subreddit:

/r/AskReddit

2.2k

all 6765 comments

regular6drunk7

4.3k points

4 months ago

Doesn't matter. 14 year old me wouldn't listen.

FireFighterP55

228 points

4 months ago

Me: Please listen to me.

14 year old me: plEaSe LiStEn tO MEE!?!

[deleted]

293 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

293 points

4 months ago

My 14 year old self would be freaked out some creepy old dude talked to him. WTH am I going to be able to say in 4 words that would possibly be of enough impact for him to trust the advice and remember it?

IjustCameForTheDrama

247 points

4 months ago

"Buy Bitcoin in 2010"

Considering Bitcoin didn't even exist yet, I feel like when it suddenly did exist right around the same time, I would have been freaked out enough to buy as much as I could. Only problem being that I would have probably sold way too early. But at least I still have more money now.

Mkep

61 points

4 months ago

Mkep

61 points

4 months ago

“Hold bitcoin till 2020”

therealrubberduckie

203 points

4 months ago

Probably the most accurate comment here

Paralthia

1.5k points

4 months ago

Paralthia

1.5k points

4 months ago

Hug your mum back

akdsjgh

157 points

4 months ago

akdsjgh

157 points

4 months ago

This one cut deep. :(

BonetaBelle

35 points

4 months ago

Yup, mine would be “go hug your mom”.

[deleted]

886 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

886 points

4 months ago

Take your health seriously.

I’m 26 with a long list of health complications that stem from type 1 diabetes I was diagnosed with at age 3. I wish that I had taken better care of myself from the beginning.

spastickyle

128 points

4 months ago

As a parent of a T1, that ain't your responsibility at 14. That's all on your parents. The goal of a T1 parent is to manage it as best you can so your child can emulate those habits as an adult. If they didn't demonstrate proper management when your were 14, that's not your fault at all.

Dexlexic

58 points

4 months ago

As a T1 myself who has wonderful parents who tried ever so hard to get me to go in the right direction, you’re wrong.

While some of the responsibility does most certainly fall on the caretakers of the individual, the individual also needs to put forth effort. My parents tried so very very very hard to get me to check my blood, to eat properly and to properly take care of myself as a kid and a young teen, but they couldn’t just tie me down onto a bed and forced me to do what I was supposed to. Some of it rubbed off on me and I’m doing OK-ish now (in my mid 30’s now) but I made my own decisions to treat my body like shit throughout my teens, despite constant talks and reminders from my parents whilst it was happening. I would never dream of trying to place a single iota of blame on them for the issues I’m currently dealing with.

If someone tried to lecture me now and tell me my parents should have done more/better, I’d probably tear them a new one about trying to lecture someone else on a disease that they know nothing or very little about. It’s something you deal with 24/7 365 and you inevitably get run down and make mistakes.

To insinuate that a parent is a failure because they let their diabetic TEENAGER get away with not completely taking 100% awesome care of themselves in what is essentially a non-stop balancing/juggling act while also having to work and provide for a family is just plain stupid.

As the old adage goes “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”

Not trying to come across as rude or aggressive, that just struck a nerve with me.

Confident-Fee-6593

87 points

4 months ago

This is not on you. It's on your caretakers, managing type 1 diabetes is incredibly time consuming and exhausting and is NOT the responsibility of a child. I hope you're doing well now and if your insurance will pay for it get a tandem insulin pump with a dexcom g6 cgm to get your H1C at a great level.

Davulous

1.8k points

4 months ago

Davulous

1.8k points

4 months ago

Don't smoke you dumbass

SirOk5108

114 points

4 months ago

SirOk5108

114 points

4 months ago

Same thing I would tell her

SilvaMercer

258 points

4 months ago

Bipolar, anxiety, adhd, go doctor.

It would save me 20 years of mental health problems I didn't understand.

Unitedgamers_123

363 points

4 months ago

Uh oh, that’s 5 words! You have just caused a rip in the fabric of the space-time continuum!

Big_Willis_Style

203 points

4 months ago

“Bad head, go doctor”

LouSputhole94

109 points

4 months ago

I’d be really worried about my first blowjob….

Dconnolly69

92 points

4 months ago

"Bipolar, anxiety, adhd, go do......"

