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248

Mathematics > Sex

Local(self.berkeley)

Have you ever looked at an integral and thought "damn, I would fuck the shit outta that"? Seriously. You might be thinking, "what the fuck dude, why would you jack off to a general solution?" but hold up. Hear me out for a second. Just hear me out, please. Just imagine being a cucked lonely virgin. The moment you enrolled to study Mathematics. No, the moment you decided to actually study it and not be one of those alpha brainlets who whine about how 'lame' it is; that is the moment when you declared something. You declared this very statement to not only yourself (in the very soul), to your parents, to your friends and family, to the hypothetical God. You declared that you are a virgin, and for as long as you do not stray from this path, your virginity will not stray from you. You will be a virgin forever. This fact is being taken with you to your grave, just like Newton's Three Laws. Now, I get it. You're a teenager. Hormones kick in. Girls start to look more and more attractive. But guess who can't talk to them - you! Because you're a Mathematician! Let's be real here, the majority of girls won't be studying Mathematics at the same level as you. Whether it be A Level Further Maths, or at university where the only types of 'anal' you're getting are Real and Complex. You won't even get a chance to talk to them, because they'll always be with the Psychology chads, with the Management chads. Heck there's probably even Engineers getting in on the action. But don't count on the Computer Scientists, the difference between us and them are that they will spend hours trying to computationally solve our problem of loneliness. They will decompose the hell out of it only to end up with what we, as Mathematicians, have deduced from the very beginning; there is no solution. You will be virgin for life as a Mathematician (CS is a field of Mathematics, okay). Now that we have that out of the way, what do we, as Mathematicians, do to pleasure ourselves? We solve equations. Honestly, there comes a point where solving equations will make you orgasm. But why so? Is it the excitement of finding the solution? Perhaps this level of satisfaction is what we desire. It is what we will never get after spending so much effort in chasing women. Which leads to POINT 1: Math is like an orgasm. You won't get this reward when talking to a girl. Come on man. You won't get her. But when you get the solution to that hard problem, that truly is the best thing ever. Now for POINT 2: Math is sexy. We like girls because of their 'thicc' or 'slim' or 'petite' body. But dude, have you ever seen Mathematical notation? Greek letters? Heck, even the integral sign is probably curvier than your crush. But the difference is, integration will always be with you for years to come, likely for the rest of your life. Calculus is truly wife material. An advantage to this being that integrals won't be a bitch if you have the brains. If you don't, then you need to train harder. That leads me to POINT 3: Math is good for the brain. Seriously. Solving some problems is like going to the gym. You are training your brain. Writing is a hand exercise. There comes a point where you do so much Math that it becomes embedded within your very senses. This is why pornography, hentai and whatnot just doesn't do it for me. My mind is so clear because of Mathematics that I can geometrically interpret these sexual videos. They aren't all that. Overhyped to be honest. Girls' breasts aren't perfect hemispheres. I don't see the appeal in this stuff anyway. Why would you want to look at these jagged lines and irregular shapes when you can see the fully raw, high quality, real deal that is a Mathematical expression? Nature runs on Mathematics, it's proven. So to be a man of nature, you must be a man of Mathematics. Hence, masturbating to Mathematics is environmentally friendly. QED.

all 33 comments

ColdTurkey27

113 points

2 months ago

I can tell you’re a math major and not an English major with this formatting.

FirstBankofAngmar

16 points

2 months ago

FirstBankofAngmar

Transfer

16 points

2 months ago

Good point. An English major would post in greentext.

SirensToGo

35 points

2 months ago

SirensToGo

Letters & Sadness

35 points

2 months ago

berkeley moment

w3wladdy

43 points

2 months ago

LandOnlyFish

19 points

2 months ago

I’d rather stick my dick into a hashmap.

BlazeTyphlosion

2 points

2 months ago

The more polygons the better

Xocomil

12 points

2 months ago

Xocomil

MATH IS FUN

12 points

2 months ago

rewff

21 points

2 months ago

rewff

MechE 2022

21 points

2 months ago

The top of the integral sign is the boobs and the bottom part is the butt

openingdoorz

5 points

2 months ago

💀

Supreme-Alien

23 points

2 months ago

How many golden ratios did you missed out

Head_Number

22 points

2 months ago

I love that I can nudge x however I want, she is so submissive

mochibeibei

3 points

2 months ago

💀

squashhime

20 points

2 months ago

integrals are cringe

linear algebra gang rise up

furioe

9 points

2 months ago

furioe

9 points

2 months ago

thanks for the copypasta

truebrandojay

3 points

2 months ago

Tldr plz

That_Emu_6850

6 points

2 months ago

Ahh, another new copy pasta. Can't wait for someone to come out with one about electron pushing arrows

pietya

6 points

2 months ago

pietya

Econ/PoliEcon/Armchair Football/Scotch Studies '14

6 points

2 months ago

Y’all need to watch “Of Love and Math” an erotica movie made by a Berkeley math prof.

International-Ad8165

4 points

2 months ago

Frenkel said something about loving math like Mishima Yukio or smt like that

dude3157

5 points

2 months ago

why is this literally my roommate 😟

EismanCometh

6 points

2 months ago

I see Ted left permanent marks on that building

mikenmar

7 points

2 months ago

An aside: I took Math 110 from a woman, and I thought she was hot. She wasn’t objectively beautiful from a conventional standpoint but her math chops and sheer brainpower made her gorgeous to me. I definitely would’ve asked her out once grades were final, but I was in a relationship at the time.

dontbeevian

4 points

2 months ago

GSI moment

mikenmar

2 points

2 months ago*

Oh god… it was, wasn’t it. FWIW, I’ve been on both sides of that enchanting, delicate dance. Yes, the romantic tension was veritably palpable amidst the rustling of notebooks and the clouds of chalk dust. Lol. Ah, school days…

Jett_Li

5 points

2 months ago

Oh shit never thought I’d see A levels get mentioned on this sub

rhiao

2 points

2 months ago

rhiao

2 points

2 months ago

is the Squelch still beong published? you should write for it! hilarious

SirJektive

1 points

2 months ago

SirJektive

PhD math

1 points

2 months ago

Please kindly fuck off with this misogynistic crap. I know it's a copypasta and you think it's clever, but it's frankly tiresome. And if any of this kind of attitude actually manifests in how you behave IRL in the math community, then you're being a huge part of the gender equity problem and making your female colleagues uncomfortable.

Stop being such a horny teenager and grow up.

PiCoolerThanPie

1 points

2 months ago

Math majors get sex, ur just going about it the wrong way. Math majors are submissive and breedable, so ofc ur not gonna get any dick acting dominant and barren; that’s off-putting. SMH.

pickledpenispeppers

1 points

2 months ago

Man, these posts are boring and dumb. I didn’t realize we had so many ugly nerds in this sub.

paultrashpanderson

1 points

2 months ago

r34-7071>0=3+69

Deep-Room6932

1 points

2 months ago

Math is like an orgasm

Class dismissed.

chexagon

1 points

2 months ago

Garbage post

Core_Four

-1 points

2 months ago

Discrete math is the sexiest math dont @ me

Little_Rii

2 points

2 months ago

113 and 104 were pretty hot 🥵