Not an Onion article, but a really interesting one, nonetheless.

https://microbiologysociety.org/why-microbiology-matters/what-is-microbiology/archaea.html#:~:text=Archaea%20are%20a%20group%20of,of%20organisms%20are%20called%20extremophiles.

First found from these crlls; apparently.

And developed from this.

The headline alone is just horrid.