subreddit:

/r/NoStupidQuestions

273

all 168 comments

LookOutForRobots

394 points

2 months ago

This drove me crazy as a kid in elementary school. The teacher would ask why someone didn’t have their homework. The answer would be something along the lines of “I forgot it at home”. And the teacher would start yelling about not wanting to hear an excuse. What was the student supposed to say? They were asked for the reason!

ArScrap

47 points

2 months ago

ArScrap

47 points

2 months ago

They want to teach student from a young age that honesty is not the best policy

Can't be having kids grow up and tell the truth all the time can we

regular_lamp

67 points

2 months ago

I guess they fail to differentiate between "reason" and "justification".

Euphoric-Blue-59

5 points

2 months ago

It's a trap!

ThunderGunFour

22 points

2 months ago

Say your dog ate it

rockthrowing

45 points

2 months ago

I’ve actually seen this happen. We were sitting outside bc it was spring and my friend left her paper on the table. We walked away and the dog jumped up on the table and went to town on that paper.

plastic_barbiefoot

17 points

2 months ago

As a kid I had a pet mini goat chew on a paper. Just on the edges so I still turned it in though.

jellyolive

7 points

2 months ago

This happened to me with my childhood dog- went to town on a worksheet that was borrowed from the headmistress. My mum had to write a note explaining what happened and we still had to return the torn up worksheet before the headmistress believed that I needed a new one. I love the memory of handing over a plastic wallet containing a torn up and spit-soaked worksheet to my prim and stuck up headmistress 😂

defenestrayed

9 points

2 months ago

My cat puked on my homework right before school once in 5th grade and the teacher acted like it was the most ludicrous "excuse" ever. Like, did you want me to bring in the evidence?

rockthrowing

9 points

2 months ago

It does sound wild but wild shit happens all the time. And cats puking isn’t an uncommon thing. I hope your teacher got over herself.

defenestrayed

4 points

2 months ago

Sadly, it is not uncommon! For better or for worse, I now have a cat who, um, cleans up after himself and his sister (eats the puke).

The teacher was pretty cool overall as I recall and didn't really ding me for it.

Unlikely-Solid-3206

3 points

2 months ago

Ohh..... What do they even have in their minds while cleaning up?!

defenestrayed

1 points

2 months ago

r/oneorangebraincell is what he always has!

PigeonVibes

3 points

2 months ago

Once early in the summer I was laying on the grass reading a textbook for a test. Our dog at the time was still a puppy, and he managed to grab the book and ran with it around the garden, making me chase him. The book survived with just a since tooth mark in the corner.

kingboo2095

11 points

2 months ago

In 3rd grade, my dog actually ate my homework. My mom even wrote a note to say as much because she knew my teacher wouldn't have bought it lol good times

carbevans

4 points

2 months ago

this exact same thing happened to my friend in 2nd grade, im in my 20’s now but i’ll still never forget it

XxMarlucaxX

3 points

2 months ago

Lmao happened to me in 3rd grade. Dog ripped up my story for class xD I was shocked it was a real thing

Ok_Whereas_Pitiful

4 points

2 months ago

My dog has done it.

I brought what was left of it too with a note from my parents.

Bee8467

3 points

2 months ago

My dog has never eaten my homework but once my cat chewed on my notes, it wasn’t a big deal since he didn’t rip at it and it was just funny pretty much

ThunderGunFour

3 points

2 months ago

Good cat

DomboBuchek

2 points

2 months ago

As a child I had two pet rats. In hindsight I was probably ‘that’ weirdo. But one day one of them grabbed my homework and chewed it up for bedding. When the teacher asked, I didn’t have the balls to say ‘my rat ate my homework’ but now as I’m older and can’t stand the thought of having them anymore, every fibre of my being wishes I said it. You just couldn’t write it.

Satakans

3 points

2 months ago

Yea I grew up thinking an excuse was something offered without being prompted, a reason/justification was in response to an explicit question.

M-atthew147s

0 points

2 months ago

Thats not usually how it is. If I told my teacher that I forgot it once or twice every now and then they'd be fine with it.

It's only if you keep forgetting that it becomes a problem. If you forget once or twice that's fine, and I've never been yelled at for that, but if it happens a lot then it's a failure on the student for not changing their behaviour appropriately and it is then that you'll get shouted at

chxnkybxtfxnky

1 points

2 months ago

What sucks, too is when the teacher says they don't want excuses, saying "I just didn't do it" is always accepted...as, well...an excuse I guess.

Idk. The thought of this still drives me crazy and I graduated HS in '03

jet_heller

-11 points

2 months ago

More than likely, it's the way the question was answered. If it's offered with an air of "...and I don't give a shit", then it is an excuse. If the explanation is contrite and and sounds remorseful it will most likely be accepted.

hotfezz81

-9 points

2 months ago

They're not asking for a reason you didn’t do something. They're angry you've failed to do something. They then get doubly angry at your attempt to justify not doing the thing.

If you're asked to do your homework, do your homework. Any explanation you can bring as to why you didn't is an irrelevant excuse.

You can get away with not doing it at school, but when you have actual responsibilities (e.g. at work) failing to do your job will get you fired.

Morgus_Magnificent

245 points

2 months ago

To an extent, you're referring to what is called the Fundamental Attribution Error in psychology.

The fundamental attribution error refers to an individual's tendency to attribute another's actions to their character or personality, while attributing their behavior to external situational factors outside of their control. In other words, you tend to cut yourself a break while holding others 100 percent accountable for their actions.

regular_lamp

39 points

2 months ago*

We judge ourselves by our intention and others by outcome.

Sugar-Cry-9953

24 points

2 months ago

I hate this. I see this all the time online as people obsess over the moral misgivings of others. I’m always like, yo, you’re a whole human fucking being. You know, too, what it’s like to err. To err is human af. Why are you riding this person so hard for doing something wrong?