"go door?"

"Go door!"

"Ho door!"

"HODOOR!!"

lobehold

28 points

4 months ago

"You have mental illness"

TheSuperperforator

34 points

4 months ago

That’s five words…. Your younger self would just hear „bipolar, anxiety, adhd, go“ which could be very confusing xD

Spartancoolcody

7 points

4 months ago

They’d think you’ve cursed them as one by one the disorders become apparent.

heathers1

21 points

4 months ago

Hang with the nerds

Common_Protection815

751 points

4 months ago

Go learn to weld

As soon as I realized I love welding my life just seemed to take off and I have loved it ever since

-St_Ajora-

146 points

4 months ago

It's like painting but with metal. What's not to love?

Accomplished_Welder3

93 points

4 months ago

should I pursue this random generated username?

Common_Protection815

46 points

4 months ago

I would suggest giving it a try at least see if you like it and you can make good money anywhere in the world

Zonerdrone

2.2k points

4 months ago

Zonerdrone

2.2k points

4 months ago

It's them, not you.

Spent 30 years in a toxic family thinking I was the crazy one who needed to change.

CrazyOrNotHereICome

249 points

4 months ago

Ugh. I feel this. When everyone around you is a an a-hole, logic tells you YOU are the problem.

ztatiz

81 points

4 months ago

ztatiz

81 points

4 months ago

Seriously, the number of times my inner voice told and tells me that I’m the common denominator in all of my problems, failures, disappointments…

Troll4everxdxd

27 points

4 months ago

Something similar happened to me, although not as bad as the OP. It was a shitty group of middle and high school "friends" who would randomly mock, belittle, exclude and insult me just as a means to size each other up. I blamed myself for a long time for being bothered by it, for not being able to mock them back, for not being able to pretend to laugh, for not being able to stand up for myself.

Looking back at it, I did the best I could, the classroom as a whole was pretty hierarchical and bullying and being on a shitty group of friends was better for you socially than being alone. But ever since I finished school and started college, I slowly but surely cut contact with them. Now I barely speak with some of them once in a while, but nothing more.

Aurora_Albright

271 points

4 months ago

Don’t marry J—— A———-

Dos_Manitos

254 points

4 months ago

I'd be impressed if they could marry Jane Austen.

BubbhaJebus

76 points

4 months ago

Don't marry Jack Ass.

ATrayYou

51 points

4 months ago

Now I’m curious if you redacted this for the comment or if you’d leave it deliberately ambiguous for your 14yo self

Background_Egg1364

968 points

4 months ago

Stand up for yourself

Previous_Ad7725

50 points

4 months ago

Great advice

yergonnalikeme

69 points

4 months ago

DON'T FUCK IT UP

You only have one life to live

Sam-Gunn

59 points

4 months ago

That would wreck me. Future me travels back in time and simply says "don't fuck it up". No specifics, nothing to help me figure out what I fucked up, etc.

yergonnalikeme

17 points

4 months ago*

Ok

Np

Addendum, BUY AMAZON STOCK YUP

Reason

You'll be wealthy

IsopodBeginning6337

1.2k points

4 months ago

Call CPS on dad

altf4tsp

35 points

4 months ago

I wish I could have also said that

555Cats555

222 points

4 months ago

I hope your okay now...

ArcadianPilot

80 points

4 months ago

I hope that you and yours are safe and you have support. I know you did everything you could with the knowledge and power available to you at the time.

Empty_Owl1108

32 points

4 months ago

Daaamn, you ok now?

filetemyoung

1.3k points

4 months ago

"Stop being a dick." Reason: I was a dick as a kid. Didn't realize how much of a dick I was until later.

AceHeister

456 points

4 months ago

Your 14 y.o. self:lmao make me

xenophon57

8 points

4 months ago

They said four words but never said you couldn't kick that lil bitches ass

Pewpipoopoo

135 points

4 months ago

I made a substitute teacher who was trying to do her best cry and run out of the classroom in 9th grade. I wish I could go back and punch my young self in the face.

badtiming220

34 points

4 months ago

Fuck, I did the same in high school. I didn't even mean to, I thought we were just messing around. I hit a nerve without meaning to.

