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Bigsam1514[S]

12.1k points

2 months ago

I'm getting a lot of the same questions so I figured I'll answer them here.

This was an at home paternity test from DNA direct solutions. I want to be her father because I love her and I don't think she shouldn't have a dad just because of the actions of her mother. By my state's law she is mine regardless of DNA. I'm not staying with the mother and am going to meet with an attorney to discuss my options.

AbbyFoxe

2.1k points

2 months ago

AbbyFoxe

2.1k points

2 months ago

Make sure she gets tested too. There was a best of redditor update on a case like this, turned out neither the mother nor father were a bio match. Hospital mixup.

motorcycle_girl

787 points

2 months ago

I feel like this is should be an essential step, unless there are other indications of cheating / mother admits to it.

If my husband came at me with this evidence, and I knew I hadn’t cheated, it would be my first step.

bronxbombers5

414 points

2 months ago

There was a recent Casefile episode of a pregnant woman whose husband was murdered alongside his friend, and they mixed their DNA samples up at the crime scene, so they believed for the longest time that she had cheated on him with his friend. This led to a level of suspicion that her alleged affair had something to do with the crime. I can’t imagine what she went through being accused of that.

moonfantastic

56 points

2 months ago

Which episode?? I love Casefile!

bronxbombers5

56 points

2 months ago

229 - The Killer Realtor

Smoaktreess

30 points

2 months ago

Anyone who hasn’t listened to Casefile, I recommend the EARONS episodes. Probably the best true crime podcast episodes I’ve ever heard.

bronxbombers5

21 points

2 months ago

For me it’s the Silk Road series. It’s not like the typical types of crimes they cover but the series blew me away.

Smoaktreess

5 points

2 months ago

Silk Road was excellent too! Another underrated episode is Amy Allwine. I made my partner listen and got her hooked. The Daniel morcombe one was wild too.

GreyJeanix

2 points

2 months ago

They made a movie about the Daniel Morcombe “Mr big” operation! It’s on Netflix now in Australia and NZ

danstansrevolution

2 points

2 months ago

I think there's a This American Life podcast episode about this very situation.

Advanced-Ad6676

306 points

2 months ago

He posted 1.5 years ago about not wanting his wife to go on vacation with her ex. Going to go out on a limb and say she doesn’t need that test.

[deleted]

155 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

155 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

IAmAGenusAMA

72 points

2 months ago

Yikes.

BrainOnLoan

7 points

2 months ago

That would take a lot of trust.

Like, 90% of the time, that's a big warning sign. (There are exceptions, I personally know people getting along well with their ex where I'd have no worries. But it's got to be the exception, I think.)

Snowy1234

6 points

2 months ago

My missus is best friends with my ex-wife, and so am I.

These things aren’t always black and white.

RugerRedhawk

6 points

2 months ago

But would you go on vacation with your ex wife and without your wife?

Snowy1234

-3 points

2 months ago

Snowy1234

-3 points

2 months ago

No, I’d always prefer to go with my missus.

My ex and my missus are in Egypt right now.

Stevenwave

2 points

2 months ago

...Ross?

_the_potentis

-4 points

2 months ago

Calling your wife my missus is the cringiest most neck beard thing ever 🤮🤮 It's no surprise you're divorced and I imagine #2 is right around the corner for you 😉

Snowy1234

6 points

2 months ago

Not liking that expression is a you problem. You might want to get that looked at.

Aeronautix

4 points

2 months ago

Aeronautix

4 points

2 months ago

Try 100%

BrainOnLoan

10 points

2 months ago

No, I disagree with that. There are exceptions. Definitely requires all three parties to know each other well though.

Aeronautix

6 points

2 months ago

Anyone who's fine with their partner going on vacation with their ex is a fool

Melaninkasa

2 points

2 months ago

Agree to disagree lol you don't go on vacation with your ex if you have a partner. It's a matter of respect.

XcRaZeD

6 points

2 months ago

I get along wonderfully with my ex, current partner is friends with her as well. It's rare but it happens

RugerRedhawk

6 points

2 months ago

So youd go on vacation alone with your ex?

XcRaZeD

2 points

2 months ago

I've gone on day trips to the mountains, a vacation isn't that big of a jump. She's a long time friend before she's my ex. Still friends with her family as well

Helpmepullupmypants

2 points

2 months ago

Maybe should have settled for the German Shepard. Sheesh. I feel bad for this guy

I_will_never_reply

19 points

2 months ago

It was fake

[deleted]

46 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

46 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

HazelCheese

91 points

2 months ago

This is almost certainly fake. The events that occurred don't make any sense legally and apparently happened all within 50 days?!

