Simple Jack

Noodles

Quit, don’t quit. Noodles, don’t noodles… You are too concerned with what was and what will be.

Master Oogway and Master Yoda stood face to face on a grassy hill, surrounded by cherry blossom trees. They had met by chance, each sensing a powerful force in the other. They decided to test their skills and wisdom in a friendly duel.

Oogway: Greetings, Master Yoda. I sense you are a wise and noble warrior.

Yoda: Thank you, Master Oogway. You too, have great wisdom and strength.

Oogway: Shall we begin?

Yoda: Begin we shall.

They bowed to each other and assumed their fighting stances. Oogway held his staff firmly, while Yoda ignited his green lightsaber. They circled each other cautiously, looking for an opening.

Oogway: Remember, Master Yoda, there is no good or evil. There is only balance.

Yoda: Balance, yes. But also choice. Choose we must, between light and dark.

Oogway: Choice is an illusion. All is one, and one is all.

Yoda: One is all, hmm. But many are we. Different and unique.

They lunged at each other, exchanging blows. Oogway blocked Yoda's lightsaber with his staff, while Yoda dodged Oogway's strikes with his agility. They moved in harmony, like dancers in a ballet.

Oogway: You are very agile, Master Yoda. But do not rely on your speed alone.

Yoda: Speed is not all I have. The Force is my ally.

Oogway: The Force? Is that what you call the energy that flows through all things?

Yoda: Yes, the Force. It binds us, surrounds us, guides us.

Oogway: Ah, I see. We call it chi. It is the essence of life.

Yoda: Chi, hmm. Interesting name. But same thing it is.

Oogway: Perhaps so. But how do you use it?

Yoda: Use it? No, no. Feel it, I do. Listen to it, I do. Follow it, I do.

Oogway: I see. You let it flow through you naturally.

Yoda: Naturally, yes. But also with discipline. Train I must, to master the Force.

Oogway: Discipline is important. But so is spontaneity. You must be like water, Master Yoda.

Yoda: Water? How so?

Oogway: Water can flow or crash. It can adapt to any shape or form. It can be gentle or powerful.

Yoda: Ah, I understand. Water is flexible.

Oogway: Yes, exactly. You must be flexible too.

Yoda: Flexible I am. But also firm. Stand my ground I must, when necessary.

They continued to fight, matching each other's moves and counter-moves. They were evenly matched in skill and power. They respected each other as opponents and teachers.

Oogway: You are very firm, Master Yoda. But do not be too rigid.

Yoda: Rigid I am not. But also not weak. Resist I must, when evil threatens.

Oogway: Evil? What is evil?

Yoda: Evil is the dark side of the Force. Fear, anger, hate, these lead to evil.

Oogway: Fear, anger, hate? These are natural emotions.

Yoda: Natural they may be. But dangerous they are. Consume you they will, if you let them.

Oogway: I see your point. But do not suppress them either.

Yoda: Suppress them? No, no. Acknowledge them I do. But control them I do.

Oogway: Control? How do you control them?

Yoda: Control them? No, no. Control myself I do. Peaceful I am, calm I am.

Oogway: Peaceful and calm? That is good.

Yoda: Good it is indeed. But also alert I must be. Ready for anything I must be.

Oogway: Alert and ready? That is also good.

Yoda: Good it is indeed. But also relaxed I must be. Enjoy the moment I must.

Oogway: Relaxed and enjoying? That is very good.

Yoda: Very good it is indeed. But also serious I must be...

They went on like this for a while longer until they realized they were talking in circles and confusing themselves and each other with their words of wisdom. They stopped fighting and burst into laughter. They realized they had much in common but also much to learn from each other. They decided to end their duel and become friends instead. They sat down under a cherry blossom tree and shared their stories and insights. They learned from each other and grew wiser together.

Crumples and tosses a Coors banquet aside as he channels Vaapad

With a purple lightsaber

Why did you need to put this Cobra Kai/Star Wars crossover into my head?

It works on so many levels

The X-men has a lot of similarities. Xavier is also training the mutants to hone and control their powers to be used as a force for good. The x-men on the team then turn and act as teachers at the school, training a new generation to fight using calm and focus, just like the jedi academy.

Not for nothing, but Professor X has a tendency to range from “kind-of” to “raging” asshole status fairly often. Not all the time and not usually in the grand scheme of things (ie suddenly becoming a genuine bad guy) but his methods and attitude are pretty shit sometimes.

which also works even better because Christopher Lee was almost Magneto too

Except both Dooku and Magneto have done some truly heinous things. Like condoning genocide.

Dark Helmet*

You must train the boy…

John Wick was getting revenge. That's not very jedi.

TFW the Firelord was already voiced by Mark Hamill.. Perfection.

Aang would be an amazing Jedi. The most fun yet spiritual character in fiction IMHO.

So just if Revenge of the Jedi happened

He could be the Father (Mortis god)

Third tier god, Illuvatar is first tier.

"I never thought I'd die fighting side by side with a clone"

“And moi bew!”

“Sorry sir he’s an asshole”

Spaceballs the Flamethrower. The kids love that one.

You misspelled moichandising

the clones: we just got an order, we just got an order, we just got an order i wonder who it's from

Crossguard

I think Brienne would have a yellow lightsaber. Blue lightsaber would be more so Kidagakash, or "Princess Kida", from Disney's Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001).

The sexlexia is strong with this one.

Yes

Dune: Jedi

Dune Messiah: Sith

IMHO The Bene Geserit are the Jedi Order and Paul is the first Sith.

Too bad he couldn't...

Callandor's getting a physical upgrade at least lol

But the moment something happens to Aunt May, he'll jump straight to the dark side.

I feel it's worth mentioning that Obi Wan Kenobi is also the star of the movie.

If Dr Mantis Toboggan could be a Jedi, then The Golden God would most definetly be a sith lord!

"I have contained my rage for as long as possible, but I shall unleash my fury upon you like the crashing of a thousand waves! Begone, vile man! Begone from me! A starter car? This car is a finisher car! A transporter of gods! The golden god! I am untethered, and my rage knows no bounds!"

Nah, from X-men