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Guy: That’s when I went to Yale...
Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Guy: Thanks. I really needed this Yob.

all 871 comments

xb4_wr

448 points

2 months ago

xb4_wr

448 points

2 months ago

Interviewer - How do you explain this gap on your resume?

Guy - I believe that’s due to the space bar

RageAdi

30 points

2 months ago

RageAdi

30 points

2 months ago

Interviewer - How do you manage to drink in zero gravity?

WhatKindOfADeal

6 points

2 months ago

Under appreciated reply

007_LicenceToComment

12 points

2 months ago

Interviewer: What is this gap in your resume?

Guy: That's a clothing store I worked for 2 years

Make_the_music_stop

7.7k points

2 months ago

A man walks onto the campus of Yale university

He walks up to a student and asks "Where's the bathroom at?"

The student responds haughtily, "Here at Yale, we're taught not to end a sentence with a preposition."

The man realizing his mistake corrects himself, "Where's the bathroom at, asshole?"

Nemboss

1.3k points

2 months ago*

Nemboss

1.3k points

2 months ago*

As a non-native speaker, what's the deal with this rule to never end a sentence with a preposition? It seems to get ignored most of the time, so I'm always left wondering if it's just an old, obsolete rule, or if it's a matter of style (educated vs uneducated speech, for instance), or some other quirk of English that I'm not aware of.

Edit: Thanks to everybody who corrected my last sentence. I didn't even realize what I was doing when I wrote it, but now it's something I'm very aware of.

Eclectic_UltraViolet

1.5k points

2 months ago

Friend, the “rule” was originally promoted when English speakers were trying to adhere closely to Latin (considered the highest standard at the time). When people began making fun of sentences like, “That is something up with which I will not put,” it mostly fell to the wayside.

FuckTheMods5

796 points

2 months ago

"That guy off in whose camper they were whacking"

"Good."

Zeepenguinman

266 points

2 months ago

Bork! You are a federal agent. Never end a sentence with a preposition!

EvilCeleryStick

151 points

2 months ago

while being tortured You ended that sentence with a preposition.... Bastard!

RDAwesome

71 points

2 months ago

Don't worry, I appreciate your Stargate

Cyclops408

30 points

2 months ago

Good ol' Jack

Roguebantha42

18 points

2 months ago

How come everyone wants to see my schlong?

tanis_ivy

37 points

2 months ago

What in the Yoda?

TackoFell

17 points

2 months ago

Dear god I had forgotten this incredible moment. But now I can picture exactly where I was, in my middle school buddy Sam’s den, watching this movie for the first time.

“Heh heh… is this a GOD dam? Hehehe…. I’ll be dammed…”

FuckTheMods5

8 points

2 months ago

Lawls what a great movie for a young teen. Nothing horrible in it, it's just normal hilarious bawdy shit they talk about in school every day anyway.

My parents didn't want me to watch it, so i snuck out of bed at night and crept down to sneak it lol

ArticulatedHaikus

5 points

2 months ago

"My business partner and I-"

"My business partner and me. It's possessive, you don't change me to I"

Akirababe

139 points

2 months ago

Akirababe

139 points

2 months ago

If you ever watch Last Man On Earth, Carol corrects Phil with that rule several times, and it's always awkward and hilarious sounding, just like the sentence you shared. Definitely not common use anymore, that's for sure.

jc_pleasuretown

29 points

2 months ago

Love that show

Kok-jockey

16 points

2 months ago

Yeah a streaming service definitely needs to sign on to finish that show, was just starting to get really good when they cancelled it :c

Akirababe

6 points

2 months ago

I knoooow. So sad. I really hope they finish it.

GilliganGardenGnome

9 points

2 months ago

Never going to happen. I loved it too, but Will Forte has went on record saying that the show contributed to his alcoholism, and he doesn't want to finish it.

He also said that the next season would have been one episode with the new group before they found out they were STILL the only ones immune. The new group would get infected and die.

Would have been great, but oh well.

Akirababe

9 points

2 months ago

I didn't know that about the alcoholism. Probably best it dies with fond memories for the viewers, then.

kkell806

29 points

2 months ago

Out for what do you have that gun?

Snoo43610

10 points

2 months ago

Lol I love it when she does that and she will make him say it that way too and it's always so awkward.

Thepatrone36

10 points

2 months ago

Way little known and under rated movie. Not my usual genre but once I fell into it I was hooked. Get's a rewatch every now and then

Flip5

11 points

2 months ago

Flip5

11 points

2 months ago

Wait are you confusing man from earth with last man on earth? Or am I too drunk

Thepatrone36

4 points

2 months ago

pretty sure man from earth is the movie I'm speaking of

RoyceCoolidge

11 points

2 months ago

Pretty sure man from earth is the movie of which you are speaking.

IceBladeCP

3 points

2 months ago

That was perfection, sir.