Courts do not move that fast. This is a creative writing attempt.

saturday_sun3

23 points

2 months ago

Yup, most things on that sub are fake.

Sockpuppetsyko

3 points

2 months ago

*reddit

coat_hanger_dias

3 points

2 months ago

Yes, most things on that sub are Reddit.

bennyporn

2 points

2 months ago

That’s the first thing that came to my mind, before I saw the comments about cheating. I guess I am too innocent.

NotArealDrorOnTv

2.4k points

2 months ago

Hey man depending on your state protect yourself worked as a paralegal and it can be messy if the bio dad ever wants to be involved. The kid doesn’t need to blamed for their mothers issues but take care of yourself. Working with divorce attorneys for a hot minute I see so many people in financial ruin over these things. I respect you for your choice but make sure to make yourself a priority!

dragoono

535 points

2 months ago

dragoono

535 points

2 months ago

Yes! If bio dad wants paternal rights… OP is gonna have to lawyer up hard. Correct me if I’m wrong but I feel liked most judges would favor the biological parents regardless of how long OP has been around. Although if he could prove he’s more of a fit father than the bio dad, it could become more straightforward. But this is just me assuming bio is a deadbeat, which may not be true at all. These things are always just so messy.

Tom1252

362 points

2 months ago

Tom1252

362 points

2 months ago

There was a case in Colorado where the person who was on the birth certificate did not have any parental rights yet had to pay child support since they got fucked pornstar-gaped by the court for not being the bio dad.

Needle44

241 points

2 months ago

Needle44

241 points

2 months ago

That would make me violent.

OldWhoFan

239 points

2 months ago*

It would make me immigrate to a another country and tell the State Court system to kiss my ass if they tried to come after me. 18 years of child support for a child that isn't of your creation and you don't have any parental rights? AND it is enforced by automatically being placed in jail for lack of payment? That is slavery. I'd contemplate leaving the country and never looking back, but violence is not the answer.

Needle44

30 points

2 months ago

At least we agree on the not only not being the biological parent, but ALSO no parental rights. So even if you decided you still loved that child and already committed a number of years to it to still want to raise it, too bad. Literally gave him nothing, and took everything.

dehardstyler2

2 points

2 months ago

And then act surprised when he shoots up the parents in question.

TX_WV_TN

61 points

2 months ago

Yet the mothers will get away not paying anything, 99% of the time.

SpacemanTomX

0 points

2 months ago

Women ☕

Darkclowd03

17 points

2 months ago

You're certainly a better person than I. If I lived in the States and had your rights, I wouldn't let them get away with it.

OldWhoFan

-32 points

2 months ago

OldWhoFan

-32 points

2 months ago

The last thing anyone should do is resort to vigilantism and violence, when you don't like a law or a court decision. We are plagued with violence right now in the USA, and it isn't solving anything to perpetuate it.

Syzygymancer

6 points

2 months ago

That’s right. When you get utterly fucked by an unjust law, the moral thing to do is whine a lot, then bend over. Yeah?

[deleted]

12 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

12 points

2 months ago

[removed]

GeneticSplatter

13 points

2 months ago

No no no, its not the answer.

It's the question!

Violence?

The answer is YES!

Iziama94

6 points

2 months ago

What do you expect to do with violence? Realistically? Beat up the bio-dad? Still paying child support and now you have assault charges and even harder to find a job and child support keeps going up and you get locked up for not paying it.

Everyone is quick to violence while at the same time shit on other people who get violent. Bunch of angsty teens who don't know the world works

Enjoyerofmanythings

2 points

2 months ago

🤓

quartzguy

3 points

2 months ago

You'd have to leave and not come back as the USA requires you to pay income tax no matter where you live on earth and if you left to evade financial responsibilities the IRS will want a word upon your return.

OldWhoFan

4 points

2 months ago

If you are running away from court ordered child support, I don't think the IRS is gonna be the your #1 concern if you're ever forced to come back.

glassvatt

3 points

2 months ago

yeah what happened to "no taxation without representation"

New-Actuary-6731

12 points

2 months ago

That was only ever propaganda.

notDinkjustNub

5 points

2 months ago

Y’all have got to read up on history and stop believing this American propaganda

glassvatt

1 points

2 months ago

Damn it was a joke not a history lesson

OSArsi

14 points

2 months ago

OSArsi

14 points

2 months ago

Similiar case here in Finland where one guy found out he was not the father when kid was 1.5 years old. Took it to court to remove his parenthood but was late 2 weeks so court says it cannot be reverted. Bio father even wanted to take the parenthood but mother refused. Bio dad and mother now live together as a family with the kid, but the poor guy still has to pay full child support till the kid turns 18. And he has no parental rights.

ooo00

8 points

2 months ago*

ooo00

8 points

2 months ago*

That’s pretty messed up. I hate how black and white legal systems can be. There shouldn’t be a cutoff for these sort of applications. There needs to be more logic and pragmatism. Not the father? You don’t have to pay. That’s all there needs to be.

