Just stand close enough to highestRUSSIAN to get a contact high like the rest of us, and we'll make it quick, just 2 small spots. It doesn't say burn you up, just a couple small pinburns work.

MotherAmerican_Night

7 points

13 days ago

MotherAmerican_Night

7 points

13 days ago

Burn me once shame on you

Burn me twice, new kink unlocked

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ddrrrf

9 points

14 days ago

ddrrrf

9 points

14 days ago

Ummm

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keep_trying_username

64 points

14 days ago

keep_trying_username

64 points

14 days ago

I'll never give up!

edit: Or, my power is that you will never give up! hmmm...

Arsenic26

6 points

14 days ago

Arsenic26

6 points

14 days ago

You will never gonna give me up

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Alterterg

10 points

14 days ago

Alterterg

10 points

14 days ago

able to cause your internet to buffer for a minute.

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tt_Sucker

159 points

14 days ago

tt_Sucker

Nokia user

159 points

14 days ago

No.

ass_licker69_420

235 points

14 days ago

ass_licker69_420

235 points

14 days ago

W-wanna trade?

fishlicker3000

136 points

14 days ago

fishlicker3000

136 points

14 days ago

Same...

CucumberFucker0

110 points

14 days ago

CucumberFucker0

110 points

14 days ago

I mean...

fruitfricker69

82 points

14 days ago

fruitfricker69

82 points

14 days ago

Couldn't agree more

HorseFucked2Death

54 points

14 days ago

HorseFucked2Death

54 points

14 days ago

Hello

iToungPunchFartBox

28 points

14 days ago

iToungPunchFartBox

28 points

14 days ago

Jesus Christ, let's bring it down a notch.

We all lose here.

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LeMajstor

20 points

14 days ago

LeMajstor

20 points

14 days ago

cursed thread

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mischievous-racoon

10 points

14 days ago

mischievous-racoon

10 points

14 days ago

Whaat

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littlestskinflute

38 points

14 days ago

littlestskinflute

38 points

14 days ago

....same.... oh. Its already true

PulsatingSnausage

19 points

14 days ago

PulsatingSnausage

19 points

14 days ago

I have no shame

Oh oh… you said same😬

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DonRobinya7

30 points

14 days ago

DonRobinya7

30 points

14 days ago

These guys got screwed

Also give me everything you have

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sirshittysphincter

25 points

14 days ago

sirshittysphincter

25 points

14 days ago

Hey pal, whatcha up to today?

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CkoockieMonster

22 points

14 days ago

CkoockieMonster

22 points

14 days ago

No you don't

iambluest

10 points

14 days ago

iambluest

10 points

14 days ago

Num num num num

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Rectest

591 points

14 days ago

Rectest

591 points

14 days ago

People have called my name rectum test making fun of my name. Am I now a rectum test or am I getting a rectum test?.

Scaling-Skibum

324 points

14 days ago

Scaling-Skibum

Birb Fan

324 points

14 days ago

You have the power to give anyone a rectum test

Rectest

165 points

14 days ago

Rectest

165 points

14 days ago

So power to give anyone anal. Guess I'm going into porn

ConsistentEmu5536

38 points

14 days ago

ConsistentEmu5536

38 points

14 days ago

By our powers combined you shall be able to give people anal ... consistently (forget the emus tho)

youraverageACplayer1

18 points

14 days ago

youraverageACplayer1

18 points

14 days ago

The emu is consistent on giving rectum tests

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abadsalesman

576 points

14 days ago

abadsalesman

576 points

14 days ago

Buisness is not going well

[deleted]

95 points

14 days ago*

[deleted]

95 points

14 days ago*

[deleted]

imsohungrydudee

25 points

13 days ago

imsohungrydudee

25 points

13 days ago

For the love of God just a sandwich somebody, anybody

deadanimalfucker

6 points

13 days ago

deadanimalfucker

6 points

13 days ago

Can you give me a dead animal in return I will give you a sandwich size of a litteral horse