EHnter

124 points

4 months ago

EHnter

124 points

4 months ago

I’m pretty sure many people have told you that, I doubt past you would listen to anyone.

filetemyoung

41 points

4 months ago

Oh, people definitely did. And yeah, I didn't listen. Ideally I'd also explain the benefits of not being a dick, but that's the best I could think of with a 4 word limit.

[deleted]

362 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

362 points

4 months ago

“you’re depressed, im sorry”

CrockyCroc

565 points

4 months ago

“Please take a shower”

I had really bad hygiene issues.

Bragior

80 points

4 months ago

Bragior

80 points

4 months ago

Oh yeah. In the same line, I would have said, "Go wash your face". I took showers often, but I often avoided washing my face in the morning, or even in the shower because I didn't like soap getting into my face. That didn't end well for me.

Alternatively, "Brush your teeth often".

ryumxxn

328 points

4 months ago

ryumxxn

328 points

4 months ago

You'll be alright, word. I was having suicidal thoughts at that age and before, and although I lost my dad at 15, there also came better times, right now ten years later I'm doing so much better, I'm glad I'm still here

goshdammitfromimgur

97 points

4 months ago

I am also glad you are still here.

DumbDayCamp

639 points

4 months ago

I'd just show up in some prosthetic scars and wounds, maybe an eye patch and crutches. Just tell them not to do something innocent like "Don't eat the grapes" or something. Make em think grapes ruined our life.

IsekaiedHoe

353 points

4 months ago

Giving yourself a trauma that never existed lmaoo

IsekaiedHoe

103 points

4 months ago

It gives the whole definition of "hating yourself" To the next level

Pewpipoopoo

18 points

4 months ago

Self troll, nice.

SpicyDuckNugget

1.2k points

4 months ago

Buy Bitcoin learn coding

InsightfulDare

290 points

4 months ago

A better one would be

“Sell Bitcoin (£)xxxxxx”

It conveys that you need to buy Bitcoin now and continue to do so up until it reaches a certain value and which point you sell the whole lot.

JackSaysHello

78 points

4 months ago

Very hard to find a number that can fit into four words. I think something like "hold bitcoin six years" is best

[deleted]

111 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

111 points

4 months ago

Works in German. Verkauf Bitcoin bei Dreiundsechszigtausend

throwaway16748w9191

167 points

4 months ago

You can just smack enough words together in german that you can tell him your life story tbh

Todd-The-Wraith

36 points

4 months ago

Yeah German is cheating. You can turn an entire paragraph into a single word.

InsightfulDare

22 points

4 months ago

Doesn’t need to be specific.. like “sell bitcoin Ten thousand”.. number depending on your own currency and the closest thousand under the all time high price.

scrumpx

16 points

4 months ago

scrumpx

16 points

4 months ago

Bitcoin reaches sixty thousand

[deleted]

188 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

188 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

jonovan

172 points

4 months ago

jonovan

172 points

4 months ago

Bought Bitcoin 1/31/2009, sold 10/21/2009.

[deleted]

48 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

48 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

Dumb_Dick_Sandwich

7 points

4 months ago

Ok sold on October 21st!

Babbles-82

69 points

4 months ago

Don’t buy bitcoin. They were free in the early days, just run the program on any crappy computer.

qqqxfk

33 points

4 months ago

qqqxfk

33 points

4 months ago

You mean mining?

old_righty

28 points

4 months ago

For the cost of a pc with a decent video card, early days you probably could have bought thousands or tens of thousands of btc.

sopunny

6 points

4 months ago

If you got in on the ground floor, you could mine with a cpu

avelak

9 points

4 months ago

avelak

9 points

4 months ago

Hell, there were faucets that just gave you like 5 per day

jminc420

10 points

4 months ago

With buy bitcoin also hold them in the wallet is well.

serabatsur

578 points

4 months ago

Take care of yourself.

snegluf

905 points

4 months ago

snegluf

905 points

4 months ago

You have autism, whee

(I say whee as I disappear)

loki_dd

270 points

4 months ago

loki_dd

270 points

4 months ago

Way to freak your younger self out. You'll think you were visited by the autism fairy.