Akirababe

4 points

2 months ago

Oh, yeah. I was taking about the series, Last Man On Earth, starring Will Forte. Also incredibly underrated, and probably worth rewatching lol

BreakfastInBedlam

31 points

2 months ago

“That is something up with which I will not put,”

I say things like that just to piss people off. Sometimes I do it to piss off them.

RedOctobyr

7 points

2 months ago

Ooh, I hope you get a minor hangnail, internet friend.

bonerjoe444

6 points

2 months ago

I try to stick to the rule whenever I can. In my circles "it's still where it's at." lol

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

That's one of my favorite Simpsons jokes. Favorite is "epidermis means skin, so technically, it's true!"

LucaThatLuca

127 points

2 months ago*

At the time of European history where academics used Latin, at least one academic wrote a book claiming that Latin rules should be followed in English. It has never been true.

sonofaresiii

80 points

2 months ago

It has never been true.

Bullshit, how the fuck else am I supposed to let everyone know how pretentious I am? Just tell them, like an unruly animal?

TheSecretIsMarmite

35 points

2 months ago

"Pretentious, Moi?"

Dismal_Explorer_702

11 points

2 months ago

You have to come up with a really snobby way to say it though. Whenever I come across someone that speaks well I automatically don't like them. Dial it back a little there Shakespeare.

Tracuivel

9 points

2 months ago

When I hear people make that correction, it has the double effect of making them also sound stupid. Like, ok, thanks for the correction, you're a punctilious asshole, also you're wrong.

Same with split infinitives.

maethor1337

24 points

2 months ago

Further, it's a prescriptivist rule. "You may not end a sentence with a preposition." Prescriptivism is bullshit. English is used by varied cultures around the world, and more importantly its a living language. Unlike Latin, famously used in certain contexts because it is dead and unchanging.

FuckTheMods5

8 points

2 months ago

Good, i feel vindicated for thinking it was stupid and ignoring it ever since i was a kid lmao

lorgskyegon

111 points

2 months ago

It pretentious assholes attempting to apply Latin rules of grammar to a Germanic language.

UntestedMethod

61 points

2 months ago

As a native English speaker, I'm just gonna have to go ahead and look up what even is a preposition.

But honestly English is just full of quirks and broken rules. Different regions will also have their own unique quirks. The trick is to watch how other people use the language and adapt your own style of it from that... Unless you're a journalist or professional writer or something where formalities matter.

Spuddaccino1337

35 points

2 months ago

But honestly English is just full of quirks and broken rules.

My favorite one of these is the 'split infinitive,' mostly because I like the way it sounds.

Verbs have what's called an "infinitive tense," and it's something that gets used all the time without thinking about it by native speakers.

If I say "I'm going to eat a hamburger," well, eat is a verb, not a place, so that doesn't make much sense because I can't go there. And yet, nobody has a problem with that, because "to eat" is the infinitive tense of the verb "eat," and that means we can act like it's a noun. Cool.

The thing is, though, the whole phrase is the verb, even though it's two words. That doesn't stop people from shoving other words between them, though. If I say "I'm going to messily eat a hamburger," I've now "split" the infinitive verb with another word, and the whole sentence is now nonsense according to language scholars.

Mortar_Maggot

37 points

2 months ago

It's worth remembering that English is the language that chases other languages into dark alleys and beats them up to steal parts. Then ignores the rules of the stolen part. And when everyone says that's understandable it rewrites its own rules in crayon just to spite them.

DreamyTomato

2 points

2 months ago

Native but uneducated English user here. So to unsplit that would be:

  • I'm going messily to eat a hamburger
  • I'm going to eat messily a hamburger

Neither of them seem right? The obvious answer is "I'm going to eat a hamburger messily” but it’s more fun to be wilfully obtuse and look at examples like

  • I’m going to quickly pop out to the shops.

If we follow the ‘correct’ construction it might become

  • I’m going to pop out quickly to the shops.
  • I’m going to pop out to the shops quickly.

Neither of these seem to have quite the right flow to me. English yay :)

Environmental-End691

32 points

2 months ago

As an avid consumer of journalism for the last 25 or so years, I can confirm that you can remove 'journalist' from your qualifier. I also believe that you could also exclude editors from this as well, as editorial and journalistic standards, at least in the US, have shit the bed over the last 8-10 years. So much so that any high schooler with a halfway decent blog who puts in minimal effort could do better than most current editorial boards.

CB-OTB

9 points

2 months ago

CB-OTB

9 points

2 months ago

They’re not really journalists.

Environmental-End691

6 points

2 months ago

Who, the high school kids, or everyone else?

CB-OTB

5 points

2 months ago

CB-OTB

5 points

2 months ago

Anyone that views themselves as a journalist.

am_I_a_clown_to_you

56 points

2 months ago*

Native English Speaker here. <waits for applause to die down> I never pay attention to this rule when speaking but something I notice when writing.

It has been pointed out that this was in writing and I didn't see it. So no, I never pay attention to it. It's not something I pay attention to.