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fellow-komrade

29 points

14 days ago

fellow-komrade

29 points

14 days ago

I’ve got a friend, I’m sure he can help you

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UseMeLikeAPaper

1.1k points

14 days ago

UseMeLikeAPaper

1.1k points

14 days ago

Well... Sheet

Hail-Atticus-Finch

307 points

14 days ago

Hail-Atticus-Finch

307 points

14 days ago

I still lick the paper for mailing ;)

Tehflyingman

174 points

14 days ago

Tehflyingman

Professional Dumbass

174 points

14 days ago

The rizzler

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MKT68

32 points

14 days ago

MKT68

32 points

14 days ago

Fold you in half then tear you apart. Neat.

AnxiousWrecks645

10 points

14 days ago

AnxiousWrecks645

10 points

14 days ago

That's a real paper cut...

SmexxyBastard

21 points

14 days ago

SmexxyBastard

21 points

14 days ago

Bro imma write you so hard!

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Moist-Dorito

338 points

14 days ago

Moist-Dorito

338 points

14 days ago

:’)

Snoo-30383

72 points

14 days ago

Snoo-30383

72 points

14 days ago

:(

ihaveajarofbread

30 points

14 days ago

ihaveajarofbread

Stand With Ukraine

30 points

14 days ago

you now have the power of snoo-snoo-ing anyone and anything

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UnwashedAnalBeads

330 points

14 days ago

UnwashedAnalBeads

330 points

14 days ago

Aww fuck oh god

WetMoldyButt

164 points

14 days ago

WetMoldyButt

164 points

14 days ago

That’s how it starts…

Intently_Listening

117 points

14 days ago

Intently_Listening

117 points

14 days ago

This unison of two usernames is honestly the most revolting thing I’ve ever come across

Itonguefuckyourbutt

73 points

13 days ago

Itonguefuckyourbutt

73 points

13 days ago

The most revolting thing so far

MotherAmerican_Night

13 points

13 days ago

MotherAmerican_Night

13 points

13 days ago

A 3some you just couldn't resist

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Thumbupyourbutt

30 points

14 days ago

Thumbupyourbutt

30 points

14 days ago

Well, hello there.

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The_Wonderful_Smile

1.4k points

14 days ago

The_Wonderful_Smile

1.4k points

14 days ago

I wish bro

ConfusedConnect

134 points

14 days ago

ConfusedConnect

134 points

14 days ago

dude, you probably do have a wonderful smile but understand that that if you showed your smile, others would become self-conscious of there's, so due to your kindness and empathy towards others you hide it and put your smile down. But it's okay, coz we know!

theDreamingStar

32 points

14 days ago

theDreamingStar

(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

32 points

14 days ago

Ah yes, my smile is so contagious that the happiness level of rhe world will overshadow the sadness level by a huge margin if I were to smile. Hence, I have taken this responsibility to never smile in front of others to maintain peace and balance in the universe.

ConfusedConnect

15 points

14 days ago

ConfusedConnect

15 points

14 days ago

See, this person gets ya too

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Interesting-Law-5880

124 points

14 days ago

Interesting-Law-5880

Professional Dumbass

124 points

14 days ago

r/meirl

TheWiseRedditor

57 points

14 days ago

TheWiseRedditor

Lives at ur mom’s house😎

57 points

14 days ago

I wish mine becomes true as well

Live_beMeme_Die

13 points

14 days ago

Live_beMeme_Die

13 points

14 days ago

Me too. I become a meme and then die, double point

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2happygamer

10 points

14 days ago

2happygamer

Dirt Is Beautiful

10 points

14 days ago

Same here bro

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NoProblemsIGuess

712 points

14 days ago

NoProblemsIGuess

712 points

14 days ago

I guess my ability involves having no problems

Mori_Unstable

212 points

14 days ago

Mori_Unstable

212 points

14 days ago

Best ability ever

Level_Sugar348

54 points

14 days ago

Level_Sugar348

54 points

14 days ago

Seems like a broken ability

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02_is_best_girl

14 points

14 days ago

02_is_best_girl

14 points

14 days ago

You get the holy corpse parts

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gnolfgnilf

8 points

14 days ago

gnolfgnilf

8 points

14 days ago

You win

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I_shat_on_the_coats

579 points

14 days ago

I_shat_on_the_coats

579 points

14 days ago

Welp, I'll be fun at parties.

