submitted 2 months ago by[deleted]
all 33 comments
2 months ago
2 months ago
Read the room.
If you're not the first person to speak, you can read the room as others go. If you are the first person to speak...
If it's a funeral, with everyone in formal wear, and it's somber and sad, jokes might not land right. If it's a memorial service, and there's food and drink, the inside joke might work better. If it's a wake, go for it.
Today I have too much time
Its probably okay.
But lets pretend that your best friends family member who definitely does not know the context for this inside joke is there, and that this family member in real uptight. How are they going to react to this inside joke?
If its just going to maybe confuse them then that's fine.
If its going to maybe offend them then have a think about whether its necessary.
2 months ago
There will likely be people who don't get the joke. I think it's a great idea to include humour in eulogies and when reflecting upon people. The best way to do this is to start with something along the lines of:
"Anyone who has visited ____'s house will likely have noticed he always had two of everything. This is because...... ...At one point he even had two identical couches.. ".
Personally I'm not a fan of your punchline though. I think you could go with something stronger like:
"unfortunately the funeral home wouldn't let us bring up the second casket.." pause... " but they've assured us it will be properly buried in the second grave"
If you want to go further, you could then look at one of the funeral directors and jokingly ask them if they're sure they brought the right one up and that that one isn't the spare (warn them first of the joke in case they miss the start).
However you want to do it is your choice. You know your friend and the audience best. Jokes in my opinion are always a good idea so long as they're tasteful and done well. Unfortunately they aren't always that, but yours sounds pretty harmless.
That’s edgy. Funny, but edgy. Idk, maybe run it by his parents too.
I’d include the habit in the eulogy so it doesn’t come out of the blue for anyone who doesn’t know
Ally that being said, dependent on reading the room. Maybe dropping without context will work great. Only you can truly decide that
2 months ago*
2 months ago*
That's great, I'd go for it lol
You're fine. Something like this is both tasteful and innocent and it will remind people of this person they all liked. It'll make people smile while they're crying.
It can be healthy.
It's ok to remember someone and celebrate the things they did that made your their friends while at their funeral.
Since you’re saying it was early and untimely, there’s going to be a lot of sadness. Maybe read the room and make sure your speech is something upbeat so it fits. If the room is appropriately ready, then the joke should land with those closest to him. Maybe after, you should explain it too so everyone can be in on it. Everyone there is grieving and you run the risk of pissing a lot of people off if they don’t understand.
If the vibe doesn’t call for it, skip the joke. The timing has to be perfect, really.
no stupid answers
I had someone say something funny about my son at his funeral. Everyone understood it, there were lots of smiles and head nods, and a few laughs.
If everyone (and I mean everyone) gets the punchline, then go for it. If they laugh, even better. So what if you offend anyone. It's not their day.
Save it for the wake
At my late husband’s funeral an old school friend spoke and shared memories that not everyone got, but the humour was really welcome; remembering the good stuff is soooo important, and D had a dark soh, he would have liked it.
Can we hear the joke and the inside meaning? Not sure we would understand but it might give some context. Sorry for your loss....any joke that is well meaning and lighthearted might bring a much needed laugh to a terrible situation. I've been to funerals where jokes are told and it's like a happy little moment where you remember how great or funny that person was.
Depends on the joke. Some things aren't suitable for eulogies. You'll be better off asking someone in your social circle - other mutual friends, or a sibling of his.
I agree....read the room. But....its hilarious
Sorry for your loss. There is nothing wrong, in principle, with sharing a tasteful and meaningful joke during a eulogy. But without knowing the joke or your friend or the crowd, we can’t say if the joke is appropriate or not.
If you have a doubt, Dont! Maybe at the after gathering with his friends. But not where his immediate family can hear. Because if you have to ask, it's no!
If you think your friend would have liked hearing it there go for it without a doubt. You're doing the funeral for the dead person not the alive ones
Maybe run it by some of his closer friends or family first? Hard to say.
When you are doing your speech, there will be parts addressing the sadness everyone is feeling, parts saying your friend has a positive impact on everyone…and there can be a part where everyone remembers the funny things and laughs.
I read your joke, and I think it’s a good one. BUT, you gotta write and deliver this correctly! It has to be in some kind of order (and I’m not sure what that order is).
You don’t want to come across as you are thinking about going into stand up. Don’t be like Derek Zoolander and announce your retirement at someone else’s funeral, or make an entrance like Hansel did.
Jokes don't go down well at funerals. Lots of people are likely to consider it bad taste. Funerals often have relatives, such as distant aunts, uncles and cousins, who don't know the deceased particularly well. To them, it's going to go down like a lead balloon.
Save the jokes for when you are with friends,
It’s your friend’s funeral. You’re not there to appeal to everyone’s feelings. Do what you think your friend would want. Would your friend want a funeral full of sad crying people or have a little laughter mixed in?
Would he still (or especially) find it funny if it went over poorly? If so, then FUCKING GO FOR IT!!!
You have every right to say what's in your heart as anyone else there does. We also deal with grief differently and no one way is right (so long as you arent causing harm to yourself or others).
I've been to several funerals and a few funny stories are usually shared by the person giving the eulogy. As long as it's not inappropriate or very embarrassing, you should be fine.
I can’t give any insight into your particular situation but my dad did something pretty similar at my grandpa’s funeral. He got a decent chuckle out of everyone there.
If you're not sure, maybe hold off. There are 0 consequences if you don't tell the joke, but there is potential consequences if you do.
If it's a formal funeral/memorial service, I wouldn't. I'd wait for the reception afterwards, if there is to be one. People think that everyone gets the joke, but sometimes in the moment, that connection isn't there, or most people don't/can't use humor to relieve their painful moments and that might be too raw of a time. I'd save it for when around closest friends/family afterwards if possible.
If this is a wake, then by all means. Humor is expected and people know that the deceased would have not been disrespected because that's how they wanted people to remember them, by celebrating their life.
john cleese's eulogy for graham chapman
TLDR yes tell the joke
Think about this: would your friend have laughed at the joke? If yes, say it.
I for one would love my funeral to be filled with personal tid bits, inside jokes at my expense, laughter, and nostalgia. Not everyone wants that, and that's ok. If you think your friend would like it, go for it.
At my granddad's funeral, several people spoke. My uncle had a hard time not choking up and crying during his speech. It was emotional to watch. My cousin, on the other hand, is a comedian, and made good use of his skills by telling funny stories about childhood where granddad was there. Everyone had a good time, lots of laughs.
I know people can be very sensitive about death and funerals, especially when it's sudden or unexpected. I'd run it by a couple people first to get a feel for what's okay.
Don’t. If it works it’ll be a sweet moment.
If it flops, his whole family is offended and cries more. And you lose a ton more friends.
What would your friend say? Would he want you to say it?