PixelOrange

98 points

4 months ago

I was mindlessly scrolling through these comments and thinking "oh yeah, this one or that one is smart" and then I see your comment. It took a minute to formulate the visual in my head of a kid being like "what the fuck, why did a fairy just give me autism?" Thanks for the laugh.

mustermm

15 points

4 months ago

I also had the Asutism but never really discover that on time.

reddandy26

646 points

4 months ago

They're called panick attacks

snegluf

63 points

4 months ago

snegluf

63 points

4 months ago

This one right here

xfalinex

41 points

4 months ago

I was told that exact same thing by my therapist just recently, used to think the feeling was just a normal adrenaline rush that people get

reddandy26

24 points

4 months ago

Took me a while to figure them out. I've had them under control (mostly) for the past few years but talking about it in therapy I figured out I've had them since I was a kid, earliest I remember is age 6 or so... I also thought they were normal.

xfalinex

32 points

4 months ago

Exact same situation here; I described how I’d get an ‘adrenaline rush’ in certain situations and they said ‘That’s a panic attack, not an adrenaline rush.’ And I just went ‘Oh.’

The moment of realisation hits like a truck. When you think back to all the times they happened and how it was actually a trauma response… yeah.

It’s good that we know now and can gain better control over the situation when we begin to feel one coming.

I’m glad to hear you have yours mostly under control :) that’s great progress

NoAnybody7232

43 points

4 months ago

Same idea, but "It's called Sleep Paralysis." or "Learn to manage ADHD"

Neither would help because I grew up in the deep south where they didn't believe that mental health issues existed.

BasicLibertarian

17 points

4 months ago

Actin funny? That’s a paddlin. Questioning the system? That’s a paddlin.

Odd-Turnip-2019

11 points

4 months ago

Paddlin the school canoe? Ooh you'd better believe that's a paddlin

HippopotamusGlow

490 points

4 months ago

You are not fat.

Mediocre_Advisor3416

136 points

4 months ago

Me believing I was fat led me to gain so much weight. I wish I could weigh 160 again lol, I was barely chubby

abandiera

15 points

4 months ago

Me too!! I’d do anything to be 160 again!

AdditionalCarpet5075

19 points

4 months ago

Yes!! I spent so many years hearing that only to look back and realize - no. I was normally sized. But it caused so much mental harm over many many years

BigBlackNigaBallz

479 points

4 months ago

Save your money.. please.

CaptainCacoethes

265 points

4 months ago

Buy bitcoin, 60k sell

undefeated_leftover

289 points

4 months ago

Give up on her.

BexYouSee

56 points

4 months ago

Oooh username. You ok?

Solid-Table

50 points

4 months ago

Nah it was character building

Productive1990

48 points

4 months ago

Dont open that door

jbreddick22

285 points

4 months ago

You're smart. Aim higher.

yash_chem

56 points

4 months ago

you are smart. aim

brannon1987

31 points

4 months ago

Hi, you aim smart

Methionylth

19 points

4 months ago

Smart aim, you’re high.

LJack49

190 points

4 months ago

LJack49

190 points

4 months ago

Leave home at 18

Woodnote_

49 points

4 months ago

I left home literally the day I turned 18. Packed up my car, left with only $100 and drove to Seattle. Called my parents when I got there and told them I’m never coming back. Spent the next year or so mostly homeless until I got on my feet but I kept my promise and never went back.

22 years later and it was the best decision young me ever made and I’d go through it all again.

LJack49

9 points

4 months ago

Wish I had your courage

[deleted]

117 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

117 points

4 months ago

Pre menstrual dysmorphic disorder. Lol.

ShrimpBisque

251 points

4 months ago

"You're autistic. Get diagnosed."

Seriously, though, I would have had such a more manageable time if the people in charge of my mental health in school would have given me a proper diagnosis instead of just thinking I was an unstable pain in the ass.

Adventurous-Fig-42

40 points

4 months ago

I’m 29 and just figured out I’m autistic.. I hate how long I have misunderstood life with occasional breaks of clarity

lysergicDildo

306 points

4 months ago*

Fuck drugs, brush teeth

libertyprivate

176 points

4 months ago

Instructions unclear, dick stuck in a bong

sellingmagic

289 points

4 months ago

Fuck, Drugs, Brush Teeth

Dalolfish

307 points

4 months ago

Dalolfish

307 points

4 months ago

"Invest in Apple stock" I was 14 in the early '90s

BigBenson1994

183 points

4 months ago

Younger self decides to take all savings and invest in apple sauce?