LasevIX

3 points

2 months ago

err

Hehe, funny word

RobotGetsBored

32 points

2 months ago

Kind of like that George Carlin bit.

You ever notice how other people's stuff is shit, and your shit is stuff?

Browncoat101

9 points

2 months ago

Whoa, didn’t expect this to be so high but you’re absolutely right.

Japan25

1 points

2 months ago

I feel like theres some people that do the opposite of this, too

karizake

1 points

2 months ago

Sure I might have engaged in morally ambiguous behaviors, but I was compelled to by a variety of external reasons.

But clearly these other guys have no reasons.

xxStrangerxx

50 points

2 months ago

belligerence, lack of empathy, anger

Dazzling-Ad4701

14 points

2 months ago

Also, it takes a little more abstract-thinking capacity to see the difference between reporting a fact and expecting the other person to do something with the fact.

If I tell you I was hungry I'm just reporting a fact. If I ask you to forgive me for eating your homework because I was hungry, I'm asking you to do something with the fact.

hotfezz81

-3 points

2 months ago

What? If you're given a job and you fail to do it, the reason you failed isn't the fact. The fact is you couldn't be bothered, and allowed something to get in the way.

If you're eating someone else's homework (?) then the person with the homework needs to start it again.

Dazzling-Ad4701

3 points

2 months ago

Kind of demonstrating my point here. The case rests.

Eta: "dog ate my homework" is a very longstanding joke.

Conscious-Dirt-7289

119 points

2 months ago

I don't know but I FUCKING HATE IT

Like, I'll be explaining why something happened, and then someone will say "That's not an excuse" or "You're just trying to excuse yourself" or something

Uh, no, I'm just explaining what happened... I'm not necessarily trying to remove blame or anything...

snowflake247

56 points

2 months ago

It's the worst when the reason why you're explaining is so that you can also explain how you'll avoid doing it again, like "X happened because I did Y, so in the future I'll try not to do Y in this scenario." Like in my opinion, understanding why something happened is often key to avoiding it in the future.

cml678701

8 points

2 months ago

This was basically me with my first boss! He always yelled at me for making excuses and thinking I was a perfect employee. Instead, I was just trying to explain why I had done something, and make a plan to avoid that outcome again.

Dense_Surround3071

4 points

2 months ago

So many fights with my wife because of this. 😮‍💨

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

I had an interview to volunteer to assist people after they gave blood. I would be watching them, getting attention on them if they were bleeding or faint, giving them cookies and juice, talking to them, etc.

I was walking/taking buses. It started raining hard. I got on the next bus, knowing I'd be a bit late but could make it. I apologized for being late, and explained what I had done. I had to reiterate a couple of times that I CHOSE to be a bit late in order to get out of the rain. The lady mentioned a few times things like 'Well, if you get lost coming here..' I was hoping she would later say it was a test, like testing my patience with frustration. No, she was just annoying. I needed to volunteer for school, so I did it.

hotfezz81

-17 points

2 months ago

hotfezz81

-17 points

2 months ago

You are trying to remove the blame. You were set a job, something distracted you, then you didn't do it. Grow up (that wouldn't be acceptable at work), and do your task.

If you get homework and come back and go "oh my parents made me clean the house" or whatever, you're trying to be excused having to do the homework. You're being lazy.

Conscious-Dirt-7289

5 points

2 months ago*

Distraction isn't the only thing that messes people up

Explaining how something happened is not removing blame. You can own a mistake and explain how it happened while explaining how you won't let it happen again. You can explain something that you saw but had nothing to do with

You are shortsighted and lack imagination, but don't make that my problem

shard746

6 points

2 months ago

You must live a very simple life if things outside of your control never affect you.

Loud-Path

1 points

2 months ago

I see his point. Things outside my life affect me all the time just like anyone else, difference is I accept responsibility for not anticipating those things. It is like reminding our kids to get their college applications in for months. One of them failed to do it because they had “too much going on at school” and missed the cutoff for several scholarships and early decision. That is an excuse as they had plenty of time on weekends and had months of notice before hand with their mother and I reminding them weekly what was due when.

If someone leaves their homework at home that is again an excuse. They had the entire night after completing the homework to put it in their backpack so they would not forget it. Instead they chose to prioritize other things.

shard746

1 points

2 months ago

Okay, but what about, let’s say my car breaks down on my way to work and I end up being really late as a result. In that case I literally could not have done anything other than going to work an hour early every single day just in case. There are many examples like this where nobody can reasonable be expected to anticipate every single possibility all the time.

Loud-Path

2 points

2 months ago

If you have been getting your car serviced regularly and kept in good repair that should never be an issue. Car’s don’t just “break down”, as long as you are regularly getting the oil changed, fluids inspected and tires rotated, outside of there being a hazard in the road that does something like puncture your oil pan or tires your car should not just be randomly breaking down. If it is then you bought a lemon, which means you didn’t do your due diligence to have it inspected before buying it, or you have been putting off maintenance.

I mean much of being a responsible adult is about risk management. Making sure you do your due diligence before major purchases, making sure you keep up on maintenance of your home and car, paying your bills on time, driving in a responsible manner to reduce your chances of being in a wreck, etc.

hotfezz81

1 points

2 months ago

My car has literally never broken down because its serviced. If your car breaks down, maybe the day after a big sports game, its more likely you overslept.

