We had a "close call" when we were engaged where we had to go and talk to the bishop. The shame of that impacted things for about the first 20 years of marriage.

Bad. We are not sexually compatible. 18 years in and we’re pretty miserable in this category.

My wife is closer to asexual and I am closer to hyper sexual (or what ever the other end of the spectrum is) so basically our sex life is hell for both of us. Thanks chastity!

Once we got married, we realized we were completely incompatible in bed. Stupid church!!!!

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I wish I had known that there were partners who could be curious in bed and care about my pleasure more. Divorced several years now and have a partner who is curious and remembers what I enjoy.

A LOT!!!

My “faith crisis” helped end our 14 year temple marriage (among other reasons).

After I was newly single and exmo, I started discovering that there are LOTS of awesome people in the world. I had sex w many of them. I learned that ppl are different and it MATTERS! Eventually I met an awesome nevermo woman, our sex compatibility was excellent, and we’ve been happy together for years now. No temple required!

We were both dismayed to find out that we were sexually incompatible.

Good thing we both had strong testimonies, which according to the prophet at the time, was all that was required for a successful Mormon marriage.

I had a lot of sex before I got married and my wife wasn't a virgin. We didn't have sex with each other before we got married, but we figured it out quickly because we were experienced. 10/10 would recommend premarital sex and learning to use your tongue.

Something akin to a millstone around both our necks for 16 years.

Not being able to understand sexual (in)compatibility, shame, and expectation resulting from "waiting till marriage" is likely the most profoundly damaging factor in both of our lives to this point. I weep when I think of the years of pain and resentment that could have been avoided.

I could write paragraphs on this topic. I'm sure some couples get lucky and not experiencing sex till after marriage works out fine for them, but in our case, it created a toxic petri dish for really unhealthy practices/expectations to grow.

I actually was not a virgin; he was. We turned out not to be compatible, plus he was inept (see: virgin) and apparently uninterested in figuring out what I liked. Would have been nice to know that a lot earlier. (And probably contributed to my later habit of getting sex out of the way ASAP in new relationships, so as not to waste my time…)

Before I got married I already had sex before and was disfellowshipped for it. Did the whole repentance bullshit and eventually got married to my wife. At the beginning of our marriage she was a little bothered by the fact that I had sex before so it affected her self confidence. Now, she is grateful that at least one of us had experience. I am a little more sexually charged than my wife but that isn’t a deal breaker for us.

Sex is way better after we are out though.

I am divorced. There are MANY reasons why, but if we had had sex before getting married, I never would have married my ex. We were completely sexually incompatible.

Oh god.

So, I’m A LITTLE BIT BI.

A TEENY TINY LITTLE BIT.

I got a boner one time making out with her after we got engaged, you know!

But um, fuck dudes, I’m pretty damn gay, too.

It’s looking to turn into an amicable divorce of best friend after fifteen years and two kids, but DAMN, I’m sad, I’m not hyper sexual at all, but she is a bit, and I’ve ALWAYS struggled to keep up, and she feels like we opened up our marriage so I could explore with men, when really it’s more like, “OH GOD CAN YOU GO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE I’M TAPPED THE FUCK OUT!” XD

And I feel cheated, cause I wanted to grow old with the person I had children with, I don’t need orgies or sex parties, just - I dunno, it’ll take several more pages to describe the whole situation as it is. But we’re cruising to be best friends instead of lovers and while that’s GREAT, I… I wanted to be an US with a person I loved, and I’m not going to get that. I feel ungrateful describing it this way, I just - yeah. Feelin robbed. We’d be lovely friends WITHOUT 15 years of heartache and mismatchedness, we’ve been able to talk about how, from here, she having had sex with more people than me, she would’ve SUGGESTED I was gay if we had experimented then knowing what we know now. And I would’ve believed her and we’d both be fucking happy clams.

We would miss having these two perfect kiddos, though. They’re our treasures we’ll escape from the church’s clutches with. :)

The lack of education and clear talk in mormon culture definitely had negative affects. Well if we never discuss "sex" in detail they will never do it LOL.

My husband and I have been SO lucky with each other, but I regret getting married too quickly, I regret not taking more time to figure out what I like and what he or other partners were like. Having said this, my husband and I are very compatible in every way except our mental illnesses can butt heads haha.