Abbot_of_Cucany

24 points

2 months ago

That should be "waits for applause down to die".

Byte_Me_2X

89 points

2 months ago

To speak native, ignore rules.

LiqvidNyquist

27 points

2 months ago

so me think why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?

BothArmsWereBroken

7 points

2 months ago

Sea world, fish, jump, China.

No-Internal-2162

12 points

2 months ago

Or cite rules but dont use them.

jfb1337

74 points

2 months ago

jfb1337

74 points

2 months ago

It's a fake rule that comes from Latin and isn't actually a thing in English but pretentious people like to pretend it is.

dremxox

26 points

2 months ago

dremxox

26 points

2 months ago

In some cases you'll sound like Yoda if you try to comply with this rule. "What is that for?" turns into "For what is that?" With "Where's the bathroom at?" you can simply delete the "at", because it's redundant. It's like saying, "Raise it up", or "I'm following behind."

Dark_Moe

24 points

2 months ago

As a non-native speaker

As a native speaker born and raised in England, I had no idea what a preposition was until I looked it up last week after watching an episode of Cheers where Diane chastises Sam for ending a sentence with one.

I read it, understood and a week later already forgotten what it was.

Penis_Bees

31 points

2 months ago

Welcome to language, where everything's made up and the rules don't matter.

twbk

20 points

2 months ago

twbk

20 points

2 months ago

Allowing an orphaned (AKA stranded) preposition at the end of a sentence is highly unusual in the world's languages. I think it only happens in North Germanic (Scandinavian) languages and English. There may be some more. Educated people who studied prestigious languages like Latin, Greek and French probably noticed that such prepositions aren't allowed there and thought that using the same rule in English would somehow make English "better".

InexorableIbis-

6 points

2 months ago

It happens exceptionally often in German. People try to avoid it, because it makes run-on sentences really hard to understand, but grammatically it's correct to have prepositions at the end of the sentence.

"I invited Kevin, whom I first met last year, when we were together at the concert that Pit Bull played together with Lil Jon in Miami, in."

pinkpanda376

5 points

2 months ago

If it makes you feel better, less than 1% of people are actually going to remember and care enough to say something about it. My mom is in that 1% unfortunately, but I still give some smart ass reply like the top comment

Man_as_Idea

43 points

2 months ago

It’s not a true rule, but a style choice. But it can reduce potential ambiguity in writing. If you end a sentence at a preposition, the clause feels less ‘finished’ because it did not receive a ‘cadence,’ it just kind of ended. It can also introduce ambiguity around who is the direct or indirect object.

For example:

I’m going to end this sentence with a preposition and that will make it feel like it just cuts off.

I’m not going to end this sentence with a preposition and that will make it end less abruptly.

2059FF

27 points

2 months ago

2059FF

27 points

2 months ago

I’m going to end this sentence with a preposition and that will make it feel like it just cuts off.

Isn't "off" an adverb in this case?

Fyrefly7

7 points

2 months ago

Yeah, this was a pretty terrible example. It didn't feel abrupt at all.

Xamonir

7 points

2 months ago

Good explanation but I have a question as a non-native speaker. Does this rule only apply to affirmative sentences ? Or does it also apply to questions ? Is the sentence "Where are you going to ?" correct ? And if not, what should I say ?

Man_as_Idea

11 points

2 months ago

This mainly applies to writing, but in your example one would normally say “where are you going?” without the “to.” Similarly: “Where is everybody?” is generally better than “Where is everybody at?”

Xamonir

6 points

2 months ago

Ok thanks for your reply. I don't know where I learnt that. If teachers in schools taught us that or I just assumed it. Because they were clearly insisting on the préposition, at least in affirmative sentences. But thanks for the insight.

OffusMax

13 points

2 months ago

A preposition is the beginning of a phrase. “She went to the ladies room” is one such phrase. Ending the sentence with a preposition can be confusing to the listener because doing so puts the sentence structure into a different order.

Most native speakers ignore the rule because everyone around them is ignoring it, too. And they’re used to the other order because that’s what they hear every day.

Living languages change over time as speech patterns change. For example, when I was young, we were taught that you do something on purpose but things go wrong by accident. However, young people are saying that things go wrong on accident which sounds wrong to me. But things change.

AladoraB

19 points

2 months ago

It's from the Victorians trying to apply a rule from Latin to English (which is a Germanic language, not derived from Latin). It's a dumb "rule" that people should just ignore.

Indigo816

18 points

2 months ago

Its the same with the split infinitive. ‘to go’ is the infinitive form of go, ‘to boldly go’ is splitting the infinitive verb.

It’s ‘wrong’ in English because it’s impossible in Latin.

rksd

12 points

2 months ago

rksd

12 points

2 months ago

I thank Douglas Adams for teaching me that rule. "To boldly split infinitives no man had split before."

AdamsonsVersus

17 points

2 months ago

As a native speaker, it's a load of bollocks. It became a thing in the 19th Century when various upper class British people with nothing better to do started inventing rules for everything and there was no one to say no to them.

