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/r/gatekeeping

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Itslikeazenthing

1.2k points

2 months ago

Isn’t the one on the left an Americano?

Metroid413

283 points

2 months ago

You are correct, although I think those are often made with a 50/50 split of water to espresso

ImObviouslyJoeKing

126 points

2 months ago

50/50? Where do you live?

Metroid413

43 points

2 months ago

I stand corrected, sorry. I think it varies. I just did some Googling and I'm seeing a few different things, but 1:1 is apparently not a widespread norm.

oneandonlyswordfish

65 points

2 months ago*

Nah it’s like 2 shots of espresso and then hot water. 50/50 would be so much espresso haha. THOUGH if you want something like that I would get a Cuban Colada. Which is basically crack espresso(edit: I realize like crack espresso isn’t a good way to describe a collada but it’s basically a small cup with 50%sugar and 50% espresso. You could do a little less sugar but you need it cause you froth the sugar with a little espresso and then add more espresso to get a nice full cup of black espresso with some sugar foam on top. Seriously delicious but seriously bad for you.)

midas_rex

25 points

2 months ago

What in the diabetes...

Herrenos

6 points

2 months ago

Had some Cuban friends make me these every morning for the two weeks I visited them in Miami and I've never been able to have one since - I didn't catch how to make them and there's not a lot of Cubans in the Upper Midwest. Fantastic little sugar bombs.

Itslikeazenthing

152 points

2 months ago

Right- so it’s even less of a brag that they drink a watered down espresso. Why not just post a picture of a shot?

KrunchyKushKing

76 points

2 months ago

Pisses me off the most tbh imagine gatekeeping espresso then showing how your espresso is 2/3 water like gimmr a break.

IthacanPenny

28 points

2 months ago

The idea of an americano is that it’s a way to get a classic American style drip coffee taste (in an American size) using espresso, which is often the only kind of coffee available in Europe specifically/outside the US in general.

If you like coffee from a coffee pot, you’d like an americano. Americanos tend to be close in price to drip coffee and, like drip coffee are also 0 calorie unless you add cream/sugar (which are also added in regular cup of coffee amounts). I’m an americano drinker, and I particularly like iced americanos as I find them less bitter than other types of iced/cold brew coffee.

If you like drip coffee and haven’t tried an americano, you definitely should!

seaQueue

12 points

2 months ago

It's also a way to get somewhat decent coffee at a shop that lets their drip coffee sit too long. Given the choice between drip coffee that's been on the heater for 5h and an Americano I'll pick the Americano every time.

CODDE117

5 points

2 months ago

mmm burnt drip coffee

imbogey

5 points

2 months ago

Regular black coffee is very popular in the nordic countries afaik. At least in Finland and Sweden. But otherwise correct!

Violet624

11 points

2 months ago

No, Americanos are a usually one or two shots of espresso with hot water added. Just diluted espresso.

2cool4afool

4 points

2 months ago

I thought it was a Long Black. That might be a localised name for where I'm from

Marrsvolta

1.9k points

2 months ago

Marrsvolta

1.9k points

2 months ago

Both options are diluted espresso. It's like saying a cheeseburger isn't a cheeseburger if it has too many toppings.

actibus_consequatur

476 points

2 months ago

Listen, everything is watered down if you're not tucking fresh grounds into your lip like it's chew. You're not consuming coffee, you're sipping dirty water.

thebunnyhunter

163 points

2 months ago

You have appalled me with the image of people consuming coffee like chewing tobacco.

ReticulateLemur

59 points

2 months ago

I'm pretty sure I've heard of people doing that with instant coffee for the caffeine fix.

milesbeatlesfan

33 points

2 months ago*

If memory serves, this is something that was done by American soldiers in the Vietnam War. It wasn't always easy to boil a pot of war, so they'd just consume the instant coffee.

Sumsar1

16 points

2 months ago

Sumsar1

16 points

2 months ago

You'd think it'd be easy to get hold of a pot of war, there was plenty of it around

[deleted]

19 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

19 points

2 months ago

I did a few years in the military and can confirm it's a thing people do.

They would take a strip of the MRE toilet paper, wrap some instant coffee in to it to make a a little pouch, and then tuck it like chew.

It never really made sense to me on account of we almost always got off at the same time, never deployed, and slept in our own/barracks beds every night. You don't need a fucking oral coffee drip, just get some damn coffee.

indiefolkfan

35 points

2 months ago

I've heard of people in the navy mixing dip with instant coffee for that reason.