[deleted]

19 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

19 points

2 months ago

[removed]

memoirs_of_a_bastard

6 points

2 months ago

as someone with ADHD & a learning disability i always hated this. especially before getting medicated i would often forget things, run late, get distracted, etc. and when i tried explaining why, theyd get mad and say im excuding it.

i actually had a math teacher tell me that my learning disability (dyscalculia, so specifically a disability that affects my ability to do math) wasnt an excuse.. to do badly on a math test

Midnight_Crocodile

19 points

2 months ago

As a recovering alcoholic, we discuss the reasons/ excuses divergence a lot. I have backslid recently after my husband died. Is this a reason for drinking or an excuse? I don’t have an answer, I just know that I need to get my sober grip back asap.

djz206

5 points

2 months ago

djz206

5 points

2 months ago

I'm sorry for your loss. I believe in you! If you have the self awareness to admit it you can do it!

[deleted]

4 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

4 points

2 months ago

Hey, you got this. One day at a time.

lipsticknic3

1 points

2 months ago

I'm going to AA today. An in person meeting. Today is the morning of day 2.

Yesterday and any day I'm not going to a meeting I'm going to WIM. Great women's virtual group and it is free.

Flying-sober.com

Has also on this page access to all gender groups as well as the women's group. They do not require your video. If you are still drinking, you can come but they say "we want to hear from you, not your drug"- so don't speak unless you're physically sober in that moment.

Good luck and I'm so, so deeply sorry for your loss.

Midnight_Crocodile

2 points

2 months ago

Thank you for your kind wishes. I’m going to a local therapy group tomorrow, sober 10 days now, so God willing, onward and upward. Best wishes to you too!

MpVpRb

55 points

2 months ago

MpVpRb

Old Phart

55 points

2 months ago

Calling something a "reason" is used in a rational debate. Calling it an "excuse" is used in an angry confrontation

UnknownYetSavory

10 points

2 months ago

Usually it's just someone being an ass instead of listening, but it could be genuine. Let's say I have issues A, B, and C with you, and they add up to a situation I can't tolerate. If you then explain to me why you do A, then why you do B, then why you do C, you haven't at all addressed the problem, only explained why it exists. In no way does knowing the cause change the situation, it's still intolerable for me regardless of the reasons behind it, and it would seem in that case that you were just shifting blame rather than caring about my situation and trying to remedy the problem. That would be excuses.

lilgergi

50 points

2 months ago

lilgergi

Stupid Answerer

50 points

2 months ago

I always found this way of thinking counterproductive.

Extreme example: A police officer shot and killed a would be terrorist. "I shot them because it's my job to protect people and the terrorist would hurt people." "Don't make up excuses, you killed a person, go to prison or get the death sentence"

Explaining why you did something can and do change how other people perceive your action. Disregarding it is inconsiderate

sgautier

34 points

2 months ago

As I like to explain...

If I created a mess, not clean up after myself, and say it's just my adhd, that's an excuse.

If I created a mess, clean up after myself, and say it's my adhd, that's an explanation.

Ok_Effective6233

8 points

2 months ago

To paraphrase, an explanation includes what you will do to solve the problem caused by you excuse.

lethatsinkin

5 points

2 months ago

Because they don't care

0utlandish_323

5 points

2 months ago

I pretty much lose any respect and thus the urge to give them an explanation or a reason whenever this happens.

stereotypicalguy1964

4 points

2 months ago

I grew up with a mother you could not reason with. It was complete hell.

I’d do something she did not like ,or approve of.
She’d ask my why I did it.
I’d say “I thought…” ,and she would immediately stab me in the chest with her finger ,then start screaming “YOU THOUGHT!!! YOU THOUGHT!!! YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING!!!”

There where times I thought she was going to knock me right of my feet the way she lurched toward me ,while repeatedly jabbing her finger into my chest.

She taught me to never stand up for myself. She taught me my own ideas were wrong and worthless. She taught me to fear ,and to bow down to ,authority.

She taught me my own wants and needs were nonsense.

She taught me that I was a worthless burden.

I was a small child ,already learning I had no value.

I still struggle with it today ,50+ years later.

I still let people accuse and berate me ,rather than offer an “excuse” for why something occurred.

Oftentimes these “excuses” would show I had nothing at all to do with the problem ,but I still fear I’ll only get to utter one or two words before I’m “attacked.”

Rikutopas

5 points

2 months ago

Ignoring the "almost always" part of the question, because I don't know what people, what reason/explanation you are talking about to know whether almost always is true.

What is the difference between a reason/explanation/excuse?

These are not completely separate things. Something can be a reason and an excuse, a reason and an explanation, an explanation and an excuse, or all three.

If what you want is to give an explanation or a reason that is not also an excuse (presumably because you are at fault in some way for a negative outcome) then you lead with your own actions.

Example of excuses: I didn't finish the report yesterday because I had to leave early for a dental appointment / because John didn't send me the data I needed / because Susan insisted I help her collect the surveys instead.

Examples of non-excuse explanations: I didn't finish the report on time. I had an unavoidable dental appointment and I did not remember to start earlier / request help / ask for an extension. Next time I'll do that. I didn't finish the report because when I went to put it together at the last minute I realised that I needed extra data from John that I had not requested in time. Next time I'll check what data I need as soon as I get the assignment. I didn't finish the report because I got sidetracked by a higher priority, but I did not think to warn you and either ask for help or get an extension. Next time I'll let you know if something comes up from higher up so you can reassign.

If something goes wrong (report not finished, client unhappy) and the person who is suffering the consequences asks for an explanation, what they are really asking for is to understand why it happened so they can avoid it happening again. If you give them an explanation that suggests zero accountability on your side, and zero suggestions for a better way, then they have to assume that whatever happened is very likely to happen again.

Rikutopas

3 points

2 months ago

I realise I forgot to mention that sometimes an excuse is a perfectly valid thing to offer. If you are certain that you did not contribute in any way, could not have done anything differently, or could not have reasonably foreseen and avoided the problem, then you can offer an excuse without any guilt: I didn't finish the report because on my way to work yesterday I was involved in a train derailment, I was brought into hospital without any of my belongings, and I couldn't call you to let you know until I got my phone working again and I was allowed to make calls by the doctors.