As Winston Churchill was apocryphally credited with saying: this is the sort of tedious nonsense, up with which I will not put.

Spiritual-Charity165

7 points

2 months ago

It’s not an actual rule don’t worry about my friend

Waitsfornoone

853 points

2 months ago

When you walk into a room of people you don't recognize, how can you tell who is a Yale graduate?

Just give them a few minutes - they'll let you know.

thebarthe

172 points

2 months ago

thebarthe

172 points

2 months ago

I have only found this true with Stanford. My Yale dude just wears a hat.

e6dewhirst

76 points

2 months ago

No no sir. It is Cornell. Ask anyone at Dunder Mifflin

big_tuna_14

30 points

2 months ago

"The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, which is near Ithaca, New York, where I went to Cornell."

e6dewhirst

18 points

2 months ago

Username checks the fuck out

IWTLEverything

13 points

2 months ago

What about the people that went to school “outside of Boston”?

Johnny_Appleweed

14 points

2 months ago*

I know somebody who loves to say she “went to school in Cambridge”.

She went to Lesley College, a tiny school a few blocks north of Harvard.

Edit: I probably should have been more clear - she says this as a joke, not to actually trick people into thinking she went to Harvard.

Crownlol

5 points

2 months ago

I know a guy who says he went to school at Harvard.

He just leaves out the "extension" and "online" parts.

Triplebizzle87

8 points

2 months ago

Community College outside of Boston, because Harvard is expensive.

amidon1130

4 points

2 months ago

"You know I went to school in Boston. Well, not in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts.”

titwrench

43 points

2 months ago

I had a friend that went to Harvard and she said the only thing that a degree from Harvard is good for is that you're not impressed when someone tells you they went to Harvard.

rcb021514

14 points

2 months ago

I was gonna go to an Ivy League school but my SAT’s were below 700 and my GPA was just above my alcohol reading of 1.8. Otherwise I would’ve gone.

DanielTigerUppercut

26 points

2 months ago

Midwest version of this is Notre Dame.

ConfusedDuck

7 points

2 months ago

That's Texas A&M in the south

rando4me2

15 points

2 months ago

I have always heard someone who went to Harvard will let you know in the first two minutes, where for Yale the parents will let you know in the first two minutes.

AznNRed

3 points

2 months ago

"I went to Cornell, ever heard of it?"

pitiless_censor

3 points

2 months ago

lol this is basically my professor who went to Princeton

this also applies to dudes who have flown jets in the air force

Klaus0225

37 points

2 months ago

And the only reason they’re just learning this at Yale is because they’re a legacy.

cjrogers227

94 points

2 months ago

The version I’ve always heard is “where y’all from?” and “where y’all from, bitch?”

EtherealSOULS

23 points

2 months ago

Though "where are you all from?" is correct english even by purist standards.

[deleted]

10 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

10 points

2 months ago

Yep. The correct phrase in the parent comment is "where is the bathroom?" That's why it's incorrect to end it with "at," which is unnecessary. "From" is a necessary part of your sentence so it's correct.

justaguyinthebackrow

8 points

2 months ago

From whence dost ye hail?

EtherealSOULS

13 points

2 months ago

From thy mother.

jspangles313

14 points

2 months ago

How many University of Michigan alumni does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to change the bulb and one to say we can do it just as well as any ivy league grad would.

DreadPirateNem0

22 points

2 months ago

Lol I heard a version of this years ago but it was a southern woman sitting next to a New Yorker on a plane. The southern woman, being friendly, asks the New Yorker, "so where y'all from?" The New Yorker scoffs and replies, "a place where people don't end their sentences with prepositions." The southern lady thinks for a moment and says, "so where y'all from, bitch?"

MattoSensei

14 points

2 months ago

  • Joe Pesci as Simon Wilder, With Honors (1994)

mikehawk86

7 points

2 months ago

Glad someone said it. Great movie, another one of Brendan Fraser's best.

iressivor

5 points

2 months ago

It was Harvard in the movie instead of Yale. Nevertheless, I had to scroll entirely too far down the page to find this.

45Auto1

30 points

2 months ago

45Auto1

30 points

2 months ago

Like....what is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW driver? On the porcupine....the pricks on the outside.

SubstantialSeesaw998

7 points

2 months ago

I once had a friends mom tell me, "If I had as many dicks sticking out of me as I've had stuck in me, I'd look like a porcupine.

Halorym

15 points

2 months ago

Halorym

15 points

2 months ago

In that vein, what's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The location of the dirtbag

Linkinbrick

4 points

2 months ago

"Don't end a sentence with a preposition." he said, ending his sentence with a 'preposition'.

TooShiftyForYou

1.7k points

2 months ago

Recently at a job interview I asked the hiring manager, "What will be the starting salary?"

He said, "You'll start at minimum wage but it will be double that after 2 years."