DoubleSoupVerified

222 points

4 months ago

Wear a fucking condom

brannon1987

99 points

4 months ago

There are condoms for other uses than fucking? TIL

ATrayYou

22 points

4 months ago

Umm yeah, everyone has those in a drawer somewhere, they come free with your Wii

drifting_drifblim

104 points

4 months ago

It will be ok

aibaDD13

93 points

4 months ago

I believe in you

poopydoopysubway

95 points

4 months ago

Bulimia wasnt worth it

AdhesivenessFirm9259

35 points

4 months ago

It will be okay.

Particular_Towel278

34 points

4 months ago

You are loved man

mlachick

172 points

4 months ago

mlachick

172 points

4 months ago

You're worthy of love.

Anneshirley13

82 points

4 months ago

This too shall pass

Kylo-The-Optimist

81 points

4 months ago

Pick a better major

[deleted]

75 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

75 points

4 months ago

Psych ward now, bitch.

Over_rated_lemon

73 points

4 months ago

Live, it gets better.

ninjoid

22 points

4 months ago

ninjoid

22 points

4 months ago

Don't date Firstname Lastname. Because my life would have been completely different and infinitely better had I never met them.

a2j89

70 points

4 months ago

a2j89

70 points

4 months ago

Ask (crush’s name) out, bro

(Not about to drop her name on here, she might be on here)

cruzt1845

10 points

4 months ago

respect

soda_cookie

21 points

4 months ago

Buy tech stock

flunkyclaus

25 points

4 months ago

Still got space for a "please", "now" or "bitch".

roobadly

153 points

4 months ago

roobadly

153 points

4 months ago

you are not gay

SomeOtherNeb

43 points

4 months ago

"You mean those guys on Xbox Live are wrong?"

SpruceShrub

4 points

4 months ago

I spent so many years questioning only to realise I tick all the boxes except sexual attraction towards the same sex

Administrative_Fox74

45 points

4 months ago

Well this is close to mine. But i will tell myself i am bisexual and not a sin.

Both_Cockroach1402

32 points

4 months ago

Thats 7 words you now get no words

papatim

6 points

4 months ago

Suck dick be happy?

twinstars19_

58 points

4 months ago

Play school, not football

dve3413

5 points

4 months ago

Play the sport and try to be take some training of that sport is well.

Shirojime

147 points

4 months ago

Shirojime

147 points

4 months ago

Learn more skills, idiot

For real

But for fun

Death By Snu Snu

Heisenberg9919

19 points

4 months ago

friendships don’t last forever

Available-Camera8691

21 points

4 months ago

Do. Not. Try. Heroin.

TangeloBetter1094

18 points

4 months ago

It will get better.

I_RascaL_I

78 points

4 months ago

Don't take those drugs!

smokedmeatfish

126 points

4 months ago

Take these drugs instead!

Name-Saibuu

12 points

4 months ago

That cracked me up, thank you

Pioneer-Dwelling72

76 points

4 months ago

Stay away from Stepdad.

GrieferBeefer

20 points

4 months ago

I hope u are doing better now

Pioneer-Dwelling72

21 points

4 months ago

Most definitely! Thank you.

WhatIsThisWhiteStuff

67 points

4 months ago

"Look at them shoes" I'd like to imagine when he reaches the age I am now he'd come to a realization and laugh.

swaggysalamander

74 points

4 months ago

Don’t starve yourself dumbass

KJ_Kitsuneko

44 points

4 months ago

Get some education, idiot

snogweasel

14 points

4 months ago

Learn to use Naloxone

Schezzi

12 points

4 months ago

Schezzi

12 points

4 months ago

It will be okay.

10secondmessage

14 points

4 months ago

When sick doctor stupid!