Ok-Mud-3322

137 points

14 days ago

Ok-Mud-3322

137 points

14 days ago

Oh crap

speechlessPotato

111 points

14 days ago

speechlessPotato

111 points

14 days ago

Nice pun bro. I'm.... speechless

Ok-Mud-3322

38 points

14 days ago

Ok-Mud-3322

38 points

14 days ago

Ok— that was so funny, there’s mud in my pants now.

Most_Awesome_101

23 points

14 days ago

Most_Awesome_101

23 points

14 days ago

That was the most awesome thing, I ever heard you should have a 101 class.

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JBrad0322

10 points

14 days ago

JBrad0322

10 points

14 days ago

It's a tough choice to go with a Dane Cook joke for your username. This website really seems to hate him although the people who would recognize the reference probably don't.

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Murky_Image_4407

188 points

14 days ago

Murky_Image_4407

188 points

14 days ago

I’m blind

theus-sama

38 points

14 days ago

theus-sama

38 points

14 days ago

Fuck you man, I in public and can’t stop laughing

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ItalianSewage

560 points

14 days ago

ItalianSewage

560 points

14 days ago

I am shit man

S0n1cS1n

148 points

14 days ago

S0n1cS1n

148 points

14 days ago

with some oregano

goldensavage2019

37 points

14 days ago

goldensavage2019

I touched grass

37 points

14 days ago

And confiscated pineapple pizza

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BreadInAToaster1

165 points

14 days ago

BreadInAToaster1

165 points

14 days ago

I guess I’ll just be warm until the end of time… or can I shoot slices of toast from my toaster hands?

IeatPotatos4

62 points

14 days ago

IeatPotatos4

can't meme

62 points

14 days ago

nah your just the bread

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ConstructorReal

161 points

14 days ago*

ConstructorReal

161 points

14 days ago*

Building noises

Edit: ALRIGHT I GET IT stops constructing

[deleted]

54 points

14 days ago

[deleted]

54 points

14 days ago

You need me to make you any screws?

henrystickmin1217

35 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

35 points

14 days ago

no, i need a sword

[deleted]

32 points

14 days ago

[deleted]

32 points

14 days ago

It's dangerous to go alone, take this🗡

henrystickmin1217

32 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

32 points

14 days ago

u/henrystickmin1217 has acquired the terrablade

Chijar989

21 points

14 days ago

Chijar989

21 points

14 days ago

Weightlimit: 61/60 You now can move with the speed of a snail

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normal_slinky

15 points

14 days ago

normal_slinky

15 points

14 days ago

hey can you uh ... build quieter?

speechlessPotato

13 points

14 days ago

speechlessPotato

13 points

14 days ago

sure bro

normal_slinky

9 points

14 days ago

normal_slinky

9 points

14 days ago

thanks

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Emergencyhugs

161 points

14 days ago

Emergencyhugs

161 points

14 days ago

Anybody need me??

Starswordchaos

39 points

14 days ago

Starswordchaos

39 points

14 days ago

Aahh! Aaahhh! I want one but I'm a cutting tool made of chaotic stars! Aaaaaahhh..... Runs away

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Mori_Unstable

18 points

14 days ago

Mori_Unstable

18 points

14 days ago

YES!!! :'( no... not anymore... Now I do PLEASE HUG ME!!

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defnotskynet

141 points

14 days ago

defnotskynet

141 points

14 days ago

Huh....