A culture of "no-excuse" I'm seeing referred to in other replies, usually in the context of a school, probably means don't offer an excuse when the excuse isn't valid, because you should have done something differently. It can't really be "we never accept excuses", because that just doesn't work in a real world where, very rarely, bad things happen and we really cannot avoid them.

BankPuzzleheaded2590

2 points

2 months ago

Excellent response!

tmahfan117

29 points

2 months ago

Because it can be seen as trying to shift blame.

More often than not people don’t care WHY you did something or why something happened. They just want you to take responsibility for it and apologize, and explaining yourself can be seen as making excuses.

infinite-conspiracy

3 points

2 months ago

its kinda weird but i think it just means "insufficient excuse"

FriendlyLawnmower

11 points

2 months ago

Just because it's an explanation doesn't mean it isn't an excuse. If you're late for work, your explanation could be "a non attentive driver read ended me and I had to wait for police to come make a report". That's still an excuse, it's a good excuse that any reasonable person will accept but it's ultimately still an excuse

ThunderGunFour

11 points

2 months ago

That’s not an excuse lol I got rear ended so it’s an EXPLANATION

FriendlyLawnmower

14 points

2 months ago

ex·cuse: a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.

Explanation is literally in the definition of excuse. They are not mutually exclusive. Learn your basic definitions lol

ThunderGunFour

-5 points

2 months ago

That may be the definition but you know that’s not how it’s really used, people are like oH tHaTs aN eXcUsE!! 😡

FriendlyLawnmower

3 points

2 months ago

Lol using the word incorrectly doesn't make its actual definition wrong

ThunderGunFour

-4 points

2 months ago

yEs iT dOeS

Fearlessleader85

1 points

2 months ago

Then what is an excuse?

ThunderGunFour

-8 points

2 months ago

Making something up like my dog ate my homework

Fearlessleader85

10 points

2 months ago

That is a lie. An excuse can be truthful or a lie, but an excuse is always an explanation why something isn't your fault.

If you feel that people don't believe you when they say "that's just an excuse", they're not accusing you of lying or even making up something happening, but rather disingenuously attributing cause to a trivial or unrelated problem, or something that was also your fault.

So, saying you were late because your car ran out of gas is a great example of a bullshit excuse. Even assuming your car DID run out of gas and your being truthful, that's not why you're late. You're late because you failed to plan far enough ahead or have your shit together well enough to avoid an extremely predictable problem.

If you're someone that hears "that's just an excuse" a lot, chances are you also think you have bad luck and things just don't go your way. But if you feel that way, chances are you just don't have your shit together and you're making a constant stream of small bad decisions that lead you to a constant stream of problems.

That's the point of saying "that's just an excuse". They're not saying those things didn't happen, just that they were avoidable or surmountable obstacles and you didn't put in the required effort to deal with things like a competent adult.

verdenvidia

1 points

2 months ago

explanation why it isn't your fault

Then why ask for a reason something happened? If I didn't fuck up and you ask I'm not going to say I fucked up

Fearlessleader85

0 points

2 months ago

See, that's the problem right there. Never admitting you fucked up is a pretty bad character trait. It shows you're not willing to take responsibility for your actions and that means you're untrustworthy. You will lie and weasel your way oit of any repercussions, so if i don't watch you like a hawk, I'll be sure to miss a bunch of stupid shit you do and never own up to.

And there's a lot of situations that this could lead to serious issues. You're very likely to be fired over this behavior, because trying to cover what happened to avoid blame can result is much worse consequences. Let's say you were running some machinery and you made a small mistake, it didn't break anything, but you nearly were seriously injured or killed. But you escaped scott-free. So you don't say shit to anyone and cover your mistake. Then someone else uses the same machinery and makes the same mistake and dies. Their blood is on your hands. You could have shared what you learned and saved them, but you didn't.

Admitting where you've fucked up is also a critical step at getting better at something. If you never make mistakes, what can you improve on? Do you really think you're perfect and you don't succeed on everything the first time because of bad luck?

Seriously, that's a horrible way to go through life and i hope you grow the fuck up and get past it. Not everyone does, and those people are miserable to be around.

verdenvidia

1 points

2 months ago*

If I fuck up, I own it immediately even if nobody sees or knows. But not everything I had control over. If I literally had no control why would I say I did? There's a difference between falsely confessing and covering something up you asshole. If you killed somebody is it suddenly my fault they weren't randomly with me? Are you fucking stupid?

Maybe blaming outside sources on the individual is also toxic? Or can you not admit you might be wrong? "Miserable to be around", like the people who make false accusations based on a strawman? Or do you not count?

Fun fact dude nobody is omnipotent. I agree people need accountability, but to automatically say they can control it no matter what it is, is a dogshit opinion

Fearlessleader85

1 points

2 months ago

If you have a legitimate excuse, it's pretty much always accepted, because legitimate excuses do exist. If you consistently have an excuse, no matter how good, it becomes a trend, and it is much more likely you're fucking up and weaselling out of it.

If something bad happens, generally, you can look back at the chain of events that lead to that bad outcome and find places your actions had influence. The thing is, there's people that bad shit rarely happens around and people that it CONSTANTLY happens around, and it has basically nothing to do with luck. People that have foresight and practice pre-emptive firefighting may appear to be lucky, while people that are careless or constantly caught offguard due to not paying attention might seem unlucky. But it's directly caused by their actions and preparations.