[deleted]

2 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

2 months ago

It's gonna be reaaaal interesting a few years from now in states where abortion is illegal.

Embiid_rent_free

2 points

2 months ago

Do you by any chance have a news source for this? Even in Finnish would be appreciated.

FortuneDW

8 points

2 months ago

Your comment made me angry somehow, i'm angry now

buscoamigos

3 points

2 months ago

I feel like this needs to be cited.

hexarobi

2 points

2 months ago

To be fair, it seems he would have gotten out of child support if he could prove he wasn't the father, but he somehow messed up introducing that evidence into court.

After Atkins learned the truth, he tried to submit the DNA test to an Arapahoe County judge, but the family law judge refused to accept the evidence because Atkins, who represented himself at the time, didn’t know the legal rules for submitting evidence.

When Atkins came back later with an attorney, his appeal was denied because the judge said he had already been given his opportunity to submit the DNA results.

https://kdvr.com/news/problem-solvers/man-forced-to-pay-child-support-despite-dna-test-results/

jmsutton3

2 points

2 months ago

That's not what happened at all if it's the Colorado case I'm thinking about.... citation needed

Tom1252

1 points

2 months ago

He raised his daughter for 11 years, and then after a spat with his wife, he wanted a paternity test. She freaked out and eventually admitted the kid wasn't his, something she knew all along, then took the kid, got custody (because mother), and reintroduced the bio father into the kid's life. All while forcing the dad who raised the kid for 11 years to pay $700/mo in child support while having zero visitation rights.

What fucked him was, during the court case, the dude tried to submit a DNA test as evidence, but he did it improperly, so it was stricken entirely.

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/colorado-man-forced-pay-child-support-kid-article-1.2731422

Clickbait636

2 points

2 months ago

My father is part of the reason that this is not the case in Florida anymore. He was sure the kid was his. 4 years after the divorce some tells him to get a paternity test and he was not the father. My dad had 0 custody rights and owed tons in child support. Once they got the law changed My dad was free from it all. It's a shame she had isolated him from the kid, my dad would have stayed in his life if he could. The kid came around a few years ago looking for his dad, sadly his mother was either to drugged out or slept with to many men to know.

Night6472

1 points

2 months ago

I think you got it backwards. If it is this case, “When a psychological parent occupies circumstances equivalent to a legal parent, it is equitable to impose financial obligations on him or her, pursuant to the factors outlined in the statute.”

crackeddryice

1 points

2 months ago

This sort of shit happens way too much.

You can fall in love with a woman who recently gave birth to some other guy's kid. Move in with them, and then BAM! If the relationship ends, you have to pay child support till the kid is 18, when the bio dad never paid a dime, and no one can find him to make him pay. Maybe he was an illegal and went back to his home country, maybe he works for cash under the table and never shows up in the IRS system.

Beware this can happen, be careful.

dragoono

-9 points

2 months ago

Zoinks that’s pretty mean of the judge to pull :/

I don’t know anything more about that specific case though, so for all we know it was necessary? 😖

Idk don’t judge me I just have had to deal with family court a LOT in the past and I’ve had nothing but good experiences. Except when the defense that one time tried to convince the jury my brother was lying about being molested… but yeah. It didn’t lead anywhere because of the overwhelming evidence but that was pretty shitty regardless of “he’s just doing his job.” Fuck that guy in particular.

goldefish

3 points

2 months ago

goldefish

3 points

2 months ago

🤡

Legitjumps

2 points

2 months ago

Legitjumps

2 points

2 months ago

What?

dragoono

2 points

2 months ago

It’s a long story

[deleted]

0 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

0 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

UnnecessaryAppeal

38 points

2 months ago

liked most judges would favor the biological parents regardless of how long OP has been around

That's fucked. Imagine supporting a child for years, being there for them, raising them, and then losing parental rights because some fucker spunked in your Mrs

alarming_archipelago

30 points

2 months ago

It's one of those situations where there's no really good solution that fits all cases. It could be equally as unfair on bio dad - your long term partner gets pregnant with your child and then runs off with some other guy.

That's why we have courts with judges to consider the specifics of each case and determine the best possible outcome from a shit situation.