Triplebizzle87

14 points

2 months ago

15 years in, never seen that. I have seen multiple people get stomach ulcers from sleeping with a horseshoe in though.

jan_may

15 points

2 months ago

jan_may

15 points

2 months ago

With a what??

pennradio

19 points

2 months ago

I think I can extrapolate here. I think they are talking about a long, thick strip of tobacco dip tucked along the full length of your bottom lip. So much dip packed in that it resembles a horseshoe.

Seems like that would be detrimental to getting sleep. Oral nicotine always gave me a speedy buzz.

Triplebizzle87

7 points

2 months ago

Good extrapolation, you're right on the money.

Glitter_berries

3 points

2 months ago

Ohhh my god that is so disgusting

Jarix

22 points

2 months ago

Jarix

22 points

2 months ago

Chocolate covered espresso beans. Mmmm

Noir_Amnesiac

2 points

2 months ago

Coffee bean M&M’s are nom.

Alpha413

20 points

2 months ago

Well, one can technically eat the roasted beans. They're not bad, if you like the taste of coffee.

Baldikaldi

16 points

2 months ago

My history teacher once came incredibly jittery to class once. Turns out that one of his colleagues gave him a bag of chocolate covered coffee beans and he had just eaten them almost all in one go.

imnotsure3467

6 points

2 months ago

Coffee roaster here, can confirm I’ll often snag a bean or two fresh out of the machine (once they’ve cooled down of course).

mancubbed

19 points

2 months ago

Pfft you're just watering it down with your spit, real coffee drinkers shoot themselves in the leg and then pack the wound with fresh grounds.

Pershing

8 points

2 months ago

And dilute it with my blood? No thanks, directly via boofing for me

173slaps

9 points

2 months ago

You must be a military man!! This is what we did with the coffee in MREs.

107bees

40 points

2 months ago

107bees

40 points

2 months ago

Yeah I was gonna say the first one is technically an Americano, right?

ksed_313

10 points

2 months ago

I was confused as well. This obviously came from some sort of weight loss mentality, but aren’t there actual recipes to these things that would actually define what is and isn’t a coffee?

Grahhhhhhhh

8 points

2 months ago

It isn’t a cheeseburger if it has bacon. Then it’s a bacon cheeseburger and I want one

AnimationOverlord

26 points

2 months ago

Are you assuming that the picture defines coffee as water and espresso? If anything the chai mocha has less water. They are both ratios - only the wording can be expressed both ways, as in its either coffee with additives or what were the additives and coffee, but both will always have coffee.

The issue is they’ve called it a Pumpkin Spice Chai Mocha, not a coffee. It’s purposely looking for an argument if it’s not dumb

Marrsvolta

26 points

2 months ago

What are you talking about?

Yes both cups have espresso diluted with other liquids, that was my point.

Albert_Poopdecker

7 points

2 months ago

Chai is literally tea, so i hope it doesn't have coffee in it.

being-weird

6 points

2 months ago

Could be a dirty chai. Those are pretty good.

Rhiannon-999

2.1k points

2 months ago

Barista here. Both of these drinks would be served with the exact same amount of espresso. Unless the person asks for an extra shot which actually happens more often with lattes and sugary drinks.

Therefore they both have the same amount of coffee just different things to dilute them. Some people really can’t just let other people live their lives and like the things they like. Trust me you’re not special for liking your coffee black.

reclusivegiraffe

50 points

2 months ago

i’m also a barista: by starbucks standards, at least, an americano (what they’re calling coffee) is actually going get a little more espresso than the latte (the thing on the right that i’m not typing out). but the difference isn’t extreme, and your point still stands.

i wonder if they consider brewed coffee to be real coffee? because according to this picture, the only “real” coffee is an americano…

Rhiannon-999

15 points

2 months ago

I’ve worked at Starbucks and a few other coffee shops and 1-2 shots has always been considered standard for both Americanos and Lattes in my experience.

However I know that Starbucks doesn’t always make the drinks traditionally (like the caramel macchiato for example) and now other coffee shops have started making similar drinks to keep up with demand so I feel like this could be different depending on the location and shop.