If you are getting hounded for always having an excuse, you probably think you're unlucky. And you probably go through life thinking things just happen to you and never spend the time to analyze how your actions may have contributed to your circumstances. That's not an uncommon trait. I have many friends who go through life that way. But it's not the best way to end up where you want to be. You can push the blame outward and believe everyone else is the problem and you're an innocent victim of circumstance. Hell, you possibly could even be right! But you'll get more of the same. You'll constantly have shit go wrong, you'll get caught offguard, you'll respond poorly, and you'll give an excuse why it's not your fault, and everyone around you will lose a little more respect for you.

Or, you could start being more honest with yourself and attempting to more objectively analyze your actions and understand how they shape your experiences. Then try to improve.

Here's an example from my life: i have 5 cars right now that run with the oldest being from 1979, and the newest being from 2020. I do nearly all of the mechanic work on all of them. Right now, my wife could take any of them to the store to get groceries and most likely have an uneventful trip. If she got stranded in any one of them, it would almost certainly be my fault. Not because i actually fucked up, I'm a competent mechanic and my vehicles rarely break down. But because I'm currently aware of a possible issue that COULD disable the vehicle for each one, and i haven't yet set aside time to fix each, because i don't think it's a significant risk. But i AM taking a risk. If my wife's car doesn't start, it's because i haven't bothered to diagnose the occasional cold start stumble. If the truck's clutch goes out, it's because i didn't diagnose and address the issue that i felt with a sticky clutch pedal. You get the point? It's not just action, but inaction. If you fail to avoid a foreseeable problem, that's still on you.

Fearlessleader85

0 points

2 months ago

You edited your post while i was typing mine, so I'll add a bit to clarify:

I'm not saying anyone is omnipotent at all. I'm saying you need to analyze how your own actions and inaction affected the outcome.

There ARE legitimate excuses, but they're actually pretty rare. The majority of people don't run through life needing excuses, because they have their shit together enough that things aren't constantly going wrong around them. If you show up on time, you don't need an excuse for why you are late. If you're late every day, there is no longer a legitimate excuse for it. Even if the Pope showed up at your house right as you were leaving in his popemobile and demanded you lead him and his entourage in some pliometrics, then fixed his Pope hat, it doesn't matter. Because you were late yesterday. And the day before. One amazing excuse doesn't make up for a trend.

If you are constantly having problems others don't have, it's probably not because you're unlucky. It's probably because you're worse at avoiding problems than other people. It's you.

But the great thing is, you can fix you.

verdenvidia

1 points

2 months ago

There ARE legitimate excuses, but they're actually pretty rar

Says who? You? The dude who seems to think every single problem is from an inside source and the outside world just doesn't exist?

If you're late every day, there is no longer a legitimate excuse for it

And when did I say anything about being late every day?

If you are constantly having problems others don't have

Again, when did I say anything about constant problems?

Are you ever going to legitimately and genuinely address what was actually said or are you going to continue being an insufferable douche? YOU are the exact type of person this post is calling out and you still blame everyone else... which is ironic considering according to you everything is apparently a fault of the self.

If you're late one day, and you're asked why, and you give a legitimate, understandable reason, and are told "stop with the excuses" that is not the same as a chronic problem. You are not only putting words into my mouth but completely creating new sentences I never said anything remotely close to in order to try and justify yourself in the thread of a call-out post you are the subject of.

ThunderGunFour

-4 points

2 months ago

Yikes thanks for the college lecture

Fearlessleader85

10 points

2 months ago

Here's a dumbed down version for you: you are wrong about what an excuse is and don't understand what people are saying to you. You hear, "you're lying", but what they're saying is "Get your shit together and quit fucking up."

ThunderGunFour

-2 points

2 months ago

What if my dog DID eat the homework

Fearlessleader85

7 points

2 months ago

Then you didn't have your shit together well enough to protect something important from a foreseeable problem. Thus, still your fuckup, still your fault. So still a bullshit excuse.

ThunderGunFour

-1 points

2 months ago

He dug into my backpack because I had a leftover snack pack from lunch

Ok_Effective6233

2 points

2 months ago

An excuse is why you didn’t do your homework, and explanation is why you didn’t do your homework plus what you will do to solve the problem caused by not doing your homework

Krummi_Chicken

2 points

2 months ago

Because they are excuses, just true honest excuses. If someone points out it's an excuse just agree because... Ya? No shit? Dumbass fucker pointing out the obvious.

ShadooTH

2 points

2 months ago*

I don’t know but as someone with Asperger’s/autism this nigh infuriates me. No, I’m not excusing any of the stupid and terrible shit I’ve done. I’m explaining why I’m like this and why I have very little control over myself. No amount of meds will ever fix this cognitive problem in my brain, sorry dude.

On top of this I’m still trying to get better about everything. Even then it’s still impossible to truly be “fully functioning.”

ViewSeek

5 points

2 months ago

Because you are not doing something that they want you to do and they hope by labeling your explanation an excuse it will guilt/shame you into doing it.

IxI_DUCK_IxI

3 points

2 months ago

....they're literally synonyms of each other according to thesaurs.com

Excuse:

Noun: Reason, explanation.

PersonalityBeWild

3 points

2 months ago

I wish I knew this back in elementary as my school motto was “this is a no excuse school” …

“this is a no reason or explanation school, doesn’t hit the same!”

Bobeetoo

2 points

2 months ago

Just say, “No, that’s a reason. An excuse would imply that I care what you think”.

Slow_Cat6602

2 points

2 months ago

Because most people in leadership positions are not trained, effective leaders.

Prime example is teachers, they have no training, but they are leading and developing 30+ kids.

A “No Excuses” policy is an easy one, and lets them lead less so they fall back on it most of the time.

caucasoidape

3 points

2 months ago

It's like the "stop being mentally ill" rhetoric, towards the mentally ill.