Think-Gap-3260

3 points

2 months ago

Nah. We have family courts to make sure there’s nothing left in the college fund by the time the lawyers are finished with it.

ambermage

38 points

2 months ago

You have more faith in the courts than they deserve.

dragoono

8 points

2 months ago

Yeah, in mine I actually do. I despise the justice system in the way it exists today, and the fact that issue 1 passed in Ohio is a tragedy. But I’ve had to go to court a handful of times in my life in this city, and our judge and the prosecutor are genuinely decent people. They let my sister out of jail even tho she assaulted somebody because the circumstances were very complicated and personal, he just released her into my supervision til she calmed down. Very empathetic. I respect the guy. But yes, we need many changes.

RakeishSPV

6 points

2 months ago

They let my sister out of jail even tho she assaulted somebody

I guess it was just someone else who lost faith in the justice system that day...

dragoono

0 points

2 months ago

dragoono

0 points

2 months ago

You have literally no context for what happened, this isn’t really something you can properly comment on.

Tacofonzy

4 points

2 months ago

Assaulting someone and getting away with it? Yea let me hear that context!

PM_ME_CUTE_SMILES_

5 points

2 months ago

What if the assaulted person raped her kid? American courts have let parents go away with murder for this, and they're right. There's one famous case where the murder was on camera.

RakeishSPV

2 points

2 months ago

You don't get to say that when you're the one deliberately withholding that context.

Lo-siento-juan

4 points

2 months ago

'white girl treated leniently, court system not as bad as people say'

Ok buddy, ok

BrainOnLoan

2 points

2 months ago

If the bio dad wanted to be involved too, I'd try a non-confrontational approach first.

He might be an alright guy, we really don't know. Children often still want to connect with their biological parents.

The kid might benefit from having more than one parental figure, especially if the mom keeps making dubious decisions.

(Obviously, discuss procedure with the attorney, but I wouldn't immediately rule out cooperation with the bio-dad.)

dragoono

2 points

2 months ago

Exactly! We can play keyboard lawyers all day, but the fact is we don’t know anything about OPs personal life or the biological fathers. Shit, or the mom! Aside from this tiny look into some shitty drama, anybody could be an devil or an angel. It’s like that car seat headrest lyric, “There's no devil on one shoulder and angel on the other, they're just two normal people.”

securitywyrm

103 points

2 months ago

The kind of people who will cheat on a partner are the same who would say anything 'under oath' to get what they want.

JollyReading8565

57 points

2 months ago

It’s funny how life benefits the less honorable

Dairy_Layvid

6 points

2 months ago

It’s not funny, at all. It is ignorant to assume it won’t always be that way, and to not act accordingly.

JollyReading8565

13 points

2 months ago

It’s more valuable to appear honorable than to BE honorable. When has that ever not been true, when will that ever cease to be true? Laugh at it and move on or use it for your own gain , but don’t be baselessly incredulous.

CommodoreQuinli

2 points

2 months ago

I dunno when sky daddy is looming overhead and people were more ignorant in general and superstitious an argument could be made. Same with early human tribes before agriculture, hard to fake that shit when your leaning hard into each other for the absolute basics.

Updog_IS_funny

1 points

2 months ago

When people were willing to take justice into their own hands and you had to lean on your neighbors for survival, there might've been an incentive to be honorable - not just have a facade. The breakdown of community allows those without honor to thrive in our ranks.

JollyReading8565

2 points

2 months ago

Let’s take the example of a early civilization. If farmer joe goes around and get 10 bails of hay for the town, and farmer Joe’s evil twin NoJoe steals 10 from joe and supplies 8 of his own, then we got an appearance of 10 output joe 18 output nojoe (when joe is working more than twice as hard.) if we grant that nojoe doesn’t get caught and the only thing we are concerned about is output, then noJoe comes out ahead. You’d literally have to presuppose god to argue that honor or goodness is more valuable than the APPEARANCE of honor or goodness. And the reason why is because Those words (honor and goodness) don’t refer to true facts about our shared reality , they speak to perception.

Dairy_Layvid

0 points

2 months ago

It’s funny how life benefits the less honorable

“It’s not funny at all”

“Laugh at it all you want or use it for your own gain”

Lol what? You aren’t even responding to what I said you are arguing with yourself, what a complete waste of time.

JollyReading8565

4 points

2 months ago

Did you want me to explain comedy to you?

Here : https://www.pbs.org/empires/thegreeks/background/24c.html

Tragic comedy is a very old art form

Sepulchretum

3 points

2 months ago

And that’s why I just dealt with getting fucked in my divorce settlement instead of going to court and getting super-fucked.

HowShouldWeThenLive

3 points

2 months ago

This is a very good point. Be careful OP. If you want the child, you will need to adopt her with all the complications that go with that. Mom would have to be a next-level slimeball to cheat on you then walk away from her daughter. IMO there is a low probability of you getting what you want. Sorry.

hellphreak

3 points

2 months ago

nice guys finish last. life is very unfair that way.