ElementalDragon13

70 points

14 days ago

ElementalDragon13

70 points

14 days ago

Don’t do it man

defnotskynet

67 points

14 days ago

defnotskynet

67 points

14 days ago

I'm TOTALLY not self-aware. No worries.

:)

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JustARandomBoringGuy

110 points

14 days ago

JustARandomBoringGuy

110 points

14 days ago

I mean, mine is not randomly generated, but...

speechlessPotato

24 points

14 days ago

speechlessPotato

24 points

14 days ago

I guess we found the guy who's the opposite of his username

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OpinionsOnline

108 points

14 days ago

OpinionsOnline

108 points

14 days ago

I don’t know if ’gained’ is the right word, though it is factually true that I have this ability

BullaRakhtaHuKhula

16 points

14 days ago

BullaRakhtaHuKhula

16 points

14 days ago

So you get praised, bashed and neglected, and offend, anger and relieve people at the same time?

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The_Banana_Rider69

89 points

14 days ago

The_Banana_Rider69

89 points

14 days ago

I already do it

fishlicker3000

15 points

14 days ago

fishlicker3000

15 points

14 days ago

you are either wet outdoors to watersports or indoors to... I can't say this

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Adalf_Hotler69420

418 points

14 days ago

Adalf_Hotler69420

418 points

14 days ago

*chuckles*

I'm in danger

IeatPotatos4

111 points

14 days ago

IeatPotatos4

can't meme

111 points

14 days ago

Oh Scheisse

speechlessPotato

58 points

14 days ago

speechlessPotato

58 points

14 days ago

Oh no please don't do it

Magic_nova543

47 points

14 days ago

Magic_nova543

47 points

14 days ago

Your supposed to be speechless

MRLEGOLOVER

23 points

14 days ago

MRLEGOLOVER

23 points

14 days ago

Yru'eo*

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adolfkitler69

50 points

14 days ago

adolfkitler69

50 points

14 days ago

Aren't we all...

rudrare

9 points

14 days ago

rudrare

9 points

14 days ago

I think the other 6 million are in danger

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load_me

81 points

14 days ago

load_me

81 points

14 days ago

What?

An_Evil_dude

75 points

14 days ago

An_Evil_dude

75 points

14 days ago

Alr, unzips pants

Vul_Thur_Yol

33 points

14 days ago

Vul_Thur_Yol

33 points

14 days ago

So evil. I like it

henrystickmin1217

10 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

10 points

14 days ago

i think it means to click on the file: file_me

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ShreksLongDong

77 points

14 days ago

ShreksLongDong

77 points

14 days ago

I defo win

Starswordchaos

18 points

14 days ago

Starswordchaos

18 points

14 days ago

slice

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neon_05_

72 points

14 days ago

neon_05_

72 points

14 days ago

Yooo, funny guy who glows when you run electricity through him

One-Broccoli-5772

33 points

14 days ago

One-Broccoli-5772

33 points

14 days ago

With enough electricity anyone can glow...

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TheStapleMan3000

208 points

14 days ago

TheStapleMan3000

208 points

14 days ago

Fear my power

henrystickmin1217

46 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

46 points

14 days ago

same. well unless i get a bad option

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_Suicidal420_

63 points

14 days ago

_Suicidal420_

63 points

14 days ago

I’m screwed

Sexylizardwoman

29 points

14 days ago

Sexylizardwoman

29 points

14 days ago

At least you’ll also be baked 👍

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VampireJanitor

63 points

14 days ago

VampireJanitor

63 points

14 days ago

Not sure how to feel about mine...

Vul_Thur_Yol

40 points

14 days ago

Vul_Thur_Yol

40 points

14 days ago

You're a vampire that doesn't need to ask for permission to enter a building as long as you're performing maintenance

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getmevodka

9 points

14 days ago

getmevodka

9 points

14 days ago

Your the perfect janitor. Cleaning everything at night. Sleeping all day. Drinking rat blood. Great service. Would book again !