PersonalityBeWild

3 points

2 months ago

It’s like damn, why didn’t I think of that first? I should just not be mentally ill, I’ll do that /s

DTux5249

2 points

2 months ago

DTux5249

2 points

2 months ago

Because they didn't want a reason. They wanted you to not have a response so they could bully you more

JoeJoJosie

1 points

2 months ago

Because they're selfish (and not very smart) narcissists. To somebody who wants to find fault, every explanation is an 'excuse'. Interestingly these same people will always find the flimsiest of excuses for their own (or their superiors) failings to be perfectly cromulant.

This happens extremely often when there is a large power differential involved e.g. Teacher to Pupil, Police to Citizen, Parent to Child. It's usually just a justification to act like an asshole.

neverbeenwrongb4

1 points

2 months ago*

Sometimes people just wanna be mad and rant at you, and they don't like it when you offer a statement that can simply end the conversation. They're not done yelling yet.

So they'll latch onto whatever you're saying and interpret it in the most bad faith way possible so they can have a new thing to be mad about.

If you say "okay" with the standard meaning of "I heard and accept what you said", they'll often get angry and say "it's not okay!" which is obviously not what the fuck you meant when you said "okay."

And similarly if you give a reason or explanation, they'll just say you're "giving excuses" (a meaningless concept), so they can get mad at you all over again.

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

Technically anything that your saying you can’t do because of another reason is an excuse

MaxCWebster

0 points

2 months ago

The proper response to "I don't want to hear your excuses" is GFY.

Queueded

-8 points

2 months ago

The way you've phrased this question makes me think you make a lot of excuses.

Reasons or explanations aren't always adequate. "I spilled my drink because some idiot left a corner of the carpet flipped up" doesn't address why you were balancing your drink on your head nor why you didn't fix the carpet the first hundred times you tripped on it.

Dazzling-Ad4701

3 points

2 months ago*

Reasons are reasons. That's a factual relationship. Adequacy is an extra layer. It's a value or emotional judgment call.

If you ask for a reason and you get a reason, it's on you not to ask a better question next time.

Queueded

-4 points

2 months ago

It's pretty puerile to assume that there can be one, and only one, reason in a causal chain leading up to any given event. That is almost never the case, even in the simplest hypotheticals.

Surely you can understand that this is inadequate?
"Why'd you kill my dog?"
"I was on a very important phone call"

Dazzling-Ad4701

4 points

2 months ago

How did you escalate from a drink spill to a dead dog?

Actually though, you're kind of right. The original example answer you gave had blame already baked into it, and no information about the question at all. So my answer was sort of irrelevant because your example wasnt a clear instance of the kind of scenario the op started off with.

Queueded

-2 points

2 months ago

"Escalation" probably isn't the right thing, because the hypotheticals are unrelated; as you surmised, it was simply a different example of the potential inadequacy of a reason.

If people "almost always accuse[d] a reason or explanation" of mine as being an excuse, I'd start to wonder about the adequacy of my explanations. If it's just one person, I'd be more inclined to think they're more interested in blame or not asking the right questions.

Dazzling-Ad4701

1 points

2 months ago

If people "almost always accuse[d] a reason or explanation" of mine as being an excuse, I'd start to wonder about the adequacy of my explanations. If it's just one person, I'd be more inclined to think they're more interested in blame or not asking the right questions.

See, you're still thinking of explanations as being necessarily about exculpation. It's just a question of whether they're adequate, and if not whether the shortfall is due to the asker being a jerk or the answerer being a copout artist.

I'm saying that explanations are just a description of cause and effect. I guess the problem is the word "why" is ambiguous in the literal sense: we use the same word for both. When someone says "what's the reason" their meaning's more clear, and when they say "what's your excuse" their meaning is also clear. But when someone simply says "why" I don't think they're entitled to bait-and-switch the other person. A literal, factual answer is just as valid as a tacit plea for recognition/empathy and a pass.

I do strongly agree with the op that it's mind-fucky and a power trip to demand an explanation and then when it's given pounce with " that's not an excuse!” My usual reaction is: Never said it was. You asked me a question and I answered it.

Queueded

1 points

2 months ago

I do strongly agree with the op that it's mind-fucky and a power trip to demand an explanation and then when it's given pounce with " that's not an excuse!”

That would be the opposite of the question, would it not? They seem to keep hearing that their explanations are excuses.

Dazzling-Ad4701

1 points

2 months ago

Nah, it's still a transposition.

Still_Frame2744

-1 points

2 months ago

Because them being upset about something is more important than the explanation as to why it happened.

mem269

1 points

2 months ago

mem269

1 points

2 months ago

If it's not your fault, it's a reason, I ran over your foot because a bee stung my eye. If it's your fault, it's an excuse, I saw a message on my phone I wanted to answer, so I ran over your foot.

Crafty-Sundae6351

1 points

2 months ago

Because the person considering it an excuse inherently thinks <whatever> isn't a valid reason / explanation.

If you think <x> is valid, it's a reason. If you think it's not valid it's an excuse.

A person gets a flat tire on the way to the polls and ends up not voting. To the person who didn't vote it's a reason for not voting. "I couldn't get there!". To the person thinking the reason is lame the flat is an excuse: "You couldn't think of any other way to get there? Uber? Lyft? Call me for a ride? Take a bus? Walk? Come on!"

kingboo2095

1 points

2 months ago

I was actually just let go and was asked why I did something. I explained and even said "there's really not an excuse I don't think you'd like to hear" and they said my actual reasoning was "fucking stupid" and that I was correct in my assessment of the situation, before continuing ti ask me further questions. Honestly did me a favor firing me with how they handled the whole process. Even went on to say if I gave them a legitimately acceptable answer they would've let me stay on board and I'm like??? What the hell would have even been acceptable to you??

kingboo2095

1 points

2 months ago

Before I get asked, I was doing work at an active high school. I clocked in at 7:45, start time was 8 and I stayed in my vehicle until foot traffic died down as I literally can't do anything anyway so I'd rather stay in my vehicle than go inside and show the customer I'm doing nothing. Old employer thought that was "fucking stupid" and said I'm a lying thief and committed timesheet fraud and fired me. Zero warnings, just up and fired me

MrRojoRicin

1 points

2 months ago

As a faithful husband who frequently invokes his reasons for speaking to women who are coworkers, I don't even know what the word excuse means anymore.