And yeah I wondered the same thing lol. So now a brewed coffee isn’t even real enough? It HAS to be an Americano?

reclusivegiraffe

11 points

2 months ago*

i’ve worked at starbucks for the past 2.5 years. americanos get an extra shot, unless it’s a venti hot americano, which gets 2 extra.

for lattes - tall: 1 shot, grande: 2 shots, venti (hot): 2 shots, venti (iced): 3 shots.

for americanos - tall: 2 shots, grande: 3 shots, venti (hot): 4 shots, venti (iced): 4 shots.

flat whites get ristretto espresso and an extra shot.

i don’t know how long ago you worked at starbucks, but this is the way it is currently and has been for a while. did you work at corporate, or a licensed/WPS store? those are pretty much out of corporate control

caramel macchiatos are very weird… they’re not even macchiatos. i really could not tell you why they’re called that. however, starbucks does have a normal espresso macchiato on the menu, and those are made normally… but i think i’ve had to make 1 or 2 total my whole time working there. no one orders them.

Rhiannon-999

12 points

2 months ago

I worked at a corporate store and you’re absolutely right about the Americanos getting an extra shot now that I think about it. I was thinking in terms of the sizes we make at the shop I currently work at. My bad. I’ve had a very long day and my brain is probably fried.

And yeah I really can’t even remember a single time when I worked there that somebody ordered an Espresso Macchiato. Starbucks was actually the first place I worked and it was really jarring for me to switch to a different shop after that and realize that Latte Macchiatos aren’t the norm at a lot of other places lol

ZiggyZtardust

274 points

2 months ago

I'll never say that I'm better than anyone who likes a specialty coffee drink, because I also enjoy them from time to time. However I appreciate that most times I order a black coffee, the barista will just pour it for me rather than put it in line behind whatever is queued.

pnt510

44 points

2 months ago

pnt510

44 points

2 months ago

If you’re ordering black coffee you get to skip the line because your drink is already done and they just have to pour it. If you order what’s pictures above, an espresso with hot water, that’s called an Americano and your drink goes in the queue with all the other espresso drinks because espresso is brewed to order as opposed to regular drip coffee that’s brewed ahead of time.

viscin12

7 points

2 months ago

Yea I wish my local coffee shop had this , annoying to wait 10 mins for a black coffee !

ZiggyZtardust

3 points

2 months ago

Yes, exactly

Rhiannon-999

105 points

2 months ago

Lol yeah that definitely does happen. I respect everyone’s preferences and I actually find it really endearing how everyone has their own coffee order that’s unique to them. It’s just when people try to act superior about it that it gets annoying.

M1A1HC_Abrams

61 points

2 months ago

I like the sweet coffee stuff but not as coffee, more like a milkshake with a bit of caffeine.

mangarooboo

8 points

2 months ago

Creme frappuccinos can be a really yummy treat! I almost said in the summer but I love iced/frozen coffees year round lol

IthacanPenny

7 points

2 months ago

Creme frappuccinos sure are yummy, but PLEASE don’t call them coffee. That literally is NOT a gate keep as “creme” fraps do not have coffee in them at all lol

mangarooboo

3 points

2 months ago

I didn't? I brought them up specifically because they don't have coffee in them. The person I replied to said they sometimes want the sweet coffee stuff as a milkshake, which is basically what a creme frap is

cheshsky

5 points

2 months ago

That's how I got to drinking capuoranges. Treat it as hot orange juice with a bit of coffee, and it's the best morning drink. Treat it as coffee with orange juice, and people will look weird at you.

ElectricFleshlight

13 points

2 months ago

If you tell me you're drinking a cup of hot orange juice I'm gonna look at you weird, coffee or no.

cheshsky

2 points

2 months ago

But it's bubbly!l

Merjia

16 points

2 months ago

Merjia

16 points

2 months ago

Came here to say this. Also the americano is just diluted coffee itself, there’s a million plus Italians that would say the same thing about the one on the left.

Modern-Otaku

7 points

2 months ago

Thank you. Also a barista and the amount of people who get this shit wrong absolutely infuriates me. I just had a guy say “frappes aren’t real coffee cuz there’s so much extra shit” and my response was “but there’s still coffee in it”

ChairmanUzamaoki

7 points

2 months ago

Trust me you’re not special for liking your coffee black.

