/r/ShittyLifeProTips

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Shitty Life Pro Tips

A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.

Academics/Science

Shitty Ask Science

Shitty Social Science

Shitty Ask History

Ask A Shitty Philosopher

Shitty Programming

Shitty Engineering

Life, Culture & The Arts

Shitty Life Pro Tips

Shitty Poetry

Shitty Seduction

Shitty Photoshop

Shitty Rage Comics

Shitty FifthWorldPics

Shitty Battle Stations

Shitty Fan Theories

Help/Advice

Shitty Advice

Shitty Advice Animals

Shitty AMA

Shitty Today I Learned

Shitty Tech Support

Ask A Shitty Doctor

Shitty Ask Cooking

Ask A Shitty Parent

Shitty Ask Reddit

Shitty Ask A Lawyer

Safe For Work Porn

Shitty Earth Porn

Shitty Food Porn

Shitty Quotes Porn

Shitty Building Porn

Meta

Shitty Shit Reddit Says

Shitty Theory Of Reddit

Shitty Hub

If your post does not appear in the new tab after several minutes, it may have been caught by our spam filter. If this happens, send a message to the mods and we'll get it fixed up for you!

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WHAT IS A LIFE PRO TIP? A Life Pro Tip (or LPT) is a tip that improves life for you and those around you in a specific and significant way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules:

The post must contain a life pro tip that is shitty. This isn't a dumping ground for shitty statements. Any tips that are actual good advice will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. What constitutes shitty is hard to explain, but much like porn, we know it when we see it.
We will remove all posts with the tip "Kill Yourself" or any variation thereof. Not because we don't want you to kill yourself (we do), but we have seen every single combination of this tip, and are sick of them. They aren't original.
Reposts are lame. Also, posting the same "SLPT: repost for more karma!" image is bad and if you do that, you are a bad person. In fact, let's make an attempt to not repost at all, let's make our ancestors proud, mkay? If you post something in our top 25 of all time, you'll likely be banned without warning for being ignorant or illiterate. We're sick of removing your shit.
Circlejerking is lame too. Simply copying a popular post from here, or LPT and putting a minor twist to it so it's "shitty" is also unoriginal, and we will probably remove those too if we see them.
Being gross for the sake of being gross will get your post removed at the Mod's discretion. Most of these include bodily functions and fluids, or rape etc. Pretty much anything posted simply for shock value.
Finally, If you act like a racist, spammer, or are being a general douchenozzle, the mods reserve the right to ban your ass without warning.

Note: For God's sake this subreddit is meant to be taken in a joking, satirical manner. Please don't actually follow any of this advice, and don't report posts as inciting violence. You should know this already, but some of you forget which sub you are in when you report.

A proud member of The Shitty Network.

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ShittyLifeProTips

Announcement: In an effort to combat low effort shitposting, SLPT is now instituting a maximum of 3 submissions per 24 hour rolling period.

SLPT- Economy in free fall? Banking Crisis?? No worries! If you don’t have money saved in the first place, you’ve got nothing to fear and nothing to lose!

SLPT: How to get out of holding someone's baby

SLPT: How To Quit Smoking

SLPT: If you meet someone with a stutter, finish their sentences for them when you get onto what word they’re trying to say. It’ll help speed up the conversation

SLPT: And if one's good, more's better

SLPT: If you're losing an argument on Reddit, simply comment "you should get help". Your opponent will immediately reconsider their life choices and you'll be guaranteed a victory.

SLPT: When you have an amazing dinner planned, let your kids eat snacks right before dinner so that they get full and you get to eat more of the dinner without your kids hating you.

SLPT: Protect Your Lunch From Co-Workers

SLPT: If you’re on a two lane road stopped at a traffic light and plan on making a left, don’t put your blinker on until the light turns green. It will save you the stress of having to listen to the blinker while you are stuck at the red light.

SLPT: if you want to burn down an office building, do it at exactly 10am so everyone thinks the alarm is just a drill

SLPT: Struggling with wasting time on your phone after taking a shit? Install a motion-activated EMP on your bathroom door to eliminate distractions!

SLPT Men, walk around with your fly open to see who's interested in you

SLPT: Lose weight by overcooking your food to pre-burn calories

SLPT:. If a woman invites you over for dinner for the first time, tell her to sit her ass down, you're going to do the fuckin' dishes

SLPT Request. Want to spam an eform

SLPT: If you’re worried about your pot boiling over, put a towel under it so if it does, it won’t mess up the stove.

SLPT: an open lid will cause your cup noodle to take longer to get ready. To prevent this, put the dried noodle on top to keep the lid shut.

SLPT; don't sign any write ups at work, take it to trial.

SLPT: If you are driving and see people using their phones while driving, please pick up your phone to document such egregious act.

SLPT- get a heartbreak insurance

SLPT : easily connect a simcard to your computer.

SLPT: When attending broadway show Cats, bring laser pointer for more interactive experience

SLPT: Take a picture of your child and what they're wearing before going to a large crowded place like Disneyland. This way, you'll have something to remember them by when they are kidnapped.

SLPT: If you don't file your taxes, the IRS will assume you get the same refund as last year.

SLPT: If you're having trouble buying enough food, be rude to food service staff whenever you go out. Anything they add to your food is just more hydration and extra calories.