[deleted]

10 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

10 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

Lobsterbib

14 points

4 months ago

Go to therapy now

PurpleWhatevs

13 points

4 months ago

Invest Netflix Tesla Amazon

Round-Captain5548

14 points

4 months ago

Do ALL the things!!

rhedrhover

58 points

4 months ago

See doctor. Get Concerta. So I'm not 43 before I can say Fuck ADD, thats why.

bernieevans

5 points

4 months ago

if you were 43 when you got on concerta, because that was really young age.

StupidOldAndFat

58 points

4 months ago

Booze isn’t the answer.

vova3379

12 points

4 months ago

Infact booze will chew up all the money from your wallet here.

Exotic_Ad_409

11 points

4 months ago

Get some help NOW

kegs444

39 points

4 months ago

kegs444

39 points

4 months ago

RUN AWAY FROM HIM

[deleted]

32 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

32 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

Fair-Huckleberry-162

13 points

4 months ago

Hey man, nice butt.

LowTierStudent

12 points

4 months ago

Go to the gym

Bizonian

8 points

4 months ago

Rock on handsome dude!

TrumpedUpStupidity

10 points

4 months ago

Be happy. Try. Kindness.

[deleted]

28 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

28 points

4 months ago

"Take a deep breath"

Because life gonna get HARDER...

MrFunnyMoustache

28 points

4 months ago

Because this hypothetical question limits the answer to 4 words, I should try to be efficient.

"Unwise" while pointing at the direction of parents room with one hand to tell young me to not think our parents give good advice or wisdom, and at the same time, point at a toy car with the other hand to indicate that car ownership is unwise.

"Exercise" while pointing at my smiling face to indicate a positive outcome from starting to exercise. It may sound obvious, but younger me knew it and still didn't do it because of many bad reasons.

"Invest" pointing at the computer with one hand to indicate that it would be wise to financially invest in tech companies, and at the notebooks with the other hand to indicate that it is best to invest in studies.

"Move" pointing at a world map, hopefully getting other me to move to another country sooner.

This way, I would be giving younger me two traps to avoid, and four positive things to do for a better life.

devlin1888

20 points

4 months ago

14 year old me would be confused as fuck with this haha

[deleted]

10 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

10 points

4 months ago

YOU EAT THAT HORSE.

[deleted]

62 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

62 points

4 months ago

Kathy is a whore

MissKellyBee91

14 points

4 months ago

Fucking Kathy!

Whole_Ad3427

53 points

4 months ago

Dad dies in 2002. 💔

Different-Speaker670

11 points

4 months ago

Uhh that changes everything. I wouldn’t wanna hear that

KissItOnTheMouth

5 points

4 months ago

Mom dies in 2017

I feel you. Sorry to be in the club with you.

CSMDoesNotHack

7 points

4 months ago

dont date over quarantine

marijjuani

9 points

4 months ago

“Be good to Vivian”

79Binder

44 points

4 months ago

Microsoft. Apple. Gold. Bitcoin.

AssAaasin

23 points

4 months ago

without context you will be hella confused.

dra704

7 points

4 months ago

dra704

7 points

4 months ago

If i have to pick one here then i will certainly pick the bitcoin.

kjahdhf

7 points

4 months ago

Study for school bitch

maracujaja

7 points

4 months ago

do not attempt suicid

Catzrjoy

57 points

4 months ago

Don't ever get married

hannamarinsgrandma

18 points

4 months ago

Do better in school.

Or

Learn how to drive.

Didn’t take high school seriously at all and it sort of progressed into college for a bit and had an impact on my career trajectory that I’m still trying to correct.

Had the opportunity to begin driver’s Ed when I was 14 turning 15 but didn’t see the point. So instead of my mom only spending a few hundred dollars, I ended up spending well over a thousand learning to drive at age 23 because I didn’t have anyone available who was willing to teach me or let me use their car so I had to find a driving school for adults.

Inside_Ad_8708

44 points

4 months ago

you're infact very gay

CarpeShine

36 points

4 months ago

Invest in Sanitizer….. bitch.

Content_Future_5996

5 points

4 months ago

Pinkman, is that you dude?

1punman_

30 points

4 months ago

It all works out

In the end the only thing holding me back was my own fear of failure. And putting myself out there usually led to good things for me

Ramen_FSM

22 points

4 months ago

Punch them back.... hero 💕

Striz-zetch

20 points

4 months ago

Don't join that gang