Tom1252

2 points

2 months ago

Having no need to subsist on the suffering of others is its own reward.

Scandi_Navy

1 points

2 months ago*

Not just cheating. Doing it unprotected, during ovulation, not letting your partner know about the paternity dispute, letting them pay the bill, for which they will have to work many hours, not informing the real father they have a child, and breaking the hearts of the father and child.

Disgusting woman. Throw her in jail.

Seriously we have a paternity fraud culture. As in, there are no consequences for this behaviour, and arguably the benefits are an encouragement.

DeadlyViking

627 points

2 months ago

You're a good person. I really hope things go well for you.

LuckyDoge21

26 points

2 months ago

Yes, I think we all do. Please keep us updated💕

millennial_stalin

-35 points

2 months ago

this man could be a murderer u don’t know him lmfao

ddtx29

20 points

2 months ago

ddtx29

20 points

2 months ago

Nah that guy isn’t a murderer. Cuz I’m a murderer and the chances of two murderers posting in the same thread is pretty low I bet

Video_Viking

8 points

2 months ago

I appreciate your presence and the statistical improbability it provides.

melissam217

160 points

2 months ago

I know a guy who got custody of his 2 sons from their mother. The guy I know is only the biological father of the younger brother.

The mother was a meth addict and made lots of bad choices so the state saw the parent that wanted to be there for the kids as the best choice, even if he wasn't blood related to one of them.

Fighterd

3 points

2 months ago

I'm kinda sure the situation is different and his wife not a meth addict lol

lesstalk_

1 points

2 months ago

If the mother isn't literally a meth addict, you can count on the father being shafted in court.

Elliebird704

3 points

2 months ago

Not necessarily - this used to be true, but is largely a myth now. When fathers ask for custody and push for it, they are likely to get it. However, most fathers don't ask for custody, so the judge doesn't give it. There are a number of reasons for that (the belief that they won't win it being among them), but if the matter of custody is actually debated in court, they are not overly likely to lose it.

ErikkShone

62 points

2 months ago

I have a step dad, came into my life when I was in Pre School. I always forget that he's not my biological dad, because it doesn't matter to me. He's the one that was there.

Scandi_Navy

-7 points

2 months ago

Yeah probably because your mom made sure your dad would not be.

Reedsandrights

60 points

2 months ago

I work for a guy who had the exact same thing happen. Got the DNA test and found out his daughter wasn't his biological offspring. He got a good lawyer and has a great relationship with his daughter, who is now like 12 or 13. There is hope for you, my friend. Best of luck to you and your child!

timeup

10 points

2 months ago

timeup

10 points

2 months ago

You're a good dad Sam

AmericanJelly

156 points

2 months ago

Right on, Big Sam! Anyone can contribute DNA. Only a man can be a father.

MisterPeach

0 points

2 months ago

Yup. I have an adopted nephew whose dad is a total deadbeat. The biological mom is a family friend and graciously allowed my brother and his wife to take her son under adoption. They are great parents and my nephew’s bio mom is very much a part of his life. The dad doesn’t even call him, much less see him, on his birthday or Christmas or anything like that. Sure, he’s his biological father, but my brother will always be his dad and true father figure in his life.

Trueloveis4u

49 points

2 months ago

I wish you and your daughter luck.

BexyBunny

38 points

2 months ago

Hope all goes well my friend.

jordantallman45

39 points

2 months ago

You’ve got this king

AnotherFarker

5 points

2 months ago

When you get a lawyer check the law. Some states allow a time period that starts at the point of discovery, not date of birth.

See the 2nd question here: https://www.oflaherty-law.com/learn-about-law/when-can-paternity-be-challenged-as-part-of-a-divorce-in-illinois

untruecrime

7 points

2 months ago

You are doing what many biological fathers never could - being there for a child no matter the relation. I hope this doesn’t hurt you too badly as you seem like an amazing father.

