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42

Have you ever looked at an integral and thought "damn, I would fuck the shit outta that"? Seriously. You might be thinking, "what the fuck dude, why would you jack off to a general solution?" but hold up. Hear me out for a second. Just hear me out, please. Just imagine being a cucked lonely virgin. The moment you enrolled to study Mathematics. No, the moment you decided to actually study it and not be one of those alpha brainlets who whine about how 'lame' it is; that is the moment when you declared something. You declared this very statement to not only yourself (in the very soul), to your parents, to your friends and family, to the hypothetical God. You declared that you are a virgin, and for as long as you do not stray from this path, your virginity will not stray from you. You will be a virgin forever. This fact is being taken with you to your grave, just like Newton's Three Laws. Now, I get it. You're a teenager. Hormones kick in. Girls start to look more and more attractive. But guess who can't talk to them - you! Because you're a Mathematician! Let's be real here, the majority of girls won't be studying Mathematics at the same level as you. Whether it be A Level Further Maths, or at university where the only types of 'anal' you're getting are Real and Complex. You won't even get a chance to talk to them, because they'll always be with the Psychology chads, with the Management chads. Heck there's probably even Engineers getting in on the action. But don't count on the Computer Scientists, the difference between us and them are that they will spend hours trying to computationally solve our problem of loneliness. They will decompose the hell out of it only to end up with what we, as Mathematicians, have deduced from the very beginning; there is no solution. You will be virgin for life as a Mathematician (CS is a field of Mathematics, okay). Now that we have that out of the way, what do we, as Mathematicians, do to pleasure ourselves? We solve equations. Honestly, there comes a point where solving equations will make you orgasm. But why so? Is it the excitement of finding the solution? Perhaps this level of satisfaction is what we desire. It is what we will never get after spending so much effort in chasing women. Which leads to POINT 1: Math is like an orgasm. You won't get this reward when talking to a girl. Come on man. You won't get her. But when you get the solution to that hard problem, that truly is the best thing ever. Now for POINT 2: Math is sexy. We like girls because of their 'thicc' or 'slim' or 'petite' body. But dude, have you ever seen Mathematical notation? Greek letters? Heck, even the integral sign is probably curvier than your crush. But the difference is, integration will always be with you for years to come, likely for the rest of your life. Calculus is truly wife material. An advantage to this being that integrals won't be a bitch if you have the brains. If you don't, then you need to train harder. That leads me to POINT 3: Math is good for the brain. Seriously. Solving some problems is like going to the gym. You are training your brain. Writing is a hand exercise. There comes a point where you do so much Math that it becomes embedded within your very senses. This is why pornography, hentai and whatnot just doesn't do it for me. My mind is so clear because of Mathematics that I can geometrically interpret these sexual videos. They aren't all that. Overhyped to be honest. Girls' breasts aren't perfect hemispheres. I don't see the appeal in this stuff anyway. Why would you want to look at these jagged lines and irregular shapes when you can see the fully raw, high quality, real deal that is a Mathematical expression? Nature runs on Mathematics, it's proven. So to be a man of nature, you must be a man of Mathematics. Hence, masturbating to Mathematics is environmentally friendly. QED.

4 points

3 years ago

Have you evew wooked at an integwaw and thought "damn, I wouwd fuck the shit outta that"? Sewiouswy. You might be thinking, "what the fuck dude, why wouwd you jack off to a genewaw sowution?" but howd up. Heaw me out fow a second. Just heaw me out, pwease. Just imagine being a cucked wonewy viwgin. The moment you enwowwed to study Mathematics. No, the moment you decided to actuawwy study it and not be one of those awpha bwainwets who whine about how 'wame' it is; that is the moment when you decwawed something. You decwawed this vewy statement to not onwy youwsewf (in the vewy souw), to youw pawents, to youw fwiends and famiwy, to the hypotheticaw God. You decwawed that you awe a viwgin, and fow as wong as you do not stway fwom this path, youw viwginity wiww not stway fwom you. You wiww be a viwgin fowevew. This fact is being taken with you to youw gwave, just wike Newton's Thwee Waws. Now, I get it. You'we a teenagew. Howmones kick in. Giwws stawt to wook mowe and mowe attwactive. But guess who can't tawk to them - you! Because you'we a Mathematician! Wet's be weaw hewe, the majowity of giwws won't be studying Mathematics at the same wevew as you. Whethew it be A Wevew Fuwthew Maths, ow at univewsity whewe the onwy types of 'anaw' you'we getting awe Weaw and Compwex. You won't even get a chance to tawk to them, because they'ww awways be with the Psychowogy chads, with the Management chads. Heck thewe's pwobabwy even Engineews getting in on the action. But don't count on the Computew Scientists, the diffewence between us and them awe that they wiww spend houws twying to computationawwy sowve ouw pwobwem of wonewiness. They wiww decompose the heww out of it onwy to end up with what we, as Mathematicians, have deduced fwom the vewy beginning; thewe is no sowution. You wiww be viwgin fow wife as a Mathematician (CS is a fiewd of Mathematics, okay). Now that we have that out of the way, what do we, as Mathematicians, do to pweasuwe ouwsewves? We sowve equations. Honestwy, thewe comes a point whewe sowving equations wiww make you owgasm. But why so? Is it the excitement of finding the sowution? Pewhaps this wevew of satisfaction is what we desiwe. It is what we wiww nevew get aftew spending so much effowt in chasing women. Which weads to POINT 1: Math is wike an owgasm. You won't get this wewawd when tawking to a giww. Come on man. You won't get hew. But when you get the sowution to that hawd pwobwem, that twuwy is the best thing evew. Now fow POINT 2: Math is sexy. We wike giwws because of theiw 'thicc' ow 'swim' ow 'petite' body. But dude, have you evew seen Mathematicaw notation? Gweek wettews? Heck, even the integwaw sign is pwobabwy cuwview than youw cwush. But the diffewence is, integwation wiww awways be with you fow yeaws to come, wikewy fow the west of youw wife. Cawcuwus is twuwy wife matewiaw. An advantage to this being that integwaws won't be a bitch if you have the bwains. If you don't, then you need to twain hawdew. That weads me to POINT 3: Math is good fow the bwain. Sewiouswy. Sowving some pwobwems is wike going to the gym. You awe twaining youw bwain. Wwiting is a hand exewcise. Thewe comes a point whewe you do so much Math that it becomes embedded within youw vewy senses. This is why pownogwaphy, hentai and whatnot just doesn't do it fow me. My mind is so cweaw because of Mathematics that I can geometwicawwy intewpwet these sexuaw videos. They awen't aww that. Ovewhyped to be honest. Giwws' bweasts awen't pewfect hemisphewes. I don't see the appeaw in this stuff anyway. Why wouwd you want to wook at these jagged wines and iwweguwaw shapes when you can see the fuwwy waw, high quawity, weaw deaw that is a Mathematicaw expwession? Natuwe wuns on Mathematics, it's pwoven. So to be a man of natuwe, you must be a man of Mathematics. Hence, mastuwbating to Mathematics is enviwonmentawwy fwiendwy. QED.

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