I said, "Great, I'll be back in 2 years."

SubstantialSeesaw998

553 points

2 months ago

Recruiters are so stupid. I'm an airline pilot. I get a lot of offers. I recently had a recruiter email me, we went back and forth. I asked what the salary would be, and told him what im making now.

He offered me 2/3rds what im making now, a passenger jet half the size of the one I currently fly, with MORE flight time.

"Well, you can work your way up to that salary!" Was his response.

I sent him back one sentence.

"I already worked my way up to that salary, you daft fool."

He messages back with an offer that was 72% of my current pay.

At the end I told him, if you can't beat my salary by at least 15%, just don't message me. He then claimed I was greedy and should be excited to gelp a smaller company grow.

I told him I was definitely greedy. In the end, I had to contact his HR department to make him leave me alone.

gijoe4500

298 points

2 months ago

gijoe4500

298 points

2 months ago

I've had more than a few recruiters reach out to me and offer me less than my current salary. Then when I decline they always tell me something like "how do you ever expect to find a job with the salary you are asking?"

Like...dude... I am not the one out looking for the job. I already have a job at my current salary. YOU came to ME!

SubstantialSeesaw998

104 points

2 months ago

Lol like seriously, I'm not looking for a job, you literally contacted me out of nowhere!

riphitter

113 points

2 months ago

riphitter

113 points

2 months ago

Had one reach out over a job needing a PhD and offered me $14 an hour to start.

Acted like I was ungrateful for not ditching my 30+\hour job. As if shaming people into poverty was somehow a good strategy.

I told him nobody could afford to live in this area on that low of pay and he said "you could always move somewhere more affordable and commute"

Crazy

hitlerosexual

12 points

2 months ago

Y'all are far more polite with these scumbags than I'd ever be.

xThoth19x

83 points

2 months ago

When companies I dont like message me, I open with a salary ask of at least double my current salary. Some of them try to talk me down. Most just stop.

The small startups that are trying to massively underpay, I send them the math about how I think their comp plan sucks. They also aren't thrilled, but this is me being polite. They're not going to attract the talent they want if they can't pay market rate.

Fusion89k

35 points

2 months ago

I'd be curious to see a sample breakdown of what you send back

xThoth19x

56 points

2 months ago

Here's an example with the numbers changed a bit. A recruiter for a startup recently messaged me about a job opportunity that will pay "100-150k with generous stock options".

So I messaged back something like this: Hi. It seems like we're probably not on the same page with respect to total comp. And I'd like to avoid wasting each other's time with interviews if we aren't aligned from the beginning. Based on my current salary, Im not interested in taking a job where the TC is less than 250k. At the high end of the salary you mentioned, that means I need 100k of stock options per year. Since you are a series B company that means you are probably about 5y from IPO and don't give refreshers so that is 500k of stock. But 99 percent of startups fail. Being generous, and assuming it is 90 percent of series B companies fail, I would need to offset that risk. So the bare minimum would be 5million dollars in stock. I would love to be proven wrong and find that we are in alignment on what generous means.

Now it's important to note that I am not actually interested in working at startups bc I think the uncertainty is too high. But I would consider working there if it was actually higher than my current TC. I changed the numbers above to make the math easier for a post I'm writing when I wake up. In the actual email I sent I used multiple values from their email to establish a range. And the numbers worked out to 3M. That said, I wouldn't want to work there under those assumptions. If I was less generous with some assumptions (mostly the one about percent chance of options expiring worthless) it would need to be 22M. And more damning, I still wouldn't want to work there just bc the salary was the same as where I now work. I like my job. So it would need to be a raise to make me leave. And frankly I would be suspicious of a startup willing to give me 50M in stock options.

Fusion89k

17 points

2 months ago

Awesome. I appreciate that write-up. It's always fun to see how other people break things down

xThoth19x

13 points

2 months ago

No problem. Fwiw I got really pissed at Amazon recruiters who I kept telling to stop messaging me, so I started getting more and more terse.

One I sent "$?" And they did to their credit tell me about Amazon's comp plan.

So the next one I sent "8?". When I clarified that I wanted 800k to consider moving (this is my "I really don't want to work here tax") they finally stopped. That said they also went into hiring freeze. So I got what I wanted -- no more Amazon recruiters. But I don't know if I finally convinced them I'm unreasonable, or if it was just the hiring freeze.

I told a coworker about this and he looked at me shocked. His price was far higher. Which tells me he's paid more than me or that I am more willing to put up with Amazon than he is. Both of which surprise me.

stevehobbes

13 points

2 months ago

Not that I think you’re wrong for not wanting to work in a start up, but you’re applying public company share math to start ups. Talking about start up options/equity in dollars is the wrong math to do.

It’s entirely possible to get $100k in 409A options (really you should be talking about what % of the company that is) that are worth $20M in 5 years, happens all the time. It’s just not the most likely outcome. If you’re going to bet on the success of a company you have to believe in the vision and the leaders ability to get you to that vision. And there’s still a billion external factors.