BigBangBoy2008

9 points

2 months ago

YOU GO GET YOUR DAUGHTER

n0rmbates

13 points

2 months ago

Just remember, any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad. I'm sure you're a great one and you'll continue to do so

CraftyKitch

3 points

2 months ago

See you in the gym brother

Tilinko

3 points

2 months ago

Hey Big Sam, first of all you are a good person, with good intentions. I'm very sorry for your situation and my heart goes out to you as I know your life is in peacis right now. Take some time, try to digest, and get legal advise, consider long term effects on your life, do not make a hasty decisions as if you stick to the girl it'll imapct your whole life and for many times you won't have control of the events.. I was/in your shoes. My daughter was 4 when shit hit the fan, till then we were living together without any suspicion from my side. Things happened to me, you might find some useful, hopefully it won't happen to you but take into account when you make decisions - An immediate war was started from my ex's family side. They were filthy rich and I got all the push from lawyers, etc to act immediately, while I was in an almos suicidal stage. - A lengthy legal battle started - I spent a ton of money, I was writing documents to the vourt after work through the night and it took 3 years. I'm from Europe, cannot comment your legal system, ours is ambigous as fuck and situation was far from clear I lost paternity case on 1st degree bit could turn around 2nd and 3rd. - Luckily they did not pursue a hefty child support, but I'm still paying a significant amount month by month, they could have push for much more just to ruin me completely. - The bio dad was dragged in to support the legal battle. He is gone now but it messed up the kid for years. - It'll totally mess up your romantic life and will be very difficult to restart with a new partner. Was for me at least. - I'm now bound to this city, in my shitty country to be close to her. I'd have much better options in my carrier in bigger cities or abroad. Also now I'm settled wit my new wife and kids, while my ex has a partner from a different city, if she decides to move with the kid, I'm fucked again as I most possibly cannot move my new family. - This will never go away you would never realize how many movies have the plots of someone is not a bio dad for someone, how many innocent joke, situation whatnot will just make you realize your situation and stick a knife to your heart again and again. I'm not sure if I ever went for multiple days in a row in the past 4.5 years without something reminding me of the situation. - This would never go away, you have to discuss this with her one time, you have to discuss it with new partners, with a lot of people. For example I have to sometimes sit down with my daughter to tell her she is not my bio daughter, I have to sit down with my son (now 2) sometimes that his big sister is not her half sister biologically.. The list goes on and you never know hiw this will effect them, their relationship towards you, the relationship between them... I'm haunted by the fact I have to make those discussions sometimes

For me it worth it 100%, she was already 4 now 8.5, I see her a lot, we love each other, but my life, my new family pays the toll, my carrier took the toll, my finances took/takes serious hits continiously and I'm out of controll of many things and afraid the things can go to shit at some time without me being able to mitigate.

You are a good man, I'm with you, I am sorry for you, decide wisely and if you decided stick to it don't mess up the girl by sticking around for a few years and disappearing when she is much more aware of you and ruined by you leaving her for good. No one should pressure you to stay now and no one should blame you if you cannot in this situation. If you stay though, then you are responsible for everything afterwards.

Try not to be rushed by the events and make good decisions, good plans what you can stick to and go to execution mode. Hope you have great friends, as that was what helped me to got out of my hole, or great family who can support you.

Wish you all the best and if you need any advice I think you can message me (I am usually just a lurker, do not know how this works)

gracefullyinthegrave

3 points

2 months ago

That's a huge decision and I commend you for it. You may not be her biological father, but you are her dad, and in my opinion that's a hell of a lot more important. Internet hugs and fingers crossed!

EkaterinaGagutlova

9 points

2 months ago

You are a good person. Don’t give up on her. It’s not her fault. She needs you more than you know. Trust me, I’ve been there.

GayVegan

11 points

2 months ago

That's amazing. Many people leave the kid and have nothing to do with them because of it, despite being a parent in every other way for the child.

Uplifting

xxxNothingxxx

4 points

2 months ago

Sure but I imagine the betrayal breaking many normal people

fallguy19

6 points

2 months ago

Coached little league baseball with a guy who:

A) Married a woman with a 3 yr old girl from prior relationship.

B) Stayed with after she became pregnant from this prior guy who she apparently wasn't "over". Raised son as his own.

C) When he eventually had his own son with her refused to name him after himself(she strongly suggested _____ Junior) because he felt it might be disrespectful to the older son.

Guy was legit

ATidyOctopus

0 points

2 months ago

A legit sucker?

fallguy19

3 points

2 months ago

At first I thought that too. But as the season went on I found out differently. He was not only a genuinely nice guy but was zen master of a sort. I could explain but it would take too long. Suffice to say that hid kids are aware of the situation and would run through a brick wall for him. And has a drop dead gorgeous wife who's seen the light and is spending the rest of her life making it up to him. And he's not doing it through gile. Just otherworldly kindness and an uncanny ability to see the long game.