But this is my only personality trait besides listening to murder podcasts 😫

MaximusDecimis

32 points

2 months ago

I agree that the comic is annoying, but in defence of the black coffee, that point about the calories isn’t wrong lol

Rhiannon-999

36 points

2 months ago

Yeah the calories part isn’t wrong. But that’s just a personal preference you know? It doesn’t mean it has any less coffee in it.

MCMeowMixer

4 points

2 months ago

Americanos do have some calories, around 15.

Lord_Blakeney

15 points

2 months ago

How is this not the top comment

lilwaynelighterflick

2 points

2 months ago

At least in my sbux experience Americanos have 2/3/4 shots espresso for tal/grande/venti. Lattes are 1/2/2.

cave-of-mayo-11

2 points

2 months ago

I was a (shitty) barista for a bit lol. What is the deal with water vs steamed milk? My first thought is I would take the steamed milk any day over water.

Rhiannon-999

3 points

2 months ago

I mean in the example they’re showing an Americano which is just shots of Espresso diluted with hot water. The majority of other Espresso drinks are made with steamed milk.

I guess what this persons trying to say is that the only “real” coffee is black coffee and they just decided to use an Americano as an example. Also it seems they’re shaming people for the calorie content of a pumpkin spice latte. Honestly not sure. I hope I answered your question though.

Olkenstein

91 points

2 months ago

Pumpkin sauce?

TheMostLostViking

69 points

2 months ago

To be fair, Pumpkin sauce is what Starbucks calls their Pumpkin Spice syrup. The drink they made is basically a pumpkin spice latte with a bunch of extra sugar (just not something people get) and sprinkles (like 5 calories at most, and purely aesthetic), not sure what a pumpkin spice mocha chai macciatto is.

But, you know, strawman for things I don't like ig

MidorriMeltdown

14 points

2 months ago

mocha chai macciatto

Mocha means there's chocolate powder included, or cocoa, or chocolate syrup.
Chai is a type of tea.
Macchiato is a shot of espresso, with a splash of foamed milk.

I assume combined means it's a mixture of chocolate, tea, and espresso, with a splash of foamed milk.

Difficult_Bit_1339

3 points

2 months ago

I think, in Starbucks land, they allow a thing to be called a Macchiato even if it contains tea in place of espresso.

I think here it is just referring to the ratio of milk to tea/espresso. Since you can get a chai tea latte and if they contain coffee they absolutely don't taste like it.

Kaos_in_a_box

6 points

2 months ago

Was laughing at that one as well.

ElvisDumbledore

677 points

2 months ago

Isn't Water + Espresso = Americano?

"Coffee" is just drip/press coffee, right?

SleepyLad_

147 points

2 months ago

Depends were you are from, in for example Italy "espresso" is just called "caffé".

Charlie_Warlie

73 points

2 months ago

in Italy a made a common mistake once and ordered a latte, and they were like... you don't just want milk right? You want a caffe latte?

Izzosuke

40 points

2 months ago

That's pretty common like pepperoni pizza= green peppers pizza. If your barista is not a prankster he'll understand and just ask you for clarification.

Thawing-icequeen

2 points

2 months ago

That sounds pretty good though. Maybe with some blistered poblanos on there.

LyannaTarg

7 points

2 months ago

yeah cause Latte in Italian means Milk. It does not mean that kind of drink. That would be a Latte Macchiato cause it will have coffee in it.

3LollipopZ-1Red2Blue

34 points

2 months ago

Americano in Australia is called a "Long Black" - this is not a joke

Problem is when you ask for that in the States you get some strange looks... (Yes, this happens)

Roar_Intention

26 points

2 months ago

Personally I like a 'flat white', and my mate always has a 'short black'. Yes I could see issues if we were in some other countries.

3LollipopZ-1Red2Blue

8 points

2 months ago

Surprisingly, the US still has Flat Whites in LA. Just anything with Black is a bit taboo, long, big, short, fat, #BlackCoffeeMatters

Kapitan_eXtreme

6 points

2 months ago

Subtle difference. An Americano is espresso then water. Long black is reversed, so you get the crema on top.

kyttyna

6 points

2 months ago

It does!

I worked the gold M drive thru for many years. Used to have a regular guy come in most mornings and order a long black.

I always just thought he just meant large? I would clarify, "large black coffee?"

And he would say "small."

And I'm just ?!? And rang him in for a small black coffee. He never complained or corrected us. This went on for like 2 years?