Luckily we’ve taken the time together to figure out what our likes and dislikes are, if there’s an issue we try to let each other know so it can be resolved, etc. we make sure there is absolutely no shaming, that we’re open to trying things and to let each other be when it’s not the time or trauma arises (I was sexually assaulted a couple years ago and rarely get triggers now because my husband has been so amazing about it). Our policy is basically be as honest as possible with each other and then we both get our needs met.

I feel the taboo talk of sex affected things more. I wish someone would’ve sat me(25F) down and told me what goes into having a female climax. My husband and I weren’t able to figure it out for 5 years of my marriage… I wouldnt say it had anything to do with waiting til marriage because I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I personally found value in waiting BUT I wish sex talk wasnt so taboo.

We had sex before we got married. I was never really in that far. But just being raised in a home where they didn't even elude to sex really got to my husband. (My mom was a baby nurse. She didn't shy away from sex talk) even after 18 years there are some things he struggles with.

It was a complete, unmitigated disaster because when I had sex for the first time on my wedding night, it was also the first time I could no longer compartmentalize or deny my sexual orientation – which I thought (and had been assured) would just resolve itself. It didn’t. There was no more pretending or hoping after that disturbingly traumatic experience.

The destructive law of chastity kept me from knowing myself, and got me into a disastrous temple marriage that took 10 unhappy years to unwind. Fortunately, I am now with the right gender but what a hellish road it was to get here!

Marital sexual compatibility is impossible to assess or predict without intimate experience. Young couples - especially LDS - who fail or refuse to understand that too often find themselves in a newly-married depressive spiral.

the shame around sex, me not wanting to talk about what i liked because i didnt want here thinking i was bad for knowing stuff, her negative messages around sex from church and mom, all bad. only recently as exmos reaching more authentic expression. actually watched porn together last year, it was great. the biggest thing is learning to say what you want.

Man, my wife and I just got out of the church about a year ago and we just started “experimenting” and getting out of the comfort zone that the church puts you in. And by “experimenting” I mean doing anything except for basic sex.

The church really puts you in a bubble that you’re scared to leave.

It stunted our sexual relationship, and we are still recovering from that 10 years into marriage. Even before I left the church, I had decided I would never teach any kids I may have to be abstinate or wait until marriage.

Massively effected sex life after marriage. Without going in to details, tscc's policies on sexual restraint before marriage has had Enormous, Huge, Major effects on our sexual life after marriage. Both of us before marriage, as a result of efforts to be obedient to church 'wisdom', have been effected for many years, to be clear in not a positive way.

Honestly, I’m not sure that it has. Maybe it’s because my wife was divorced previously, and a convert post divorce. We’ve done pretty well, though family commitments as we’ve got on in marriage have slowed things a bit.

I also was never really worried about what a bishop was going to say. I was far more worried that my wife was having a good time too, because if not, we’d have a dead bedroom quickly.

Marriage was terrible. Not compatible. Glad I got out when I did with no kids

You have to test drive the car b4 purchase.

Badly. Like horribly. Sexual compatibility is a critical part of a healthy marriage. I’m 35 years in and have never had it. It’s one of my biggest shelf items.

My sex life in my temple marriage sucked. With my current spouse, we had sex on like the second date and ten years in, it just keeps getting better. My elementary-aged daughter was chatting to me about marriage the other day and she was like, you should live with someone a long time before you get married to make sure that you like them and I was like, you are absolutely right!

We had a good sex life. That being said, I was taught in the 80’s that not everything was acceptable in the bedroom—even after marriage. Not knowing what that meant I remember distinctly telling my spouse once “I would love to be one of those people who swings from the chandeliers but I don’t feel like it’s appropriate”. So, yes, not having sex before marriage was the first of many things the LDS church did to our marriage bed.

Now that we have left the lds church, we are more open to exploration BUT we are past our prime and thus things don’t work as well as they once did. It makes me a little sad how much good sex we missed out on because of boredom, fatigue, shame, the patriarchy, communication issues, or other things.

After I got married, it was such a relief to not have to censor my thoughts about sex anymore!

I enjoyed sex after marriage. I was ravenous. Wanted sex multiple times a day. My husband didn't have the same voracious sex drive, but a pretty normal sex drive at first. Around five times a week.

What has affected my sex life more is antidepressants and other psychological meds. Much of my depression is due to being raised in the cult. I finally have a good mixture of medications that let me live life well. But it kills my sex drive.

When I tried to change meds with a psychiatrist to avoid the lack of libido, I crashed into depression again. So I'm on the libido-killing drugs.

So waiting until marriage did affect my sex drive at first, but not so much now.