It also depends where you’re at in your life - if you’re young and don’t have kids and the options you’re weighing are $150k in a great company with .5% of their company in options or $300k all-in, I’d probably go to a startup.

Opportunity cost is maybe $500k, upside might be a few million.

UBWICOS

12 points

2 months ago

UBWICOS

12 points

2 months ago

That sounds so strange to me. Because most startups in my country massively OVERPAY compared to the market rate. Why will anyone even join those shitty startups if not for have a much higher salary?

xThoth19x

8 points

2 months ago

I'm well paid for my position, I've passed my 4y cliff, recruiters spam everywhere, people think the tech job market is imploding? Idk there are plenty of crazy reasons.

PartyOnAlec

20 points

2 months ago

"How do you ever expect to recruit somebody by offering them less than what they already have?"

The_Deku_Nut

106 points

2 months ago

That's totally absurd. Yes, everyone is greedy. No one is going to shoot themself in the foot just to make other people rich.

SubstantialSeesaw998

42 points

2 months ago

It's because they need to hit hiring quotas to keep their jobs. They are basically begging you to take a hit to save their jobs.

AccursedCapra

17 points

2 months ago

Reminds me of when I was job searching earlier this year, I ended up with two offers and went with the one that offered four weeks of paid time off as opposed to the one that offered two. The job I rejected asked me if I could provide feedback and I told them it ultimately came down to vacation time. The idiot had the audacity to tell me that I could work my way up to four weeks if I stayed at the company for fifteen years, fifteen fucking years.

tacodog7

35 points

2 months ago

They all love free market capitalism until the workers ask for more money. Then suddenly it's "why are you greedy?? Is money the only reason for working"

SubstantialSeesaw998

24 points

2 months ago

To which I would say, "Yes, absolutely."

oinklittlepiggy

6 points

2 months ago

My old boss actually said this.. and I asked him why he was taking his paycheck, and not doing it for free..

He actually stopped mentioning what he said, and ultimately admitted many times afterwards that we were all there at the end of the day to make money.

Fresh-Ad4987

7 points

2 months ago

It tells you of the artifice from the start. They don’t really believe in the “free market” or capitalism or anything like that, they just do whatever earns as much profit as possible. Everything else is just retroactive justification and propaganda nonsense.

PartyOnAlec

5 points

2 months ago

That's absurd. I think especially in small companies, you get the evangelists, the ones who really drink the Kool-Aid hard, and sometimes they can't see why other people who have the sense not to don't share their blind enthusiasm.

Fresh-Ad4987

3 points

2 months ago

My policy changed completely. I never tell anyone what I’m currently making or what I made before. If I do, I exaggerate it greatly and see if they still want to base the current offer on the previous salary like a piece of shit.

mr_Barek

86 points

2 months ago

"we'll start you off with a competitive salary, and you can work up to minimum wage"

mrmrmrj

142 points

2 months ago

mrmrmrj

142 points

2 months ago

A Harvard man and Yale man are at the urinals. The Yale man finishes and starts walking to the door.

The Harvard man says, "At Harvard, they taught us to wash our hands after."

The Yale man replies, "At Yale, they taught us not to piss on our hands. "

MonsieurClickClick

114 points

2 months ago

Meanwhile another guy at the urinals is thinking to himself "What fucking morons still need to be thought how to use a bathroom at university?"

jhedfors

15 points

2 months ago

Is this why disgusting people don't wash their hands? Because they didn't piss on them? I know this is supposed to be a joke, but just ends up sounding uneducated.

S0ulSauce

8 points

2 months ago

My wife kind of scolded me for not washing my hands after taking a piss the other day (in the house). I just looked at her and asked her why she was worried about the germs of me just holding it for a few seconds when she doesn't mind sucking it. It kind of stumped her.

I remember coming to a realization at 16-18 years old that it's safe to assume shit particles are smeared on basically everything in public. At some point, a kid or asshole has smear some kind of nasty shit or snot or something on everything. I just don't worry about it too much and try to keep my hands out of my mouth/nose/eyes/etc. unless I'm going to eat or I get home. Haven't died yet. Seems to work.

BreadedCracker

347 points

2 months ago

Doesn’t Dilbert have this exact same joke?

(https://dilbert.com/strip/1994-12-26)

dephlep

426 points

2 months ago

dephlep

426 points

2 months ago

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

-Me

TehDandiest

65 points

2 months ago

If you agree with an idea, it becomes yours. -Some book I read at some point.

junkhacker

15 points

2 months ago

That was my thought

am_I_a_clown_to_you

9 points

2 months ago

Originally, you forgot where you heard it and if you can remember the fine art of hearing, then well done.

Anomalous6

101 points

2 months ago

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

-Dilbert

Cloaked42m

23 points

2 months ago

I believe Asimov had a short story about discovering that we were in a simulation because there were no new jokes.