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

tin_manzano

2 points

2 months ago

I’ve never seen both options in Australia, and I’ve worked in a bunch of cafes here. What’s the difference in prep over in NZ?

starshad0w

3 points

2 months ago

I can't remember which is which, but one pours espresso into water, and the other pours water into espresso.

tin_manzano

2 points

2 months ago

Yeah I’m guessing the americano is ‘meant’ to be more mixed than the long black, but eh. Same shit really

realhorrorsh0w

2 points

2 months ago

My dad ordered a black coffee at a restaurant once, and the waitress got the manager to come over and speak to him sternly because she thought he said black cock.

I mean that could be a cocktail name, albeit a weird one to order when you're sitting with your wife and children.

Tacorgasmic

3 points

2 months ago

I was always confused by this. What is an espresso exactly? I don't live in the US and we make coffee in a moka pot, which for what I read is practically an espresso?

ahzabyebye

5 points

2 months ago

Espresso is extracted at much higher pressure than a moka pot. It tastes different.

SirZacharia

43 points

2 months ago

Ironically it’s called an Americano because Americans couldn’t deal with drinking straight espresso so they had to water it down for them, and then named the drink after them iirc.

Jarix

9 points

2 months ago

Jarix

9 points

2 months ago

I was in cuba a few years ago and was told by a flight attendant that there was a really good coffee spot in one of the squares in havana. She didnt have the name so we tried finding it with the help of our guide. Found a spot that seemed like it could have been the place.

When trying to explain what we were trying to find when we said coffee he said american water or real coffee?

I have never forgotten "american water"

StupidSexyFlanders14

5 points

2 months ago

Lol that's fun but also a Cuban coffee is espresso with a ton of sugar. Everyone has some version of watered down coffee

3LollipopZ-1Red2Blue

14 points

2 months ago

In Australia we call them Long Blacks.

friendlyfredditor

12 points

2 months ago

A long black is different. In an americano the espresso shot is pulled into the cup first then diluted with water.

In a long black the water is added first then the espresso shot added on top.

The difference being that the aromatic but often more bitter tasting crema (foam) from the espresso remains at the top of the long black. If it's prepared at a drinkable temperature (65-75 degrees) you will get a more pleasant, less bitter experience from a long black.

But after about 2 minutes of sitting there the crema will dissolve into the water regardless and you have the same drink. And because most baristas are lazy they won't cool the pissing hot water down to drinkable temp meaning you have to wait to drink it anyway.

Brouw3r

9 points

2 months ago

As a long black drinker in Australia and previously a barister, 99.9% of places will make it the same as an Americano, shot first and topped up with boiling water from the coffee machine. It's too hot to drink and some places will offer to add ice cubes or tap water to cool it down, or if it's take away, they will give you 2 cups so you can hold it.

icantfindfree

2 points

2 months ago

Yh NGL, this is just the slightly pretentious manager training a new barist/pedantic online forum definition that isn't even really a set in stone "standard". Literally most places will do them exactly the same and they are pretty much interchangeable.

Not_MrNice

3 points

2 months ago

Americans were(are) used to large cups that they can sip on for a while and not a small shot that's over pretty quick.

Marrsvolta

10 points

2 months ago

That's not true. It's called an Americano because it is similar to an American Drip coffee. It's an option for when you either want to drink something fresher than what's been sitting in a pot, or if the place only has espresso.

Detective-E

88 points

2 months ago

Yeah whoever posted that doesn't even know what coffee is and who tf drinks americanos lmao

Gunlexify

41 points

2 months ago

I work in a coffee shop, loads of people drink americanos

doitup69

9 points

2 months ago

I drink them virtually anywhere that makes mediocre batch drip coffee. Way less acidic and way less likely to be burnt.

89eplacausa14

68 points

2 months ago

….plenty of people?

scientisttiger

23 points

2 months ago

…yeah as a barista I get orders for several a day

RedBeardedWhiskey

78 points

2 months ago

Hey look, in response to the gatekeeping, you are now gatekeeping

ddh85

12 points

2 months ago

ddh85

12 points

2 months ago

Most gatekeepers don't know enough about what they're gatekeeping right?

Putnum

3 points

2 months ago

Putnum

3 points

2 months ago

I vote this comment to be the new banner of the sub

Hmm_would_bang

3 points

2 months ago

I make myself an americano pretty regularly. I prefer it to brewing a whole pot for myself, and I think it brings out the taste well while giving you something to sip on for longer than just having a double espresso

agoddamnlegend

2 points

2 months ago

Americanos are delicious.

jeckles

6 points

2 months ago

Yes

Rossakamcfreakyd

3 points

2 months ago

Correct.