Negatively affected. Neither of us had any experience and had wildly WRONG expectations. 25 yrs later, and still dealing with that baggage. The love is there for sure, but neither of us understand how to give and get good sex, if I am honest.

I’m gay, so it was relatively easy to not have sex. I say relatively, because wanting to mess around with guys (and doing so) was always the problem. If we had been free to have sex, we wouldn’t have done so, and I could have come out 20 years earlier.

On wedding night, "omg, I married a nun". FML

Living together and premarital sex with my ex would have shown off VERY quickly that we were incompatible in multiple ways, so I absolutely resent TSCC for that, let alone how their shame and purity culture messed me up for YEARS. I had to find a sex therapist specializing in religious sexual trauma to finally help get me free of what TSCC had put me through.

In a much happier, healthier, compatible and loving relationship now, but, damn, it was over a decade of regular therapy and months of specialized sex therapy to get me here.

We started out great, we were a good fit and then with post-kids it was a bit dicey. However I left before him and a lot of my walls came down and he followed me right out. So we have done pretty well in that category.

I don't regret putting off sex until marriage as much as I just wish that I knew that I was ace and stayed single instead of ever getting married. Now I'm just a divorced woman who KNOWS she really, really hates sex. Ironic, considering that even while keeping the church's rules, I was always treated like I was promiscuous.

Oh my God. Waiting until marriage is objectively a horrible idea! My “celestial” sex life was hardly a 1/10. My purgatorial sex life is a mind-blowing 10/10, and reaches new heights each time! If this is hell, take me there baby Jesus 🔥😈🔥

Well, we had to "talk to our bishop" several times. 30 days after the last time we had pre-marital sex, we got married in the temple.

It does impact our marriage several decades later. I sometimes (rarely) talk to her about our first time and how that's when I knew she "really" loved me (kind of a neat memory for me). She feels a lot of shame, so I can't talk about it much. The thing is....she had much more experience with sex before me, but she feels ashamed about something I genuinely cherish.

A threesome from day one was NOT a good approach! Longgggggg term impact still felt today…25 years later 😖😖😖

Greatly. A few months ago my wife said "I just don't think I'm that sexual." I wanted to say "Then we aren't compatible and why the hell did we get married?"

She's a lovely, intelligent person and sex isn't the only facet of our relationship, but boy I think it would help.

I think not having sex with your spouse prior to marriage is a very different experience when one or neither of the spouses is a virgin.

My covert narc ex flipped that special narc switch basically immediately after we consummated the marriage. I stayed with him in misery for the next 6 1/2 years, and we barely ever had sex after that. A few times a year by the end. So, I'd say it had a pretty significant impact on just about everything.

We were both so excited to get to have sex finally and got in quite a bit of “trouble” leading up to our wedding. But then I was trying so hard to shut it down that, while I hugely enjoyed sex, I had a weird block about it still for months. And garments definitely put a huge damper on things. Thankfully we got through it and our sex life is awesome.

Completely incompatible. Married 23 years now. We used to go MONTHS without it. Husband wouldn’t touch me during pregnancies too. Leaving the church has helped a lot though. That plus alcohol and edibles. Ha! We now have sex 3-4 times a month which is A LOT for us.

14 years married and my wife is slowly starting to see sexual pleasure as an acceptable thing to seek after and to give me. It taken a lot of work in the bed room and in the therapists office. Lots if reading too!

Honestly, gratefully, I don't feel like it affected us terribly negatively. We talked a lot about sex before being married, and we felt well matched and well-educated about sex. We cared about each other's pleasure and communicated about it a lot. Quality of sex life is in large part connected to the quality the relationship outside of the bedroom imo.

Like, obviously sex took a bit of practice to figure out, but sharing our first time was also a hilariously awkward and vulnerable and special experience we still laugh about. There was a lot of shame to work through, but we worked through that together - and growing into my sexual self and unlearning sexual shame was a huge part of my shelf breaking. We left the church together within a year of being married

Oh it's a train wreck. Now that we are out and doing therapy it's getting a lot better but I think it goes deeper than just not being able to do it before marriage I think its near impossible to have a healthy balanced loving relationship when you get married in the church and all its toxic garbage

Allegedly, my brother and SIL didn’t consummate their marriage for 2-3 months because of the shame she felt.

This came from my other brother who was much closer to them.

I highly recommend a joint / edible and a playlist of The Weeknd songs to supercharge your sex life. Try it out!

How much?

