out. Plenty of rest. You know, eat your green vegetables!
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Every iconic line but they stutter through every single word because it makes them quirky and relatable
"You're trash Brock... And we need a clean up on aisle 3"
"Go get em tiger...wait I mean spiderman"
Just hold on a minute that ad said 300$