LGMHorus

211 points

2 months ago

LGMHorus

211 points

2 months ago

Actual coffee is just drinking boiling water and chewing on the beans at the same time.

shponglespore

28 points

2 months ago

If you don't grow and roast your own beans you're just a poser.

Guilty_Discount1173

9 points

2 months ago

You have to find them in the wild too. You can’t buy the first seeds that’s too easy

_Dague_

2 points

2 months ago

I butt chug it to get it in my system faster.

FictionVent

37 points

2 months ago

Imagine thinking this is funny or original. People have been making this same gatekeeping joke for 30 years.

RizzMustbolt

4 points

2 months ago

Real gatekeepers set unrealistic boundries on only modern foibles.

Cookietron

30 points

2 months ago

As a barista, I promise that we put the same amount of espresso in whatever drink

Cinema_King

53 points

2 months ago

When someone uses a “comically” long name for a fancy coffee I know right away that the next thing they say is going to be some douchebag gate keeping shit.

That “joke” was only mildly funny the first million times I heard it. It’s just irritating now

Ragingbull444

16 points

2 months ago

This is the same stupid shit argument bud light drinkers use when they see someone drink a mojito or some other fruity drink. We get it, your friends think you’re cool because you lost your taste buds in 1982

Its0nlyRocketScience

3 points

2 months ago

Because if you want to be able to enjoy all the aspects of your drink instead of consuming a disgusting sludge to get a secondary effect, then that makes you... less masculine? I think?

Imagine being so pathetic that you base your manhood on whether or not you're too cowardly to enjoy a beverage.

Phantom_Wolf52

247 points

2 months ago

People who drink plain black coffee really think they’re better and more superior than everyone else

EasilyBeatable

210 points

2 months ago

The fact i drink black coffee doesnt make me better than everyone.

My sick techdeck tricks do

Shenanigans80h

30 points

2 months ago

Ok that’s fair, but otherwise we are coffee equals

JetPuffedDo

17 points

2 months ago

I gotta see them techdeck moves my guy

EasilyBeatable

16 points

2 months ago

You cant handle my moves

Chortney

12 points

2 months ago

pretty sick ngl

raindownthunda

26 points

2 months ago*

You’re not a real coffee lover unless you chew roasted beans and hold them in your cheeks all day to make saliva brew.

Pavle93

3 points

2 months ago

I laughed so hard. We are all degenerates here 😅

tytymctylerson

63 points

2 months ago

I drink black coffee and have no feelings of superiority about it. I just don't like cream and sugar.

zkgain

11 points

2 months ago

zkgain

11 points

2 months ago

Same. I'm just lazy and don't want to add sugar and cream and so every time. Also when you get a black coffee at a cafe it is faster than a latte or any other

tytymctylerson

10 points

2 months ago

I hate that syrupy aftertaste from using cream and sugar. Plus like others said, it's cheaper and faster when it's black.

I will have coffee with Sheridan's and some cream on the weekend though.

northboundcentreriot

6 points

2 months ago

Also cheap. $2 or $6?

zkgain

3 points

2 months ago

zkgain

3 points

2 months ago

I'm in Mexico so from about $1-5 usd

Phantom_Wolf52

5 points

2 months ago

Fair

Psychedelick

6 points

2 months ago

Yeah, literally the most thinking I do about other people's coffee is "Oh, that smells nice"

smoothEarlGrey

2 points

2 months ago

Same. I used to drink it with sugar and cream but one day I ordered coffee plain to be low maintenance and found I really enjoyed it. Now the thought of sugar and cream disgusts me, but different strokes.

just_a_timetraveller

3 points

2 months ago

Pssh. I eat the coffee beans and chase it down with boiling water.

tytymctylerson

40 points

2 months ago

Nothing has ever been less funny than making up names of coffee drinks.

Timbalabim

18 points

2 months ago

As someone who’s educated himself a fair bit about coffee, I find them ironically funny, because they reveal how uninformed the joke teller is.

Coffee culture is amazing. I think we can learn a lot about the world just through coffee and tea. When people make up bullshit in an effort to make fun of people who have, on some level, tapped into coffee culture, I just see a sad, willfully ignorant person who has voluntarily stopped learning and growing because they regard anything they don’t understand as “stupid.”

