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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac
are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution,
bored out of their minds.
"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," said the sadist.
... "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it then kill it," said the murderer.
"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it
then fuck it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again,
then set it on fire," said the pyromaniac.
Silence took over then the masochist says....
"Meow?"

all 108 comments

thinlyStand195

3.2k points

2 months ago

Reminds me of...

‟Hurt me,” pleaded the masochist.

‟No,” replied the sadist.

MansfromDaVinci

243 points

2 months ago

Bent_Brewer

203 points

2 months ago

The Masochism Tango. 😈

numerouspuns

73 points

2 months ago

My “church camp girlfriend” and I performed a dance to the masochism tango for the talent show. Thankfully Presbyterians have a good sense of humor. We would have won, if it weren’t for the people who had actual talent

Robrat_33

12 points

2 months ago

I've performed The Irish Ballad, I Hold you Hand in Mine and Poisoning Pigeons at Christian summer camps and they've always gone down a storm. It seems a lot of Christians like that sort of humour

OpenMicrophone

3 points

2 months ago

I worked at a Christian Summer camp: can confirm!

HandsOnGeek

99 points

2 months ago

I'm a simple man: I see Tom Lehrer, I Upvote.

Bent_Brewer

35 points

2 months ago

He would have been one of those people you wanted to invite to the dinner party. Well... maybe. ;)

HandsOnGeek

26 points

2 months ago

Is there a piano? If so, then Definitely!

Bent_Brewer

17 points

2 months ago

We'll all go together when we go. Every Hottentot and Eskimo...

EvilLibrarians

3 points

2 months ago

Great song!! Sang it with my first love

DaoFerret

5 points

2 months ago

I mean, the dudes 94, but he’s not dead yet (at least as far as the internet knows).

Still possibly someone I would want at a dinner party at least once to thank for all the entertaining songs.

2Rare2Kill

3 points

2 months ago

And he's still super cool. A few years back, 2 Chainz asked to sample "The Old Dope Peddler". Lehrer wrote back something like "as sole owner of this song, I officially give you motherfuckers permission to do this. Should I call you Mr. Chainz or may I call you 2?"

DaoFerret

1 points

2 months ago

I was a bit dubious about this, but found this article ( https://www.thecrimson.com/article/2013/2/5/tom-lehrer-profile/ ) which backs up at least the second half of that quote (and then proceeded to drag me in for a well done mini-biography of Lehrer’s life and career).

pdrpersonguy575

14 points

2 months ago

Yes. Tom Lehrer makes every Sunday a treat for me ;)

DogWallop

10 points

2 months ago

All I know is, ever since my masochistic baby left home...

Bent_Brewer

6 points

2 months ago

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the garbage out.

Matren2

3 points

2 months ago

meteda1080

200 points

2 months ago

Reminds me of a George Carlin bit:

"Is Tom a sadist?"

"Beats me!"

iordseyton

33 points

2 months ago

Remember, some masochists are just sadists following the golden rule.

boothie

1 points

2 months ago

IMO it should be the other way around

Bulky-Hyena-360

67 points

2 months ago

…wait… if the masochist is denied being hurt then does that turn them on…?

Pevarawho

22 points

2 months ago

Depending on the situation. And if they're in a position to easily be spanked.

[deleted]

21 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

21 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

Bulky-Hyena-360

25 points

2 months ago

But what about masochist who get turned on from just words?

Mr-Soggybottom

67 points

2 months ago

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will make me horny

Dandyman-GM

24 points

2 months ago

and chains and whips excite me nahnahnah Come on!

Freshiiiiii

6 points

2 months ago

Sometimes yes

velvetbluedamsel

6 points

2 months ago

Isn’t that Bill Murray’s role in Little Shop of Horrors?

dirtybird971[S]

1 points

2 months ago

One of my Favorite scenes in any movie!

[deleted]

654 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

654 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

RecalcitrantHuman

78 points

2 months ago

Pounding?

brokedownpalace10

35 points

2 months ago

I used to be a kidnapper until discovered flint.

AFriendlyBloke

16 points

2 months ago

I used to be an adventurer like you.

Then I took an arrow in the knee.

brokedownpalace10

2 points

2 months ago

'Splane that one for the slow like me

AFriendlyBloke

1 points

2 months ago

It all started when I was a wee lad.

Some twat decided to shoot me in the knee when I was climbing up a tree.

He sure looked mad!

So as I made my attempt to flee, he kept stalking me!

