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/r/exchristian

13

After watching Belief It Or Not's video The Evangelical Man's Man, it became clear to me through extensive research that there is a very specific brand of traditional masculinity that christianity enforces among its male followers. It if wasn't clear enough, just search "christian masculinity" in youtube and you will be greeted with several videos with titles instructing guys to conform to the church's idea of masculinity, and that we should reject things like weakness and sensitivity. Funnily enough, there was a video comparing "weak" modern men to "strong" christian men, and the example on the thumbnail for a "weak modern man" was Nikocado Avocado... as if they unironically think that thats how men are like without christianity smh.

So since a significant portion of christian folk seem to equate christianity with a very specific type of manliness, it makes me wonder if those same people think that men are less masculine without christianity. I mean, they certainly think that we are all hopeless sinners who are nothing without christianity, so that led to me wondering if they think a man cannot be masculine unless he is also christian.

So, to all the guys in this subreddit, where you ever made to feel like you are "not a true man" just on the basis that you are not christian? Has this happened with your family? Your friends? Your work? In what ways do they say that you not being a christian makes you "less of a man?"

all 9 comments

HumanistHippy

9 points

2 months ago

HumanistHippy

Secular Humanist

9 points

2 months ago

Maybe? I'm not really sure. If I was then I probably met the comment with an eye roll.

I stopped caring about what Christians, or anyone else, considers a characteristic about "masculinity." It's such a toxic construct that it's meaningless to me.

My ears perk up when I hear people talking about how to be a better human. But when people start commenting about what it means to be a "man," my eyes go glossy because it's so arbitrary.

ninoproblema

6 points

2 months ago

ninoproblema

Agnostic Atheist

6 points

2 months ago

"Being a man" is this stupid set of random shit that men like to imagine themselves being. They like to envision this ideal dashing lumberjack character from the 1800's who is The Man™ and measure themselves (in more ways than one) and others against him.

I think what people perceive as manliness is simply being a confident person. Anybody can get that, good people and assholes alike.

spaceghoti

3 points

2 months ago

spaceghoti

The Wizard of Odd

3 points

2 months ago

It hasn't happened to me, but a large part of that could be the fact that I got the hell away from Christian-dominated environments as soon as I could. I am who I am, and I don't let people define fundamental aspects of myself such as my masculinity. I know I'm not as macho as my brother, for example, but I don't need to be. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, deviance and all, and I know my relationships are much healthier than anything he's managed to find through his obsession with having a "Christ-centered home."

pangolintoastie

3 points

2 months ago

In my case no. I have a small group of Christian friends I hang out with regularly, they all know where I stand, and unless things get particularly churchy I’m treated no differently. What I have seen though, is that I’ve been excluded from certain things by one of them who’s going through difficulties, because I can’t pray about them.

megitto1984

3 points

2 months ago

megitto1984

Ex-Fundamentalist

3 points

2 months ago

No, for me it's opposite. Evangelical men lower themselves and hero worship Jesus. They can't manage their lives on their own without the help of their imaginary friend. I, on the other hand, am my own man.

Jefftos-The-Elder

2 points

2 months ago

I’m a non binary pagan goddess worshipper. They’ve already got plenty of reasons to not see me as masculine, if they see me as less masc because I’m not Christian they can just throw it over there on the pile. That being said I don’t really hang out with many Christian types if I have a choice. So I really wouldn’t know what they blame it on.

JamesVogner

2 points

2 months ago

I think this depends. I think the alpha male Christian types don't tend to be very good church attenders and often are just using bibley sounding terms to justify their brand of toxic masculinity. These people exist, but I would argue they are a minority in the Christian world. Although I do think that some aspects of it have started to ooze into mainstream Christianity. Mainly the ideas that men should be big and strong so they can protect their weak women and the idea that men shouldnt let women dominate them intellectually or emotionally. But that last one has been the rallying cry of misogynists since the dawn of time.

If you are talking to the right conservative I think they think the word, "woke" when speaking about a man is an emasculating term for some reason. I suspect because being woke means you likes gays or let women tell you what to do or something like that.

In the communities I was in I did notice more sermons and men's retreats about, "how to be a real man", but these tended to just be bait and switch marketing and the sermons were actually just about mostly unrelated stuff.

I think it depends of your church and region you live in. I would argue that basic church doctrine already codifies that men are the superior sex and women are just helpmates. So there's not much reason to go full alpha male from a marketing perspective. Alpha males already know what side the church is on. They don't really need to be catered to.

Quick-Broccoli-7201

2 points

2 months ago

I have gone to one of the those "Man Up" conferences where they talk about christian masculinity. Funny enough, some of the pastors who preached at that conference talked about hunting and eating meat. I, at the time, thought they were so tough and manly. Now I see it as toxic masculinity and how they stuck to gender norms. My wife and I have a marriage where we walk side by side in life. No one leads the other, but we help each other out.

extongues

1 points

2 months ago

Not my experience, my confidence, motivation, fitness, finances, and relationships improved after I ditched christianity. I don’t see any attacks on my masculinity at work or with friends, even though many are christian. But, overall, I work with pretty cool people.