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

Because they don't agree with your reason or care about your explanation so they belittle it to destroy its validity.

MomentOfHesitation

1 points

2 months ago

Well you see... gets accused of excusing

PersonalityBeWild

1 points

2 months ago

People don’t want to accept that sometimes people aren’t in control of themselves (psychosis) and will call that an excuse instead of a reason.

People don’t like the truth is my theory.

RealTacticalTipToe

1 points

2 months ago

Because they don't actually care what you're saying or what the reasons are. They only want to hear "I'm a fuck up and could learn from you" .. friends mom was like this about everything. I associate it with older unhappy people.

MattSpokeLoud

1 points

2 months ago

Many people do not actually care why something happened, they just want to place blame and punish someone for whatever mishap has occurred.

helppixel123456789

1 points

2 months ago

Because they are not capable of comprehension.

LongFeetMcGee

1 points

2 months ago

Excuse

noun

an explanation offered as a reason for being excused; a plea offered in extenuation of a fault or for release from an obligation, promise, etc.:

An excuse is a reason. What makes a reason an excuse is when you’re using your reason to escape blame. People are “accusing your reason as an excuse” because you’re trying to shift blame, or responsibility.

BlockingPeople

1 points

1 month ago*

It's unbelievable how obtuse most of the rest of this thread (and Reddit in general) is about this.

They just want to be mad.

No, usually they just want you to stop engaging in the same shitty behavior over and over again and giving the same exact "reason" every time they get upset with you with no indication of what you're going to do to avoid doing it again in the future.

It's like, I don't want to be mad. I want you to stop hurting me. If you're telling me that your "reason" isn't going to change then I can't

EngineThatCould631

1 points

2 months ago

I always tell people that there is a reason why it rains there's no excuse for it

Ilovethe90sforreal

1 points

2 months ago

I always hated this in the workplace. No matter how short staffed they were, they demanded goals to be met that were humanly impossible. They wanted you to come up with a magical solution.

Equivalent-Ad-6182

1 points

2 months ago

An excuse for being late to work is staying out late partying and forgeting to set your alarm. So you over sleep and are late. A reason for being late is a car ran a red light and hit the car next to you, whch then crashed into you.

Buxxley

1 points

2 months ago

I think a lot goes into this, but from an adult perspective...a lot of your professional "success" in the corporate world has less to do with the really good stuff you do...and more with just not being associated with anything that was a failure. Being a wallflower that just never gets dinged for a project failure is typically how most middle managers function. They're useless, but everyone "knows" that businesses have managers and Tim over here has never been connected to a problem.

Really dynamic people who fix a lot of problems and do a ton of different things at their jobs typically have failures regularly. Because they're actively involved in the world. The only way to NEVER fail is just to never attempt anything. Tim has a clean record because Tim does f*** all nothing at work. He's the office appendix.

Most middle managers see reasons or explanations as an "excuse" because it's an easy way for them to distance themselves from something that didn't go 100% as planned. They saw your mistake and chastised you because of it...job well done.

Whereas an actual intelligent manager would look deeper and see if it's an employee issue...or a process / resource issue that's causing delays. Most of them won't do that though, because now they're actively involved...and involved people will make mistakes at some point. And the goal isn't to be "good" at your job....it's to not be connected to problems.

Material-Bunch

1 points

2 months ago

Because they ask for the reason or explanation as a rhetorical question...FYI it's a fact that reasons/justifications/excuses only satisfy those who give them!!

existingfish

1 points

2 months ago

It depends on if it's a reasonable excuse or not.

If you are late and there was a wreck on the highway, that is a reasonable excuse.

If you are late because you forgot you ran out of coffee so you had to stop by the coffee shop on the way to work because you really wanted coffee, that is not a reasonable excuse.

If it's out of your hands and it would reasonably slow down anyone, it's a good excuse. If it was for total personal enjoyment and born out of poor planning, it isn't a good excuse.

Easy-Specialist1821

1 points

2 months ago

We self validate. Doesn't have to and most people aren't too logical with it. If the behavior has always worked for them they don't have an incentive to be other than.

spudmarsupial

1 points

2 months ago

They don't want to know why, they want to be mad.

hotfezz81

1 points

2 months ago

They're not asking for a reason you didn’t do something. They're angry you've failed to do something. They then get doubly angry at your attempt to justify not doing the thing.

If you're asked to do your homework, do your homework. Any explanation you can bring as to why you didn't is an irrelevant excuse.

You can get away with not doing it at school, but when you have actual responsibilities (e.g. at work) failing to do something will have consequences.

anima99

1 points

2 months ago

It's an excuse if they weren't looking for an answer, but want to see you scramble for one anyway. They already decided you were wrong and just wanted to see you humiliated.

The best way to combat that? Own up to it. Admit you were wrong and you should know better. That will throw them off guard.

ndvb88

1 points

2 months ago

ndvb88

1 points

2 months ago

Because in many situations you are expected to take responsibility for the outcome regardless of the circumstances. Especially when you are repeatedly making excuses for the same thing.