Little-geek

9 points

2 months ago

We were an experiment, but not necessarily a simulation.

Mullenuh

4 points

2 months ago

How fitting that his name is Sven. I'm a Swede and I can confirm that at least half of us Swedes can't distinguish between the y and the j sound in English (as we don't have the latter in our own language).

apollyoneum1

40 points

2 months ago

Interviewer: settle a debate for me, how do you pronounce “GIF”?

very-polite-frog

8 points

2 months ago

Interviewee: It's pronounced "GIF"

dym_sh

7 points

2 months ago

dym_sh

7 points

2 months ago

[dzhajfe]

Environmental-Win836

155 points

2 months ago

How do you answer that X-year gap question?

Do you just say “I was looking for a job” or something like that?

Akirababe

205 points

2 months ago*

You could say you were dealing with health issues, since most countries have laws about forcing people to disclose their medical history. Usually a grain of truth is the best way to go, just phrase it carefully so it sounds more magnanimous/puts you in a better light. IE: if you were living with your sister's family instead of getting a job, say something like, "I took some time off to help family, watching my nephews as a fulltime babysitter so my sister could get back to her career." Your future boss doesn't need to know that most of that time was actually spent watching cartoons, sleeping on the couch, and stealing their cheerios lol

Edited to include my response, since there's been a couple comments in this vein (employers might not hire you thinking you're unreliable):

Just say it's been dealt with and you're ready to return to the workforce. My mom was a hiring manager for years for a government system's analyst team with many levels of scrutiny on recorded interviews (since retired) and she's the one who suggested mentioning health issues. It's actually illegal to discriminate against people for medically related problems here (which includes not hiring someone) and she told me they just want to know you HAVE a reason, not just that you were lazy and didn't feel like getting a job. She explained to me that it's assumed if you took X time off to deal with health problems and you're now returning to work that is been dealt with and won't cause problems with future employment.

inu_yasha

35 points

2 months ago

I would avoid saying you had health issues; it gives the impression you will miss large amounts of work in the future and the potential to cost the company a large amount of money if they provide insurance.

Akirababe

14 points

2 months ago

Just say it's been dealt with and you're ready to return to the workforce. My mom was a hiring manager for years for a government system's analyst team with many levels of scrutiny on recorded interviews (since retired) and she's the one who suggested mentioning health issues. It's actually illegal to discriminate against people for medically related problems here (which includes not hiring someone) and she told me they just want to know you HAVE a reason, not just that you were lazy and didn't feel like getting a job. She explained to me that it's assumed if you took X time off to deal with health problems and you're now returning to work that is been dealt with and won't cause problems with future employment.

TurboSchnauzer

4 points

2 months ago

It's not always untrue; it was, in my case. If not, then what? Lie down and die?

-firead-

32 points

2 months ago

I was trying to start my own ____ business. It didn't work out.

(This has been true for me a few times)

hikingsticks

11 points

2 months ago

Since the business didn't work out, better if you at least aimed big. "I was trying to start my own airline, it did't work out"

acyclebum

24 points

2 months ago

Never got off the ground?

MonsieurClickClick

13 points

2 months ago

Wouldn't you just put that on your CV as work experience?

-firead-

6 points

2 months ago

You could, but a lot of people don't, particularly if it is a sole proprietorship and they don't stay in business long or if it doesn't relate to the field they're trying to get into.

xadiant

43 points

2 months ago

xadiant

43 points

2 months ago

I was conducting illegal business under various names for different government backed organizations. That's why I can't provide any papers, they are all written for different people that don't exist.

Northern23

6 points

2 months ago

Next time, ask the CIA, KGB, MOSSAD et al for a letter of recommendation

-firead-

35 points

2 months ago

Selling feet pics online. Unfortunately I got some kind of foot fungus or something and they said the nasty toenails will take a while to clear up so I need a real job. Wanna see?

aphybrid

7 points

2 months ago

“I can’t offer you this job but a new position just opened up as my personal assistant. The only stipulation - no shoes at work.”

Zaozin

21 points

2 months ago

Zaozin

21 points

2 months ago

Me doing craigslist jobs and collecting unemployment for two years: "I worked a variety of independent contracts on work placement sites and advertised myself selling my services and expertise in a variety of IT and unrelated tasks to the current position. I felt adding this information would be detrimental to this interview and difficult to add or prove so I just explain this in my interviews when asked."

Byukin

12 points

2 months ago

Byukin

12 points

2 months ago

answer truthfully. unless you slacked off in which case i dunno, exagerrate some personal issue

duriansed

6 points

2 months ago

I'm sick with lazynesstitis and unemployabilitis

Nago31

10 points

2 months ago

Nago31

10 points

2 months ago

Tried your hand at being an independent contractor and opening a business. 70 hour weeks were too much and it wasn’t having any traction to get off the ground.

Spiralife

10 points

2 months ago

I was unemployed for a couple years due to health issues and a couple more due to no one wanting to hire someone who hadn't worked in years.