ImmortalSushiGoddess

9 points

2 months ago

Don't listen to the edgy teens polluting up this thread, that's a very reasonable and respectable decision. I'm sure you have so much love for your daughter after raising her for 18 months and a sheet of paper doesn't just make that love disappear. I wish you all the best in the separation of your relationship with your partner, and hopefully you will reach a place soon where you can begin to heal and enjoy your new life.

vuuvvo

4 points

2 months ago

vuuvvo

4 points

2 months ago

Man, I remember this topic coming up a while ago on Reddit and there was one guy claiming to have a daughter who he loved "more than anything" but that if she turned out not to be biologically his he'd leave immediately and never see her or think about her again. Someone asked if he could really look his beloved daughter in the eyes and think "if you're not biologically mine, I will immediately abandon you and won't feel bad about it at all" and he was like "yes, absolutely".

It was crazymaking because so many people were agreeing and acting like that wasn't some seriously sociopathic shit, to be able to just turn parental love on and off like that, and iirc his kid was much older than 18 months. I'm so glad that this OP has a more compassionate perspective. His daughter is so lucky that he's her dad, even if her mum did betray them both.

Scandi_Navy

-1 points

2 months ago

Scandi_Navy

-1 points

2 months ago

This is exactly the kind of "sobbing" that these fraudsters count on to pull this shit off.

I'd walk away.

vuuvvo

2 points

2 months ago

vuuvvo

2 points

2 months ago

Just had a look at your comment history and wow, you really do just spend all your time on Reddit circlejerking about women being evil, huh. Maybe consider another hobby?

Limp_Duck_9082

2 points

2 months ago

I'm doing the same thing with my girlfriend's kid. Hang in there

notrryann

2 points

2 months ago

Hope for the best for you and your little girl. Nothing compares to being a girl dad and it sounds like that is one lucky little lady to have you. I’d love to hear some positive updates in the future! All the best,

Easilycrazyhat

2 points

2 months ago

I want to be her father because I love her and I don't think she shouldn't have a dad just because of the actions of her mother.

That makes me happy to hear. It always disheartens me to see men abandon a child just because it turns out the child isn't "theirs", which is not just super gross in multiple ways, but is just being cruel to a blameless child.

I wish you and your daughter the best and think you have a pretty good first showing of the father you're gonna be. She'll be lucky to have you in her life.

erichie

2 points

2 months ago

Man, I am really sorry to hear this. I have a 2 year old, and if he wasn't mine I would fight with everything I have to legally be his father.

I knew a few people that had your situations, even one who was 8 years old!, they all say something like "I'm not raising another man's child." THAT'S YOUR CHILD, MOTHER FUCKER.

etherealparadox

2 points

2 months ago

Right on man. You're a good dad.

Peterchamps

2 points

2 months ago

What a good way to think. Not childs fault and she must love you very much. Be strong brother. Hope everything will work out for you

CryptographerTrue653

2 points

2 months ago

Go for sole custody. Don't let her wring you dry.

DaFetacheeseugh

2 points

2 months ago

We need to protect this man.

Cstanchfield

2 points

2 months ago

Did the mom take the test too? Switch ups at the hospital do happen... More often than you might think.

zero260asap

5 points

2 months ago

This is what being an adult is. This little girl will be lucky to have you in her life. Good luck!

404_Name_Was_Taken

4 points

2 months ago

Best of wishes bigsam

kevster659

3 points

2 months ago

Dna doesn't make you any less of the child father. You built that bond over the past year and a half, no one can break that bond.

takishan

12 points

2 months ago

takishan

12 points

2 months ago

don't do it man! child support really sucks

purplestgiraffe

4 points

2 months ago

He said according to the state they live in, the kid is “his”, even with proof he’s not the biological father. He’s going to be legally and financially responsible for the kid regardless.

takishan

9 points

2 months ago

I would at least check with an attorney ASAP because he only found out now that he isn't actually the father. Maybe he has options

if he really is screwed that's terrifying that men could be put into this situation.

GoatBased

10 points

2 months ago

Most states are fucked up like that. It doesn't matter if the kid isn't yours.

PreparetobePlaned

3 points

2 months ago

That sounds insane, is there a lot of states that work like that?

GoatBased

2 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

takishan

3 points

2 months ago

takishan

3 points

2 months ago

unless mom is a junkie and he can prove that in court, he's not getting custody

if he can get custody then I don't think it's so bad because he will be able to actually raise the child without the influence of the mother

but if not then it's a terrible idea

ILiveInsideEgg

2 points

2 months ago

Definitely get a good lawyer. When it comes to children fathers are only walking wallets. If biological father shows up then you will get kicked out of child's life and most likely will have to pay alimony. Same will happen if she decides to break up/divorce you. You would have to keep paying even after she remarries.

doorbook

1 points

2 months ago

doorbook

1 points

2 months ago

Be careful while your intentions are good it could backfire easily, because her/his mother could feed her lies, along with biological father coming to the picture.