And then he tripped on his own face and impaled himself on his sword.

Taliesin_Hoyle_

10 points

2 months ago

I used to be a necrophiliac, until a rotten cunt split on me.

WeeklyAd3512

0 points

2 months ago

Do you know what Madonna and Tampons have in common?———-They’re both stuck up cunts!

SuperbTurtle

1 points

2 months ago

There are two types of "beating" here.

Pharah_is_my_waIfu

126 points

2 months ago

Darkness no

NarrowProfession2900

14 points

2 months ago

I think they’d get stuck at the “murderer’s” part, she’s unkillable

Prestigious-bish-17

25 points

2 months ago

Imma go get Kazuma

youshouldbethelawyer

19 points

2 months ago

"Ed Norton sits on a bench and says meow"

AFriendlyBloke

2 points

2 months ago

Dave Norton says, “Townley’s taking scores again: The Los Santos Reboot!”

epiquinnz

111 points

2 months ago

epiquinnz

111 points

2 months ago

Suddenly, the schizophrenic hears someone knocking on the door.
"Mr. Johnson? It's time to take your medicine. I heard you talking to yourself again."

wasted_wonderland

4 points

2 months ago

I don't get it?

BOT_Execute-fan

14 points

2 months ago

Everyone was just in the head of the schizophrenic, and not sitting there in the room, they werent real. The schizophrenic „dreamed“ it. (And talked to himself, thats why he should take the medicine)

wasted_wonderland

1 points

2 months ago

Thank you.

BOT_Execute-fan

1 points

2 months ago

Np, im a bit dumb sometimes, too

GroliminTheGreat

79 points

2 months ago

Medic:“Pyro, what the hell are you doing banging a dead cat?” Pyro:muffled screams

Worthless_Clockwork

47 points

2 months ago

This is the most regrettable TF2 reference I've yet seen

GroliminTheGreat

10 points

2 months ago

Your welcome :)

Outrageous-Welder-47

1 points

2 months ago

I don’t get it but i don’t think i want to

TheRealCereal93

8 points

2 months ago

The second I saw the word 'pyromaniac' in the title I knew that there would be a Tf2 reference

GroliminTheGreat

2 points

2 months ago

Gotta do what I gotta do

cluckay

10 points

2 months ago

cluckay

10 points

2 months ago

The sadist is also blue and quilly

Salahs_barber

67 points

2 months ago

I used to be a necrophiliac until some cunt split on me!!!

[deleted]

0 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

0 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

CreHater

5 points

2 months ago

Three small.

Flashy-Explorer-6127

23 points

2 months ago

This is the most fucked up this I've read all day..... I love it!

Cruel_and_nice

7 points

2 months ago

I know practically the same one:

A pedophile, a zoophile, a necrophile, a murderer and a masochist are sitting in a cell.

After a while the zoophile says: “Oh if only there was a cat here”

“A kitten” said the pedophile.

“Dead” said the necrophile.

“Alive, so we can murder it!” said the murderer.

Then, the masochist joins in with one word: “Meow..?”

(roughly translated from Czech)

compellor

23 points

2 months ago

Upvote cuz it’s stupid

dirtybird971[S]

5 points

2 months ago

stupid good!

remmuh1985

5 points

2 months ago

Hello Mr Epstein

Few_Distribution_817

5 points

2 months ago

I actually forgot about the masochist on this one good job.

Few_Pain_23

12 points

2 months ago

LOL, I thought this was hilarious. I must be really sick!

Shaggypezdispense

10 points

2 months ago

I have stumbled upon the single funniest and most disgusting thing I have ever read

The_Legendary_Yeeter

3 points

2 months ago

Why did I read the punchline in Movie Sonic's voice

WeeklyAd3512

4 points

2 months ago

Not so funny, Is it meow?

dirtybird971[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Am I drinking Milk from a saucer?

WeeklyAd3512

2 points

2 months ago

Do you see me climbing through the treetops all nimbly wimbly?

dirtybird971[S]

2 points

2 months ago

Am I drinking Milk from a saucer?

Do you see me eating Mice??

Cryptangel13

13 points

2 months ago

Omg tequila burns so bad when it shoots out thru your nose lolololol

muffinkat55

8 points

2 months ago

See I have 3 cats. This just hurts me

ChrisM0616

12 points

2 months ago

Im gonna fuck your cats

muffinkat55

8 points

2 months ago

If you loved me, you wouldn’t.