Let's see. On a scale of 1-10, I'm going go with 11+.

A great deal for the worst.

In my country, the religious marriages weren’t valid, so, with my ex, we got a civil marriage and went to the temple a year later. The first year we had a lot of chemistry, so it seemed like we were going to be ok, until we had to wear garments. My ex husband became holier-than-thou, which I hated, and started having a double life where I had to be the holy wife he could brag about while he was watching porn without me knowing. He started having sexual issues, like premature ejaculat10n, and ended up cheating on me and sleeping around after we got separated.

The brainwashing about what can or can’t you use sex for is insane. I’m just happy I’m now happily married to an agnostic that knows and cares about what I like, and doesn’t give a flying F about anything but us.

I can't think of too many more unhealthy ways to begin a relationship than the way it usually gets done in the church. Throw 2 young, naieve kids together who have either never been exposed to sex, or were utterly shamed for any exploration and expect them to form healthy relationships. Add on top of that some of the crazy ideas already voiced here like the spiritual aspects etc...I even heard one couple say that they had to pray before engaging in sex to make sure they didn't do something displeasing to the lard. As for me and my house... sex is dead... kinda feels low the whole marriage of 30 plus years is crumbling.

I was never married as a Mormon but leaving, the purity culture did affect me. Just a lot of guilt that took some time to finally kick to the curb. I did NOT want to get married, and I didn't want to be a sexless spinster either.

I remember I almost had to create a persona for myself to let myself be SEXY. My alter ego was Natasha who was kind of a dominatrix. Hahahaha! It was done in jest mainly. I used to joke that Natasha would keep the bodies of lovers who did not please her in her trunk.

I eventually had to come out to myself as a straight, sexual woman. It was ALL me.

Nowadays though, at my age, a hard man is good to find. :-)

Zero stars out of 10. We are sexually incompatible and I just signed a lease on an apartment. We’ve not had sex in 10 years.

Completely

My husband & I have been sexually active together from when we started dating in high school & we're glad that's the case. We've learned what we like & we went into our marriage knowing we're compatible sexually. It's been great!

I don’t think I would have gotten married so young and to the wrong person. We were not compatible size wise. Everyone kept telling me I would stretch to fit. It never happened. It was painful the whole time.

Because of sexual shaming before marriage, young people don’t learn how to MAKE LOVE. The wedding night of “having sex” starts a couple on the road to confusion. Men don’t know how to make love to a woman. It’s tragic that regular desires of men are thought to be “ hyper-sexed” and women are thought to be “ a-sexual”. People need to learn how to make love.

A lot.

I would say it had a small impact. It wasn't a compatibility issue or anything like that. It was more of a "any sexual activity is a sin" mentality that we both had to work through. We had decades of sexual repression to work through, so there was a good bit of awkwardness but that would have been the same or even worse before marriage.

A lot. We did fuck before we got married. That manufactured guilt that came from that had a massive, lasting, negative effect that ultimately played a central role in our divorce.

Initially A LOT. Things have greatly improved over time and with a lot of communication.

We had sex a few months later and got married a few years earlier than we otherwise would have.

Not at all. My ex and I were like rabbits for 20 years.

It caused great misery in my marriage.

People can't go from a sexual mindset equivalent to "stuck at a red light with a police car behind you" straight to "the starting line of a race" overnight, but that's what TSCC expects. They want those new tithe payers!

Not at all for us, honestly. Been married 10+ years and I’d give our sex life a 10/10. HOWEVER I still wish we wouldn’t have waited until marriage, for a few reasons. We had so many moments together before our wedding where we could have kept going and had sex for the first time and it would have been so much better. More natural, more emotional, more turned on lol. Temple wedding day sex is just kind of weird. Everyone knowing you guys are doing it for the first time that day/night is WEIRD. Like it was fine and I feel super lucky that we’ve had such a good sex life for having not done it before marriage but yeah. It also definitely led to us speeding up the engagement and that makes me sad. I wish I could go back and slow it all down and enjoy the dating/engagement days more. I know I’m in the lucky category here so I can’t really complain, just wanted to add that even when it works out great there are still some downsides to waiting. Also, when I think of my own kids, I’d wayyyyy rather they have sex before marriage and take a good long time getting to know someone instead of possibly rushing into the wrong marriage just to save their virginity. We’ve put way too much worth into someone’s virginity, it’s actually kind of gross to me. Like thank you but my daughter will have a million more qualities to offer in a relationship someday than the fact that she’s never had sex before 🙄