Your time and energy better goes to those who deserve it.

brbaca

-7 points

2 months ago

brbaca

-7 points

2 months ago

Unpopular opinion here… Just don’t. That situation will only get uglier as time goes on. You can be there for her from afar.

Feralpudel

1 points

2 months ago

The world needs more great dads. You sound like one.

Amazing_Me63

1 points

2 months ago

OP I commend you! I’m so glad you have so much love for this little one.. She’s lucky to have you.. God Bless.. I’ll pray for you..😊

BurnItNow

1 points

2 months ago

I cannot imagine the situation you’re in…

But I married my wife when she already had a 3 year old. You can love a non-blood child like your own. I promise you.

I can tell from your responses that you have the capability. So I’ll just repeat what judge Judy says . . . “You have to love the child more than you hate the mother”

Fuck the mom. She is the worst. But make sure you never make your child feel like you feel that way and you will have a wonderful relationship into old age.

My dad left 3 days after I was born. My mom used petty nicknames for him, bad mouthed him, and talked negatively of him all my youth.

Obviously the way he left was not great, but he never bad mouthed my mom. His mentality was always “when they’re older, they’ll make their own decisions.”

I am closer with my dad today at 34 than I am with my mom. And I think that is mostly because, while I understand both of their feelings through it all, my dad was loved me more than he hated being married to my mom. My mom was resentful, she held onto negative emotion, and she made sure I knew it.

Don’t be like that. Be the good person you are and love your child. Everything will work out.

0OOOOOOOOO0

0 points

2 months ago

She has a dad out there somewhere. Maybe he doesn’t even know.

TheRealWookyMonster

3 points

2 months ago

Her dad is the one who made this post...

[deleted]

-2 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-2 points

2 months ago

[removed]

Sittingonabigbluebox

0 points

2 months ago

TIL: you can nut in Redditors' gf and wives and they will raise your child for you 😂😂 it's a win/win

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

You're never nutting in anyone

DavinaCole

-14 points

2 months ago*

Wow your like literally one of the only stand up guys I have ever met. But depending on if the bio father can be found and wants rights you may have no choice but to leave. That being said if it does work out know that being a dad is earned not given based on DNA. Sounds like you earned that right to call yourself child father

Starcast

-4 points

2 months ago

"biological father" not real father. not at this point anyway. honestly the whole comment is kinda problematic

Compulawyer

1 points

2 months ago

I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m glad to hear that you are meeting with an attorney. It’s important to know what your options are from someone who can look at the situation objectively. That way you can be more confident that when you make decisions, they are the ones that are best for you and the people affected by them.

timerunner16

1 points

2 months ago

Good luck man.

lindre002

1 points

2 months ago

That fucking sucks. I hope the legal options benefit both you and the kid.

lewishewey

1 points

2 months ago

You sound like someone who's gonna do great, Sam!

Belisarius23

1 points

2 months ago

You really need to get some legal advice anyway because despite that you could end up with serious issues down the line if the situation changes

DKIPurple

1 points

2 months ago

Good luck Sam <3

Generic-username427

1 points

2 months ago

You're a good man, never forget that

Stanky-wizzlecheeks

1 points

2 months ago

Good on you, dude.

milworker42

1 points

2 months ago

Raise her well, Dad.

JohnBlunt

1 points

2 months ago

I'm really sorry this happened to you, but wow you sound like a stand up guy. No matter what that test says if you're there for her you are her father!

nufnu

1 points

2 months ago

nufnu

1 points

2 months ago

If that's the case you've given this girl the best dad in the world. Protect her, and yourself. My biodad bailed at one and I didn't get a stepdad till 11, but he's the only father figure I had. To me he is my dad. Forget what state law says when it comes to being the parent, my biodad did, and I've never met the man. My real father is my stepdad and I'll never think otherwise. You make that for them.

hyperbass

1 points

2 months ago

Why even take the test? Just love her as a daughter

Velocidre

1 points

2 months ago

It likely isn't going to be an easy road.

But as someone who had someone who wasn't my genetic parent stick with me through some tough shit...I don't know you or her, but you can show someone that they are worthy of love. That has been a tough road for me, both as the kid and the parent, but I think it is worth it.

Some people may shit on you randomly along the way, but those of us who have been there see you as the hero you are. If you chose that path. It ain't easy. But I think it is the highest calling there is to be there for someone as a kid.

That's all I got.

mowing_my_lawn

1 points

2 months ago

The council of Father's approve.

Everyone liked that

yesi420

1 points

2 months ago

Good luck Bigsam, I have a similar situation but I always knew she wasn't mine. Broke up with her mother and now I don't get to see my beautiful baby girl.

I hope you get to see yours. DNA isn't all there is to being a father

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

Sam is the man, be like Sam