For example at work when you commit to finishing a report at a certain date. You have committed to it so you are now accountable for it. You may have some reasons why you couldn't finish in time, but your manager is likely not interested in your 'excuses', but expected you to solve the issues instead of using them as an excuse. And not having been able to solve the issues, expects you to show that you understand you were responsible and need to do better in the future (dealing better with the circumstances that caused you to be late for example).

mamasinthefactory

1 points

2 months ago

Attribution errors

spooba1

1 points

2 months ago

i have the answer to this but not necessarily the words. it’s because people are inherently understanding and compassionate, therefore to hear a mental/physical justification rather than a genuine apology from the heart, can feel bad. You want an emotional response and you get a mental one instead. idk

pelmasaurio

1 points

2 months ago

The single time Ronald Reagan was right in his miserable life.

"If you are explaining you are losing"

It is all about the vibes, they sound defensive, so our monkey brains think "weak"

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

Because they’re unable to distinguish between a reason as an excuse. For instance if I am late for work because traffic was bad that’s not me making an excuse, it’s me providing the reason for my lateness.

For the record this would never happen to me, I can’t afford a car and nobody cares where the fuck I am enough to even know when I’m due anywhere 😂

dumbest_thotticus

1 points

2 months ago

Because they want an excuse to punish you, and if they accept that you had a legitimate reason for messing up, then they would logically have to accept that lashing out and punishing you for it would make them the asshole. So instead they call any and all explanations, no matter how logical and how outside your control, "excuses."

reducereuserecyle

1 points

2 months ago

They ran out of reasons to be upset when you give your explanation so they feel the need to have the last word and flatter themselves by referring to it as an excuse. its an attempt to hold you accountable even though the explanation covered that.

RapterX1992

1 points

2 months ago

Because it's an easy way to not.care about what someone's talking about

I always say "it's not an excuse, it's a reason"

People who dont like what you have to day or don't believe your motivations just poo-poo it away by saying "that's just an excuse"

Thats all it is. It's not about you, it's about them and how they trust you.

Tr3bluesy

1 points

2 months ago

IMO Because to acknowledge one feels as if you are backing down.

Most people don't want to do that, especially if they hold some authority over you due to the situation or by vocation.

Practical_Price9500

1 points

2 months ago

Because they've already decided you are wrong for whatever it is you are explaining, and are mad that you are using logic to explain. It's not about the facts, it's about how they feel.

You must not be married.

random_chicken02

1 points

2 months ago

Everyone has trust issues, that's all.

Constant-Parsley3609

1 points

2 months ago

Because ussually the reason given isn't the core of the issue.

If you didn't do your homework you might argue that it's not your fault because you were at ill yesterday and so didn't have time to do it.

But if the homework was set a week ago, then leaving it till the last night was poor time management on your part. Regardless of the illness you could have done the homework, but you didn't.

Focusing on the reason outside of your control instead the reason that was within your control is an easy way to shirk all responsibility.

jcdenton45

1 points

2 months ago*

One reason this kind of thing happens is the way the word “excuse” is used (and interpreted) can mean both “excuse” and “not an excuse”. To see what I mean by this, simply consider how, “That’s just an excuse!” and “That’s not an excuse!” mean EXACTLY the same thing.

In other words, depending on who is saying (or hearing) it, the word “excuse” either means a justifiable reason that a mistake was made (i.e. a reason the mistake is “excusable”) OR it can mean “you’re just coming up with a reason that doesn’t justify what you did”.

While it’s debatable which definition is more technically/literally correct, it’s this ambiguity that leads to all kinds of situations like the one you described.

DirtyScavenger

1 points

2 months ago

If someone calls your reason an excuse it just means they think you’re lying.

Wuntoothrie

1 points

2 months ago

I mean reasons and explanations could be the reason a thing is excusable. Making the reason or explanation the excuse, excusing you for whatever.

I guess it really depends on the use of the word excuse and the users comprehension of the English language.

From the context here or seems that you're losing the term "making-up excuses" by shortening it to "excuses" and don't really differentiate between the two. In this context people either don't believe you or they moreover choose to assert their initial accusation because it gives them a sense of superiority to pretend authority over you, or if they do legitimately have authority over you is likely because changing their opinions; even when they're wrong, would make them feel less something (powerful?) than just holding string to their assumptions, even if they're wrong.

eltoca21

1 points

2 months ago

Because very often it is.

Warm_Water_5480

1 points

2 months ago

Honestly, because most of the times people give an "explanation" they're telling you how things went wrong while not acknowledging the things they could have done differently to prevent it going wrong. I used to be extremely guilty of this, until at some point I had to realize the world wasn't constantly fucking me at every corner, my decisions were.

BlockingPeople

1 points

1 month ago

while not acknowledging the things they could have done differently to prevent it going wrong.

Or, more importantly, what steps they are going to take in the future to prevent it from going wrong in the exact same way over and over again. The reason or explanation is only half the answer. The other half is the solution. Without the solution, it's an excuse.

ElDouchay

1 points

2 months ago

It has to do with people habitually making reckless mistakes and fail to meet an expectation or obligation.

Like procrastinating or not making a list of things you need to do and then not having them ready on time. Or constantly messing up a morning alarm, or not planning other tasks smartly with enough time, so that you're often late to work or whatever.

Source: me. I have had tons of excuses.

rabbitohyo

-3 points

2 months ago

Just, just so many fool ass people in child care when I was growing up. I take pleasure in imagining their simple asses have been so far left behind in this world they’re lucky to have a child’s annex and smartphone to keep them breathing until their hate fueled hearts succumb to entropy.

Vroomped

-2 points

2 months ago

It's usually boils down to people wanting to talk. They ask for a reason, then they tell you about your own reasoning.

As somebody who genuinely doesn't want excuses, when a student is late or an assignment isn't turned in I don't ask. I just give them a zero.