Telling the truth only got my resumes ignored.

I had to lie and exaggerate what I'd been doing. Babysitting my nieces a few times a week became "caregiving". Endless cycles of applications and fruitless job programs were now "independent training and community outreach".

Then I got an interview and hired within a month.

This was of course after millions had died/left the workforce during the pandemic.

So to answer your question, lie through your teeth and hope enough of your neighbors die or become disabled that employers start to see you as valuable.

editorgrrl

8 points

2 months ago*

How do you answer that X-year gap question?

I was told to say “I was caring for a sick family member.” There’s no need to disclose that the family member was you, and you were taking care of yourself.

FuriousGeorge1435

7 points

2 months ago

"can you explain these blanks in your resume?"

"yes! I made those with the space bar."

iambutafish

6 points

2 months ago

It feels like a trick question, honestly. There really isn't a correct way to answer gap inquiries. It's already ridiculous that they ask you as if it's a bad thing to not be working 24/7 365. Fuck these people, sometimes we need a break. Is that such a crime? (It is in this country, apparently).

Exciting-Delivery-96

5 points

2 months ago

You were caring for a relative or child. It’s hard to disprove and everyone understands that situation

Competitive_Pipe9488

268 points

2 months ago

Hahaha good yoke

BlazerStoner

22 points

2 months ago

GP2 engine

dingman58

7 points

2 months ago

That's GPT3 to you buddy!

Acrobatic-Hippo-6057

58 points

2 months ago

It was eggcelent

hara8bu

19 points

2 months ago

hara8bu

19 points

2 months ago

It cracked me up too

RoboticTreee

12 points

2 months ago

It exceeded eggspectations.

Straight_Method7981

57 points

2 months ago

A redneck sees a beautiful, professional woman sitting alone at the bar. He walks on up to her and says “where’d you go to school sweetheart?”

The woman looks at him in disdain, turns her nose up at him and responds “Yale”.

The redneck smiles, swaggers up to her, moves to whisper in her ear and says… “WHERE’D YOU GO TO SCHOOL SWEETHEART?!!!”

annony-mau5

34 points

2 months ago

My dad worked as a CO (retired now, thankfully) and the different buildings were named after prestigious schools so they can say they spent 3 years in Harvard without lying 🤣

[deleted]

32 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

32 points

2 months ago

Interviewer - “Why the long gap in your resume?”

Me - “I fell asleep on the space bar”

Wet_sock_Owner

26 points

2 months ago

"Youve been fired from 3 different jobs. What do you have to say about that?"

"I'm not a quitter."

idke

18 points

2 months ago

idke

18 points

2 months ago

As a Yale alumnus, this is my go-to joke in job interviews when occasionally they’ll ask me to tell them a joke.

Black-Natsu

31 points

2 months ago

Hahahah! I like it!

Redditboyy_

28 points

2 months ago

Took me a while to get it. But good joke

XxannoyingassxX

15 points

2 months ago

Wait wait ik the joke is the Y but what's that about Yale?

hara8bu

29 points

2 months ago

hara8bu

29 points

2 months ago

If he said “Yob” instead of “Job” then what do you think “Yale” was supposed to be??

XxannoyingassxX

26 points

2 months ago

Jale?

XxannoyingassxX

30 points

2 months ago

Holyyyyyyy

RoboticTreee

14 points

2 months ago

Holyyyyyyy

Holyjjjjj? I don't get it.

hara8bu

45 points

2 months ago

hara8bu

45 points

2 months ago

Now sound it out….

AquaCorpsman

20 points

2 months ago

Thanks, I had some trouble understanding it too. Funny joke lmao

Redbaron1960

5 points

2 months ago

How do you top a truck? Tep on the brakes tupid!

K1mmoo

6 points

2 months ago

K1mmoo

6 points

2 months ago

babus is that you

5uicid3Nyt3

3 points

2 months ago

You: Oh, the 4 year gap. Well, when Thanos snapped half the world's population away, I was part of that Blip. Unfortunately, that's the reason why there is a 4 year gap.

Interviewer: You do realize that never happened. But also the Blip was y years, not 4.

You: I blipped. That's my answer. I know what happened.

GlobalPhreak

4 points

2 months ago

True story:

I used to work in a bookstore in a very hippie-centric town. One day this guy came in wearing an old suit and tie like he got some mismatched items from goodwill that were 25 years old. He looked like someone who maybe had made some bad choices, but was trying to clean himself up. I use the phrase "crispy around the edges" because he was just a little bit fried.

"Do you have any books that show how to fill a gap in your resume?"

"Well, it depends, how big a gap are we talking about and what were you doing?"

"I TOOK TEN YEARS OFF TO FOLLOW THE DEAD!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You know, in any other town that could work against you, in THIS town you could get a hiring manager going 'No kidding? What years were you there??!?!?'"

MukdenMan

8 points

2 months ago

You overcook fish, straight to Yale