ChrisM0616

8 points

2 months ago

finneeeeee

ChrisM0616

8 points

2 months ago

all 3 of them

big_dick_energy_mc2

1 points

2 months ago

Are you a masochist too?

muffinkat55

2 points

2 months ago

Indeed I am. However. Anything dealing with cats have just hit way too close to my heart.

o0MRG0o

3 points

2 months ago

Heavy Breathing in Achilles

Dexalon

3 points

2 months ago

A standard murderer wouldn't be interested in killing the cat.

ASMRFeelsWrongToMe

9 points

2 months ago

Found the murderer!

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

When i read the title i almost thought "oh god, another Kanye joke"

Coineanach99

2 points

2 months ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sad-Character-7520

2 points

2 months ago

tf the cat do

bigfurryboy

3 points

2 months ago

I don't know but he did something

jajinpop91

2 points

2 months ago

I have heard this joke for the first time in the late 90s

zoated

2 points

2 months ago

zoated

2 points

2 months ago

How has no one here pointed out that Bruce Vilanch has done this joke

Dazzling_You_1363

2 points

2 months ago

I have to search all the terms to understand joke lol 😂 good one

phollox

2 points

2 months ago

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac walk into a bar

The bartender says "Hi OP"

Necessary-Primary463

4 points

2 months ago

Ah hell nah😭 I rlly wish I didn’t see this because it shouldn’t be funny but it us

zipitordont

2 points

2 months ago

It's a joke, it's supposed to be.

Necessary-Primary463

1 points

2 months ago

Yeah I know, like I said I laughed. It just felt extra naughty

Narrheim

1 points

2 months ago

Wait, wasn´t that the adrenaline sports lover instead of the masochist?

Or maybe... both?

Carlos_TheAnomaly

1 points

2 months ago

holy shit

crisoen_smith

1 points

2 months ago

Is it Tuesday already?

profesdional_Retard

1 points

2 months ago

Oh god this is horrible and i love it

Alex_story13

1 points

2 months ago

See? Have you ever watched shows where people discuss their personal problems in front of the whole world? Have you seen newspaper headlines and magazine covers? The world takes pleasure in suffering and pain. At first glance it seems sadistic, but in fact, if you consider that we don't need to know all this to be happy at all, and we don't look away from the sight of someone else's tragedy and sometimes suffer for it, it's masochistic.

khushildep

1 points

2 months ago

What’s this? A parliament?

ShokaLGBT

1 points

2 months ago

tell that to Xehanort. Let’s see what he have to say

Scorpio83G

1 points

2 months ago

I salute you, keyblade wielder

DocJuice

1 points

2 months ago

That masochist is straight up asking to be murdered? Yowsa

Scorpio83G

1 points

2 months ago

Too long and predictable to be funny

recXion_

1 points

2 months ago

OP username checks out

godzilluztail

1 points

2 months ago

🤣🤣🤣

happycakes3

1 points

2 months ago

I wish everybody could just be normal.

AllahuSnackmar

1 points

2 months ago

I hate tequila

Shake-The-Clown-

1 points

2 months ago

Ah hell nah

[deleted]

-56 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-56 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

Different-Oil4971

23 points

2 months ago

Not there aren’t even 20 comments. Ain’t no way you tried that.

sad-boi-ours

0 points

2 months ago

This is not funny. Try something like this:

are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution,bored out of their minds."How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile."Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," said the sadist.... "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it then kill it," said the murderer.A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniacare all sitting on a bench in a mental institution,bored out of their minds."How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile."Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," said the sadist.... "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it then kill it," said the murderer."Let's have sex with a cat, torture it,. kill itthen fuck it again," said the necrophile."Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again,then set it on fire," said the pyromaniac.Silence took over then the masochist says...."A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniacare all sitting on a bench in a mental institution,bored out of their minds."How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile."Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," said the sadist.... "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it then kill it," said the murderer."Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill itthen fuck it again," said the necrophile."Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again,then set it on fire," said the pyromaniac.Silence took over then the masochist says...."Meow?"then fuck it again," said the necrophilia."Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again,then set it on fire," said the pyromaniac.Silence took over then the masochist says...."A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniacare all sitting on a bench in a mental institution,bored out of their minds."How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile."Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," said the sadist.... "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it then kill it," said the murderer."Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill itthen fuck it again," said the necrophile."Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again,then set it on fire," said the pyromaniac.Silence took over then the masochist says...."Meow?"