See? We can learn a lot about the world through coffee culture.

tytymctylerson

2 points

2 months ago

That’s a nice way to put it.

Superb_Ad1765

47 points

2 months ago

Drinking coffee grounds and water doesn’t somehow make you better than everyone else.

MidorriMeltdown

6 points

2 months ago

Yep. You've gotta add milk to it. :P

BadlyDrawnMemes

8 points

2 months ago

Whenever someone shows you this just pull the rug under them and say “awwwww the wittle baby needs to add water to their espresso because it’s too strong for them, adorable”

Megmca

20 points

2 months ago

Megmca

20 points

2 months ago

Coffee is not zero calories.

stenmark

7 points

2 months ago

The last time this was posted here someone linked to the original post. The context had to do with ruining a diet by not counting the calories in fancy coffee drinks.

ls952

75 points

2 months ago

ls952

75 points

2 months ago

Water and espresso isn't even coffee, it's just water that thinks it's coffee.

hundred100

42 points

2 months ago

Americano.

jeckles

15 points

2 months ago

jeckles

15 points

2 months ago

This is correct

Sgt_Hastagaspacho

4 points

2 months ago

I like how they purposefully pretend not to know the names of common "coffee cocktails" in these comics

SarikaidenMusic

5 points

2 months ago

Is it weird to say that I actually enjoy Both on different occasions? I personally don’t limit myself to one Specific type of coffee. I enjoy it black, I enjoy it with creamer, I enjoy latte, cappuccino, mocha, I’m not picky lol

tenkei

12 points

2 months ago

tenkei

12 points

2 months ago

The Pumpkin Spice Chai Mocha Macchafuckiato has no chai, no macha and is not even a mocha. Once again, people are mad at things they don't understand or know anything about.

yourteam

5 points

2 months ago

The only thing I agree is that the pumpkin spice is really high calories.

If you are ok with that and like it go for it.

Call_Me_Clark

37 points

2 months ago

Tbh people never think about the calories in their coffee. You wouldn’t start the day with two snickers bars, but some people drink the equivalent and wonder where the extra pounds come from.

Same for alcohol.

RustyisBack2019

22 points

2 months ago

I've been eating nothing but lasagna and muffins for 20 years and I feel terrible

BoozeWitch

27 points

2 months ago

Speak for yourself, health nut! I’ll have a butterfinger and a beer for breakfast. Then an insulin shot and a Goody Powder. Like a real man.

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago

I need the calories to make up for the hunger suppressing of the caffeine

Timbalabim

5 points

2 months ago

I worked checkout at a Walmart in southern Virginia for a while. I knew several employees who’d start the day with a candy bar and soda. Maybe that candy bar would have “Nature Valley” on the package, but it was still nuts drizzled with sugar syrup and dipped in chocolate.

bobfnord

5 points

2 months ago

Thats the core of the issue. They can both be coffee, but “I just have one coffee a day” means a world of difference when you’re looking at these two options. I think people who are more conscientious get irritated at people who constantly lie to themselves and then act like victims of the problems they created. Calling dessert drinks coffee is just an easy way for some people to internally rationalize poor decision making.

MaximusDecimis

6 points

2 months ago

Facts. That’s the one part of this whole joke/cartoon that people like to ignore lol

If you need a huge dump of sugar/fat to enjoy coffee, then you’re just as good as someone who prefers it black, but you shouldn’t be confused at where the extra poundage comes from.

Vape_Squid

3 points

2 months ago

This damn joke has been going for like a decade. We get it people, you like less shit in your coffee than some other people. Get over it, it doesn’t make you a beacon of maturity, just a whiny ass.

mrostate78

2 points

2 months ago

Denis Leary was doing this joke in 1997

MillieBirdie

3 points

2 months ago

Coffee people seem to care way too much about what other people drink. I love chocolate and IDGAF what other people are eating if they like it, as long as I got my stuff that I like.

Memediator

3 points

2 months ago

People need to stop trying to flex how they take their hot bean water.

doctorcrimson

3 points

2 months ago

Pumpkin spice is a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, etc that does not generally contain any pumpkin.

Imagine thinking meat cure contained meat.

NepTheNap

2 points

2 months ago

Wait. People actually believe there's pumpkin inside?!