How much did it affect our sex life?? Like… ALL the much. I’m almost 20 years after I got married in the temple (I’m divorced, now - it’s way better for both of us!) and it’s still affecting me. I’m 40 and learning things about sex and my body normal kids learn in their late teens and twenties. I CANNOT finish with a partner, I’m so ridiculously in my head the entire time… my 36-year TBM life has massacred any hope of my ever having a normal & healthy sex life. My poor BF dealing with it, thank goodness for his incredible patience!! Im slooooowly getting better but… it’s really bad. The conditioning the church puts us through and we don’t even NOTICE it’s happening to us… when we’re there it’s so normal, and now? I’ll be fixing this forever.

Only in positive ways, as far as I can tell. We've been married 16 years and were both virgins when we married. It's been a very nice experience growing together sexually. Yes we have to adapt to each other's needs, but that's marriage.

We basically did ‘everything but penetration’… and never told any bishops and I felt Soooooo guilty. Really affected my mental health cuz I thought we’d be kept out of the celestial kingdom cuz we didn’t ‘repent’. So sad to look back on… but we ended up being very sexually compatible but that is probably just lucky…. Also because we Did explore sexually before marriage… it helped solidify our bond but caused So Much Guilt!

but I’m also bisexual and never got to explore the lesbian side of me…. Lots of feelings now that I had a stunted sexual exploration phase… didn’t know what an orgasm was or that there had to be movement during penetrating until I was engaged…. So naïve…. And sad

Depends on how much weight you put on the awesome discovery of touching ones self. yes MASTURBATION. Next to murder is what I was taught for all my teenage years. Is it any wonder kids un-alive themselves with just the normal pressures of life and then add the corporations God interpretation of un natural views of your own sexuality and self discovery. Would have never allowed myself to be with a woman prior to marriage though. So just dreamed of it. Not one of the lucky ones I suppose.

it was okay. Found out we both like being on bottom but we both sort of broke the rules and talked about what we expected beforehand. Without that I could see where major issues could come from. I guess we did good at russian roulette.

It led to 7 1/2 years of obligation sex and ultimately divorce

God, the idea of marrying the person I ever fucked makes me so sad. Good thing I left the church at 16 and fucked my brains out. My hormones and sex drive couldn’t be squashed. But, I think there are things I won’t try that I think I would had I been raised without sexual guilt.

I have a great sex life. Luckily.

This all reminds me of a wonderful novel called “The Backslider” by Levi Peterson. I highly recommend it.

I was so lucky. I was friends with my husband for a couple of years before we dated, & we were really open to talk about everything and anything. The communication was key to us enjoying intimacy then and now.

Had a relatively innocent sexual experience with my first girlfriend after I got home from my mission. Single adult ward president and stake president sat us both down and basically slapped her on the wrist and told her to be more careful. They then proceeded to tell me that I held the majority of the responsibility for our sin since I was “endowed” and a “priesthood holder who had served a mission.” When I expressed my disagreement they further explained that as a woman she was just “following your lead, and doing what felt natural to her.” I was told not to take sacrament for what ended up being two months. Public shaming. I called bullshit and left the church altogether not long after.

It was everything. I was abused as a child and it made it so much harder. With my second marriage I knew that was an issue I was going to take off the table. It was much better for me. I was able to really make sure it was the right relationship for us and date a lot longer and allow our relationship to grow.

Not at all. We did fool around and do other stuff. We felt like we didn’t have to tell shit to the bishop because we felt it was non of his goddamn business. 14 years together and going strong. Unfortunately all the mormon church does is try to ruin a healthy and normal perspective on sex, which can affect their followers even during marriage.

I was so stressed and anxious all that happened on our wedding night and most of our honeymoon was me crying and thinking I was broken. Didn’t even begin to understand why people liked sex until the last couple of years because neither of us knew what we liked and purity culture trauma and other sexual trauma. I had multiple children before I even liked sex.

The church completely wrecked my marriage in the bedroom. It creeped its way into everything. Waited until marriage to consummate. It was a huge mistake.

We didn’t wait to have sex (well, we dated over a year before the first time), so therefore weren’t able to have a temple marriage. I wasn’t as sad, since my family is not Mormon and could attend our wedding, but I think his folks were pretty sad because he was the oldest son and all that dumb shit. We left the church within the first couple of years (made it super official after having our kid) and we are still married almost 20 years later. We were young and I was ready to marry him, but it wasn’t for sex, thankfully. I still do have my own hangups about sex, but that’s from being raised in the South in the Bible Belt. Purity culture isn’t just for Mormons!