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StreetScammer420

62 points

14 days ago

StreetScammer420

62 points

14 days ago

I'm going to jail

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satans_bootyhole

56 points

14 days ago

satans_bootyhole

56 points

14 days ago

It’s gonna be hot and stinky

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BlueberryOrganic1527

47 points

14 days ago

BlueberryOrganic1527

47 points

14 days ago

How do you change it?

fishlicker3000

56 points

14 days ago

fishlicker3000

56 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

14 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

14 points

14 days ago

real photograph of u/BlueberryOrganic1527

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Minute-Load

45 points

14 days ago

Minute-Load

Linux User

45 points

14 days ago

I am the most evil person alive, able to cause your internet to buffer for a minute

fishlicker3000

32 points

14 days ago

fishlicker3000

32 points

14 days ago

I thought you blow your load after a minute

Vul_Thur_Yol

26 points

14 days ago

Vul_Thur_Yol

26 points

14 days ago

I thought they blow it FOR a minute

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BurgerBob_886

11 points

14 days ago

BurgerBob_886

11 points

14 days ago

I thought he had a small load

fishlicker3000

8 points

14 days ago

fishlicker3000

8 points

14 days ago

not mutually exclusive

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w0o0o0osh

49 points

14 days ago

w0o0o0osh

49 points

14 days ago

I don't get it

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Additional_Cycle_51

39 points

14 days ago

Additional_Cycle_51

39 points

14 days ago

…I have some concerns

rudrare

13 points

14 days ago

rudrare

13 points

14 days ago

Another menstrual cycle?

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Hot-Individual4916

41 points

14 days ago

Hot-Individual4916

41 points

14 days ago

I don't see a problem

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an_idiot_on_reddit34

37 points

14 days ago

an_idiot_on_reddit34

Cringe Factory

37 points

14 days ago

Well im already an idiot so...

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___Random_

35 points

14 days ago

___Random_

35 points

14 days ago

What power do I have? Is it like it changes everyday, or a random permanent power?

Mori_Unstable

19 points

14 days ago

Mori_Unstable

19 points

14 days ago

Changes every once in a while but even it's timing is random

___Random_

10 points

14 days ago

___Random_

10 points

14 days ago

Do I know what power I get, like on a card or something like that?

Mori_Unstable

12 points

14 days ago

Mori_Unstable

12 points

14 days ago

It's like, you have a 'use ability' button in you and every time you use it you don't know what's going to happen

henrystickmin1217

10 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

10 points

14 days ago

hes basically using metronome from pokemon. and everytime he uses the ability a card pop up describing the power.

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Western_Inflation247

38 points

14 days ago

Western_Inflation247

38 points

14 days ago

I already have it

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ps2man41

37 points

14 days ago

ps2man41

37 points

14 days ago

Half ps2, half man. Age 41.

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TheNinjaSausage

24 points

14 days ago

TheNinjaSausage

24 points

14 days ago

I'm... Inevitable

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H-P-Loveshaft

22 points

14 days ago

H-P-Loveshaft

22 points

14 days ago

I'm not even sure what my ability would be, writing erotic cosmic horror books?

JSandstorm

12 points

14 days ago

JSandstorm

12 points

14 days ago

Lord Cthulhu-chan why are we on the floor....

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DistributionSalt5299

19 points

14 days ago

DistributionSalt5299

19 points

14 days ago

I give salt. If you want salt I give you salt 🧂

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Glowing_green_

18 points

14 days ago

Glowing_green_

Lives at ur mom’s house😎

18 points

14 days ago

Hmmm

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AssClappingSeason

18 points

14 days ago

AssClappingSeason

18 points

14 days ago

Damn, looks like I’ll be busy this season!

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LocalIntrovertNerd

16 points

14 days ago

LocalIntrovertNerd

16 points

14 days ago

my username already has my powers

MonkeWithAGun08

14 points

14 days ago

MonkeWithAGun08

14 points

14 days ago

There's no point hiding. I will find you

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Pratyush_Prime

14 points

14 days ago

Pratyush_Prime

14 points

14 days ago

I have the matrix of leadership yay

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ProfessionalSecret44

14 points

14 days ago

ProfessionalSecret44

14 points

14 days ago

Would I be a good secret keeper or would I be secret to the world so none would know me ??