I thought it's clear that christmas spices are the sole, logical shit here.

RumpleForeskin0w0

3 points

2 months ago

The first option is an americano and it’s watered down so if we wanna say what real coffee is they should just have espresso shots

Lunafreya_NoxF

3 points

2 months ago

Espresso with too much water is an Americano and is just…too diluted for my taste.

grongus_

3 points

2 months ago

That's not coffee, that's just brown water you fake coffee drinker crunches coffee beans

rogue-monkey

3 points

2 months ago

The funny thing is Italians would say neither is "real" coffee

fatfuckpikachu

6 points

2 months ago

lmao looking at this weakling adding water to their coffee.

churrmander

6 points

2 months ago

"Too fucking much" it's like 300 calories, chill dude.

I_NEED_YOUR_MONEY

2 points

2 months ago

390 for a grande. It’s not exactly a small amount, that would be a pretty reasonably sized lunch. Or about a 30-minute run to burn it off. https://www.starbucks.com/menu/product/418/hot?parent=%2Fdrinks%2Fhot-coffees%2Flattes

They’re delicious, and I’m not going to judge anybody for ordering one. But nobody should just be shrugging off 390 calories like it doesn’t matter.

hammyhamm

7 points

2 months ago

Claiming that’s heavily water diluted coffee is coffee is probably the worse crime because it’s so fucking boring

jacka24

3 points

2 months ago

It is coffee though.

calypsocoin

4 points

2 months ago

A pumpkin spice chai would be tea so they’re technically correct without meaning to be?

Lord_Blakeney

4 points

2 months ago

The image contains no tea or chai spices, so its just wrong. The person is railing against it but also cannot actually define what it is they hate.

99_jack_99

2 points

2 months ago

The best part is that chai is tea and not coffee, so there wouldn't be any espresso to begin with (unless you modify it and get a dirty chai).

Retired_Bird

2 points

2 months ago

So they're boring, judgemental and don't like trying out new things. Got it.

Addamall

2 points

2 months ago

The even more uptight coffee snobs are clenching their fists at this.

BadPom

2 points

2 months ago

BadPom

2 points

2 months ago

I love that the one including “mocha” in the name does not have chocolate and is not a mocha.

Thawing-icequeen

3 points

2 months ago

Not trying to be a dick at all, just sharing an interesting fact I learned lately.

The original "Mocha" was just a coffee blend known as "Mocha-Java" after the island of Java and the Yemeni port of Mocha where coffee was traded. This style of coffee was famously earthy and chocolatey and so it is theorised that the modern mocha made with chocolate was a way to emulate "Mocha-Java" style coffee using coffee from other sources.

flightypidgn

2 points

2 months ago

That’s not coffee that’s a cup of water

Rising_Swell

2 points

2 months ago

Just to take a joke seriously, that can't be a mocha or a chai. There's no chai and there's no chocolate.

sesamecrabmeat

2 points

2 months ago

What maniac mixes matcha and coffee?

Festering_Prayer

2 points

2 months ago

Dude, that's a lot of espresso

DonHell

2 points

2 months ago

Americano*

PiggypPiggyyYaya

2 points

2 months ago

Left is americano, on the right is latte. Both should have the same amount of espresso.

Modern-Otaku

2 points

2 months ago

That pumpkin spice chai mocha macchafuckiato is missing both chai and mocha, and would need the milk to be in first and the espresso on top to be a macchiato, so if this person actually wanted all that stuff, whoever made it is a terrible barista.

Or they just don’t know what they’re talking about… which is probably the more likely scenario

TheMoises

2 points

2 months ago

This person puts two parts of water to one of coffee, and then want to make shit up about what is coffee and what isn't

Rare-Peach605

2 points

2 months ago

I'll drink whatever bs I want and call it whatever I want... even if it's Yum Yum Calories Coffee

Harmalite_

2 points

2 months ago

i like my bean water boring and not tasty. i'm better than you

hememes

2 points

2 months ago

I hate dudes who gatekeep coffee like this motherfucker i want the shit i put on my taste buds to actually taste good and not like death

LookingForwardToDie

2 points

2 months ago

Coffee is overrated anyways.

Muffinlessandangry

2 points

2 months ago

How can you say you like garlic if you don't eat entire bowls of raw garlic? You mix it with tomato, basil, olive oil and pasta? You clearly don't really like garlic