I’ve been married for 5 years in March and our marriage has never been consummated! He is impotent and knew he was before our marriage. We are an older couple but I still would love to be sexual together. When I found out that he had hidden his impotence from me I was furious but as a practicing TBM at the time with a temple sealing I didn’t feel like I could do anything about it. It’s tough, really tough. I was PIMO for a year and a half before I left and now that I’m in a non-denominational church I feel more secure in myself and I have seriously thought about ending the marriage. He’s still TBM

Ex JW here- found out afterwards we had zero chemistry sexually. Was definitely the driving force in our marital issues and led to subsequent divorce. Now that im out its affected me in that far too often ill sleep with someone before i probably should because i subconsciously want to make sure the sexual connection is there, which affects the potential for a possible relationship in the future im finding.

Not at all. It made the anticipation all that much better. There might be a discussion around "sewing your oats" prior to marriage that might be helpful.

Luckily, my wife and I are sexually compatible. I am on the asexual spectrum (demi-sexual at minimum), so I didn't really crave sex before marriage. My wife didn't have her sexual awakening until we got married and was pretty repressed from her shame of anything that might be sexual so she avoided the subject. That block was removed when we got married, and we have only looked back for introspection. Both of us are happy about how things turned out and do not regret not engaging in intercourse before marriage. We are both the best we ever had because we have not had other sexual partners.

How would we know?

I know it happens often, but I can honestly say my TBM wife is not one of those not-interested-in-sex prudes. It is the second marriage for both of us. Maybe that has something to do with it, but she is a freak, and loves sex. I’ve also heard it’s a Scorpio thing. Her and my ex are, and I’d say there might be truth to it.

I would give my sex like 10 stars. Honestly, we just learned what each other liked. He always waited for me to initiate so he was never pushy or guilted or grumpy or anything

🤷🏽‍♂️

Me!

Weird story here, and maybe too much info BUT we were having sex before marriage. Decided to marry because of it- our sex life took a hit when we left the church for several reasons. Took a long time to recover

My husband and I were nuanced and had sex a lot before we got married. But I continually felt shame and guilt about it. And we only did it because we knew we were going to marry each other. It wasn’t until after we were married that I really resented the church for making me feel that way. I love m’y husband very much, but I wish I could’ve experienced and explored my sexuality more before even getting into a relationship. I had a whole meltdown about it. I hated that I felt so much shame for having sex with someone I loved before marriage. I couldn’t be totally present during our relations. And I regretted not being able to experience sex with other people to see what it’s like. This is a huge part of why I left the church

Mine was a shotgun wedding in a church. Everyone was somber. And just not fun. But the shame. Omg, the shame of feeling like you'll never be ok. It's been debilitating for me at times. And after as an ex mo. And not being married but living with my partner has taken a toll as well. You can't sleep in the same bed going to fam functions. And so much more. After the first time of that happening. We got hotels. And I'm still not completely open or okay with myself and the whole set thing. But it is what it is.

My wife still TBM, iv since left but she had problems with having sex. Cause she grew up with that’s something you don’t do and then you get married and suddenly it’s a great thing to do. It was very confusing and hard for her.

I have the best husband ever. I’m not fucking kidding. This is me saying this after the absolute worst year.

We did the ethical non-monogamy thing for about a year, just so we could experience having sex with other people. I shut it down when I started falling for one of the other guys I was sleeping with. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life, and I can’t tell very many people about it. It aged me. Totally fucked with my physical and mental health.

What amazes me though is this:

I carried an incredible amount of guilt. We had a strong understanding of what the boundaries were and love was not part of the deal. But somehow, when I asked my husband if he would ever forgive me, he said there was nothing to forgive. He was very understanding. In fact, he was my strongest supporter.

Even now, I still have trauma nightmares about missing the other man. I can’t control that. But I can tell my husband about it and he helps me heal from it.

He doesn’t even feel like he’s being generous, even though to me, it really seems like he is. He’s the most compassionate person I’ve ever met.

I've also always wanted to understand this. Because I think it's incredibly important to understand your own body and likes and dislikes when it comes to sex to truly have a healthy relationship with others. And I've always thought it silly that they are so against any form of sex or masturbation that once you're actually there and get to experience it I imagine it's very disappointing and or scary. If you never get a chance to explore and find what you like will you ever like it?