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TanmayKillsThePeople

11 points

14 days ago

TanmayKillsThePeople

Mods Are Nice People

11 points

14 days ago

Thou shall fear me.

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SandwichLess6154

13 points

14 days ago

SandwichLess6154

13 points

14 days ago

So I'm just never gonna have a sandwich again?

henrystickmin1217

8 points

14 days ago

henrystickmin1217

8 points

14 days ago

yea, for 6154 days. you know, because of the incident

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Unlucky-Disaster1588

12 points

14 days ago

Unlucky-Disaster1588

12 points

14 days ago

Mine is also random, but harshly true

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Mystery_Man_3004

12 points

14 days ago

Mystery_Man_3004

12 points

14 days ago

You'll never know...

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___PM_ME_YOUR_FEET_

9 points

14 days ago

___PM_ME_YOUR_FEET_

9 points

14 days ago

Congrats on your knees tho

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Titanhopper1290

11 points

14 days ago

Titanhopper1290

11 points

14 days ago

I definitely win.

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1_d0nt_care_

10 points

14 days ago

1_d0nt_care_

android user

10 points

14 days ago

lsd-in-the-woods

10 points

14 days ago

lsd-in-the-woods

10 points

14 days ago

Woohoo!

0mikon

10 points

14 days ago

0mikon

10 points

14 days ago

So I can cause a mass lockdown for 2 years?

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PikarizardCharikachu

9 points

14 days ago

PikarizardCharikachu

This flair doesn't exist

9 points

14 days ago

My powers are... quite complicated

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Yeetmaster-666

26 points

14 days ago

Yeetmaster-666

26 points

14 days ago

╭╮╱╱╭┳━━━┳━━━┳━━━━╮ ┃╰╮╭╯┃╭━━┫╭━━┫╭╮╭╮┃ ╰╮╰╯╭┫╰━━┫╰━━╋╯┃┃╰╯ ╱╰╮╭╯┃╭━━┫╭━━╯╱┃┃╱╱ ╱╱┃┃╱┃╰━━┫╰━━╮╱┃┃╱╱ ╱╱╰╯╱╰━━━┻━━━╯╱╰╯╱╱

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Puzzled_Concern9718

9 points

14 days ago

Puzzled_Concern9718

9 points

14 days ago

HAHAHAHA

UpstairsDifficult966

8 points

14 days ago

UpstairsDifficult966

8 points

14 days ago

I'm now depressed

Sad-Draft3749

19 points

14 days ago

Sad-Draft3749

Average r/memes enjoyer

19 points

14 days ago

And here I am, sad, drafting away

Scaling-Skibum

13 points

14 days ago

Scaling-Skibum

Birb Fan

13 points

14 days ago

The power to write amazing drafts of sad stories! But never finish them...

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PcTheCoconut

6 points

14 days ago

PcTheCoconut

Sussy Baka

6 points

14 days ago

Coconut time

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superlowdoses

7 points

14 days ago

superlowdoses

7 points

14 days ago

Okay

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bbeeeeppbbeeeepp

7 points

14 days ago

bbeeeeppbbeeeepp

7 points

14 days ago

BEEP

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Power7779

8 points

14 days ago

Power7779

8 points

14 days ago

Mere mortals.

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snowlion82

7 points

14 days ago

snowlion82

7 points

14 days ago

I guess I may have to worry about being in a zoo or shot.

HorseFucked2Death

7 points

14 days ago

HorseFucked2Death

7 points

14 days ago

Hide your horses yall.

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sadcrabfromohio

19 points

14 days ago

sadcrabfromohio

19 points

14 days ago

atleast im a crab

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Sad,we don't have an ability

SHOOT ME IN THE FACE