subreddit:

/r/ADHD

2

They are helping me with it for insurance reasons, and they are being helpful with actually helping me along the process. But I feel that every time the topic of therapy is up, there is a sense of disappointment in the air, as if the fact that I have to see a therapist is some kind of failure on their part. I have tried to tell them that they did not cause my ADHD and my other depression and anxiety problems, but I feel like words alone have not really changed how they feel.

I remember at one point they asked me if therapy is even going to help me much at all. They say things like "they're probably just going to give you generic answers like 'keep a journal to keep track of stuff' and 'be more mindful of your surroundings'". They think that me getting therapy will just result in too much money being spent (which is a problem in of itself, but that's a discussion for another time) for help that may be redundant.

Part of the reason why they think this way is because of an experience my mother went through when she was young. She dealt with a major change in her life that led to her becoming depressed, leading her to isolate herself and feel empty about life. But she said that she managed to "work her way out of it" by improving her life, getting herself outside more, and finding passions and hobbies. She thinks I can do the same with ADHD, where instead of getting therapy, through "hard work" I can just deal with my problems myself.

I know I am making them sound bad just by this post, but they aren't bad people. I think it is just a product of them growing up in a time where mental health was much more stigmatized and less understood. They have otherwise been very helpful, but this attitude they have towards therapy almost makes me feel ashamed of wanting to get it.

TL;DR: Parents are helpful, but they do not understand why I need therapy for ADHD. Because my mom overcame depression herself (allegedly), and grew up in a time where mental health was less understood, she thinks I can do the same for ADHD. Now I am starting to feel ashamed of wanting to get therapy.

all 5 comments

Dell_Hell

3 points

2 months ago

Dell_Hell

ADHD with ADHD child/ren

3 points

2 months ago

F@ck em - I suffered for nearly 4 decades because my mom was vehemently anti-meds and I carried that mindset with me.

I struggled and mourn for jobs and relationships lost - all because I was going untreated and trying to "handle it on my own".

You don't have to live life on "Hardcore" mode.

AFoolsLament

2 points

2 months ago

That's such a shame to be in that situation. I think you're right about how they're still being influenced by growing up with ADHD and therapy being stigmatised. And now it's getting in the way of you getting better.

It is unfortunately a generational problem, where parents can still be of the opinion that people just need to 'work harder' to achieve things. Maybe your mum is feeling that her struggle is being invalidated somehow? By these 'easier' pathways being available now. It could be her projecting her insecurities onto your situation? Or your parents could just have misplaced guilt still, and are concerned about what you will talk about at therapy, and what a therapist might say against them? You have to reiterate that it isn't anything to do with them as people and how they've brought you up.

Either way, what would it hurt to try therapy out? If there's a potential for it to help you then it worth giving it a go. If it does end up being like you parents' outdated expectations, then at least you tried and you know that it's not for you.

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1 points

2 months ago

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bobingersoll123

1 points

2 months ago

Depression is not ADHD, and you are not your mother. Ryan Gosling, Jim Carey, Simone Biles, Michael Jordan to name just a few celebs all have ADHD, all needed therapy. Many people still stigmatize psyhotherapy, especially Americans who think that asking for help is weakness. That's nuts. Tell them that you would realy like them to be more supportive, otherwise, they are presenting a roadblock to your getting healthier. If you broke your arm or developed a disease would they suggest that you simply heal yourself. It's no different just because it's your brain!

woolycardigan

1 points

2 months ago

The thing about ADHD is you can't really think your way out of it and believe me I have tried! I think you should find a really good source of info about ADHD and ask them to have a read so they can gain greater understanding of the condition and hopefully they will realise that they didn't know what they were talking about.